Chapter 4: Fine

It was late October and lessons were taking a toll on Remus. He felt so buried in homework, he couldn't breath- much less spend any time with Sirius.

"First Hogsmeade trip of the year, boys. What are your plans?" asked James as he proofread his transfiguration essay. They could get into Hogsmeade anytime, but it was sometimes fun to go when you were actually allowed to.

The marauders were lazing in the common room during a shared free hour that Thursday. The last days of summer had sizzled away and the autumn clouds made everything heavy and sticky. Remus was laying flat on his back, stretched against the worn carpet. His own essay, already completed and rolled up, sat near him on a low slung coffee table.

"No plans," Remus said. "I'll probably go visit a few shops, but I was thinking about just staying here."

"You can't," Sirius said. "We're all meeting for lunch at the Three Broomsticks for prank-planning and general mischief-making. You have to be there."

"I don't have any plans yet, either," James said. He smiled, and turned around in his seat. "Lily, go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend," he called across the room. Lily was sitting at a small circular table with Emma and Oliana.

She considered him for a moment. "No. Ask me nicely next time, Potter," she said. The girls giggled.

"She wants me," James smirked.

"Hey, go to Hogsmeade with me, Sirius," shouted out Emma. Her eyes were wide and she was smiling as she leaned across the table.

Sirius looked blank. "Like, a date?"

"Yes." She propped her chin on her hand.

Sirius glanced at Remus and then at James who nodded and slowly mouthed the word, "Yes."

"Uh, yeah. I'll meet you at the gates in the morning."

Emma bounced in her seat and went back to reading her book. Remus sat up and looked at Sirius. He stared at him until Sirius's eyes met his. Sirius looked away, and sighed. Remus grabbed his book and essay and walked purposefully out of the common room.

*

Remus didn't have anywhere that he actually wanted to go, so he took the first turn and walked down the main staircase, his anger building just a little bit more with each step. By the time he'd reached the Entrance Hall, he was fuming. He walked outside. The air was thick with uncharacteristic humidity, but the light wind was chilly.

He stamped over to the beech tree by the lake and sat in its shade. He put down his books, picked up a stone, and threw it with all of his strength at the lake. The rock hit the clean surface with shattering force, breaking the calm exterior and creating ripples that lapped against the shore. With his back against the tree, Remus closed his eyes and breathed deeply the sent of dirt and oncoming rain.

"That's quite an arm you have," someone said.

"Go away, Sirius. You're such a prick."

"I'm sorry."

"Emma?" Remus said scathingly. "Emma, of all people?"

"What could I have done? It would've looked awfully suspicious if I had turned down a beautiful girl for a date. And what would I have said then?"

"Well, I'm glad you like her so much. Have fun on the trip," said Remus impartially.

"Remus, look at me," demanded Sirius.

Remus peeked open one eye, glanced at Sirius and said, "You're standing against the sun. I can't see you."

"Remus," Sirius said, and this time he was right in front of the boy, straddling his legs. "Please, stop. You know I couldn't have done anything else."

"You're a smart guy, you could've come up with something," Remus said pushing Sirius off. "I- I really like you, and I just can't believe you'd say yes to her, just like that."

"Remus, it's because we're hiding us and that's a difficult thing to do without acting like myself."

"And being yourself is dating anyone who asks? Good to know."

"We're not dating! It's one date, one."

"I don't like you being on one date, Sirius Black!" Remus said, flaring up at Sirius.

"Then you know how to fix the problem," said Sirius.

"No, how do I fix it?"

"Tell everyone about us, Remus," Sirius said through his teeth. "It's too hard to be with you and hide it from all of our friends. I want to touch you and kiss you, and I can't because there is always someone around, and there will always be someone there to stop us. And you can't tell anyone because you're ashamed of it-"

"I'm not ashamed of you!" Remus said defensively.

"No, you're ashamed of yourself. And you're being a coward about coming out to anyone. We've been together for less than a month and I feel like I want to just let it go, to just let you go because it's not worth it. This hiding and secrecy and lying to everyone and fucking melodrama is not worth the two seconds I get to hold you when no one's looking."

"Fine."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that I'm not telling anyone, Sirius. It was hard enough, telling you. And that, well, that means just whatever you want it to."

Sirius looked at Remus for a long moment with a stony expression. "Fine," he said, and turned on his heel.

"Have fun in Hogsmeade!" Remus yelled over his shoulder.

"I will!" Sirius yelled back.

As quickly as their fling had started, it was over.

Sirius stormed away just as the rain came, and Remus had stayed under the tree. Thick, dewy raindrops plopped onto his head, and he promptly found himself soaked completely through his clothes. He stayed until the sky had finished it's weeping, gathered his soggy books and ruined essay, and, shivering, walked towards the Ravenclaw Tower. He clacked the bronze eagle knocker once.

"How does one acquire knowledge of everything?" asked the small bird in a crooning feminine voice.

Remus ran his fingers through his hair. "By never being afraid or ashamed to ask questions as to anything of which one is ignorant."

"Cleverly stated," said the bird, and the door opened easily. Remus glanced around the elegant circular room. A few students were lolling around the tables, but the girl he was looking for didn't seem to be anywhere. No one took notice as he slipped off his outer robes and sat in a hardwood chair, still cold from the rain. Rolling up his sleeves, and borrowing a sheet of dry parchment, Remus began rewriting his Transfiguration essay as he waited for Oliana.

Over two hour passed and Remus skipped his lessons, dreading seeing Sirius in his classes or halls. Just when Remus had titled up his reworked dissertation, a small group of girls entered the room.

"Remus?" Lily said with a bit of surprise. Emma, who was standing beside her, smirked. "You're all wet."

"Yep," Remus said shortly. "Is Oli with you?" As the words floated out of his mouth, the girl with shoulder length black hair stumbled in carrying an armful of books and a quill in her mouth. She glanced up when he'd mentioned her name, her large dark eyes set like two jewels in her smooth face.

"Yes?" she slurred through her teeth, a slight smile curving her lips. A moment passed as they all stood in the doorway. Remus reached out to help her with the books but his arms felt like two stiff boards grasping for her texts awkwardly. She blushed and mumbled a "Thank you." Remus sat the books on the table next to his essay, trying to remember a time he'd been more embarrassed than he was now.

"Uh… we're gonna go this way," Lily said, eying Remus. She tugged at Emma's elbow and the two walked towards a wide and tall window on the other side of the room.

"You weren't in class," Oliana said. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, of course. Um, I was just finishing this essay."

"In the Ravenclaw common room?"

"Well, I was hoping to run into you. I have a question to ask. Would you like to go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend? If you don't already have plans." Her head snapped up at his request. Her eyes were wide as she looked at him. He sighed.

"Yes." Oli managed the single word just as Remus picked up his robes. "Yes, I would love to. I'm just surprised. Of course." Remus forced a smile, his heart thudding against his chest. Lily cleared her throat as she floated over.

"Remus," she began seriously. "With you taking Oli and Sirius taking Emma, who the am I supposed to spend my day with?" The corners of her mouth twitched as she said, "Tell James I'll see him in Hogsmeade, but that this is not a date." The girls waved their goodbyes and headed for Oli's dorm room.

Remus gathered all of his damp belongings, his limbs numb and his chest heavy. He trudged down the stairs. By the time he'd reached the Gryffindor Common Room, all he could think of was what Sirius's reaction would be when he saw him with Oli.

*

The table was filled up quickly as breakfast began on Friday, Sirius, James, and Peter as always a little late out of the dorm. Remus noticed Sirius took the seat next to James. A silence grew between them as everyone started eating. Not two bites into his cereal, Emma bounced in and fluttered down next to Sirius. James hid his face behind his hand and waggled his eyebrows.

"Morning, boys," Emma said. "Don't mind if I join, do you?" She smiled at Sirius who smiled back. Remus glared down at his bowl. "I was thinking about our date," Emma continued, "this weekend. I know it's a bit… cheesy, but I'd like to go to Puttifoot's with you. It's said to be quite nice and I don't get to go much because it's more of a couples' place… You'll go with me, right?"

"Of course," said Sirius. Remus looked up. Emma brashly kissed Sirius's cheek and walked off.

Remus had never felt more used in his life. Gathering his bags, he stood and said, "Catch you guys later."

He spent the day avoiding Sirius in every way, taking the long way to his classes and spending his free time in the library.

Just after the last class of the day, Remus retreated into the furthest corner of the library and thumbed through an old dust covered book. Oliana spotted him and sat down across the table.

"Remus… hi."

"Hi," Remus murmured, smiling.

"I haven't really seen you around and I was obviously very busy during class. I was just wondering if we were still on for tomorrow?"

Remus gazed at her, trying to see past his guilt. He knew that he was only taking her to get back at Sirius. Her hair wasn't as black as it was deep brown and her dark eyes looked around anxiously. She was very pretty.

"Definitely," Remus said, reaching across the table to touch her wrist. Oli smiled shyly and nodded.

"I better go. See you then."

"Remus John Lupin," crooned James as he approached the table, watching Oli stride away. Sirius was lingering slightly behind. "So that's why you've been missing. Moony and the Ravenclaw girl, sitting in a tree." James sat in the seat across from Remus, Sirius edging closer but remaining on his feet.

"Oh, hi, James," said Remus, "that's just Oli."

"Are you taking her to Hogsmeade?" James said, girlishly batting his eyelids and puckering his lips.

"Yes." Remus looked at Sirius, who seemed impassive. "I am. And speaking of, Lily told me to tell you- I can't believe I'd forgotten- that she'd go on the trip with you. You should probably go-" but before he could finish his sentence a panic-stricken James was flying from the library in search of Lily.

Sirius's eyes flashed as they stared at one another. He stood there with his arms hanging limply at his sides. "What are you doing?"

"I'm reading a book," said Remus coldly, retuning his gaze to the text. The chair scraped the ground as Sirius swung into it, making Madam Pince hiss, "Shhhh!"

"You know what I mean. With Oli," Sirius growled. Remus didn't say anything. "Remus!"

"Why so interested?" Remus asked slowly. "Do you want to shag her, too?"

Sirius's eyebrows drew together for an instant. "You're trying to make me jealous. She is a human being… with feelings, and you're going to hurt her."

"I'm a human being. And maybe I actually like her, Sirius."

"Are you- wait, are you jealous of Emma?"

"Of course I am. The way she touches you, and lays her claim down in front of everyone. I hate everything about her. She's ruined everything."

Sirius grabbed Remus's hand across the table, a vague, wounded look shadowing his face. "It's not her fault you're stubborn. And you're going to hurt Oli by leading her on."

"I'm not leading her on," said Remus, snatching his hand away. "I like her and I'm offended by your questioning of my motives."

"Fine," Sirius said after a pause. There was some wad of thick emotion lodged in that one word that made Remus's smile of satisfaction sink with guilt.


Author's Notes: I really try to refrain from putting these in my stories, because I feel like they take away from the "reality" of thing, but I would really love if you'd review. It only takes a second, and it makes me happy.

So, reviewreviewreview. Thanks :)