Chapter 2
I'm not sure why I'm calling these chapters, because they're not really a story, but I wanted a single place for all my various one-shot stories.
This story explores the difficulties Shelagh must have faced going back to work so soon after Teddy's birth.
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters.
Shelagh stood in front of her bedroom mirror, examining the imprints left on her skin from where her girdle had been. She had released such a sigh of relief when she had arrived home, finally able to remove the restricting garment which dug into her skin. As her fingers trailed the nasty red lines, she couldn't help but laugh at the words she had spoken to Sister Julienne not 24 hours before tugging the offending garment on.
"I'm not quite ready to get back into my girdle yet," she had informed the woman. She had meant it too, looking down at her sweet miracle's face. This bundle in her arms was perfect with his round cheeks and beautiful baby blue eyes – Shelagh had no intention of putting him down any time soon, much less becoming distracted by any form of work.
So what had changed? How had she wound up here? It's true that Teddy had been quite the easy-going newborn, falling right into the schedule Shelagh diligently set from day one. It seems that he had inherited his mother's temperament in that regard, finding calm in order and routine. So much so that she had even been able to make home life quite normal again, even fixing Scotch pancakes for breakfast while the newborn slept peacefully. But despite Teddy being the perfect baby, or perhaps because of it, she had not wanted to let him go just yet. So why was she standing here, rubbing her tender flesh that should not have been subjected to such restriction so soon after giving birth?
The answer to that was easy of course: because she loved Patrick more than life itself and it pained her more to hear the exasperation in his voice than to tug that garment onto her hips. He needed her, and for more than just filing and organizing, because she knew Sister Julienne could handle that. One look at Patrick's face as she entered his office proved she was right, he was exhausted and overwhelmed. Even though Mr. Tillerson's death had not been his fault, Shelagh knew he took each death to heart and hated when there was nothing he could do. He needed her to share the burden with, his partner in work just as they were partners in every other aspect of life.
This snow, and with it the feeling of a constant state of emergency, could not last forever she reasoned, and so for the moment she would put down Teddy to stand beside the man she adored.
Shelagh stood in front of the mirror again, the lines upon her skin not cutting quite as deep as they had before, but still glaringly present. She had gotten more adept at pulling it on, but it was still far too tight; it was still too soon for her to be back at work. Yet back at work she was, for how long now she couldn't even say. The days had run together… had it been days or was it weeks? This snow and cold was lasting too long for anyone's comfort. Well, except maybe for Angela's, who was quite enjoying dragging her big brother outside into the snow for endless hours of building snowmen together.
A tender whimper from the foot of the bed caught her attention as Teddy alerted her to the time. He really did love schedules as much as she did. Shelagh picked him up and carried him to the bed to nurse, thankful she didn't have to maneuver any clothing as she had not yet finished changing. She ran over in her mind the meal she would prepare for the family when he was finished. As he finished the first side, she looked tenderly into his face before burping him and shifting him over to her other breast. Suddenly, and for a reason Shelagh couldn't quite explain, she started to cry. It was just a single tear at first, marveling at the beauty of her son, at the beauty of the miracle God had provided her. But that single tear of love and thankfulness soon turned into a watershed of tears she could not seem to stop. So accustomed to his routine and oblivious to his mother's emotions, Teddy fell fast asleep again as soon as he finished his meal and she gently placed him back in his cot, her body still shaking with sobs.
Despite the need to go downstairs to tend to the rest of the family, Shelagh sat back down upon the bed, her face in her hands, trying unsuccessfully to stifle the steady stream of tears once more. It was in that position that Patrick found her when he returned home. After praising Timothy and Angela's third snowman of the day, he had gone straight inside to the kitchen to find and praise Shelagh for her continued help at the surgery. Confused by the lack of her presence in the kitchen, he had gone upstairs quickly, taking the steps two at a time when he began to hear her cries. There she was, undressed and sobbing on the bed, her hair unpinned and looking the most pitiful he had ever seen her. Sorrow filled his heart for the pain he saw before him.
Hearing him enter the room caused Shelagh to stiffen, but still the weeping continued. Patrick crossed the room quickly, sitting beside her upon the bed and drawing her into a comforting embrace. She buried her face into his chest as he ran his fingers through her hair softly. His presence soothed her in a way she had been unable to soothe herself and soon her sobs changed into gentle tears once more. Feeling her calm, Patrick softly asked what had happened.
Straightening up, Shelagh began to speak, slowly at first, as she worked through the process in her mind that had led to the tears. "Teddy is so wonderful," she started, peering down the bed to his sleeping frame, willing herself to slow her breathing to match the pace she saw his tiny chest rising and falling. "I was thanking God for His gift to us, for our tiny miracle… and I guess I began to feel guilty for putting him down." Shelagh looked down at the fingers she was fiddling in her lap, not wanting to look into Patrick's face for fear of breaking down again.
"Shelagh, do you want to stop coming into the surgery? I can manage if you want to call… what's-her-name with the glasses back."
"Mrs. Plimpton," Shelagh provided quietly, "And no, I don't want to call her back. That's why I felt so guilty – because as much as I don't ever want to put Teddy down, I cannot deny that I have loved being back at work with you. I feel a fulfilment of my calling when I am there, a thrill and a love that only comes through my work. I love being near you all day, sharing lunch with you. I love helping the people of Poplar. I love seeing Sister Julienne and my friends. It's a part of who I am and I don't want to walk away from that, it's just…"
"You want to enjoy being a mother too," Patrick stated simply.
"We waited so long for him, Patrick! How can I possibly enjoy putting him down to sleep in his pram so I can go about working and ignoring him? What kind of mother does it make me? I feel so torn between two worlds in a way more tortuous than it was the first time. Before, I was choosing between my calling as a nurse/nun and an uncertainty, not knowing what a life with you would be. But now I'm having to choose between that same calling to nursing and this certainty, this dream come true that I don't want to miss a moment of. My dream is once again becoming a nightmare."
Patrick hugged her close, tightening his grip on Shelagh almost so much that she couldn't breathe, needing to pour every ounce of reassurance he had into her in that moment. "You are a wonderful mother. You are the best midwife I've ever seen. Your 'little bit of pre-planning' and organization has somehow managed to get a family of five, with an infant no less, on time everywhere for a week. I know you said that if you don't do too much, not enough gets done, but you are asking too much of yourself. You did just give birth, after all, so much is still..."
Sitting back up again, Shelagh cut Patrick off and looked deep into his eyes, piercing him with her gaze. "If you mention postpartum hormones to me, you're sleeping with Timothy tonight."
Patrick couldn't help but laugh, relieved knowing Shelagh was relaxing enough to joke with him. The tension beginning to ease, he felt more comfortable asking, "So what are we going to do?"
"I don't know, but I know I want to remain at work. I can be a mother and a nurse, I know I can. We will think of something. For now, however, I'd better put some clothes on and get some food on the table for poor Timothy before he complains that we're trying to starve him, or worse, he finds us and thinks we're up to mushy stuff!"
The next morning, Shelagh was ecstatic as she read through the newspaper. There before her was her answer, the perfect answer really, as it meant not only would she get help but she could help another in return. Yes, she thought to herself, this is perfect. We're getting an Au Pair.
