Disclaimer: Don't own them, they own me.

Warnings: crack.

A/N: I visited Ikea. I shouldn't have.


"Lars!"

"Mmm?"

"Psst, Lars!"

"Get your elbow out of my side Melvin before I make your mom hiccup."

"Did you get up with your left foot first again, Mr. Savage?"

"What do you want, you idiot?"

"Hey, hey, no need to get all snappish!"

"I'm working, unlike someone I know."

"Oh shut up and look at those guys there."

"Don't you have anything better to do but oggle the customers?"

"No, really, I mean, look at them!"

"The icicle and the rainbow advertisement?"

"Don't you think that's the General? And don't roll your eyes, Lars, just look."

"You are completely nuts, you know tha- Holy."

"Exactly. If that is not the Great General Sephiroth, I'll eat my cap."

"You can start then, cause there is just no way..."

"Have you lived your whole life under a rock, Lars? There are no other people with glowing mako eyes but SOLDIERs. And that hair!"

"Could be a wig or something."

"Yeah, and the other guy is cosplaying Genesis Rhapsodos for the sheer hell of it."

"How the hell should I know? The world is full of crazies, I should know, I have to work with them."

"You are such a jerk, Lars."

"Whatever. And anyway, why would your idols go shopping for a bed together? Like they don't have better things to do with their time."

"Actually, what concerns me more is... why are they testing all the headboards?"