Thanks to an unbelievable amount of RL drama, this was probably the hardest chapter to date for me to write. But it's finally done, and I apologize for the long wait. Have at it.

A note on terms: In computing, a patch is a piece of code inserted into preexisting software to fix or update it. I've modified the concept here, but the basic idea is the same.


Where am I meant to be?
I feel I'm lost in a dream
Yearning again only
To be myself
"Unleashed" - Epica


His world was one of pain and fear. He thrashed on the floor, trapped beneath a larger, heavier frame. Each frantic movement sent fire through his broken wing, but he knew the pain would be the least of his worries if he didn't escape.

"I know the dangers of reprogramming."

The words, too calm for the situation, were accompanied by a hand pushing his head to the floor. His struggles increased in desperation when fingers brushed over his access panel, but his limbs shook in the grip of exhaustion. He slumped to the floor as his strength ebbed, and sobbed when the panel snapped open.

"I argued against it."

A cable plugged into him and a foreign presence seeped into his mind like an icy fog, tainting everything it touched. He clawed at the floor, arching into the heavy frame covering his own, but there was no escape from either the mental invasion or the physical hold. A thin, quavering cry tore from him as he twisted a final time. Then his body gave out entirely and he collapsed, shuddering and gasping.

"This is your fault."

No. Oh Primus, no. He strained against the hand pinning his head, looking up as well as he could to meet the narrow crimson gaze of Megatron. The warlord stood a short distance away, backlit by the too-bright lights overhead. Even cast in shadow the expression of disgust on his face was easily recognized, and Starscream quailed under his glare. But as humiliating as it was to be seen in this position, he recognized Megatron as his only hope.

"Please." The first word was little more than a gasp, but others followed, gaining speed and strength as they came. "Megatron, please, you have to stop this! It- It will destroy me!"

Megatron's face hardened. Starscream stared back at him, panting heavily, and a low voice near his audio said, "He doesn't care how well you function as long as you can no longer fight him."

The hand began petting him in a grotesque parody of comfort, making him flinch and whimper. But his terrified gaze remained fixed on his leader; begging silently for help, because he just wasn't strong enough on his own.

"Please," he whispered again, the word choked by a weak sob. "Don't do this."

"You should be grateful to have your life," Megatron told him coldly. Then he turned away, and Starscream panicked.

"No! No, please! You can't leave me here! You can't- Megatron!" He writhed, shaking his head in a frantic attempt to escape the frigid tendrils of another mind creeping through his own, then screamed.

"Megatron!"

Pain jarred though Starscream's side and the world went dark. He yelped and jerked, legs catching on something that he kicked away. Then he rolled off of his throbbing wing and right into something solid. He shrieked and scrambled away from it, somehow getting his legs under him. But the floor fell away, dropping him back to his knees. He stared around wildly, struggling to locate the threat he knew was there, but saw only dark walls and boxy shadows looming on all sides. A desperate wail tore from him and he sank down close to the pitching floor, head in his hands, waiting for the unseen enemy to strike.

Nothing happened. The hands he expected never came. There were no sounds except for his own ragged gasps. The pain in his wing was fading, no more than a memory that was losing its power. Eventually he raised his head, optics darting from one shadow to the next. He saw no one, dangerous or otherwise. He rose cautiously up onto his knees to peer anxiously over the berth, then around the edge of the desk next to him, but neither search yielded results. There was no one in the room but him. It had only been a nightmare.

He moaned softly and slumped against the desk, sliding back down to sit on the floor. He was beginning to feel nauseous again - not that that was a surprise - and he couldn't control the violent tremors running through his frame. Red warnings flashed on his HUD, but he couldn't focus enough to read them. He cast another look around, unable to believe he was truly alone, and his gaze fell on the chair next to him, once more lying on the ground instead of standing upright. He stared at it until it sank in that it must have been the thing he'd kicked upon waking, then his optics moved on.

It was only when he directed his attention to the door that his solitude finally became real, and it did so with the force of a fist driving into his chest. He was alone. No one had heard him screaming before he fully escaped the nightmare, or if they had, they hadn't come to check on him. Maybe they didn't care enough or maybe they simply weren't around to hear, but either way they hadn't come. Which meant if he was in real danger…

He stared at the door, torn. The urge to escape was building inside him again, but this time it was tempered by an identical fear of what lay beyond the room. Soundwave was out there somewhere, as was Megatron. Here he was safe, at least while he was alone, whereas anything could happen to him in the halls. But if one of them showed up he would be trapped, and nearly helpless in his current state.

In the end, it was remembering that he'd been hacked mere yards from where he currently sat that decided him. He used the desk to drag himself upright, leaning on it until the floor steadied under him, then followed the wall to the door. He faltered briefly when he neared the entrance, certain that this wasn't what Megatron had in mind when he told him to stay put. But Starscream had slept, however briefly, so technically he'd fulfilled the orders he'd been given. The program must have agreed, because nothing stopped him from opening the door and venturing out into the dimly lit hall, every sense on high alert. He had no idea where he planned to go, but anywhere would be better than where he was. Or almost anywhere, he corrected himself with a shudder. He stepped as quietly as he could, both to avoid detection and to maximize his chances of hearing anyone who might be coming his way, but once again, all he heard was his own vents.

He'd been braver than this the last time he'd roamed the halls after a nightmare. The random thought served as a reminder of falling asleep in Soundwave's quarters - in Soundwave's arms - and made him feel sicker. How could he possibly have done that? Not just slept there, but gone there in the first place? He was lucky beyond belief that nothing had happened.

He came to an abrupt halt, optics widening. How did he know nothing had happened? Soundwave had already hacked him once while he was asleep, and he had no idea how long they'd been connected before he woke up. What proof did he have that the telepath hadn't done it again, only this time left before he awakened? How did he know it hadn't happened in Soundwave's quarters, or any other time he'd managed to doze off in the last two weeks?

"Stop it!" he burst out, startling himself. He groaned loudly and dropped his head into his hands, barely noticing the abnormal heat of the metal under his fingers. He couldn't think like that or he'd never sleep again. Somehow he had to believe it was just paranoia, that it hadn't happened and wouldn't happen. But how could he prove that?

"Starscream?"

The voice behind him wasn't Soundwave's. But when he whirled around, all he saw was blue. He stumbled back, gyros thrown into disarray by the sudden movement. The next thing he knew, he was hitting the floor hard. He heard the mech say something, followed by footsteps approaching him, and he recoiled, ducking his head behind one upraised arm.

"Stay away from me!"

The footsteps stopped. "Hey, take it easy. I'm not gonna hurt you."

Starscream hesitantly lowered his arm, just enough that he could peek over it. "Th-Thundercracker?"

"Yeah, it's me," the blue Seeker confirmed. "Are... you okay?"

Starscream started to speak, but even he couldn't claim to be all right while lying on the floor. So he just grunted and looked away, although he continued to watch Thundercracker out the corner of his optic. After a few seconds Thundercracker stepped toward him again. Starscream tensed, but his Trinemate stopped well out of arm's reach and knelt down, wings lowered.

"You don't look so good," Thundercracker said softly. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. I just..." Starscream fidgeted, unable to come up with a halfway believable explanation, then sighed. "Just leave me alone."

Thundercracker didn't move. "Starscream... You do know I'm not going to hurt you, right?"

"Of course I know that!" Starscream snapped, hoping Thundercracker couldn't hear the quaver in his voice.

"Then what was that earlier? It was like you didn't recognize me."

Once again, Starscream had no answer. He just stared at the floor, waiting for his dizziness to subside enough that he could stand without embarrassing himself further. At length Thundercracker sighed and stood himself, then moved towards him yet again. Starscream snapped his head up, fingers curling against the floor, but otherwise managed not to react as Thundercracker came to stand over him.

"No point staying on the floor all night," Thundercracker said, extending a hand towards his Trineleader. Starscream eyed it suspiciously for a moment, then growled and knocked it away. He shoved himself awkwardly to his feet, grabbing for the wall when his legs shook under him. He'd barely steadied himself when a hand pressed flat against his wing, and he promptly fell against the wall in his haste to retreat.

"Primus," Thundercracker murmured before Starscream could snap at him again. "Your armor is scorching."

"It's nothing! It's just- I-" Frag, why couldn't he think? Starscream shook his head and carefully pushed off from the wall, then turned away. "I need to go."

"Are you crazy?" Thundercracker demanded. "With a temperature like that, the only place you should be going is the med bay!"

"It's not that bad-"

"Like slag it isn't!"

A hand closed on Starscream's wrist. He reacted without thinking, spinning around and driving a fist towards Thundercracker's face. But he lost his balance halfway through the attack, and stumbled into the other flier instead. Thundercracker grunted, but stayed upright. Then arms wrapped around Starscream, supporting him, and something inside him froze. His instincts screamed at him to fight, to escape, but he couldn't make himself move.

"See? This is exactly what I'm talking about," Thundercracker said, seemingly oblivious to Starscream's distress. "You shouldn't be going anywhere like this."

Starscream only shuddered in response. After a moment Thundercracker's hold on him shifted. "Starscream?"

"Let go of me." Starscream's words were barely audible, but they did the trick. Thundercracker crouched again and settled Starscream against the wall, where he sat panting. Then Thundercracker reached for his face and he cringed.

"Easy," Thundercracker murmured, pressing a blissfully cool hand to Starscream's forehead. "Frag, how has your processor not crashed already?"

Starscream groaned and shoved the hand away, even though he didn't really want to. He didn't know if it was the viruses or some kind of glitch, or even just a result of too much stress, but he felt like he was crashing. Whatever the problem was, he couldn't think well enough to figure out what to do about it.

It scared him. But not as much as not knowing what Thundercracker would do after seeing this.


Thundercracker sat back on his heels, brow furrowed as he watched Starscream shift restlessly against the wall. He couldn't decide what bothered him more: that he'd come across his Trineleader talking to himself in the halls, or that Soundwave was right about Starscream being sick. He could only guess that Starscream had been downloading patches to control his symptoms, but if that was the case, his system had clearly deleted them. Patches or no, Thundercracker couldn't believe he had ever thought that Starscream was okay.

"Right," he decided, speaking aloud for Starscream's benefit. "I'm comming Hook."

Starscream must have been either less out of it than he looked or completely delirious, because he lurched away from the wall and caught hold of Thundercracker's wrist, optics bright with unmistakeable panic. "No! You can't!"

"Starscream, you're sick," Thundercracker pointed out, keeping his voice low and staying as still as possible. "You need help."

"I don't! Don't comm him, please!"

Thundercracker stared at him. Normally he hated it when Starscream started begging, but this time he was too stunned for disgust. Starscream never acted like this with his Trine. Or anyone except Megatron, really. That he was doing so now was disconcerting at best, and proved that he did need help. But instead of calling him on it, Thundercracker said, "All right, settle down. I won't comm him. You wanna go somewhere else, though? Hallways aren't exactly private."

Starscream's optics widened, darting as though he'd forgotten where they were, and his grip on Thundercracker's wrist tightened. Then he gave a jerky nod, which Thundercracker copied slowly.

"Okay. Anywhere sound good?"

This time Starscream shook his head, swaying as though the action made him dizzy. He looked for a moment like he might say something, but then he just repeated the movement, wings drooping. Thundercracker was sorely tempted to suggest that the med bay would be a good place, but Starscream wasn't that easy to fool, even like this.

"How about coming in with me and Skywarp, then?" he offered instead. "You've shared quarters with us before, so you know we're safe."

Starscream looked up quickly, expression full of fearful suspicion, like he didn't trust the offer - or like he thought Thundercracker didn't mean it. Whatever it was hurt to see. Thundercracker hesitated, then carefully moved his free hand to cover the one clinging to him. Starscream started, looking down quickly, then flicked his gaze back up when Thundercracker spoke again.

"It's okay if you don't want to. It's just a suggestion."

Starscream's hold turned suddenly painful. "No!" he rasped. "I mean..."

He dropped his gaze back to their hands and Thundercracker sighed inwardly. Why is it so hard for you to accept help? "Does that mean you do want to?"

A pause, then another small nod. So far so good. Now for the dicy part.

"Okay, then. Think you can walk?"

Starscream slowly shook his head again and sank back against the wall, hand relaxing on Thundercracker's wrist. He was still visibly frightened, but it was equally easy to see that he was losing the strength to act on it, and the sheer helplessness on his face made Thundercracker want to look away. He was used to Starscream having a plan for any situation, even if that plan was just "beg" or "run", and seeing him unable to do even that made Thundercracker feel like he was intruding on something private. But he couldn't just leave, either, so he slowly turned the hand under Starscream's to grip the other Seeker's wrist in return, stilling when he tensed.

"I'm just going to help you up, okay? And we'll see how you do."

Starscream didn't look like it was okay at all, but he didn't refuse. So Thundercracker stood, pulling Starscream up with him, and quickly wrapped an arm around his waist when his legs buckled. Starscream sagged against his chest, shivering as though he was freezing rather than badly overheated.

"Okay," Thundercracker muttered, shifting so he could pull Starscream's arm over his shoulders. "We'll just take it slow then."

It was a good thing it was a short trek, because it was quickly apparent that Starscream wouldn't have made it without help. He could walk, but leaned heavily on Thundercracker the whole way, and looked ready to collapse by the time they reached their destination. His optics weren't even online anymore - he just went where Thundercracker guided him, and that was somehow more worrying than anything else had been.

Skywarp was nowhere to be seen, so Thundercracker lowered Starscream onto his own berth, then sat down next to him with a sigh. Starscream didn't react, although he flinched when Thundercracker laid a hand on his head again. It felt like his temperature had risen even further, but maybe it was just Thundercracker's worry-fueled imagination playing tricks on him.

"Should have commed Hook," he muttered. Starscream stirred weakly, optics flickering, and Thundercracker sighed, gently stroking his forehead with his thumb. "No, I'm not going to. I said I wouldn't, didn't I? But we've got to get you cooled off a bit."

He thought for a moment, then opened a line to Skywarp. "You doing anything important?"

::Depends on why you're asking.::

"I'll take that as a no. Listen, I need you to bring some cold water and rags to our quarters. I've got Starscream with me, and he's..." Thundercracker hesitated, but Skywarp would see for himself soon enough. "He looks pretty bad. I think he's sick."

Skywarp was silent for a moment, then swore softly. ::Be there in a couple minutes.::

Thundercracker nodded and cut the connection, then frowned down at Starscream, whose optics were dark again. He felt like he should comm someone else, but other than Hook, he couldn't think of anyone who would be able to help. And with Starscream's trust issues, the last thing he wanted to do was break his promise.

Thankfully, it didn't take long for Skywarp to appear in the middle of the room with a bucket of water in hand. He set it at Thundercracker's feet along with a handful of polishing cloths then knelt by the berth, frowning deeply.

"Frag, he wasn't half this bad when I saw him earlier today. What's wrong with him?"

Thundercracker shrugged, grabbing a cloth and dipping it in the water. "Virus? I dunno."

Skywarp snorted. "Yeah, sure. And just how would that have happened?"

He had a point. Starscream was almost hypochondriacal about viruses, and Thundercracker had never known him to catch one unless everyone else caught it first. For him to be the only one sick was strange at best.

"Do you have a better idea?" Thundercracker asked, draping the sodden cloth over Starscream's forehead in an attempt to cool his processor and grabbing another one.

"Systems damage?" Skywarp suggested. "I've heard of bots with crushed vents and stuff frying their circuits because they overheated so badly."

"I guess it's possible, but he looks fine." Or almost fine. But Thundercracker wasn't about to comment on the shallow dent in Starscream's cheek, which looked very much like someone had hit him. The Trine had become used to the marks Megatron's treatment left on Starscream, both physical and mental, and it was easier for all of them if it never came up.

"Well, frag, I don't know." Skywarp grabbed a cloth of his own. "Why don't we just comm Hook? I'll bet he could figure it out."

Thundercracker shot a quick glance at Starscream's face, but he didn't react to Hook's name this time. "I thought of that too. But…" Thundercracker trailed off, wringing his cloth out over Starscream's near wing. Both Seekers winced at the soft hiss of water evaporating on contact.

"But?" Skywarp prompted pointedly.

"When I suggested that, he freaked out. And I'm not talking about a normal freakout, he was scared. Really scared."

"Of Hook?"

"Yeah. Maybe he was just delirious, but the way he looked, you'd have thought I'd suggested giving him to Shockwave for experimentation or something."

Skywarp glanced at Starscream, expression blank. "Huh."

Silence fell between them as they worked to bring their Trinemate's temperature down. Eventually Thundercracker leaned back against the wall with a groan, throwing his cloth into the bucket.

"I still think we should comm Hook," Skywarp said, dropping his own cloth in after Thundercracker's. "What if he needs help?"

Thundercracker sighed. "I know, but I told him I wouldn't. When he wakes up we can talk to him about it, but until then, we'll just have to wait."

Skywarp folded his arms with a grunt, but didn't otherwise reply. Thundercracker removed the cloth draped over Starscream's head for what felt like the hundredth time, but this time instead of replacing it, he pressed his hand to the other's brow again. Starscream felt much cooler now, to Thundercracker's relief. He added the cloth to the bucket and sat back again, glancing at Skywarp. The other Seeker was staring down at Starscream with a dark look on his face, and Thundercracker knew immediately what was going through his mind.

"This was not your fault."

"Yes it was!" Skywarp snapped. "I knew something was wrong when I saw him earlier. I knew he was hiding something, and I didn't even ask about it!"

"Yeah, and I'm the one who said it didn't sound much different from his normal behavior. If you want to blame someone, blame Starscream for hiding it in the first place. Because even if you had asked, you know as well as I do that he wouldn't have told you anything."

"I wish he would," Skywarp muttered, standing up. Thundercracker copied the action, worried that he was going to leave the room, but Skywarp just moved to his own berth and sat down.

"Looks like your berth's taken," he noted. "You gonna recharge on the floor, or do you want to share?"

"Share," Thundercracker decided. "We've got a mission tomorrow, so- aw, slag. I was supposed to tell the others about that."

"So wake 'em up when it's time to go," Skywarp said dismissively. "Now come on if you're going to, I wanna sleep."

Thundercracker cast a last glance at Starscream, who seemed to be resting quietly, then joined Skywarp, lying facedown on the edge of the berth. A warm weight settled on his upper back as Skywarp arranged himself so that he would be able to see Starscream easily, and Thundercracker knew that, despite his words to the contrary, Skywarp wouldn't be sleeping much. Arguing with him would do no good, though, so Thundercracker just shut off his optics, sending a silent prayer to anyone who might be listening for Starscream to feel better come morning. Or at least be more willing to see Hook if he didn't.


Starscream awakened the second time feeling impossibly drained. His senses returned slowly; first came an awareness of lying half-curled on one wing, next the soft sound of his cooling systems at work. Then, when he finally activated his optics, it took several seconds to identify the dark flat mass in front of him as a wall. It took several seconds more to remember that his berth wasn't pushed up to a wall like this. Not to mention he hadn't fallen asleep in his berth anyway, and the last he remembered, he hadn't even been in his quarters. So where was he, and how had he gotten there?

The answers didn't seem particularly important to him at that moment. He was too tired, and nothing felt right. So he just stared at the wall for a while until a flashing red message on his HUD caught his attention: Processor reboot could not be completed.

Starscream frowned tiredly. That was strange. Unlike computer processors, Cybertronian processors never shut down completely. To do so would also shut down vital systems. The only reasons why his would need to reboot would be if it had crashed, whether partly or fully, or if his own systems had shut down all functions not required for survival in an effort to work through errors. Except if the latter was the case, it clearly hadn't worked.

He opened the error report his self-diagnostics had generated, skimming disinterestedly through it. Thermostat recalibration, failed. Gyroscopic recalibration, failed. Neural net recalibration, failed. These were the same errors he'd been receiving since his viruses activated. The overheating and low fuel warnings were similarly familiar. But below those he found errors of another sort, warning of memory files that couldn't be accessed and systems that had been shut down for a brief time.

Those weren't a result of his illness. Added to his processor's incomplete reboot, and the strange way his body felt, those looked more like the results of a crash.

He rolled over with effort. The first thing he registered was his Trinemates lying together on the berth opposite him, which was a familiar sight on those rare occasions when they talked him into staying with them when he was injured. He was in their quarters, but he still couldn't remember how he'd gotten here.

He stared at them for a few moments, then sat up slowly. As expected his balance was nonexistent, but he managed to get upright, where he waited for his gyros to find some semblance of normal alignment. But once they did, he realized he didn't know what to do now. He felt safer than he had in his own quarters, but with no memory of how he'd ended up with his Trine, he was afraid anyway. Afraid of what he might have done or said, and of what Skywarp and Thundercracker would say when they woke up. He couldn't handle an interrogation.

There was no inner debate this time. For all his fear of what would happen if Megatron or Soundwave got hold of him again, his fear of others discovering what had been done to him was stronger.

He stood up reluctantly, using the wall at the head of the berth to support himself while his gyros adjusted again. Then he turned towards the door.

"Well, there's gratitude for ya."

Starscream stumbled, keeping his balance only because of the wall he was still leaning on.

"I mean, it's not like Thundercracker and I didn't help you last night," Skywarp continued in a half-asleep tone which was completely at odds with the obvious intent of his words. "Least you could do is stick around instead of sneaking off."

Starscream slowly turned to face him, not taking his hand from the wall. "Funny, I don't remember asking for your help."

"Pretty sure the situation fell under 'implied consent'. You know, 'cause you were overheated to the point of passing out?"

Starscream couldn't answer. Would that be Soundwave's excuse if he glitched and refused aid? That he'd needed help and been in no condition to ask, which made the situation one of implied consent? In theory it was wrong for anyone to "help" him against his will, but in practice it would be his word against Soundwave's, and if Soundwave said he hadn't refused, he knew who Megatron would be more likely to believe.

"You okay?" Skywarp's voice cut into his thoughts. Starscream moved his gaze from the far wall to Skywarp, who was now sitting up.

"Fine."

"You sure? You spaced out for a minute there."

"Of course I'm sure." There was no heat in his words. For a few moments the two Seekers stared at each other, then Starscream looked away, pointedly glancing around the room instead. "Why am I here?"

Skywarp snorted, nudging the bottom edge of Thundercracker's wing with his elbow. "Softspark here found you wandering the halls last night and decided to bring you home with him. I told him you wouldn't be grateful, but of course he wouldn't listen." He paused, frowning. "You don't remember that?"

Starscream shrugged and turned away. He'd barely taken three steps when Skywarp spoke again. "You know, you don't have to leave. It's okay if you want to stick around 'til you feel better."

Starscream stopped again, although he didn't bother to turn around this time. He saw no point in trying to pretend he didn't felt like slag, so instead of denying his illness he asked, "What makes you think I don't?"

"I dunno. Everything? You look pretty bad."

"It's nothing." Skywarp made a disbelieving noise and Starscream scowled. "I'm serious! I have it under control, I just…" He hesitated, then decided to tell a minor truth. "I have a virus. But whatever you saw last night, it's not as bad as it looked. I can handle it, I just need to redownload the patches."

Skywarp didn't reply immediately. Starscream waited impatiently, feeling weaker with every passing second. He was just about to give up and leave when Skywarp said, "You know, you could get Hook to actually remove it instead of just controlling it."

"I don't need Hook!" Starscream exploded, slamming his fist into the wall. "I need to be left alone!"

His words were puntuated by a yelp from behind him, followed by a loud clang and a crash. He turned wearily to see Thundercracker on the floor, struggling to roll over with his wings getting in the way, and Skywarp bent over the berth, rubbing his head.

"Excuse me for trying to help," Skywarp muttered, pushing himself up again. Thundercracker managed to sit up as well, holding his shoulder and grimacing.

"Talk about rude awakenings..." Thundercracker's optics met Starscream's and his frown faded. "Oh, hey. You're up."

Starscream grunted. "Obviously."

Thundercracker stood slowly, watching Starscream with a strange, tense look on his face. "How do you feel?"

Starscream stared warily back at him, trying not to be too obvious about leaning on the wall. Something about the way Thundercracker was looking at him felt familiar, but he couldn't place it. Something to do with the night before, perhaps? Skywarp had said that it was Thundercracker who brought him here. Just what had he seen?

"He has a virus," Skywarp said, making Starscream realize he'd taken too long to respond.

"I can take care of it myself," he hissed, shooting Skywarp a dark look.

"And he still doesn't want to see Hook," Skywarp added heedlessly.

"Because I don't need to!"

"Starscream," Thundercracker interrupted, "I really think you do. You weren't yourself last night."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Starscream snarled, angling his body so he could retreat without showing his back. "It's a virus, not a complete personality overhaul or..." He trailed off, unable to finish. Thundercracker started to speak, but Starscream cut him off. "I don't have time for this."

"You're not seriously planning to go into battle like this, are you?" Skywarp asked.

"I've managed so far."

"Don't be stupid-" Thundercracker began, but Starscream interrupted again.

"I'll be fine! Worry about yourselves and leave me alone!"

He didn't wait for further arguement, leaving the room as quickly as his tired body would allow. He half expected - maybe half hoped - that they would come after him, but it seemed that they were going to do what he told them to for once. The hopeful part of him was disappointed, but he dismissed it. He didn't have time to think about them. He needed to get to his lab and redownload the patches that would regulate his systems, and refuel if his tanks would let him. And after that...

Well, he couldn't think about after. There was too much uncertainty involved. It would be better to take each moment as it came, and figure out his next step after the attack.

If he survived the attack. But the way he felt now, he wasn't entirely sure he wanted to.


Megatron really should have known better than to ask how a program functioned.

He sighed in frustration as he paced his quarters - a behavior he normally scorned as wasted energy - glaring at the datapad he held. The information he'd requested from Soundwave wasn't particularly helpful. Much of it he already knew, or else it was technical beyond his ability to fully grasp. He wasn't even entirely sure why he'd requested it, beyond the fact that he didn't trust what he didn't understand. Part of it might have been a simple desire to know what was going on with Starscream; not just psychologically, but on a base level. Though from what he had been able to glean, the two were hopelessly intertwined in this case.

He threw the datapad down on his desk and picked up his morning ration instead, gazing absently into the depths of the fuel as his thoughts returned to the night before. He wouldn't lie, he had enjoyed reminding Starscream who was in charge. He hadn't gone in with the intention of humiliating the Seeker - his primary purpose had been exactly what he'd said it was - but it had been a satisfying bonus. Particularly the moment when Starscream had responded to his touch, trying to encourage more of the same treatment he had denounced as "demeaning". But it had also been disturbing to watch Starscream fight against himself, and the entire encounter had been accompanied by the nagging thought that the Seeker was utterly defenseless. Why that made a difference now when he'd never cared before, he didn't know, but he'd been harder on Starscream than he'd initially intended because of it.

Megatron scowled and drained the cube, then crushed the forcefield in his hand. Soundwave was right, of course. Starscream wasn't the only one who needed to get used to the way things would be now. In all likelihood, what Megatron saw as a problem was completely normal and would eventually be resolved. Though he would prefer it if they could be resolved without any further involvement from Soundwave.

He drew the datapad toward himself with one finger, optics narrowed as he again read through the note Soundwave had concluded his report with: a note which suggested that Starscream's current poor health might be a symptom of a glitch or other malfunction, and ended with a request to check his coding after their mission was complete. Megatron was pleased that Soundwave had asked permission this time, but he didn't like the thought that it might be necessary. Nor was he going to grant the request without first investigating whether the problem had a less malevolent source. A viral scan would be far less invasive, and - hopefully - less likely to traumatize the Seeker further.

A low growl rumbled in his chest at the thought. His views regarding trauma were complicated at best. On one hand he knew that even strong minds were susceptible to damage, just as strong bodies were. He had seen the results of loss and torture too many times to believe otherwise. But at the same time, he had no respect for those who allowed their demons to rule them rather than face and overcome their fears. Right now Starscream was doing the former, and Megatron was honestly disappointed in him. But that didn't mean he was ready to make things worse without need.

He shut off the datapad and slipped it into subspace, mouth twisted in distaste. If it did become necessary to let Soundwave do as he'd requested, it would be easy to make sure Starscream didn't resist. But the knowledge brought no satisfaction. The mere idea of forcing Starscream to submit to Soundwave was abhorrent, as was the idea of Soundwave physically overpowering Starscream. Which he was fully capable of, or he wouldn't have been able to reprogram him in the first place.

Given Megatron's suspicions about what Soundwave was up to, the thought was deeply unsettling.

Enough of this, he told himself. He had an attack to lead. There would be time to think about all of this later, after the Autobots had been delivered a crushing defeat.

His resolve lasted until he reached the Command Center. There he found almost a dozen Decepticons already assembled, Starscream among them. But where the others stood together in groups, engaged in pre-battle banter, Starscream lingered alone by one of the monitors. His mere presence proved that he must have slept, but it didn't appear to have done him much good. He still looked exhausted, and as Megatron drew near, he realized that he was staring at the Ark layout in front of him without seeing it - lost in his own mind once again.

Hopefully that wouldn't be a problem on the field. Then again, Megatron hadn't yet decided whether he would even let Starscream join them.

There really wasn't a way to rouse him from his thoughts without scaring him, especially as jumpy as he'd been lately. So Megatron just stepped up behind him like he always did, although he made a point of announcing his presence early, and in a slightly lower voice than usual. "Working hard, I see."

As expected, Starscream jumped and looked up quickly. A tremor went through his wings and his optics darted past Megatron to the assembled mechs, though whether he was hoping for a reprieve because they were in public or afraid of what might happen where everyone could see was hard to guess. It could have been both, knowing him. Whatever it was, it didn't stop him from muttering, "Someone has to." He started to turn away, but Megatron's hand on his shoulder made him freeze.

"Is there something you want to say?" Megatron inquired warningly. Starscream's gaze slowly returned to him while Megatron took note of the fact that his temperature, at least, had improved. Then Starscream's face hardened and he shrugged off the hand, looking back to the monitor.

"Of course not. I know how much my opinion is worth."

"Hmm." Megatron considered the diagrams on the screen, then reached past Starscream and shut off the monitor.

Starscream made an indignant sound, rounding on him. "Why did you-"

"Turn command of the Seekers over to Skywarp or Thundercracker," Megatron ordered calmly. "You will be joining me and the Constructicons."

Starscream's expression morphed into something not quite horrified. "What? Why?"

"You were the one who suggested it," Megatron reminded him. "Something about the matter duplicator falling into your realm of experience?"

"But... But you said-"

"As I recall, I said that you would do as you were told. I never specified what that would be." Megatron gave that a moment to sink in, then added, "Why so displeased? I thought you wanted to be involved with the main operation. Unless," he lowered his voice, "you're still trying to avoid me?"

A familiar expression of startled fear crossed Starscream's face as he realized Megatron knew what he'd been doing for the last two weeks. He started to shake his head, mouth opening to deliver some denial, but Megatron interrupted. "I can't say I'm surprised, but I won't tolerate it. We'll never get anywhere if you insist on hiding."

It wasn't the most subtle reminder of the training they had begun, but without context, Megatron was satisfied no one would spare the comment a second thought. Starscream seemed to think differently, casting another worried look at the others in the room. Then he refocused on Megatron, face set in a weak glare. "Fine," he hissed quietly. "But don't blame me when something goes wrong and we end up with no fuel."

"I think that unlikely," Megatron said, leaning down slightly to make sure he kept Starscream's full attention. "Because if we don't come away with sufficient energon, those responsible for obtaining it will be going straight back out to collect more from another source. Be sure to mention that when you brief them."

"You can't be serious!" Starscream protested.

"And why not? I meant it when I said our fuel shortage would provide incentive."

Starscream shook his head. "If it's so important, why not tell them yourself?"

"Because they're your responsibility as Air Commander," Megatron replied curtly, turning away. "You'll never make it as a leader if you can't set aside your own feelings about an unpleasant action for the good of your followers."

He almost looked back when Starscream didn't reply. Almost. But he needed to accept that this was going to be the new normal now, and the only way he could do that was to treat it like it was normal. Even so, his gaze found its way back to where Starscream stood as soon as he settled in his throne. The Seeker had turned his back, but his drooping wings spoke volumes about his current state of mind, and it wasn't what Megatron would have hoped for.

Despite what he often said to the contrary, he didn't want to break Starscream's spirit; broken soldiers were useless, and that kind of fire was hard to find after so long at war. But he did want to control it, bend it to his will, and Starscream's refusal to ever truly submit only made it that much more enticing. Now he had that control, but at what cost?

Megatron irritably shook off the thought. Starscream would be all right. Of course he would. He was nigh-on impossible to get rid of, a trait he shared with all of the least desirable creatures in the universe. He was just in one of his subdued phases, as he often was after being forcibly put in his place. It would pass like it always did.

At least he would be able to keep an optic on Starscream during the mission. Bringing him along probably wasn't the best idea, but if the Autobots had anything else of value in their labs, he would be the one to spot it. And the Decepticons needed every advantage they could get.


Starscream stared at the blank screen before him, clenched fists resting on the edge of the console. He wasn't surprised that Megatron was going to keep him close at hand. He should have expected it, really, given his new status. But he didn't like it. Nor did he like being the one to tell the others that they would be punished if their part of the mission failed; if things did go badly, he would be the one they got mad at. But he couldn't refuse to go through with it.

He snuck a glance over his shoulder, trying to ignore the sour heat building inside as he watched Megatron address Scrapper. It made no sense to feel betrayed. Megatron was always hurting him, casting him aside, humiliating him. There shouldn't have been anything left to betray. But the feeling was there anyway, along with a familiar sense of abandonment.

He turned his face back to the front and shut off his optics. He could tell himself that it didn't matter why he had been reprogrammed, but it did. He had to have done something to deserve punishment like this. But he didn't have the faintest idea what it could be, and not knowing was a disease all of its own.


If you enjoyed the playlist from the last chapter, you might like to check out the newest addition, "Out of Hell" by Skillet. I am endlessly amused by the fact that the song is from an album called "Unleashed".