All this misery with university issues is killing me, seriously. I know I update slowly, and I apologize for that. I'll try to update faster when I can, but I can't promise you guys anything.

Btw, Shinichi is a shoujo princess, spread the news!

Please enjoy!


"You wouldn't." Shinichi hissed after two beats of stunned silence. He felt a chill run down his spine, as his fingers curled tightly around his blanket, and tried to focus on not hyperventilating. Haibara watched him in calm silence, as if she didn't just threaten to… to…

"I would." she said in return, almost unnecessarily.

"L-look…" Shinichi started, inwardly cursing himself for stuttering. "There is nothing I could tell you about him. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't."

"You can't expect me to believe you." The look she gave him was deadpan, yes, but only at first glance. Something that was less intense than fury, but stronger than annoyance boiled behind it, and it worried Shinichi that he couldn't figure out what it was. He only knew that Haibara was losing her patience, just as the chance to get out of this safely was slipping out of his hands. The situation was oddly familiar.

"I don't expect you to, of course. It all sounds impossible and illogical, but… we've been through a lot of impossible and illogical things, right?" He gave a weak chuckle, but quickly shut himself up when all he received was that cold look. "I know why you ask me this."

"Oh?"

"You're scared that you'll be found out. That if I'm discovered, you'll be too."

"Brilliant."

"But, you know… I really was at his mercy. I thought that I'll die. He… questioned me. Like you do now. I knew I wouldn't be able to escape, so I… told him. I was weak, so I replied when he asked me, because I didn't know what else I could do." He bowed his head, and chose not to look at her as he spoke. He heard Haibara sigh.

"So you just gave us out like that?"

"But! You need to know that he… Yamada won't tell anyone. He would never do it."

"And how can you be so sure about that? He's just a-"

"Because I trust him." Shinichi said, and showed a weak, shaky smile. It wasn't there to earn Haibara's sympathy or pity, such cheap tactics wouldn't even work on her. He just felt funny. The more he said it, the easier it was. He should've done it while he was still at Kaito's place, he should've kept trying.

"Why?"

"I don't even know why…" He chuckled. It was an answer that wouldn't satisfy Haibara, that was true. But that was all he could say without mentioning Kaito. "I just know. He wouldn't betray me." She watched him warily for a while, thinking about what he said. She sighed, and the look in her eyes seemed to change. As if she was giving up. Shinichi knew, however, that it wouldn't be so easy. There was still something waiting for him.

"Let me ask one more thing. Does Yamada Shuuzo really exist?"

"Of course he does. What the hell are you talking about, Haibara? You saw him with your own two eyes!"

"I know I saw someone. Someone who said that his name is Yamada Shuuzo. But how do I know that he's telling the truth? He's even less believable that you are. So tell me this: does he even exist?"

"He… I can't tell you." He bowed his head again as he uttered those words. "He trusts me too, he believes in me and that I won't tell anyone." Shinichi took a deep breath, as he tried to get himself together. This was like a test after all. A test of how trustworthy he was to Kaito, and if he ever wanted to talk to him again, he had to pass. So with a wince he momentarily kissed his pride goodbye and went on." And I want to keep his secret. If you want to… go ahead and tell Ran who I am. She deserves to know anyway. I would prefer to do it myself, but… there's nothing I can do to stop you, right?" Haibara chuckled.

"You're really something else… But no, I'm not going to be this merciful. I won't do your job. You're going to tell her yourself, and accept whatever she tells you in return. Whether she'll curse you or forgive you, accept or reject you, you'll be there to bear it."

"Huh?"

"There are multiple reasons why it wouldn't make sense for me to reveal your secret anyway." She shrugged, and stood up, putting her chair back to its place." So gather your courage, if you have any left. See you soon." And with that, she left Shinichi alone with his thoughts.

The room was silent, save for the curtains as the wind played with them, and the quiet sound of feathers fluttering outside.


Ten days have passed without a single sign from Kaito. Neither in the hospital, nor anywhere else. After a few days Yamada has disappeared a single sign – he moved out of his apartment, left his job, and probably even the country. Kid announced no heist, and he wasn't spotted anywhere either. The only thing that Shinichi could assume was that his real identity was fine, as there were no reports of missing teenagers in the news – that was at least a little relief.

Shinichi himself was released from the hospital after five days – the doctors looked for any sign of drugs, since the police was convinced for some reason that those made him lose his memories. But in the end there was nothing they could find, other than the slowly healing wound on his head. So, after they let him go, he went back to Ran's place.

He tried to gather his courage, as Haibara said, he really tried. He knew that the more he waited, the more difficult it would be to do it. Her words stayed with him, and haunted him – he was really a coward, he had to admit. It didn't feel good, obviously, and everytime he looked at Ran, it just got ten times worse. Twelve, when he had to talk to her too. He made one attempt, only a single one, to tell her the truth, and how he was sorry, only to be interrupted by a case – a long and tiring one. He still sneaked out to investigate, to let him rest. There was something odd about he needed a murder calm him down. Maybe there really was something wrong with him.

A case, a murder, that was something he always had in his life. He became used to it, the thrill of it, outsmarting the criminal… He had to think, but in the end, everything made sense, and he could reach the truth. It was a battle of wits, not emotions. Because when it came to his heart and what he felt, Shinichi was always a little lost. He never had to learn how to deal with them, he never even wanted to. He preferred being in control, rather than feeling awkward and clumsy. And even though he knew that he couldn't push what he felt away forever, he still tried, kept trying. Sadness, worry, fear – it was better to leave those behind.

And then came the tenth day, after the case was solved and he had nothing to distract himself from Ran's frantic worry and the fact that Kaito never showed up. It was evening already, and everyone else went to sleep, and then, only then, on his own, he decided that this couldn't go on any longer. He would make things right, he would admit what he had to, and he would find the magician who was hiding from him.

He went to sleep with those thoughts.


They were flying, Shinichi was certain about that. Heaven knows how high, how many skyscrapers reached for them from the buzzing city, how many people chased them… It was almost meaningless too. He looked down at Tokyo under them. The light blinded him, the wind roughly tore into his hair, so he squeezed his eyes shut – earning a low, tired chuckle from the boy holding him –

Shinichi gasped. He knew this. He saw this already. He could predict what would happen if they didn't disappear very quickly.

"Kid, listen, we need to-"

Too late. The thundering sound of the gunshot echoed in the air, and it filled Shinichi with fear again, without fail. Except they didn't fall from the sky this time, they were still flying, though in a different direction.

It took him a few moments before Kid's voice reached him, and even more before he could understand his words too instead of only hearing his frantic tone.

"-kay, you hear me? Just keep your eyes open, please, just do that for me. You'll be fine, you'll be safe, just don't fall asleep. We'll be there soon, okay? Please, I beg you, you can't-"

Huh. So Kid was alright, Shinichi noted with a low hum. Then who was the gunshot aimed at? Did the sniper miss? And why was Kid so worried?

The world seemed to slow down, the lights under them faded, and the sounds of the buzzing city gave way to the sound of blood rushing in his ears and his own weakening heartbeat. And in that moment, as he took a shuddering, broken breath, looked up at Kid and saw him crying, he realized what happened.