Sorry about the long wait for this chapter. Apparently academic stress and a case of strep throat do terrible things to one's creativity. Anyway, the votes are in for longer chapters, so here it is.
Doubt has me in its grasp
I must believe
That my wish will come true
In the end
It has to end
"The Dream Seeker" - Dragonland
Soundwave watched Starscream with concern as they followed Megatron from the War Room. No matter what the Seeker claimed, his illness was obvious. The listless tilt of his wings was a clear sign to anyone familiar with fliers, and his energy field felt tired and stressed. If he hadn't been recharging enough it was possible that he was just exhausted, but Soundwave didn't think so. In the past he had seen Starscream worn out to the point where he spent most of his time in a half-asleep daze, but even then he had appeared fairly healthy. This was sickness, and considering the time of onset - along with the fact that hardlining was the easiest way to spread viruses - it was very likely that Soundwave was the one who had infected him.
He felt bad about that, but not bad enough to regret what he'd done or feel particularly guilty; guilt implied that he could have done something differently, and he'd done everything he could do to protect Starscream's systems from his own while they were connected. He'd run a systems check to search for viruses before the hack, had kept his firewalls up during it, had completed his task as quickly as possible... but the fact remained that, once he'd bypassed Starscream's own firewalls, the Seeker had been completely vulnerable to anything Soundwave was carrying. Only a healthy member of the same frametype could venture so deeply into another bot's mind without the risk of making them sick, because any viruses it carried would be harmless to that frametype. That was just the way things were, and Soundwave wasn't going to apologize for it.
That being said, he was sorry that Starscream had to suffer like this when he already had so much to deal with. It was little wonder he was so angry at Soundwave.
"Starscream, return to your quarters and wait for me," Megatron ordered, drawing the telepath from his musing. Starscream started slightly, as though he had been lost in his own thoughts, and looked up at Megatron.
"Why there?" he demanded tensely, though far less anxiously than he could have with so much fear in his field. "And where are you going?"
"Soundwave and I have some things to discuss which don't concern you," Megatron replied, not really answering either question. "Now go."
Starscream's gaze darted quickly between the two mechs, frame rigid, and Soundwave knew he wanted to argue. After a few seconds, though, he just frowned and looked away, wings quivering subtly. When the trio reached a forked hallway he wordlessly turned down the one which led to the residential sector, leaving the others to continue on their way to Megatron's office.
"I'm not happy, Soundwave," Megatron growled once the door had slid shut behind them. "Why didn't you tell me you hacked Starscream while he was recharging? Why did you do it at all?"
Soundwave bowed his head, doing his best to look contrite. "Apologies: offered. It was an error in judgement."
Megatron growled again, wordlessly this time, and stalked around his desk. "Apologies aren't going to fix the damage you've done! Starscream is hard enough to deal with when he doesn't feel justified in his self-destructive behavior. How do you propose to convince him that it's safe to sleep?"
Soundwave knew he was technically in trouble, but even so, he couldn't help a self-satisfied smile when he replied, "The first night after his reprogramming, Starscream came to my quarters to demand answers. He fell asleep in my arms. Conclusion: he isn't afraid to sleep because of me."
Whatever Megatron had expected, it clearly wasn't that. He shook his head and started to speak, then stopped and narrowed his optics at Soundwave, simultaneously shocked and doubtful. The doubt faded somewhat as his confused thoughts agreed that if Soundwave was going to lie, he would do so with something believable, but there was still a note of incredulity in his voice when he asked, "How did that happen?"
"He grew upset after asking why he deserved to be reprogrammed. I offered comfort. He accepted."
It wasn't quite true, of course, but it was close enough. Megatron didn't need to know exactly how his presence had affected Starscream, or what he'd had to do to calm him after.
Megatron stared hard at Soundwave for a long moment, emotions reined in to the point where the telepath could only feel traces of suspicion and anger, then asked, "If that's the case, what was going on in the War Room? And why is he avoiding recharge?"
Soundwave chose his words carefully. "He's still angry at me for my role in changing him, and afraid because I overpowered him. I believe he is lashing out to prove that he isn't weak. His fear of recharge might be a result of nightmares."
He felt reasonably safe in admitting to the nightmares Ravage had informed him of. After such a long war they were considered a normal part of life, and it wasn't uncommon for a single event to lead to days, or even weeks, of sleepless nights. Most bots had friends and teammates who were willing to share their berths during such times, but no one really knew what Starscream did when he couldn't sleep.
Apparently he just stayed awake, which lent new meaning to the all-nighters he frequently pulled in his lab.
Megatron continued to glare at Soundwave for several seconds before the suspicion slowly bled away, replaced by guarded acceptance, but there was still an angry tension in his field as he turned to the window behind the desk. "So he asked you why he's been reprogrammed as well. What did you tell him?"
"Nothing. By the time he calmed down, he had forgotten that he asked."
"And if he asks again, don't tell him," Megatron warned. "He doesn't need to know."
Translation: Starscream didn't need to know that Megatron had ordered this to spare his life. Well. Soundwave wouldn't tell him, but perhaps he could find a way to imply it. He could only imagine how Starscream would feel if he knew his reprogramming was Megatron's twisted idea of mercy, but it wouldn't be good for Megatron.
Soundwave's hidden smile grew slightly as he tilted his head to one side. "Do you have an alternative story?"
"Just that he would have acted out again sooner or later, and has already done enough to deserve it. He can draw his own conclusions from that."
He really didn't seem convicted enough, Soundwave decided, reaching out to nudge Megatron's mind with his own. "Both statements are true," he pointed out verbally, earning a cynical-sounding grunt.
"Yes," Megatron agreed. "That's why they make the best cover story." He was silent for a few moments, then turned to face Soundwave again. "It seems I underestimated you. However little progress you've made, it's more than I first thought."
Soundwave nodded his acknowledgement of the implicated apology. "You never paid much attention to past reprogrammings," he stated. "Suggestion: Starscream isn't the only one who requires time to adjust."
"Hm." Megatron's mouth twitched with amusement that was absent from his field. "You may be right, Soundwave. Which is why I need to know a few things about the program you used on him."
The telepath tilted his head. "What things?" he asked guardedly.
"How it promotes obedience, mostly. I've seen that it can force him to follow orders, but I need to know what methods it uses to make sure he doesn't resist in the first place. You mentioned emotional manipulation?"
Soundwave let himself relax a little. "Affirmative. This program primarily uses fear, guilt and contentment to encourage acceptable behavior. It lends itself well to obedience training based on reward and punishment, and positive reinforcement is especially effective."
Megatron hummed, optics dimming in thought. "That explains a few things," he murmured. He didn't expound on his statement, though, and Soundwave wasn't curious enough to risk detection by probing deeper into his mind. After a moment Megatron shook off his thoughts and said, "Write up the relevant information and get it to me by tomorrow morning. I think Starscream's had enough time to get used to the idea of being reprogrammed, and he might be easier for you to deal with when he stops worrying about what I'm going to do to him."
So Megatron had recognized Starscream's primary source of stress and let him suffer anyway. Somehow, Soundwave was pretty sure he would have been less disgusted if the warlord had been clueless. But all he did was dip his head again, hiding his irritation as he always did. "As you command. Do you require anything else?"
"Only that you don't take too long on the write-up," Megatron replied. "You're an integral part of tomorrow's mission, so you'll need your rest."
A growing impatience in his field told Soundwave that he was losing interest in the conversation, so the telepath nodded yet again and respectfully took his leave. He started to return to his own office, but when he came to an intersection he abruptly decided to head for his quarters instead, not yet prepared to face his cassettes again. It hurt to know that his own creations didn't trust him, but not as much as Rumble's insinuation that he had forgotten what they were fighting for.
Soundwave had never been a slave himself, unlike most of his framekin, but he had known bots who lived such lives. One particularly close acquaintance had even been programmed for it. Most of his early days as a Decepticon had been spent helping slaves escape from their masters, and after joining them openly he'd worked on the coding of countless bots to give them their minds back. He had seen coding corrupted and mutilated beyond recognition, had made repairs on bots who'd been crippled by the removal of entire programs, and had been forced to give up on those he couldn't help more times than he could count.
He, of all mechs, didn't need to be reminded of why the Decepticons began.
In light of his history Soundwave supposed he should feel worse about those he'd reprogrammed, but somehow he didn't. They were so few compared to those he had helped, and anyway, there weren't enough Cybertronians left to kill every enemy and traitor. Every life spared by reprogramming was worth the guilt, and he had long-since stopped feeling even that.
He took it to mean he was doing the right thing.
Soundwave keyed in his door code and entered his quarters as his thoughts circled back to Starscream. He had no doubt that what he'd told Megatron was true, and that a great deal of the flier's hostility stemmed from feelings of vulnerability, but that didn't explain his insistence that he'd been damaged. Soundwave knew hacking could be harmful, even painful, and had learned to use that to his advantage when collecting information from prisoners. But he also knew how to avoid damage, and he had been careful with Starscream. So why was he acting like Soundwave had tried to kill him?
Maybe Laserbeak had a point about Starscream's coding, he mused, seating himself at his desk and removing a datapad from a drawer. Maybe the Seeker's social protocols really were too glitched up for Soundwave to get through to him. In the long run it didn't matter one way or the other since he didn't need Starscream to help him willingly - technically he didn't need him to do anything willingly - but he would prefer to have something positive in place between them before the final stage of his plan. If nothing else it would make Megatron's death easier on Starscream, and Soundwave really didn't want to hurt him. It was thanks to Starscream that he'd come to see how far the Decepticons had fallen, so the younger mech deserved some consideration.
With the way things were going, however, it would be easier to take an "act first, apologize later" approach, and worry about Starscream after Megatron was dealt with. Unless...
Soundwave frowned thoughtfully down at the datapad as he began to write out the information Megatron wanted. Maybe he would be best served to get a Seeker's perspective of the issue. He knew how to handle normally functioning Seekers when they were scared, but had made no allowance for Starscream's handicaps beyond repeatedly stating his intention to help, and that had clearly been a mistake. There had to be a way to get through to him, though; he hadn't wanted a Trine when he first joined the Decepticons, but somehow Skywarp and Thundercracker convinced him to join theirs. They had worked well together too, until Starscream replaced Skywarp as both Trineleader and Vice Air Commander.
If anyone would know how to deal with Starscream, it would be those two. Skywarp was neither reliable enough nor discrete enough to be involved, but Thundercracker already knew something was going on, and he wouldn't be likely to ask any awkward questions. It was the perfect solution.
Soundwave activated his comm link. "Thundercracker, come to my quarters. We need to talk."
Starscream stood motionless in his quarters, back pressed to the door, optics fixed on his desk chair. It was in its usual location, looking perfectly normal and not at all dangerous, but the sight of it still made his vents hitch and his plating crawl.
The last time he had been here, he'd kicked that chair into a wall. That it was back in its proper place now could only mean someone had been here, and they had probably been looking for him.
He pulled in a full ventilation with effort and forced himself to look away. He scanned the room for anything else that was out of place, but there really wasn't anything else to move. There wasn't anything to focus on either, and his gaze inevitably found the corner where he had spent that first night, lingering for a few painful seconds before he shut off his optics with a faint whine.
Why had Megatron sent him here of all places? What was going to happen to him? The questions were accompanied by unbidden images of horrible possibilities, and the nausea he had fought to repress throughout the meeting grew along with his fear. He needed out. He needed to get away from here before something terrible happened to him. He needed-
He shoved off from the door and stumbled to the desk, yanking out one of the empty bottom drawers. Then he sank to his knees and purged into it, coughing until the already abused tubing of his throat burned. It brought no relief; after days spent struggling to keep his rations down, there wasn't any fuel left in his primary tank to bring up. Eventually his systems got the idea and settled a little, but he remained curled over the drawer for some time, venting raggedly and shivering uncontrollably.
He couldn't handle this. Being reprogrammed was bad enough without having to fight additional battles against fear and sickness, and he couldn't handle it...!
He didn't know how long he stayed there, just barely holding back the sobs that threatened to overwhelm him, but he slowly calmed enough to remember that Megatron could show up at any minute. He sat up reluctantly, dragging the back of one trembling hand over his mouth, then peered into the drawer to gauge how much energon was inside. Less than the half-cube he had managed to ingest earlier, so at least some of it must have gotten into his systems. A quick glance at his HUD showed that his reserve tank was still about half-full, but he was going to be in even more trouble if he couldn't refuel properly soon.
A strange whimpering sound left his vocalizer and he shoved the drawer shut, then reached for the edge of the desk and forced himself to his feet. The floor tilted violently under him, but after a few seconds his gyros stabilized enough that he could stand on his own. He had to pull himself together before Megatron found him like this. Appearing weak would only encourage his leader in whatever tortures he had in mind.
Not that it mattered at this point. He didn't suppose Megatron needed much encouragement to do terrible things to him. The various possibilities began eagerly gnawing on the edges of his mind again and he shook his head to scatter them, grabbing the back of the chair for support. He couldn't think like that, not now. Not-
The hiss of the door sliding open made him jump and spin around, optics wide and vents catching. He started to relax a little when he saw that Megatron still seemed to be in a reasonable mood, then realized the emotional shift might be the program's doing and tensed up again. A good mood might make Megatron more lenient, but it could also mean that he would just enjoy whatever he was going to do more. Starscream couldn't afford to relax, even by accident.
It occurred to him as Megatron stepped into the room that he should say something, make some snide or flippant comment to hide his fear, but all he could manage was a shaky, "What are we doing here? What's going on?"
"Nothing you need to look so worried about," Megatron replied, gaze sweeping over the room before coming to rest on Starscream. "We just have some basic rules and expectations to go over now that you've had some time to get used to your new position."
"What do you mean?" Starscream demanded hoarsely, backing away before he could stop himself when Megatron moved toward him. "You've already programmed the directives. What more is there to do?" Primus, this felt far too much like that horrible night...
"Programmed," Megatron scoffed quietly, as though to himself. He stopped by the desk and set a hand on the back of the chair, optics narrowing as he studied Starscream. "There's more to a bot than code. Just because you've been programmed to behave a certain way doesn't mean you will. Not without training."
Starscream stiffened even further, wings snapping back in alarm. "You- I... Th-that isn't necessary," he stammered, flinching when his wingtips brushed against the wall behind him. He cast about desperately for something he could say to back up his claim, but Megatron spoke again before he could come up with anything.
"I may not be well-versed in the technical aspects of slave coding, but I've seen it in practice often enough to know that even coded slaves need to be taught obedience. So unless you're willing to whatever you're told, I think this is necessary."
Starscream hesitated, then looked away, and on the edge of his vision he saw Megatron nod. "That's what I thought." The warlord pulled out the chair and sank into it, heedless of the fact that it wasn't his, then gave a small jerk of his head. "Come here."
At that exact moment, Starscream could think of nothing he would rather do less. He was quite sure this "training" was just an excuse for Megatron to do anything he wanted to while pretending there was a good reason for it. But he didn't have the strength to resist that he'd had two weeks earlier, and it only took a few seconds for the program to force him forward. After a few stumbling steps he managed to stop just out of Megatron's reach and stood rigidly, telling himself over and over that this was close enough in an attempt to quiet the code. Megatron narrowed his optics, considered him, then motioned to the floor at his feet. "Sit," he ordered. "Or kneel, whichever you prefer."
Starscream balked, frame locking with the effort of staying still as the program once again pushed him to move. "I'm not a pet!" he snarled, putting as much venom into his shaking voice as he could.
"It won't kill you to show some humility for once in your life," Megatron replied indifferently. "Now sit."
The outcome was inevitable, and they both knew it. But Starscream still held himself back as long as he could before stepping forward and sinking into an awkward sort of crouch, inwardly raging that there was a very, very thin line between humility and humiliation. Megatron studied him, expression thoughtful, and Starscream met his gaze as well as he could, trying belatedly to conceal his fear. Then, without warning, Megatron lashed out, striking him across the face. Starscream yelped as he was flung to the floor, reflexively curling inward and raising an arm to protect himself from further attack. But Megatron just settled back in the chair again, and Starscream slowly lowered his arm, staring up at him with worry he couldn't even pretend was hidden.
"Consider this your first lesson," he said calmly, as though he hadn't just struck the smaller mech. "When I tell you to do something, I expect you to obey immediately. We have a problem if you can't obey even the simplest orders without resisting."
Starscream laboriously pushed himself upright, swaying and almost collapsing as the room spun around him. Once his limbs were under him again he stayed close to the floor, shoulders hunched and wings low, watching Megatron warily for additional signs of violence. "Maybe if your orders were more reasonable I wouldn't resist," he suggested, bracing himself to duck away. Megatron huffed in apparent amusement.
"I don't see anything unreasonable about wanting you to approach me," he replied. "No, you would resist no matter what I told you to do, simply because you're stubborn and scared. Don't bother denying it," he added when Starscream opened his mouth to do just that. "You can try to hide it, but I know how you behave when you're afraid. And right now, I'd go so far as to say you're terrified."
Starscream scowled and lowered his head, but continued to watch Megatron on the edge of his vision as he muttered, "I suppose that makes you happy." He realized too late that he had all but admitted to his fear, but Megatron didn't react beyond regaining his thoughtful expression.
"Actually, it doesn't," he mused. "If your fear was encouraging obedience it would be useful, but if you're disobeying because of it..." His voice turned slightly mocking. "Well, you're smart. I'm sure you can figure out why that's not a good thing."
Starscream raised his head again, feeling suddenly cold despite the unhealthy heat suffusing his frame. "W-what are you going to do?"
Megatron smiled, putting the nervous Seeker even more on edge than he already was. "That depends on you, doesn't it? How much are you willing to endure for the sake of resisting orders you can't disobey in the first place?"
He lowered a hand over the side of the chair and Starscream cringed away, half-expecting to be hit again, and confused when he wasn't. "I'm going to give you a simple, harmless order," Megatron said. "If you do as you're told, you won't be hurt. Now come here."
Starscream looked at the hand, which was extended slightly in his direction, then back up at Megatron, wings twitching restlessly. The program urged him to obey, but it wasn't forcing him yet, so he returned his gaze to the hand, wondering how severe his punishment would be if he refused to play along. Probably pretty severe if Megatron was trying to recondition his fear response.
He shuddered and shifted his weight, glancing once more at Megatron before hesitantly creeping forward. He knew there would be some form of contact once he'd covered the small distance, but it still startled him when the hand came up to stroke the top edge of one wing. He froze with a soft hiss, objecting to the touch, but swallowed his unease and allowed it.
"There. That's not so bad, is it?" Megatron asked in the patient, condescending tone Starscream had always hated. "A little slow, but you don't seem to have fought, so I'll forgive it... this time."
Starscream grunted and turned his head away. "This is demeaning," he grumbled, hating the touch-starved part of himself that wanted to push into the hand.
"But it proves a point," Megatron replied in that same infuriating tone. "If you do what you're told, you won't get hurt. It's really a very simple concept, as you would have realized long ago if you weren't so bent on disobeying me."
Right. Just like Soundwave "hadn't hurt him". Starscream huffed miserably and shut off his optics, unable to stop the light trembling in his wings. Maybe it was ungrateful of him, but he didn't like this gentle treatment. His ability to read people was reliant on familiarity with the behavior of individuals and, apart from the most basic gestures, he could only identify the meanings of movements and expressions that he had seen many times. Megatron was fairly consistent, so Starscream could normally judge his moods pretty accurately - even if he didn't always see the signs that it was time to shut up - but this... He didn't know what this was. It might have been a genuine attempt to calm him, but as he didn't have much frame of reference for Megatron being nice to him, he just didn't know. He didn't know what to expect or how to react, and he didn't like it.
His frame liked it, though. It greatly appreciated the lack of violence and pain, and as much as he didn't want to, he found himself pushing into the soothing touch. Megatron's mouth curved up slightly, an expression Starscream couldn't hope to decipher under the circumstances, and continued to pet the shivering wing under his fingers.
"This doesn't have to be any harder for you than you choose to make it," he said, lowering his hand to trace the faint line on the pale metal which marked the now-healed break. "All I'm asking is that you obey me without question, as you should have done from the beginning. Why is that so abhorrent to you?"
His voice remained calm, even conversational, but Starscream winced as though he'd been hit again. That wasn't a question he could answer honestly, because he really didn't see himself as disobedient. Argumentive, yes, but he usually went along with Megatron's schemes, even when he disagreed with them. The problem was that he thought for himself, and he didn't think it would go over well to point out that he only argued because Megatron was always wrong. He could fabricate some reason for his behavior, but that would reinforce Megatron's view of him as a disobedient traitor, and the very idea made him feel nauseous again.
In the end he just shook his head and stayed silent, letting Megatron interpret it however he wanted. That was what he would do anyway.
But apparently that wasn't good enough this time, because Megatron's hand left Starscream's wing to catch his chin instead, forcing him to look up. The warlord leaned down, resting his other arm on one knee, and gripped Starscream's jaw more tightly when he tried to pull away.
"I asked you a question, Starscream," Megatron said sternly but still unbearably calmly. "Answer me."
That was an order, Starscream realized, spark sinking. He had to say something now, even if it was a lie, but his mind was blank. He couldn't think of any explanation, true or not, for those occasions when he acted against orders. He couldn't even remember what those occasions were, and when he opened his mouth, all that came out was a weak, "Why does it matter? I can't disobey now."
He tensed, waiting for the anger that would surely follow his non-answer, but after a few moments Megatron merely released him.
"That's right," he agreed. "You can't. And the sooner you accept that, the better."
He returned his hand to Starscream's wing and his expression darkened as he traced the faint line which marked the now-healed break, making the Seeker twitch. "You also need to accept what Soundwave did to you. I don't care if you hate him, but you still have to work with him, so you'll have to find a way to get along. However," he raised his voice slightly when Starscream tried to protest, "if he hurts you again, in any way, you are to tell me immediately. You belong to me now, and no one else has a right to touch you without my permission. Do you understand?"
Starscream clenched his jaw and glared weakly at Megatron, hands balling into fists. More than anything he wanted to refute those words, to snarl that he belonged to no one and that Megatron had no right to dictate such things to him. But his anger was challenged by a tentative hope that the possessiveness meant he would be protected from Soundwave, a hope which only made him angrier because he didn't need protecting, fraggit!
His internal conflict was interrupted by a sudden impact with the side of his head which hurled him to the floor again. He barely had time to register Megatron surging from the chair before a foot connected with his chest, flipping him onto his back. Then the same foot slammed down on his cockpit, pinning him. He struggled instinctively for a moment, but stilled when Megatron applied more pressure to his chest, making the glass creak ominously.
"When I ask you a question, I expect an answer," Megatron told him sternly. "Now I'll ask again: Do you understand what I just said?"
Starscream nodded quickly, silently lamenting that he'd been right about being punished heavily for minor offenses. Primus, if this was what he got just for failing to answer a question, what would happen if he disobeyed outright?
Megatron seemed unsatisfied with his answer, though, because more weight pressed down on him, and he couldn't stop himself from squirming again. "Yes," he gasped out desperately. "I- I understand!"
"What do you understand?" Megatron pressed. "I want you to say it."
Starscream groaned in mingled pain and frustration, clawing lightly at the warlord's ankle. "No one has a right... to touch me without your permission," he bit out.
The glass creaked again. "And?"
"I..." Starscream knew what Megatron wanted to hear. There was no point in pretending he didn't. But to say it out loud, even under duress, would be to officially acknowledge his new status, and he couldn't. He couldn't. Even if his life had already been signed away, he could still pretend it wasn't really true as long as he didn't say it. But his chest hurt and the program was pushing him, and he didn't feel well at all...
"I..." He turned his head away and shut off his optics, mouth working silently for a few moments. "I b-belong... to... to you."
They were just words, he told himself. Just words. They didn't mean anything. But they still burned like acid as he forced them out, and they still left him feeling hollow, as though he had lost some part of himself in their utterance.
He heard a low rumble of approval from somewhere above him, then Megatron's foot left his chest. He rolled onto his side and curled up, more in a pathetic attempt to hide than to protect himself, and didn't move when he heard Megatron kneel down beside him. It was only when a hand slid under his head and tilted his face up that he reactivated his optics, staring dully at his leader.
"That's right," Megatron said again, almost soothingly. "Do you see how much easier it is to just give in? Fighting doesn't change anything in the end, and it wastes both of our time. You'll save yourself a lot of pain if you don't resist me."
Starscream huffed quietly and looked away again, unable to care that he was pressing into Megatron's hand. After a few seconds Megatron made a vaguely amused sound and raised his other hand, stroking the side of the Seeker's head as though he really was a pet. "You'll get used to it," he said as Starscream flinched. "That's the whole point of training you, after all."
He stood up and moved toward the door, watched warily by Starscream. Once there he paused to look back, seeming to study the huddled form on the floor. "You're not leaving this room until you've gotten some recharge," he said at length. "So if you expect to join us tomorrow, I suggest you rest."
He didn't wait for a reply, which was just as well since Starscream couldn't seem to find his voice. Of all the reasons Megatron might have had for sending him here, it had never occurred to him that it might simply be because it was easier to lock him up this way.
Being sent to the brig would have been preferable to spending another minute in this room.
Starscream stayed where he was for some time after Megatron left, moving only when he found himself starting to doze off. He slowly uncurled and sat up, shifting closer to the desk so he could lean against it. The pain in his chest had faded, but his cables and joints ached from the strain of fighting his own body, and although he tried to shake it off, he could feel despair sinking its claws into his spark again.
He couldn't fight this. There was just no way to fight the program and win. It was at least as strong as he was and it didn't tire like he did. Even if he could find a way to resist, Megatron was clearly willing to use physical force to make him obey. This was going to break him, and there was nothing he could do about it.
Nothing except surrender.
He drew his legs to his chest and folded his arms over his knees, staring at the door without seeing it. If he gave in... If he stopped resisting and just did what Megatron wanted... the idea made him feel ill, but it might be his only option. Whether he fought or not he couldn't protect himself, and if he kept trying the hopelessness of it would break him, probably sooner than later. Surrendering would at least buy him some time, and maybe keep his will to escape intact long enough for him to actually do so. He did have options, no matter how grim the consequences they carried were. He just had to chose one he could live with.
He snorted softly. That couldn't be too hard when his only other choice was to live like this. But he couldn't do anything stuck in his quarters, so he shifted to get more comfortable and shut off his optics, preparing to do as he'd been ordered and get some sleep. He could figure out his course of action later, maybe after the attack on the Autobots. It would be better to work on a plan when there was no immediate threat of deactivation hanging over him. Of course, if things went wrong and Megatron blamed him, he would probably regret holding off, but...
The rest of the thought was lost as his exhaustion finally overcame him.
Soundwave was halfway through the (slightly edited) write-up Megatron had requested when the door buzzer went off. He glanced up from his desk and sent a command to the door, then smiled to himself when it slid open to reveal a somewhat tense blue Seeker.
"Enter, Thundercracker," Soundwave said by way of greeting. He motioned to the berth as Thundercracker stepped into the room. "Sit down."
It was an offer more than an order, but one Soundwave knew Thundercracker would accept out of politeness. Sure enough, he only hesitated for a moment before moving forward and settling carefully on the edge at the foot of the berth. His wings were a held little lower than usual, showing his respect for the fact that he was in someone else's living space, but the rigid tension in the rest of his frame reflected his distaste for his current company. The feeling was mutual, but Soundwave needed informants among the Decepticons who didn't stand out the way his cassettes did. The previous Air Commander had always been willing to share information about the Seekers, but after his death Soundwave had needed a new plant. Thundercracker wasn't the best choice, but he was high-ranking and cared about keeping his framekin safe, and that was what mattered.
Well, that and he was close to Starscream.
"What did you want to see me about?" Thundercracker asked, coolly polite. Soundwave shut off his datapad and turned his chair to face the other mech.
"Primary reason: request report," he replied, deciding it would be best to ease into his questioning. "Have you noticed anything off about Starscream?"
Thundercracker shrugged. "Only that he's been dragging any fliers he can get hold of into the training room pretty much every day. Skywarp thought he was acting weird earlier, though."
Soundwave wasn't surprised that Skywarp would have been the one to notice something. Thundercracker hated Starscream too much to really see when something was wrong, which was one reason why he wasn't the best choice for a spy. "Define 'weird'," Soundwave said.
"Skywarp said he was being really jumpy and defensive. Doesn't sound too strange to me, though."
"And you've noticed nothing else?" the telepath pressed.
Thundercracker shook his head impatiently. "It would help to have some idea of what I'm looking for. What's wrong with Starscream?"
Soundwave paused, considering the best way to phrase his response. "His exact problem is unknown. However, I have noticed an increase in paranoia and mistrust. He has become convinced that I wish to harm him, and refuses to be near me because of it."
"Shouldn't you be able to deal with that?" Thundercracker asked dryly.
"I have rarely dealt with bots who didn't want my help," Soundwave said. "Additionally, Starscream is rather more unreasonable than most."
Thundercracker's mouth twitched. "Isn't that the truth. So what do you want from me?"
"I require information," Soundwave replied. "You have been his Trinemate for millions of years: You would know best how to deal with him when he's being difficult."
Thundercracker frowned, hands curling into fists on his thighs. "I don't know what to tell you," he said at length. "Being Starscream's Trinemate is more about tolerance than anything else."
"Noted," Soundwave said. "But you are still familiar with his more erratic behaviors. How do you get through to him when he doesn't want to listen?"
"Usually you don't," Thundercracker replied flatly. "The trouble with Starscream is that he's obsessive. Once he gets something into his head he can't just stop thinking about it, and if it's something bad, he can make it ten times worse than it actually is just by dwelling on it. If he's decided you're out to get him it's probably because you did something he interpreted as a threat, and he blew it out of proportion by thinking about it too much."
There was a question in his mind and voice as he spoke, but Soundwave ignored it. There was no safe way to explain why Starscream had become afraid of him. "Can you reason with him under these circumstances?" he asked instead.
Thundercracker snorted. "Sure, if you've got a few hours and some way to make sure he won't just attack you or walk away. Skywarp and I used to try distracting him when he started getting too worked up, but sometimes we had to restrain him and talk him down. I wouldn't advise doing the same in your case, though; he knew we weren't going to hurt him, but if he thinks you will, being trapped will only scare him."
Soundwave tilted his head quizzically. "You don't believe in exposure therapy?"
The Seeker's fists tightened as unease colored his field. "That wouldn't be a good idea," he said. "We haven't done anything like that since before Megatron started-" he caught himself as he remembered who he was talking to and amended, "before all of that started between them. I don't think Starscream could handle being helpless anymore, even if he didn't think you'd hurt him. He just... doesn't feel safe enough with people."
Soundwave considered this. What Thundercracker was saying seemed consistent with Starscream's behavior so far, especially where helplessness was concerned. He wasn't convinced that forcing Starscream to face his fears was a bad idea, but it was something to think about later. "He trusted you," he stated, curious about how Thundercracker would respond.
"I guess that's one way of looking at it," came the bitter reply. "I think it's more like he put up with us. He didn't waste any time getting away from us after he was promoted."
After he got Skywarp's position. After he started spending time around Megatron. Thundercracker didn't say it out loud, but Soundwave knew he was thinking it without even probing his mind. It was the root of his hatred for his less stable Trinemate, after all. But it was also off topic, so Soundwave carefully steered them back on track. "How well does he recognize intention? Can he tell whether someone intends to harm or to help him?"
Thundercracker gave a short, derisive laugh. "If he could, would we be having this conversation?" Soundwave stayed silent, unamused, and the Seeker shook his head with a sigh. "I don't know. He mostly just seems to expect the worst. When we dealt with his obsessions we'd usually pin him between us and just talk to him for awhile, and he hated that at first. But after a few times he figured out that we weren't a threat and stopped fighting so much."
"So he can learn to recognize intent," Soundwave stated. Thundercracker laced his fingers together in his lap, wings twitching.
"He used to, yeah. But again, that was before Megatron got hold of him. If we tried something like that now it would probably take a lot longer for him to realize we weren't going to hurt him."
He cast Soundwave an almost apologetic look, and the telepath sighed inwardly. He wasn't surprised that most of his trouble with Starscream could be traced back to Megatron's mistreatment, but he wasn't happy about it, either.
"One more question: Have you ever tried to calm him when he was upset or frightened?"
Thundercracker shrugged. "Yeah, but it's not easy. He gets violent when he's scared, and it's worse if he feels trapped. Physical contact helps if he'll let you touch him, but it's usually best to keep your distance and wait for him to calm down on his own. You can try talking him down too, as long as you don't threaten or argue with him."
Soundwave nodded slowly. That fit his observations as well, although keeping his distance had done no good so far. Perhaps it was time to try the opposite approach.
"Thank you, Thundercracker. You have been very helpful."
"If you say so," Thundercracker replied skeptically. "Are we done then?"
"Affirmative. We have a mission tomorrow, so make sure the other Seekers are rested."
"Yeah, sure," Thundercracker huffed irritably. Soundwave heard his unspoken complaint that such things were supposed to be Starscream's job and frowned at him before turning back to his desk.
"You should know that Starscream has fallen ill," the telepath said casually, mouth curling in satisfaction when he felt a surge of surprise in the other's field. "He may not be able to accompany us tomorrow. If he does, I need you to keep an optic on him."
"Are you sure?" Thundercracker asked doubtfully. "He hasn't been acting sick. Tired, yeah, but not..." He trailed off and Soundwave caught a flash of guilty realization, along with a brief image of Starscream in the training room, telling the other fliers what to do without taking part in the exercises himself.
"Have you been giving him grief for not participating in training?" Soundwave asked suspiciously, half turning to look at Thundercracker. The Seeker grimaced and lowered his wings.
"I didn't know he wasn't feeling well," he muttered. "Is it really bad enough for him to skip training, though? How sick can he be if he could hide it so well?"
"Starscream knows his limits, whether he chooses to heed them or not," Soundwave said sternly. "If he hasn't been training, he might not be well enough to fight. Which is why he needs to be watched if he does join us tomorrow."
"Yeah, I'll do that," Thundercracker sighed. He turned toward the door, then paused and looked back. "There was one thing that I thought seemed kind of weird, back when he was still actually training with us: He wouldn't spar with me or Dirge."
When Soundwave merely gazed silently back at him he shrugged and dipped his wings respectfully, then continued on his way. Once he was gone Soundwave reactivated his datapad and went back to his report, but most of his attention was elsewhere.
Thundercracker hadn't told him much that he didn't already know, but he had confirmed a few things. Soundwave was reasonably sure his newest idea would yield results, although it would have to wait until after the upcoming attack.
Everything would turn out in the end, he was certain of that. It would just take some patience... and possibly, a willingness to do things he would rather not.
Sorry this chapter was so depressing. Things will get a bit better soon, I promise. In the meantime "Unleashed" now has an official playlist, which you can listen to here:
www . youtube watch?v =eBwrbEgRhC0&list =PLgLgAJkSvnxs8K2V7ykNCnpQPPQTFNGFX
