Chapter Twenty-Four, A little insight

There was the sound of a coffee pot bubbling in Sakura's empty home, filling it with the aroma of freshly brewed coffee. She watched as the coffee dripped into the glass container, leaning against the counter. She had only recently woken up and was holding her robe together. She turned her face towards the kitchen, where the sun spilled inside, warming her face. Despite having never lived in Domino, the place reminded her of her ex-husband. Overall, it was a warm city, and it reminded her of Seiji's gentle, friendly personality. She closed her eyes and breathed in the smell of coffee. Even though she had been in love with Jiiro and had stayed with him for a long time, there were still the scents and things that reminded her of Seiji, who she had loved enough to marry and with whom she shared a child. Even now, years later, she bought his favorite coffee, less out of habit and more of a way to keep him close to herself.

"Do you know what this is, Sakura?" Seiji asked, walking into the small bedroom of his apartment. She turned, her hair spilling over her shoulders. She smiled lazily, looking at him standing in the doorway with a steaming cup in his hand and nothing covering his body. They had been together for a nearly six months by this time and although he was always suggesting she move in with him, she resisted, knowing that was far too big of something for two people to do. So, she stayed the night at his apartment on the weekends and sometimes on the weekdays when she felt like bringing her things for the next day.

"If it's tea, I would love a cup," she answered.

"Don't be silly," he mocked, moving to her and slipping in the covers. His legs were cold against her shoulder, but she moved closer anyway, draping an arm over his thighs that were covered with hair. "The most amazing drink in the world," he announced, holding it up as if he were making an offering to the gods. She raised her eyebrows at him, appearing amused. "More importantly, the most delicious coffee in the world."

"Have you drank all the coffee in the world, Seiji?" she demanded to know, smirking up at him.

"My smart-mouthed dear, I don't need to drink it all to know that there will never be anything that tastes more delectable than this brand of coffee," was his curt response. He lowered the cup and took a drank, closing his eyes as he did so. He sighed afterward, a smile curving his lips upward. Sakura watched him curiously. "Beautiful."

She laughed. "Only you would call coffee beautiful."

"Actually," he said, opening his eyes, "I was referring to this - sitting in bed right here, drinking my coffee, and having my beautiful woman lying beside me. What could be a more perfect moment?"

She sat up and took his cup from him and kissing him on the mouth. She could taste the coffee on his lips and when she withdrew, she took a drink of the coffee, which she admitted was rather good. "Making love to me?" she suggested, kissing him again.

"No," he took the cup back from her, "not even that, Sakura." She met his eyes and then smiled and in that moment, she was certain that he was the man she would marry.

Sakura drifted from the flashback, noticing that the house was silent again. She turned her head to look at the coffee pot, seeing that the glass canister was full. She sighed and pushed away from the counter and got out a coffee cup from the cupboard and poured herself a cup, adding a generous amount of sugar and French Vanilla creamer to it. Afterward, she sat at the table and sipped at the warm liquid, staring absent-mindedly out the window.

I was sure that he was the only man that I would ever have eyes for again, she mused. He was everything to me. There are so few men that could honestly say that they hold their woman above all else, much less above their passions. She paused, setting her cup down. He was the only one who really saw me as more than an object. I'm not even sure that Jiiro really felt that way for me...I wonder if I should have told Anzu that. Would she have seen me in a higher esteem had I expressed the doubts I felt while with Jiiro? I'm comfortable in my life now, I won't deny that, and I'm happy that I am, but at the same time, was it worth it?

She pushed the cup away and folded her arms on the table, burying her face in them and crying softly to herself. Her sad breathing turned into broken, pathetic sobs. I miss Seiji. I miss Anzu. I miss Jiiro.

"I don't want...to be alone...anymore," she hiccupped and then slammed a hand on the table, sloshing hot coffee all over the table. Some of it burned her hand and she jumped up with a startled cry, holding her hand to her chest. She was still crying, a mess of damp hair from tears, standing in the kitchen, sniffling. She closed her eyes, tears continued to pour from the corners. Frustrated, she dropped back into the chair and hung her head back, releasing a long, wailing sound.

X

Mai woke up to the sound of the doorbell ringing. Rena was curled against her chest and her tiny head jerked up, knocking against Mai's chin. She flinched as her teeth clicked together. "Rena...," she mumbled irritably. She daughter rolled away from her, blinking bleary eyes at her. Mai ran a hand over the girl's head and then stumbled to her feet. She was sure she looked terrible, but rather than care, she left downstairs and flung the door open, glaring at whoever was standing there. Unfortunately, it was Anzu, who waved cheerfully at her. Groaning, Mai said, "No, it's too early for being happy." Anzu's smile slipped away and she gave her a confused look.

"Don't be a grump," Anzu said, allowing herself in. "Me, Yami, and a few others are going out for breakfast. I thought you and Rena might like it." Mai was shutting the door and after she had, she paused, an anxious look crossing her face. Without missing a beat, Anzu added, "Jounouchi and Honda had to go on a move today, so they won't be joining us. Shizuka and Otogi will be, though."

"That's fine," Mai answered, relieved. She sighed, leaning against the door, pushing a hand through her tangled hair. "I'm glad. We had a...pretty bad fight, actually." She opened her eyes to meet Anzu's gaze to see if she had heard of the fight in speaking. Anzu's face did not show that she had any knowledge of the fight, only concern for those involved. Mai smiled reassuringly and waved a hand. "I'm okay. I just really can't face him right now."

"How long ago was this?" Anzu queried worriedly.

"Two or three days ago, I can't remember exactly. I scared Rena badly...She's been sleeping in bed with me ever since. I feel like such a terrible mother, Anzu." She shook her head, an ashamed expression on her face. "I need to stop letting this eat at me. But every time he talks to me...every time I see him, I feel like he's judging me, as if he's superior to me. Of course... he is, but my pride won't admit that. And when I'm facing him, I let it get the best of me." She sighed heavily and threw her arms to her sides. "I'm so lost."

"You need to stop thinking about it," her friend said, moving forward and putting a hand on her arm. "The more you think about it, the less it will make sense and the more worried you're going to get about it. I think you need to just have some down time, Mai, and relax." Mai looked at her dubiously. "It'll make you feel better. Come on, why don't we get you and Rena to go out. I told them I'd come pick you up and then we'd meet them at the restaurant. How does that sound?"

"Sounds good, hun." She hesitated and then told her, "Thanks."

Anzu smiled. "No problem. That's what friends are for, right?"

They got Rena bathed and clothed and Anzu was given the task of taking care of her hair so that Mai could get in the shower. As soon as she did, her taut, stressed muscles seemed to relax somewhat. She put a hand on the tile in the bathroom while the water spilled over her shoulders and back, massaging it. She straightened up, smoothing her long hair from her face, allowing the warm water to caress her face. She was far more thankful to Anzu than her friend probably realized. She couldn't remember the last time that she had really had someone that she could rely on the way that she did Anzu. No, that's not true, she corrected herself, lathering soap over her body, forming a foam. The last time I trusted someone this much and put so much faith in one person was with Jounouchi. Mai tried to eject any thoughts of him from her mind, but it was near impossible. It never was easy not to think about it, she thought sadly. Even in the beginning when it had only been a flirtation, Mai found herself thinking of him longer than she would with the other guys, the only reason she had taken the flirtation to another level and when he began to stay in her mind all day, she had known she was caught and wanted him for herself and she knew that he was of the same mind as her.

Strange how you look back at how infatuated you were then compared to how hateful you are now, she reflected after washing all the soap from her body and hair and turned off the water. At the time, you think that nothing can possibly make me do something to hurt this person, I love them, they're perfect, and then later...you fuck it all up, you push a sword through their heart, and you laugh at them as they're bleeding. She turned on the fan and wiped the mirror of the condensation that had formed, fogging it up.

"You had your chance," she whispered to her reflection. "It's time to accept reality."

X

Shizuka looked up from the menu that she was perusing as the door to the restaurant opened. The table was filled with wakeful chatter. Otogi was sitting by Ryou and the two of them were talking animatedly. On Ryou's other side was Malik, who appeared bored out of his mind and was staring down at his menu, occasionally taking a drink of his water. Beside him was Yami, who was as silent as Malik. He, too, looked up when the door opened. His smiles and conversation thus far had been half-hearted and it was apparent that there were other things occupying his mind. The smile he directed towards Anzu, however, was genuine and he stood up to pull out her seat. Afterward, he took Rena from Mai, raising her above him. She squealed in delight, pushing her hands in his arm.

"Well, well, it's been awhile since I've seen you," he told Rena, lowering her. Her arms locked around his neck and she cuddled close to him as though he were Jounouchi. Shizuka watched it with some curiosity, as she had never seen Rena react to Yami before now. It was clear that she was fond of him, regardless of how little she had been around him. Her eyes moved to Mai. Jounouchi had come home raging about her a few days ago, so she knew the weary look in her eyes to be due to that.

"Mai," Shizuka spoke up, standing up, smiling. "It's good to see you." Mai smiled weakly in return. "I have something out in Otogi's car for you, actually, if you wouldn't mind coming with me to get it?" Otogi handed Shizuka the keys silently, despite his quick, confused look. Mai looked from him to her and then nodded, following her once sister-in-law outside. Shizuka continued to Otogi's car and unlocked it and popped the trunk. Rather than getting something, she deposited her purse in the trunk, which she had found burdensome and annoying in the tight space of the table. "I know you probably don't care...but I really wish that you and Jounouchi would stop picking fights with each other." She shut the trunk and then locked the car, the lights flashing briefly.

"I would like that, too," Mai responded neutrally.

Shizuka had been considering talking to Mai for some time, but had never had the courage to face her alone. After talking to Otogi about it, though, he encouraged her to speak with her and felt that it might help Mai relax a little more about the state of her relationship with other people. "At the moment," he had explained, "she's feeling really defensive, as the entire world is out to get her. It's what caused her to lash out at Anzu initially and it's part of what's causing her to constantly get in fights with Jounouchi. She's vulnerable...people just don't know it."

"Nobody hates you for what you did," Shizuka continued a bit cautiously. "I think the only person who really holds it against you is Jounouchi and I don't even know about that sometimes." Mai dropped her gaze to the ground and Shizuka's eyes softened, seeing the sad downturn of her mouth. "Mai...You don't have to deal with everything by yourself." She hesitated and then moved a bit closer, putting a hand on her arm. Mai stiffened slightly. "If you would just let people help, you would see that there are people willing to be there for you. Even Jounouchi would try to help if you both would stop fighting every time you talk."

Mai snatched her arm from Shizuka's touch and stepped back, saying, "That's what happens when your relationship is torn apart by something like that, Shizuka. You fight, as hard as that may be for you to understand." Shizuka was stung by her words, but did not cry, despite feeling otherwise.

"I just want to help you two," she said in a wounded voice.

"Well, I don't want your help!" Mai snapped. "I never asked for anyone's help! You don't get stronger by leaning on everyone as if they're a crutch. You don't get anywhere in life. I don't need help from Jounouchi's sister, much less. How could I possibly trust you? You'd go running back to Jounouchi to report every little thing that I've said. At least I know that Otogi won't do that – but now I can't even talk to him without fear of him telling you. Everywhere I go, there's someone more loyal to Jounouchi than me." She glared hatefully at Shizuka, who stood, stunned, unable to say anything. "I don't have to deal with this. If this all you had to say to me – "

"Mai," Shizuka spoke up as the latter female turned to leave. "Please...I really do worry about you."

"Then worry about it to yourself," Mai coldly said over her shoulder. "I don't need help. I'm fine." With that said, she walked away from Shizuka, returning to the restaurant. Shizuka remained standing beside the car, a crestfallen expression covering her face. She had hoped to become closer with Mai and help her, but instead she had made their meager relationship even less friendly than before.

As soon as Mai returned to the table, Yami could tell that she was upset. Not necessarily in the usual, near-tears way, but by the slight tremble in her hands as she smoothed Rena's hair from her face, he could tell that she was angry. When she caught him surveying her, she hastily smiled and then struck up a conversation with Malik, of all people. The two of them almost immediately got caught up in a conversation of the things they hated most in life, with Mai declaring that she hated men and Malik saying that he hated women. That, in turn, led into a decidedly heated and excitable argument.

"Does Mai seem a bit agitated to you?" Yami murmured to Anzu after each of them had ordered and were waiting for their food. Otogi had ordered for Shizuka and after she returned, she smiled reassuringly at him. Anzu looked at Yami curiously and then took note of Mai's conversation with Malik and then glanced at Shizuka, who seemed to be troubled by something.

"Something Shizuka said must have upset her," Anzu quietly responded. Yami gave her a puzzled look, as if asking if she might know what it could have been. "It must have had to do with Jounouchi. I can't think of anything else that they would have to talk about unless it involved Rena." Yami nodded slowly, frowning. "I had hoped for this to be a relaxing breakfast for Mai...I wish Shizuka hadn't said anything to her. It really was only counterproductive."

"On the bright side, her and Malik seem to be becoming good friends," Yami said in an attempt at humor. Anzu glanced at the two and smiled as they burst into sudden laughter. "Anzu, do you ever worry about yourself?" he asked in a low voice, peering at her intently.

"Well, sure – " she began. He raised his eyebrows skeptically. She paused and then gave a sheepish smile. "I do, Yami. I mean, I've gone through all this trouble to train for the auditions, haven't I? And I told Kaiba off for you so that my training wouldn't get interrupted. If you think about it, I'm actually really very selfish." He laughed.

"I'm sure you'd like to think of it that way." He reached under the table and clasped her thigh briefly, squeezing it and then removing his hand. Her thigh burned where his hand had been and she would never admit that the touch had flustered her somewhat. She chuckled and turned her head, her hair dropping down to cover her face and the warmth of her cheeks. She bit her lip nervously, feeling a silly grin play at the corners of her mouth. When she looked up from the table, she saw Otogi and Shizuka watching her, Otogi with a wry expression upon his face. Blushing embarrassedly, she cleared her throat and turned back to Yami, who thankfully had his attention captured by Rena.

"I can't wait for the auditions," Ryou said towards Anzu, smiling at her. "It's getting so close to being time. It's sort of like an interview," he added musingly. "You test yourself hard, remember all the things that are needed, dress nice, and all you can hope is that you're the candidate needed for the position. But no matter how little experience you have, you convince them that you're perfect."

"I don't know...," Anzu slowly said to him, somewhat bashfully. "I know I've trained really hard and done everything like I should have, but it feels like I'm missing something in the entire production."

"A sexy outfit," Mai and Malik both declared. They glanced at each other, surprised. Yami raised an eyebrow at them from his conversation with Rena, who was going on about unicorns.

"You have to have something that will make them go, 'wow!'" Mai continued, smacking a fist emphatically. "Look at that body you've got – it's tone, it's slim, and you're as busty as I am." She parted her jacket to emphasize exactly what it was that she meant by busty. It was clear that whatever complaining that she and Malik had engaged in had successfully brought her moods back up. "You need an outfit that shows that body off and fits the character of whatever you're going for. Sure, it's just an audition, but it'll show style. It'll show how much the crowd is going to love you and what you're willing to do to get that part." There was an agreed murmur. Even Yami seemed to be considering this.

"I would," Anzu conceded, "but that's a lot of money...and I still haven't paid Yami." She felt embarrassed when she said this. Not only had they never discussed the price needed to be paid for his services, but she had not once brought it up since she had found him as an accompanist. So many other things seemed to have happened. Strange how close I've gotten to him in such a short amount of time, she thought briefly.

"Consider him a loan," Mai said flippantly, as if the pianist were not even at the table. Anzu's mouth dropped open in shock at her audacity and looked at Yami, horrified, meaning to apologize; however, his mouth was tilted upward in amusement. "Listen, the business world is full of transactions that develop into debt." She pushed her hair away and not for the first time, Anzu was struck by how beautiful she was and how confident she appeared when speaking. It was clear that business was that which impassioned Mai, perhaps because she was such a good saleswoman. "That debt can both rule your life and lead you to deadlier roads or it can sit there for a while and then in one final act it's completely gone. It's a matter of the person you're in debt to and the time that you can get away with not paying them. It's all about calculating chances."

"True enough," Otogi agreed amiably.

Anzu glanced at Yami through the corner of her eye. Rena had pulled her chair closer and was hugging him around the waist, a sleepy look upon her face. Yami was rubbing her shoulders and appeared to feel Anzu's gaze upon his face, for he looked up questioningly. She smiled quickly and looked away. She wondered when she was going to run out of time to pay him.

By the time their food arrived, everyone was in good spirits. Once they had finished their meals, they ordered desserts and began to part. Otogi and Shizuka were the first to leave, partly because Shizuka needed some time away from Mai to re-evaluate her approach. Rena was beginning to get tired and falling asleep, so Mai was inclined to leave next.

"Maybe I'll join you," Malik said once she had returned from paying her portion of the bill and was gathering her daughter in her arms. Mai paused, eyeing him thoughtfully, before flashing a saucy smile. The smile matched Malik's suggestive smirk, leaving the remainder of the group to know exactly what was in their mind. "I have nothing better to do and did so enjoy our conversations today."

"Sounds like a plan," she agreed, "but you can find your own way home. I have things to be done."

"Malik," Anzu spoke up as he was collecting his jacket, "I wanted to ask you something really quick before you left." She smiled a tight, hard smile. "Privately?"

He rolled his eyes, saying exasperatedly, "Yes, alright."

Mai went ahead of him and Anzu pulled him down between her and Yami, hissing, "Just what do you think you're doing? She's emotionally imbalanced right now and still in love with another man and you want to sleep with her?"

"Oh, don't be such a prude, Anzu," he said with a tone of disgust in his voice, pulling away. "She's interested, I'm interested, why not let two people you know fuck around so that we can distract ourselves from our shitty lives, hmm?" He paused. "Maybe if you got laid you wouldn't be so sensitive about it." He nodded slightly towards Yami, who frowned at him. "See you later." He waved and moved towards the front to pay his part of the meal.

"Anzu?" She raised her eyes to Yami's. "Don't worry about him. Or Mai, for that matter. She's an adult. She wouldn't invite him if she didn't want him." A stung expression crossed her face. "You don't need to look out for everyone, you know. Meddling will only get you in trouble and I think, for this, you should just opt out." He rose to his feet and said quietly, "I'll go pay for yours and my bill." After he left, Anzu stared at where he had been seated, stunned.

"Is he right, Ryou? Do I meddle?" she asked softly.

"You should just focus on you for now, Anzu," Ryou gently told her.

When he left as well, Anzu watched him meet Yami at the register and saw them exchange a smile and talk in murmurs for a moment. She looked away when Yami raised his eyes from Ryou to look at her. She felt deeply offended by being called a meddler, even though it was meant kindly. It's not as if I want to be involved in everyone's problems, she moodily thought, but what else am I supposed to do? Get attached to someone or be friends with them and not be afraid that they're going to get hurt? She seethed to herself for a moment and then stood up and met Ryou and Yami in front. Well, they can act like that, but I'm not like that. I can't be indifferent when I think something bad is going to happen. "I have to get to the café here soon, so I'm going to head out," she told them. Yami looked surprised by this.

"Oh, so soon?" he queried, appearing somewhat disappointed.

She offered a small smile. "It's a pretty set schedule, Yami," she told him a bit more coldly than intended. "I'll...see you guys later. Thanks for buying me breakfast. It was really sweet of you." She brushed a hand on his shoulder in thanks and then hurried out of the restaurant. Yami watched her, a confused expression on his face, his credit card still in hand.

"Women," Ryou sighed, rubbing the back of his head. "They certainly do get upset easily, don't they?"

"I guess so...," Yami murmured vacantly.

X

Mai opened her eyes and blew out a long breath. She was slumped over the edge of her bed and Malik was lying on the floor, both out of breath and sweaty. Her legs were still shaking and it took an effort to draw herself onto the bed. There she lied, breathing hard to catch her breath and to comprehend what had just happened. Since she had gotten divorced, she had more or less dedicated herself to Rena and to her work. She had gone out drinking a few times, made out with a few bar junkies, but it wasn't all that satisfying. She still drank at home occasionally, but it had been quite a long time since she had slept with a man. It had been an even longer time since she had slept with a man that she was actually attracted to and to whom she found she connected. Granted, she connected with Malik in the way that she connected with Otogi and more of in a "I'm bitter with the world" sort of way. Nonetheless, it was a connection.

"You know," Malik drawled from the floor, "that has got to be the longest fuck I've had with any woman."

"Yeah? Sure you remember all the girls you've been with?" she retorted, pushing her hair from her face.

"Touché, my dear."

Mai stared at the ceiling, listening to the low hum of music from the radio that she had turned on to smother some of the sound so that Rena would not wake. The room was quiet and still, a strange feeling compared to how wild it had been a moment ago. Her heart was still attempting to return to its normal pace. She remembered the other men, the men before Jounouchi and the men while she was with Jounouchi. The men before usually took what they wanted and left. As she got older and went for older men, they would stay for a bit and guffaw about how great it was and act like a modern Julius Caesar, as if they had conquered an empire. With Jounouchi, it had been quiet and after they had cooled off, he would roll towards her and hold her, giving a contented sigh. And then he would say, "I love you, Mai. You're the perfect woman for me.", she added silently to herself.

"Thinking about another man?" Malik asked. She blinked and turned to see him leaning against the bed, his head propped up by his hand.

"What makes you say that?"

"I know women," he stated simply, "and I'm not ignorant of your relationship situation. It's hard when you work with a woman who is constantly worrying over all of her friends' problems." He paused and then asked, "Am I right?"

"I don't want to talk about Jounouchi. Don't go ruining a great time, Malik." He climbed on the bed and she turned her face from him as he neared her. He leaned down and turned her head towards his. His eyes surveyed her face. She was struck by how handsome he was, just as she had been when she met him that day. His body was perfect, built as a dancer's body ought to be, and his mouth when it met hers was warm and moved perfectly on hers.

"Sometimes it's easier to talk to a stranger about things than it is to someone you know," he told her when he withdrew. She stared at him, her brow beginning to furrow. "I'm a good listener."

She sighed. "Why are you so interested?"

"Because I'm bored," he admitted, "and I want to get a few more fuck arounds with you before you go back to him." She raised her eyebrows. "C'mon, we both know that once you do all that shit that women do in novels – find themselves, become stronger, whatever – you're going to go back to him and you'll both cry and blah, blah, blah. Okay, you know, go ahead and do that, but first step is talking about it and you don't want to talk to anyone else, so might as well talk to me and we can get laid while we're at it. We both enjoy it, you get to let some steam off, and it's a useful tool in dealing with my stress, so we're both happy in the end. So...," his hand skimmed her body briefly, "how about it?"

Mai considered everything he said and with a few exceptions, she supposed he was right.

"Alright...I think I can handle that."

He grinned. "Excellent."

TBC

X

DIS: Holy...well, I just want to thank everyone who has been reviewing in the last couple months – and for those who have been reviewing in the past few YEARS. I was stuck on a part in this chapter for the longest time. I didn't know what to do and finally decided just to wing it today after I went on here for the first time since November and felt so guilty that I opened this file up and just started typing. So, I know it was focusing more on Mai more than anyone else, but I needed to give her character some more depth and turn her towards where she needs to be going. Anzu and Yami are going where they need to be and everyone else is, too. So...with that said, I guess please leave a review on your way out and hopefully updates will be faster than a year from here out. No guarantees, though! Ciao!