Everything was spinning, nothing felt real, nothing right.

Every time I looked at him I saw fire and brimstone, death and loss, something that would never be and never was.

We are staying at Bobby's, and it looks like we might never leave.

The nightmares of burning bodies, of Ash, they never seemed to go away, but lately I only have them once a week.

Things about me changed no more smiles, no more words, and no more feeling.

All I did was fight, fight my ass off.

Stubbornness is a thing of the past, no more petty fights with Dean; in fact I was avoiding Dean at all costs.

It was movie night, yep just what I said, movie night.

If the cases were few, we tried to do something normal, if you call normal watching Saw one, two, and three, and Dean digging into a number of hamburgers thought out it.

"Jo? Where did you get this?"

One moment he was buried in a musty book, and then his fingers were outlining the scar that ran all the way down my arm.

I was a deer in head lights, he hadn't spoken two words to me the whole time I was here, heck he barely spoke to me before that.

"M-my first hunt, around the time the roadhouse was burned down."

I grabbed his hand, both of our warm hands connecting, only for a few seconds before we pulled away.

"W-what kind of thing did you kiss-kill."

My mind wondered, the sound of screaming, of gun shots.

The pain had been blinding, like I was being ripped apart slowly one part of me at a time.

But I had pushed through it, finally able to throw the last punch, and kill the thing that had been haunting me since I was a child, the thing that killed my dad.

"The thing that killed my dad, they told me what it looked like. I tracked it, and killed it."

He was a little taken aback, the idea of me fighting something that big seemed impossible.

To my displeasure Dean had joined in on the big sharing fest, and he was the last person I wanted to talk to.

"You didn't say."

"Why would I? It wouldn't change the way you see me, a silly little school girl."

It felt good, like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders, like I had hadn't been alive these long months, until now.

It was a nice feeling, even if it wasn't all out, I still had a lot of stuff to get off of my chest, and most of it had Dean as the main thing.

"Jo-"

"Look, someone's cutting off their own foot, again."