DIS: I'm back, late though I most certainly am...Thanks to everyone who reviewed, I truly appreciate your feedback! :) For today, I suggest "Memories" by Ryan Stewart. It is SUCH a beautiful piece. I had Pandora going when I was writing something else and it popped on and I suddenly could imagine it being the background music for the scene with Jounouchi in the middle of this chapter. It's very moving combined with his words... And especially if you imagine him remembering Mai. Maybe I should be a movie director? Erm...actually, let's not get carried away. In any case, here is the next chapter!
X
Chapter Twenty-Six, Dreams of a new day
Yami opened his eyes, glancing at the clock. It was only a half hour from the last time his eyes had opened. He sat up slightly and looked around, somewhat disoriented, just as he had been thirty minutes ago. This time, he remembered more quickly that he was in Anzu Mazaki's living room. He had been asleep on her couch and while it was not as comfortable as a bed, it worked well enough. He slipped back down, shifting into a more comfortable position, and stared up at the ceiling. Her apartment was quiet, with only the small sounds of the city beginning to quiet, as people had finally begun to go home to sleep; the night life had begun to settle with the coming of morning close on the horizon. He turned onto his side and glanced towards where Anzu's room was, with the door slightly ajar, just enough for him to see inside. She had asked him to spend the night with her, just for sleep, but after she had fallen asleep, he had slipped out of the bed to make a comfortable spot for himself on the couch. He was unsure why, but he could not let himself remain in bed with her.
It isn't that I don't want to, he mused, but right now, everything is on unsteady ground. I don't want to give her false hopes and I don't want to get anymore attached than I already am if something goes amiss and I can't stay here with her. It was a sad thought and he wished he had said something to her rather than let her pretend that everything would be okay. Yami did not like feeling like a coward, unable to do anything for anyone. Rather than dwelling too much further on that thought, Yami instead recalled how long it had taken for Anzu to even settle on sleep. They had remained awake for some hours before she had drifted off.
"I'm sorry that I came over so late," he had said to her after the lights had gone off and they were enclosed in darkness. At that time, Domino City was still quite alive, with people laughing and yelling cheerfully outside, the dull sound of a far-off nightclub's bass stripping the night of its serenity, and cars driving past on the street to its next destination. "I felt the need to apologize to you as soon as possible, though."
"It's okay, Yami," she said quietly, "I really don't mind. I'm glad that you did come over. The entire thing has been upsetting me a bit today. I wouldn't have done anything about it myself, so it's good that you did." She laughed. "I probably would have just pretended it never happened and we'd get over it, just like that."
He chuckled. "Well, you would," he corrected.
There was a pause in which neither of them spoke, yet they could hear each other's slow, steady breathing underneath the distance noises outside.
"It's so loud in this part of town," he remarked at last, fumbling for any type of conversation. He still wanted to hear her voice and listen to her talk, even if it was mundane. At first, she did not say anything and he feared that she was already beginning to fall asleep. As he was about to say something else, however, she spoke up.
"It is," she agreed softly, "but I like it here. Where papa and I used to live, it was quiet in our neighborhood and there was never any sound at all at night. It wasn't really until you went into town that there was any sound and even then, it was subdued .It was nothing like Domino. I love all of the variety here...there's so much personality and there are so many people who are like me, who are involved in art and I really enjoy that. I was so shocked to have met both you and Otogi and that you were both musicians. I know that Otogi isn't really a professional musician anymore because of his shop, but still." She paused and then questioned, "Speaking of his shop...has he re-opened it since his attack?"
"No, not yet. He opened it for a short amount of time every once in awhile for regular customers who needed something, but otherwise, he has kept it closed to walk-in customers. The problem is that there are so many people who want what Otogi has. He has vintage instruments, some of the finest quality, that sell for an incredibly good price. There are so many wealthy people in Domino that he makes a good business out of buying this instruments and then reselling them. He even gets violins that come straight out of Italy, where the most artful violin makers are taught and live. With this sort of quality, it's not surprising that Otogi is attacked. He's been threatened before by lesser criminals, but no one who has used any real force."
"It sounds like a dangerous occupation."
"I think that any job is a dangerous occupation," he admitted. "Did he not explain all of that to you?"
"No, and I doubt he told Shizuka because she never brought it up. I'm glad that he had such a fast recovery, though."
"So am I," he concurred.
"They are so good to each other," she added after a pause. Yami turned his head slightly, hearing a strange note of envy in her voice. Perhaps because she knew that he was looking at her, she explained, "I never really experienced anyone in a really good relationship. There was my parents, but obviously they did not have the best of relationships. And in the beginning, we had a few of their friends come over, but I was too young to really observe those sort of going-ons and only paid attention to their children that I played with. It wasn't until I got older that I was really trying to find someone who had an ideal relationship...who seemed really happy and I never really found one that worked. There always seemed to be something negative about it."
"And what about you, Anzu? Had you ever been in a relationship?"
"Not really," she admitted quietly. "There were guys at school that I talked to and some of them asked me out, but I never wanted it to go beyond friendship. They were too perverted or too forward, or just too...different. And it wasn't like I had time to date, anyway," she added as an afterthought. "What about you, Yami, have you ever had a good relationship?"
"Umm..." He considered over the many girls that he had gone to bed with, the ones that he had teased and flirted with, the ones that he would plan to meet every few days between the others girls, and their faces blurred together. He could hardly remember any of their names.
"A lot?" she asked dryly.
"Well, I, uh...that is to say, Anzu...," he fumbled around his words, unsure of how to say, more or less, 'I am a man-whore.'
"It's okay," she said, laughing. "I'm not surprised. You really do have a way with women."
Feeling somewhat despondent, he quickly attempted to save his reputation. "There were a few relationships that were more serious than the others." Which, in fact, was not a lie. "They didn't last very long, of course, but I dealt with them more seriously than any of the others. Honestly, I'm not much better than Malik...when I go to social events and parties, I do tend to...do things that might not be the most intelligent. But there are some times that I found a rare jewel in that sea of people, where I really connected with someone." He paused, hesitating, before continued, "But even though I felt the connection, it wasn't always the same with the woman. They felt too rushed or they thought that it was too much for too soon of a relationship. There was always something and they struggled against my affections and most times it ended in a lot of fights and then, a good deal of bitterness on both sides."
"That's terrible..."
"But it's life, Anzu," he said mildly, turning his head so he was gazing up at the ceiling again. "Some people aren't ready for a life of romance, where there's only one person. Like Malik. It's not that he's incapable of falling in love with someone, it's just that he can't do it right now. He's young, he's careless, and he still wants to have fun. And those girls whose hearts are broken...it's nobody's fault that they got their heart broken. It just wasn't the right time for Malik and it wasn't the right person for them."
"Relationships are complicated," Anzu said after there was a tiny pause of silence between them. "I can't imagine that I'd ever want to be stuck in one."
"They are," he agreed, "but if you don't want one...what are we doing here, Anzu?"
For that, she did not respond.
While her silence unnerved Yami, he chose to brush it off. He knew at his age and after so many women, that pushing them for answers, just like when women pushed men for answers, was not a good idea, especially one that was not ready to give answers. So, he gave her the silence and instead allowed the conversation to steer elsewhere. "What made you decide to dance, Anzu?"
He felt her stiffen slightly and wondered if he had chosen the wrong subject. "My mother," she said softly.
"Your mother?" he repeated, surprised.
"When I was a little girl, the day before she left, she took me to see a ballet. I was enchanted by the dancers and how gorgeous they were, how graceful they seemed to move. Even after my mom left, I still wanted to see ballets. I watched them whenever I could on TV and would rent movies and CDs with the music and I would try my hardest to dance the same way they did. I didn't have the proper training to do it as well, but even more I entered a dance class, I was practicing dancing in my own particular way. It was hard to adjust to dancing their way, but I did it because I wanted to look like those women in the videos. But more than anything, I wanted to look like the woman I had seen onstage with my mom...she was my inspiration for the longest time. But...I have her to thank for introducing me to ballet."
"I'm glad that you didn't give up dancing," Yami told her. "Some people wouldn't have anything to do with something that reminds them of that sort of situation...I'm glad that you are stronger than that."
Even in the dark, Yami could see her small, sad smile. Yet, she replied, "Thank you, Yami, so am I."
"But it's mostly a selfish reason I have for being glad that you didn't give up dancing," he admitted, rolling onto his side. She moved her head slightly and looked at him. He lowered his hand to her cheek, brushing the hair from her face, smiling. "I've never felt so alive before, Anzu, and never so...cared for. Otogi has always cared for me, as much as he can, but I feel that no matter where I am, you'll be thinking of me. For once, I feel that I am truly wanted somewhere. It's almost like I actually have a spot that someone can't replace." He gave a slight laugh, repeating, "Almost." He leaned down and pressed his forehead against hers, kissing her nose and then her mouth, lingering there.
When he withdrew, they were quiet, staring at each other. She reached up and drew her arms around his neck, pulling him down against her. He slipped his arms beneath her, holding her tiny body against his, closing his eyes to take comfort in the warmth of her in his arms. He had held women that he was serious about, but they never wanted real hugs. They'd wanted them after sex, and only for a moment, before any tender moment had disappeared. For Anzu, it seemed that everything about her was tender: the way she smiled, her voice when she spoke to him, her eyes when she looked at him, and her lips and touch whenever they drew close enough. He knew that, like last time, this all might just disappear again, but he knew now that it would come back. Anzu felt something for him, enough to open up to him and care for him and wait for him while he disappeared for a bit so his parents didn't come trailing in to ruin his perfectly laid out life in Domino. He knew what he felt, but he had a feeling she had yet to understand her feelings towards him. If she wanted him to wait, then he would. He had an unending amount of patience when it came to her.
"I wish I could protect you," she whispered in his ear abruptly. He opened his eyes, his brow furrowing. There was such strong emotion in her voice that he worried that he was upsetting her, but he could feel no dampness on his neck where her face was nuzzled. "You've helped me so much...and cared for me so much...I feel like I can't return the favor."
"Anzu," he murmured, pulling away, peering into her soft face. "You've kept me from poisoning myself with alcohol every time a cruel word is thrown at me. I would have been drowning in hard liquor throughout my interactions with Kaiba if not for you. You've allowed me to finally accept my past and deal with it. I want to help you become a professional dancer and because of that, I can deal with everything that's happening. You're the one thing that keeps me sane now...you and my music." Even in the dim light, he saw the blush that spread over her cheeks. He chuckled low in his throat, leaning down and kissing her again, delighting in the feel of her mouth on his, the sweet sensation of her tongue on his, shy and uncertain, and then a bit bolder. Her hand moved over his face and then slipped to cup his neck, pulling him in closer. He gently withdrew and framed her face, telling her, "I promise you that I need nothing more from you than to stay safe. While I'm gone, Malik and Ryou will take care of you and Kaiba will monitor the other circles to make sure that there is no movement from there."
"How long will you be gone?"
"I'm not sure yet," he sighed ruefully, "but I intend on getting back as soon as I can. That is all I can say."
"Do you want to...?" she trailed off, leaving the question hanging.
"Not tonight," Yami said, understanding the question too well. "Maybe another night, but I'm not ready for that, yet. For now, just go off of what Kaiba told you...and be wary of strangers until I can say more." She nodded against his chest, cuddling close to him. He pushed a hand through her hair and then slipped down, circling an arm around her shoulders, pulling her up against him. She shifted closer, resting her cheek against his chest.
From then on, they drifted in and out of conversation and by the time Anzu had fallen asleep, Yami was aware that he had been in her bed for some time. He waited an hour, listening to her steady, deep breathing. Once he was convinced that she was fast asleep, he slipped out from underneath her. She simply rolled over, cuddling up to the pillow. He tucked the blankets around her and passed a hand over her face, moving the hair away so that he could see her more clearly. She looked peaceful and content. And while his body had gone cold, missing her body's warmth, he could not bring himself to move back into bed with her. No matter what anyone said, waking up to someone else's face next to theirs after a night of no sex was far more intimate than having sex in itself.
The couch was cold when he settled onto it, and it was quiet and dark. His mind zipped along, worrying over his little dancer in the other room, until he began to sleep fitfully, waking up every so often from nightmares. He hadn't wanted to tell Anzu, but he was afraid of what was going to happen from here on between them. She had left the question of a relationship open, and he had never been in a committed relationship before that hadn't had cheating involved. (He had always known that the women he was "serious" about had been with other men at the same time as him.) Everything was an unknown and while it was true that Yami had never been in control of his own fate as far as family was concerned, he had always been in control of everything else in his life; yet now he was given another thing in which he would not be able to control.
X
"Well, what's your problem?" Honda asked his companion as they slipped into Domino City early. It was near seven a.m., yet both he and Jounouchi were wide awake. Jounouchi had been brooding most of the trip, looking confused most times and then irritated the next half. One of the teenage girls of the family they were helping move had incessantly flirted with him and while he had returned the flirting in his usual fashion, Honda could tell that he was bothered. As soon as the girl gave him her number, he tossed it in the glove box as he always did when the younger girls were bold enough to do such things. There had even been an enclosed thong from a slightly older, married woman, which had instantly been burned as soon as the two men could get out of city limits to burn something on the side of the road.
"What're you talking about?" Jounouchi asked, glancing at him from his blank stare that he had been directing at the window.
"You know what I'm talking about. You've been acting weird the entire trip. What's your deal, already? You were in a hurry to get back to Domino for whatever reason – "
"And you weren't?" Jounouchi interrupted. "I swear if I heard anything more about Miho, I was gonna throw the truck in reverse and lay underneath it." Honda scowled at him, somewhat embarrassed and more than a bit irritated with his mood. Perhaps Jounouchi realized that he had settled the sarcasm on a bit too thick, because he sighed and said, "I just needed to be home, Honda. I miss my daughter and I – " He suddenly stopped himself, a puzzled expression crossing his face. Honda had turned frozen on the inside, recognizing the words that would usually follow: "I miss my wife." It had been the same thing before Jounouchi and Mai had divorced. If he started acting strange or tired or a little less than cheerful, he would always blame it on missing Rena and Mai. "...and I miss Shizuka," Jounouchi finally said, a bit belatedly. Perhaps he knew so, because he then turned to stare obstinately out the window, refusing to even look back even when Honda stared at him a bit too long for safe driving.
"Listen, Jounouchi, I'm sorry for going on about Miho as much as I have been," Honda finally said. "I mean, I can't help it. I forget myself and just start talking about her over and over again. I'm happy with her. It's not like I can help it or anything, either. And...I mean, sometimes I forget that...well...you know..."
"No, I don't," Jounouchi said a bit testily, turning around. "Forget what? That I'm not married and I don't have anyone to talk about?" There was a tense pause in which Honda pursed his lips and Jounouchi stared – or rather, glared – at him. The conversation was then ended. Even though Honda wanted to point out that he had endured it while he was single, he chose not to, already anticipating a rather rude comeback by his friend. They finished the drive in silence and once they shut off the truck, Jounouchi didn't bother to say anything to him before he was heading to his car at a quick pace. Honda hurried after him and when he caught up, he put a hand on his shoulder, demanding attention. "What?" he asked moodily, turning to face him.
"Jou, don't do this," Honda quietly said. "Don't beat yourself up over her. You've already been over this enough, man, don't go back to how it was."
"I'm trying not to, but..." Jounouchi looked around a bit wildly. "But what am I supposed to feel, Honda? What am I supposed to feel like? I should hate her, shouldn't I? She acts like such a...such a bitch and yet when she starts breaking down, starts reminding me of how she used to be, I get as weak as I ever was, and I feel bad, and I want to help her, and..." He grabbed his head and shook it violently before throwing his hands down. "I actually feel it again. I actually feel all those things that I felt when I married her and it disgusts me to know that no matter what she does, no matter how many girls throw themselves their way, all I can think about it is the one woman who disrespected everything that we were and disrespected the entire purpose of...of marriage! You don't know how that feels. It makes me ashamed of what I'm feeling!"
"You're right...I don't know that feels like," he admitted in his soft tones, "but I do know what it feels like to love. I loved your sister forever it seems and now, what I have with Miho...I feel even more powerfully. It's not easy to forget. I know this is gonna sound like it's from a fuckin' soap opera or a romance novel or something, but there is such a thing as there being 'the one,' and honestly...I think that Mai is like that for you. You two were perfect for each other. You loved her more than anything or anyone in the entire world, more than stupid sports, more than your sister – you idolized her, Jou, and once you put that much into one person...it's hard to get rid of it."
"I should hate her," Jounouchi said flatly.
"Yeah...but you know that you'll never really be able to hate her. We both know that. I'm not telling you to try and get back together with her or anything like that, but you seriously need to find a better way to move on, Jou. I know you've been trying to be friends with her and everything else, but you need to stop that and just do what you're there for - pick up your daughter and leave."
"You don't understand." He shook his head, less angrily this time, and in a more hopeless manner. When he raised his eyes to Honda's, they were sad and full of agony. "I can't do that, Honda. I can't just walk away. If I saw that she was hurt or seemed to be in pain or was bothered or anything, I'd stop and try to help, even if I sound like a bumbling idiot, or if I just stand there like a moron, I couldn't just walk away and say 'Bye, see ya later.' I can't do that to her...I can't. If she and I could just be friends I'd be happy, but she isn't willing to make that effort. She's too paranoid, thinking I'm constantly trying to remind her of her mistakes – when I'm not."
Honda sighed, grasping the back of his neck and rubbing it hard. He wished he had a good piece of advice for his friend, but he didn't. He knew near to nothing about relationships. Perhaps Jounouchi knew this, for he simply shook his head and turned back towards his car, saying, "No matter what, I'm never going to forget her or my feelings for her." Honda sighed again and then shrugged a bit helplessly, moving to his own car. Jounouchi unlocked his door and looked at his friend's defeated figure loping away and he called, "But Honda?"
"Yeah?" He turned to look at him in question.
"Thanks...for listening and everything."
His friend gave a lopsided grin and nodded before continuing on to his car. Jounouchi slipped into his car and shut the door, starting the ignition. He sat there for a moment, considering over some things, and then pulled away from the lot of the moving company. Originally, he had planned on going home, watching some TV, and then sleeping a few hours, just to relax some and try to forget his troubled thoughts. However, he knew too well how these his mind worked when it came to Mai and so, rather than spending his time torturing himself with his thoughts, he took a different road. It was a bit after seven, nearing the middle of the hour, and he was hoping that the person he was driving to see would be up by now.
While Jounouchi truly did feel that Shizuka was a good listener to his dilemmas, lately he felt that he could tell her nothing, and especially not about Mai; it seemed that Otogi was with her every step she took, always next to her, and always listening. He liked Otogi for the most part, even if he was dating his sister, but he was not prepared to be open about certain elements of his and his ex-wife's relationship. He had a feeling that Mai also did not talk to Otogi too much in regards to what she had been going through, likely because she did not want to intrude on Otogi's hard-earned happiness with Shizuka. It was strange to think that Jounouchi was in the same situation as Mai, if not for the exact same reasons. He did suspect, however, that she spoke quite personally to Anzu, just as he was about to do. It seemed that, out of all the people, she was the most trustworthy, and having not been involved with anyone else before the divorce, she was the easiest person in whom to receive advice.
Jounouchi had only been to Anzu's a spare few times and so it took him a few tries to find where her apartment complex was located. Once he found it, it was closer to eight and he was certain that she should be awake by then. He rang her doorbell and stood outside the door, shifting from foot to foot nervously. He waited a few seconds and then rang the doorbell again, worrying that perhaps it was too early after all. Aw, man, I knew I should've waited, he thought. I'll just come back later... He moved to leave, but there was the sound of a lock turning and his face lit up in hope. The door swung open and he blinked, staring at the male in the doorway. "Uh...did I get the wrong...apartment?" Jounouchi asked, puzzled. No way in hell does he live in these apartments, he thought, kicking himself inwardly for asking such a stupid question. Yami Mutou stared back at him, a crease beginning his forehead, and he stepped out, glancing around curiously. Jounouchi allowed him, stepping back a bit and surveying the other male. He was fully dressed in wrinkled clothing that he guessed that he had slept in. "Er...is Anzu awake?"
"No, but come in," Yami replied, ushering him inside. "I'm sorry if my appearance startled you. I slept on her couch last night." Jounouchi shut the door and raised his eyebrows at him afterward, skeptical. "I assure you nothing inappropriate happened!" he suddenly told him, putting his hands up. "I have the greatest respect for Anzu and would never – "
"Whoa, buddy," Jounouchi interrupted, also raising his hands, a bit startled by Yami's nervous exposition. "I'm not her dad, I don't need to know why you're over here. I just didn't know you two were, uh, going steady..."
"We're not!" Yami was quick to say. "I mean, as far as I know...That is to say, we're not involved romantically. We are, uh...we're very good friends, that's all. And I'm her accompanist, of course! But we're not..." He stopped. Jounouchi stared at him, his brow furrowed, appearing more than a bit befuddled by Yami's strange behavior. He had never seen the man so flustered. Then again, he hadn't interacted with him all that much, either. Yami sighed and said, "If you don't mind, I'd like you to keep this a secret..."
"Fine with me," Jounouchi said with a nonchalant shrug. "I'm not one for gossiping, anyway." Yami gave him a relieved look.
"What's goin' on?" They both turned to see Anzu rubbing her eyes, blinking blearily at them. She yawned and then repeated her question, in case they hadn't heard. Jounouchi cleared his throat, a bit embarrassed at having woken his friend up.
"Sorry, I came over and woke you guys up," Jounouchi said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head. Anzu smiled sleepily.
"It's okay, it's about time for me to wake up anyway. Want me to start some coffee, Jounouchi? – Yami?" They mumbled their assent, but both men were wondering whether Anzu had overheard their conversation. If she did, she had no intention of mentioning it and was unbothered by it. They watched her grind some coffee beans and then load the coffee pot with the grounds and water. She stretched her arms above her head and then turned to where Jounouchi had settled at the counter like a little boy waiting for breakfast, his body all hunched over as he leaned against the counter. "So, Jounouchi, why'd you come over so early? I thought you were doing a move?"
"I was," he confirmed, "and I actually had just gotten back into town a while ago. But I...well, I really needed someone to talk to." He glanced at Yami uncomfortably. He didn't know the pianist well enough, but he was hoping that he was not all too close to Mai or would not go running his mouth about his problems to her or Otogi. Perhaps Yami felt his glance, because he seemed aware that Jounouchi had fallen silent.
"Ah...maybe I should - ?" Yami looked at him, gesturing towards the door.
"You don't have to worry about him," Anzu suddenly told Jounouchi. "He's not going to say anything to Otogi or anyone else close to Mai. At least...that is what's bothering you, isn't it? Mai?"
"Well, yeah," he admitted, comforted by Anzu's words. "I don't know. I feel like an idiot, Anzu...I mean, even after everything we've been through, and what we've put Rena through, I can't get her out of my head. I just...am I stupid?"
Anzu sighed quietly through her nose and gave the question serious consideration. She had been entrusted with Mai's honest admittance to hers and Jounouchi's relationship and she certainly wouldn't want her angry at her again. It was hard, then, to give any real advice knowing what she did about Mai. Part of her wished she only had one person in the situation speaking to her, but she knew it was not so simple as that. After a while, she realized that she may need to admit something to Jounouchi that she may have preferred that Yami did not hear. "I don't think you are stupid, Jou," she told him after a pause. "I know what it feels like to be conflicted like that. Even though you know that someone has done bad things to yourself or others, it's hard to still dislike them. And if you really can't dislike them for that, then what can you do? Forget about them? I guess it depends...I mean, Mai cares deeply for Rena and has always seemed to do whatever she could for your guys' daughter. She has kept her...mostly...shielded from your fights and I'm sure that when she doesn't, she never intentionally does so."
"Yeah," he admitted, frowning. "But the fact is that she did do them."
Anzu looked down at the counter, a sad, lost look on her face. "Would you hold a grudge against your sister if she had done something like that to someone, even if you thought it was wrong?" she asked. "Or me?"
"What? No, I wouldn't. But you two are different – "
"How?" Anzu interrupted. "Jou, think about it. What was Mai to you during your marriage and when you were dating? She was your best friend, the only woman that was truly important to you, and the only woman that you wanted to marry and have a child with. She was your everything, more than me and more than Shizuka. If you could forgive and forget us, then logically, you should be able to do the same for her."
"That's just it, though!" Jounouchi said explosively, jumping to his feet and pacing agitatedly. Yami flinched a bit, startled by the sudden movement of the otherwise lethargic male. "She was my everything, Anzu! She was closer to me than anyone else was and I would sold my soul to the devil for her, if it only meant that I could keep her happy and keep her with me. There was nobody else for me, and there hasn't been ever since I met her. My heart has never been inclined towards anyone else. The only thing that matters to me anymore is my daughter. And still, a part of me wants to extend that, so that if I keep Rena happy, it will make Mai happy, but even that doesn't work. All I ever wanted to do was live a good life with the woman I loved and she ripped that from me. I told her after the first time that I could handle it, but then it had to happen again, and I can't forget that. She didn't care enough to give up and just be happy with me. I wasn't enough for her and I'll never forget that. I can't...I just can't..."
Anzu watched him, pursing her lips, hating to see her friend in such a state of mind. She turned to pour herself a cup of coffee and after she had mixed in sugar and creamer, she paused, realizing that Jounouchi's words sounded strangely familiar. She remembered one year on her birthday she had become upset much like Jounouchi had, raging to her father about how she hadn't been a good enough daughter for her mother, how she had left because of her, and that she would never forgive herself for that or her mother for leaving her. It had been a very trying moment for her father, she knew. She had only been ten when that particular outburst had occurred, shortly after she started her period and rather than hearing things explained by her mother as it ought to have been, she instead was told by her father in his awkward manner of speaking of such things to his young daughter.
It felt as if she was her father, unable to speak, too distraught to explain to her that it had been no one's fault but her mother's, instead it was Mai's fault and not Jounouchi's. She recalled his sad face and his silence. It had angered her at the time, seeing his weary expression through a blurred vision, yet when he took her in his arms, she hadn't pushed him away, but had cried in his arms.
"Jounouchi," Yami suddenly spoke up, surprising Anzu. He went to where Jounouchi had stopped his pacing, his hands buried in his hair. He put a hand on his back and quietly told him, "Trust me on this...what people do is rarely ever your fault. Especially in relationships. You could have the perfect relationship where everything is as the movies depict it, and that person could still do the things that Mai had done to you. It simply works that way sometimes. We cannot control the people we are with. It is not as easy as that. If we could predict how relationships were to end simply by how things are going...we would likely be wrong every time. Some people are good liars and think that a brief moment of fun is worth risking their entire life over. But I will assure you of this right now – it was not your fault that anything happened between you and Mai. It was completely her choice. And I think that she has regretted that for a long time after seeing the wonderful man and father she lost." Yami withdrew his hand when Jounouchi looked at him, his brow furrowed. Anzu, too, had drawn her eyes to Yami.
"Is cheating really all that wrong?" Yami asked him quietly.
"How would you feel if Anzu was sleeping with another guy?" Jounouchi demanded a bit more angrily than he had perhaps meant. Yami surveyed him a moment.
"If I were with a woman who loved me and I loved her in return," he replied carefully, "then it would not matter. If it was I who she returned to each night, and it was I who she shared her deepest secrets and fears with, and who made her truly happy, then her heart would still belong to me and my heart would still belong to her. Physical attraction is natural. For some people, it is different, but if they lust for another person, why not allow them to act on that lust, so long as they return to you and won't be doing it with the same person continuously?"
"Because...because that's..." He paused and then released a breath and said, "That wasn't our agreement at the time. Mai knew how I felt about...well, open relationships. They aren't my thing. I'm a jealous guy. And the thought of kissing her lips after she'd just been kissing some other guy or putting me in where some other guy's been...it's disgusting and it creeps me out. I can't handle the thought of it, even if I knew that she loved me. It would drive me crazy." He raised his soft eyes to Yami's face guiltily, as if apologizing.
"A lot of men couldn't do it," Yami assured him, smiling, "and it takes a lot of confidence and trust in each other or yourself to know that you won't stray from the person that you should be with. But still, when you consider it, if she had fallen in love with another man, it would have hurt much more than what she had done, am I right?" A corner of Jounouchi's mouth tilted up in reluctant agreement and he sighed, rubbing his forehead and then looked at Anzu, who had remained quiet through their exchange. She smiled at him a bit sadly and then set her cup down and moved around to where he was sitting, hugging him. Jounouchi returned the hug, sighing again, a bit more heavily.
"I should go," Jounouchi said, releasing her and standing up. "I've already intruded for too long." He rubbed his head, smiling at them. "I feel better now that I've talked to you guys. Listen, man...Yami...I really appreciate what you've said to me today." He held out a hand towards Yami, who looked at it a moment and then clasped it in his own. Jounouchi seemed to brighten a bit more and then he clapped him on the shoulder before stepping away.
"Are you sure?" Anzu queried worriedly. "I was about to make breakfast...you could stay..."
"No, no!" he hastily said, waving his hands. "I really need to get home before Shizuka wakes up and worries where I'm at. Besides, I'm exhausted. Food's the last thing on my mind. I know, surprising, but I really gotta get to bed. I hope I don't crash on the way home!"
"Jou – "
But Jounouchi ignored her, hurrying towards the door. She blinked as the door closed behind him a few seconds later. Yami had a dry, amused expression on his face. When Anzu turned to look at him, he said, "In spite of telling him otherwise, I think he may have believed he interrupted something." She blushed, embarrassed. Yami chuckled and then stood up, coming around to kiss her on the forehead. "I should be leaving soon, too, Anzu. As much as I'd like to stay to enjoy your breakfast, I do have some things I need to take care of with Kaiba, as far as finances as business go. But before I do, there is a small matter that we need to conclude."
"Is there?" she asked, appearing somewhat nervous.
He smiled comfortingly. "Nothing to do with us, dear."
"Oh."
"It's your mother. She's been requesting a meeting with her. I'd like for us to get that out of the way, perhaps the day of your auditions. After you do those, then you can deal with her and that way, if you'd like, I can be there with you if need be."
Anzu hesitated and then shook her head. "No, Yami, this is something I should do on my own. And I'm sure she will not rest until she can speak her mind freely to me without people interrupting her besides myself." She rested a hand on his arm. "But thank you. I appreciate the gesture." Yami's brow wrinkled, but she reached up and smoothed it and then pressed her lips to his briefly. "Don't worry about me. Please tell her that the night of our auditions will do fine with me." Upon seeing his puzzled expression, she explained, "After listening to Jounouchi, I was reminded of myself when I was younger...and there are some personal things that I need to tell her that she needs to know, regardless of whether it will make her feel guilty or not. I don't even care. I just want her to know...without my breaking down. And I think I've had enough time to adjust to be able to really talk with her. Maybe not for very long, but enough to satisfy her for now."
"Alright," he said slowly. "I'll pass the message along." He took her hand in both of his and raised it to his lips. "I'll have to leave you now, Anzu. I'll call you later to let you know about our next few practice sessions. I'll need to get a hold of Malik and Ryou."
"That sounds fine to me," she said, taking her cup of coffee and drinking from it again. He slipped his shoes on and then opened the door. "Yami?" He looked at her in question. "Thank you for staying over last night. It was nice."
"...Yes, it was nice," he agreed, reluctant to leave. He cleared his throat and then gave an awkward sort of smile before saying, "Talk to you soon." He waved and waited just long enough for her to wave back and then he was out of the door. Yami blew out a breath and then hurried down into the parking lot where his car was parked. If he could, he would have stayed the entire day with Anzu if he could have. It was strange, because he knew what everyone else was seeing, that he was caring far too much for her when he knew he shouldn't. It scared him to think of it, so he simply pushed it out of his mind.
It's not as if I need to think any more on it right now, anyway, he told himself. Comforted by this, Yami pulled out of the parking lot and turned into the busy traffic. Right now, the only thing that matters is getting Anzu this position and getting out of Domino.
TBC
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DIS: Yay, thirteen pages...Sorry it took me so long, guys. As usual, I completed this when I came home early from work because I was sick. In any case, please leave a review telling me if you liked the chapter and if not, what didn't you like, etc., etc., etc. I'm excited for the next chapter – a lot is going to be happening! So, until then, ciao!
