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Fake It Till You Make It

#$^&^%$%^&^% $ %&(Dawson's POV)

Scarlett and I found one another and headed out of the party.

She took me back to the restaurant.

We both got out of the car.

"Where do you want to be in five years Dawson?" she blurted out and I faced her confused.

"Uh I don't know. In California, Los Angeles maybe, doing something meaningful I guess," I answered with little clarity. '

"Are we just friends?" she said and it felt like I was knocked back a few steps.

"Uh what? Wait, what? Where is this coming from."

"I don't know. Nevermind," she turned to leave but, I grabbed her arm.

"Scar wait a minute. What are you saying? Of course we're friends."

"But are we just friends."

I let go of her arm, a wave of understanding covering me.

"Oh...I...do you think we're just friends?"

"I don't know!" she exclaimed turning her back.

"People just keep messing with my head. I mean yeah we're friends but, I've never had a friendship like ours. Every guy I've ever been close to only applied physically and there was never a question of that. But this is different. We are different. We're supposed to be platonic or are we? Is that even possible?" she ranted on and then faced me.

I wasn't sure what to say. Here was a beautiful woman standing here asking me if we were platonic. It's not like I never thought about it. How could I not. I'm a teenage male. But, Scarlett was...an amazing friend. I didn't want to lose that especially when I'd already seen what happens when you push for more.

"Scarlett we can be whatever we want. We're friends. Don't let other people mess with that. I mean have I thought about it? Yes but, I've come to cherish our friendship and I don't want to lose that.I want to have you in my life in some form or another for a long time," I said and she exhaled.

She finally smiled and walked over, hugging me.

"Same here," she said letting go.

We stepped back slightly my hand stayed on her arm and hers on my neck.

"I mean, come on, you and me? That'd be…"

"-crazy," she finished.

I felt like I was holding my breath as I stared into her eyes.

Her hand trailed down my neck and shoulder as she brought it down.

I grabbed her hand before it could reach my elbow.

"Scar…"

Her eyes never left mine and my grip on her hand tightened, as did my other hand that rested on her waist.

I mentally knocked myself in the head, having a flash of my past year.

I let go of her and stepped away.

This wasn't happening.

It couldn't.

I wouldn't let it.

"So you should head home. It's getting late," I said and then looked over at her surprised face.

She was silent for a moment and I could see a slight trace of hurt in her eyes.

She recovered quickly.

"Yeah guess you're right," she said slowly.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" I asked.

"Yeah," she said giving a forced smile and turning her back, heading towards her car.

Did I just take the right path?

I wasn't sure but, no turning back now.

I couldn't go there with her. I wouldn't go there with her.

I went inside the restaurant.

Gretchen was cleaning up.

"Oh. I'm sorry. I saw the lights on. I thought you were my mom," Dawson said.

"It's ok. She went home early," Gretchen responded back.

"Oh, so, uh... Congratulations on the job."

"Thanks. I feel like I owe you one."

"Oh. Huh! Can I take a rain check?"

"Oh, we're not gonna drink. But for every quarter that I bounce into that glass, you're gonna tell me one thing that's bothering you."

"How do you know something's bothering me?"

Gretchen laughed and bounced the quarter into the glass.

"oh, there! See? Perfect. So spill."

"All right. Earlier this evening- ahem. My mother accused me of wanting to go to school in California so that I could run away from my problems."

"And you think she's right."

I shrugged.

"I don't know. I mean... Past few weeks, I've seen plenty of things that would make me wanna run screaming to the opposite coast."

"Like?"

Another quarter landed in the glass.

"Don't make me answer this."

I had a flash of what just happened outside. No way I was talking about that. I was so conflicted.

"Come on. This is much more therapeutic than drinking."

I sighed.

"I've seen how much she loves him. I've seen it in her face. I've seen them hold hands, I've seen them kiss, and tonight, I saw them fight, which is something I've basically seen them do every day of my life since the first grade, but—"

"But not like this."

I sighed once more, this time for posterity.

" I think it was actually worse than the kissing."

"You know, Dawson, it might interest you to know that I did take one film class in college."

"Was it a monumental waste of time?"

"No. It was great, actually. But you know what my teacher said was the most bogus line in Hollywood cinema?"

"What?"

"There's no place like home."

"The wizard of oz."

"Exactly. It's what everybody remembers about the movie, but it doesn't resonate with the rest of the story. Think about it. You know, home is this desolate, gray dust bowl of a place where some nasty old lady is trying to kill your dog. And oz is—"

"Technicolor."

"And sure it has its problems. You know, poppy fields, flying monkeys-"

"...talking trees."

"But along the way, you make friends. Good friends. With people that you never even knew existed when you were growing up. Straw people, tin people—"

"...and lions."

"Exactly. And you help each other realize that all the things you wanna be you already are. And it's fun."

I got was she was trying to say but, that didn't make anything better.

"Well, if it's so much fun... Then what are you doing here?" I asked out of curiosity.

"I don't recall you getting to ask any questions as part of our deal," she said avoiding my eyes.

"Well, what if I can bounce a quarter in that glass?" I teased.

"Never happen."

"You're not even gonna let me try?"

"You can try, but you're just gonna have to use your own money, because I worked very hard to earn these quarters."

"You're not gonna loan me one lousy quarter?"

"No."

"I don't think that's fair."

She laughed, "Well, that's too bad."

I smiled back and tried not to think too hard about tonight's events.

$#%^&#^$% $^#&*%$&%#^$$^%#

(Scarlett's POV)

He didn't want me which should've been fine because I wasn't even sure where I was.

I had went for a walk along the pier to clear my head.

All I know is I was willing.

Dawson could've kissed me if he wanted to.

Obviously he didn't want to.

And the more I told myself I was fine with it the more uneasy I felt.

A hand touched my shoulder and I reacted before I could stop myself.

I grabbed the arm and flipped him over my shoulder on his back.

"Pacey?!" I exclaimed looking at his pained face.

"ahhh," he groaned and my hands went to my mouth in shock.

I grabbed his arm and helped him up.

"I'm so sorry!" I exclaimed and he gave a smirk.

"Did Dawson put you up to this? Didn't take him for the violent type but, guess things change," he joked and I felt horrible.

"You just surprised me. I didn't hear you and you snuck up on me."

"I called your name several times," he said said sitting down on a nearby bench.

"Oh...sorry...guess I was distracted," I said sitting next to him and looking out at the water.

"Trouble in paradise?" he asked and I looked at him questioningly.

"With Dawson," he finished.

"I guess you could say that," I said trailing off.

"Ok. Talk to me," he said and I gave him a look.

"Come on. I won't say anything. Plus I'm a Dawson expert," he said and I paused.

It seemed like a bad idea to talk to Pacey. I knew it would upset Dawson but, somehow I wanted to.

"I think I might possibly like him but, he made it clear tonight that he didn't feel the same. And it's not like it's a big deal because I'm not even sure how I feel but, somehow..."

"Did he actually say he didn't feel the same?"

"No but, I gave him a clear opening and he didn't take it."

Pacey smiled.

"Well Dawson is an intersting specimen. He's not entirely entune to the female population. Just because he didn't move in doesn't mean he doesn't like you. A girl like you is used to being chased and so maybe him not making a play just makes you feel rejected."

I rose my eyebrow.

"A girl like me?" I asked defensively.

"Yeah, agirl like you. You're fully aware of how smart and funny and drop dead sexy you are. You know it and so you expect to be wanted even if you don't realize it," he stated and I felt slightly offended for some reason.

"I don't expect to be wanted-"

"Does it surprise you in the slightest when guys are interested in you?"

"No but-"

"Excatly. You're confident. It's a good thing but, when a guy hesitates when you want him to move it hits your ego a bit."

I was speechless. Part of what he was saying was right. Maybe it was just my ego.

"Are you saying maybe I don't really like him maybe I'm just cocky?"

"No maybe you do. I don't know. But don't assume. You guys are close or at least you seem like it. I will whole heartedly take some responsibilty for his hesitancy to trust another human being. Ic clearly screwed up royally."

"Do you regret it?" I asked him.

"No I regret our approach. We should of been honest. Honesty is the best policy."

"Tell that to my ego," I said and he laughed making me smile too.

^%$%*^&$%#%*^%$ %^$%#$&*^$&%&

Kay on to the next one.