Warnings: Sirius is a jerk. Bellatrix is horrid as always. Dream scene with graphic violence and character death. (Not real, obviously.)
Summary: Harry keeps hearing his dead Black relatives in his head—including Bellatrix—and no one knows how to make it stop.
CHAPTER 5
Whispered Screams
Harry trembled in his hospital bed, more unnerved by the voices screaming in his head than the fact that he was in hospital. Normally, he would hate being here, but the curse terrified him enough that he was willing to put up with the sterile room, the constant prodding and poking, and endless starry-eyed stream of healers as long as the voices stopped.
At least Hermione was there to nip any overt displays of hero-worship in the bud. Harry had almost climbed the walls the first time one of the female healers had reached for her collar. An enraged Hermione had practically clawed the healer's eyes out, which worked well for Harry. The next mediwitch who came in was remarkably more subdued in her breathless, doe-eyed admiration.
Gods, Harry wished they'd all just stuff it.
Harry turned to his friend the moment the mediwitch left, after staring adoringly at Harry for over a full minute. "D-don't suppose we could call in M-Madame Pomfrey for help instead?"
In his head, Sirius whispered, "What's the matter, Pup? Any one of those hot girls would've been all over themselves to bed you. Why not take them up on it?"
Harry shuddered at hearing such advice from his godfather of all people. His dead godfather.
"Stow it, Sirius," a second masculine voice responded. "Any idiot can see the boy isn't interested in the female persuasion."
Between the voices, Hermione gave Harry a sad smile. "She's not experienced in these kind of dark curses or I certainly wo—"
Sirius' indignant cry cut across her. "Oi! What would you know, you whiny little traitor? Go back to your snake hole and leave us Gryffindors alone."
Harry tried to continue his conversation with Hermione despite the arguing in his head. "I … I don't think any of them are experienced either, Hermione. How many healers have come, and none of them with any more answers than the la—"
The second voice, a boy's voice sighed. "You never did grow up, did you, Sirius?"
"A far sight more than you, ickle babykins. Did it hurt when Voldemort decided you weren't even worthy enough for him?"
The boy's voice broke when he spoke again. "Voldemort didn't kill me, at least not directly, but yes, it hurt to die. Why won't you listen to me?"
"Because you're a vicious lying little snake and I'm not stupid enough to trust you."
Listening to the vicious side of his godfather was making Harry sick. He clutched his stomach and wished with all his might the healers could make the voices stop soon.
Another voice spoke and dropped Harry's heart into his gut. "Siri, enough. Can't you see you're hurting Harry?"
Harry wanted to weep. "Remus …." Out loud, he could only manage a whimper.
"Give it a rest, Sirius," came the voice of Remus' wife. "I … you should cherish your family while … while they're still …." She broke off in tears, and Harry's chest felt hollowed out with grief. He couldn't bear this. He couldn't.
"Oh gods. I-I'm scared, 'Mione."
Hermione winced. "I know, Harry. I know."
He tried to gather his wits. "H-has … has Severus c-called at all?"
She winced again and looked away.
Sirius roared with outrage. "Severus! Why are you asking about that slimy git?"
Harry clenched his fists around the sheets. "Hermione?"
Her shoulders slumped. "No, Harry. Not yet, but don't worry. He'll come around. He's just angry that you didn't let him protect you, and probably blaming himself."
Sirius snorted. Harry struggled to hide how much his godfather's derision hurt him.
"You'll … you'll tell me if he calls?"
"Of course, Harry. For now, just … try to rest."
"What are you even DOING, Harry? Why do you want to talk to that bastard?"
Remus shouted, "Shut UP, Sirius!"
Harry clapped his hands over his ears and gave a wry laugh. "Somehow, I don't think that nap's going to work out, 'Mione."
She just gave him a sad look and sighed.
Some hours later, an aging mediwizard with a no-nonsense air about him strode into the room, and Harry would have breathed a sigh of relief but for the grim expression on his face. Hermione took Harry's hand and held it tight.
"Mister Potter, I am Healer Taylor. I'm afraid none of our resident curse experts have seen this particular spell before. They are busy researching its effects and ways to combat its effects, but without a frame of reference, I am afraid they're working blind. We have called in a resident mind curse expert from Bulgaria—he should be here within the week—but I am afraid that this is the best we can offer you for now."
Harry paled. "T-there's nothing you can do?"
Bellatrix cackled. "Enjoy it, widdle-baby Potter. I saved it just for you!"
Sirius roared inside his head and a battle of cursing and fists ensued, so loud that Harry had to strain to hear the healer's next words.
"I am sorry, Mister Potter. We can … perhaps offer you a sedative. It might … well, it would drown them out."
"At the cost of my lucidity," Harry said with a grimace.
"Unfortunately, I do not know what else to offer you at this time. I do hope the healer from Bulgaria will be able to offer you a better prognosis."
Harry could do nothing but nod. Inside, he had gone numb. Trying to drown out the voices of his godfather, his godfather's repentant little brother, Remus and Tonks, and the bitch who had killed so many he loved? And above all ….
"MUDBLOODS! FILTH! ASSOCIATING WITH MY BELOVED ANCESTORS!"
Fuck. He had thought he'd heard the last of her when he finally had the sense to knock out the entire wall with her portrait and burn it all to ashes. Apparently, he wasn't so lucky.
The boy, whom Harry had now identified as Regulus Black, screamed, "Shut up, Mother! You bloody cow!"
Of all the Blacks in his head, Harry found he soon liked Regulus the best. He was the only one who really understood the cost of the war. Not even Sirius could look past his immature black-and-white mentality. Remus and Tonks tried to help, but they were just mourning too deeply to have much effect. Only Regulus had a clear, unbiased head, and if not for that one voice, Harry might have gone mad before the end of the first night.
Sirius snarled, "Stop playacting and go back to your snake den, little brother."
Harry snorted, and just to shut up his godfather and stop him hurting Regulus again, directed his next thought directly towards the voices. "Severus is my best friend now, just so you know, Sirius. Thinking about asking him out to dinner, actually."
"WHAT? No godson of mine will ever associate with that slimy Snivellus."
"Too late."
Well, at least it had gotten Sirius' attention off of his distraught little brother, but having to endure the man screeching about Severus for three hours was possibly even less pleasant. Only when Harry threatened to disown Sirius if he couldn't keep his bloody ignorant prejudices to himself did the man finally shut up.
A small voice whispered into his ear once the tirade had stopped. "Thanks, Potter. You didn't have to take the fall for me, but I appreciate it. And I'm sorry. I … I tried to stop them."
Regulus. Harry whispered back, "I know."
After a few moments, Ron came in to sit with him. "Sorry, mate. Just got free of Robards. The report for this one was a bloody mess." He greeted Hermione with a kiss to her cheek. "Thanks for staying with him. How is he?"
She shook her head. "I … I don't know."
Ron winced. "That bad?"
"Well, the healers don't know what to do. They called in a foreign expert, but …." She shook her head. "I don't know. I …."
Harry stared at her with hopeless eyes, feeling all semblance of the life he had once hoped for drain away. "It's okay, Hermione." His voice was flat, dead. "It was my fault. Just wanted to avenge Sirius, like you said."
He gave a bitter laugh. "And now it turns out I half want to kill the man myself. Always raging about how Slytherins can't be trusted, blah-blah. Merlin. It's enough to drive a man mad. Particularly when part of my team is Slytherin and so is my … my other best friend. I should've let Severus handle her. He could've … he wouldn't have … gods, I just wish they would stop!"
Tears slid down his cheeks. He jerked a hand across his face to wipe them away, but too late. Ron and Hermione had already seen.
Hermione straightened and squared her shoulders. "I'm off to the … Ministry library then." The hesitation made it clear she meant the hidden one only accessible to Unspeakables. "If anywhere has information on a curse like that, it'll be there, I think."
Ron gave her a wan smile. "That's our girl. Good luck, then."
"Thanks. I'll be back in the afternoon, Harry. Parvati is going to watch over you during the next shift so I can keep my job."
Harry grabbed Hermione's hand, a renewed wellspring of hope bringing tears to his eyes. "Thank you."
She squeezed his fingers and left, heels clicking behind her. Ron settled into the chair beside Harry's bed and brought out a magazine. "Well, reckon it's time to hash it out over the cannons again, mate? Think that might drown a few inconsiderate arseholes out?"
Sirius barked, "Oi!"
Harry gave a distraught, helpless laugh. "Maybe. We could give it a go anyway."
"Right then." Ron flipped to the back of his mag. "Says here they lost twenty to three-hundred to the Holyhead Harpies." He groaned and shook the magazine. "Looks like I need to have a little talk with my sweet little sister. Now there's a traitor if I've ever seen one."
Regulus' answering laugh was bitter and broken, and it hurt Harry's heart to hear it.
"Ron … maybe we could not talk about traitors, please?"
Ron gave him an apologetic look. "Sorry, mate. You know I didn't mean that. Ginny's all right, if she is playing for the wrong team."
"I reckon Parvati would have something to say about that."
Ron snorted. "I didn't mean that team." He sat back, letting his magazine fall closed. "She shocked me when she came out, you know. I always thought she'd get together with you."
Harry shrugged. "No interest in women." He ignored Sirius' roar of dismay and the hurt it caused him. "Besides that, you they worked together to help defend the school when the Carrows were in charge. That kind of bond … well, there's no breaking it."
Ron grinned. "Unless you're like me and Hermione and the idea of not breaking it threatens the safety of the entire wizarding world."
Harry snorted. "True enough."
Regulus murmured to Harry, "If it's any consolation, I didn't like women either."
Sirius gave a bark of snide laughter. "Well, that's because you're a slimy Slytherin opportunist. Take whatever you can get, don't you?"
"As it happens, I never lived long enough to have the opportunity with either gender, thank you."
"Yeah, well, that's your own fault for following the prick supreme, isn't it?"
Harry rubbed the bridge of his nose and struggled not to weep. "Sirius. Shut the fuck up. You've hurt us both enough."
"Oh, is the itty-bitty baby Potter gonna cwy? Oh, boo-hoo, poor baby."
Bellatrix's taunt was the last straw, and Harry really did break into tears. "R-Ron, I think I just want a sedative now. Just … to shut them out for a little while."
Ron's eyes filled with pain. "Okay, mate. Sit tight. I'll find someone to help."
He ran out of the room and returned with a healer and the requested medicine post-haste, but the drugs only quieted the voices, not silenced them, and even in his hazy, drug-induced sleep, Harry found no repose.
Severus had never been so angry at Harry. The man had shoved him out of the way when he knew Severus was the quicker fighter when it came to deadly spells. A part of him understood that Harry had wanted to protect him—and to avenge his godfather—but it was his job to protect Harry, damn it, not the other way around.
It took brewing several complex potions before he'd worked off enough irritation to admit he was being a bit unreasonable, considering Harry was an auror captain and Severus had been out of the fighting for several years now.
But even so, he had tried to warn Harry, and the man had gotten himself cursed for his refusal to listen! Cursed! And … and Severus was standing here fuming when the man he loved was suffering. Suffering and probably aware of Severus' anger, and afraid he would lose Severus and his one real constant all over again. It was an old fear that came up every time Severus got irritated with Harry, and even years of friendship and shared affection in the wee hours had never truly defeated it.
Merlin, Severus didn't even know how Harry had been cursed. Was he bleeding? Dying?
No, if it was that serious, one of Harry's teammates would have contacted him already. But even so … Harry was suffering for certain, and that knowledge dimmed the last lingering shreds of irritation. Perhaps Severus would chew the man's ear off a bit for being so foolhardy, but he couldn't leave him alone. Not any longer. Not when Harry had been by Severus' side all those years ago when he couldn't speak and thought he had died.
No, he wouldn't return Harry's gentle care with this coldness.
With a sigh, Severus packed up his potion making for the day and apparated straight to St. Mungo's.
After getting his badge and reporting to the spell damage ward, the receptionist gave him Harry's room number with a sad smile. "He's been asking for you, you know. Scared you won't come."
Severus swallowed a lump in his throat. "Well, then I suppose I had better go quickly."
He turned on his heel and stalked to room 203, only barely resisting breaking into a run. Harry was at least conscious if he could ask for Severus, but that meant he'd been wanting the man and Severus had left him alone. Merlin forgive him. He'd only meant to blow off some steam so he wouldn't have to face Harry angry, but he should have remembered that the man was in pain.
Severus knocked on the half-open door. "Harry? It's Severus. May I come in?"
"Severus," Harry breathed, and the relief in his tone cut Severus to the quick. "Yeah, please."
Severus swallowed his guilt and stepped inside, all the blood draining from his face at the sight of the young man. Harry was sheet-white and shaking, his eyes rimmed with red and dark circles, and his lips bitten through in places. He'd chewed his nails down to ragged edges and his temples bore red welts, as if Harry had been digging his fingers into them.
Parvati stood and hugged Severus as soon as he entered, shocking the man. "Thank you. It's you he needs most right now. Be gentle. He's enduring much worse than you know."
Severus gasped and broke free of her, dashing to Harry's side. "Harry! What is it? Are you injured? I … how bad is it?"
Harry gave him a wan smile. "Never seen you so flustered, sir."
"Severus. Please."
Harry shook his head as if trying to clear it. "M'sorry. Everything's confusing and … and I can't … think straight."
Severus gripped the bedrail and leaned close to him. "How bad is it, Harry?"
"I … I don't know. The healers here don't know what's going on, but they said they should have an expert in by next—" He trailed off and went silent for a long moment, his face twisted in a sharp glare that Severus understood was meant for neither him nor Parvati. But who then? "N-next week," Harry finished. "S-sorry. Hard to keep track of my thoughts like this."
Severus took Harry's hand, and the young man gasped. "Oh. Oh, that … that helps."
Severus gave him a hesitant smile. "Does it?"
"Yeah. S'quiet." Harry groaned and turned into the man. "Could you … are you still mad at me?"
Severus stroked Harry's hair back from his temple. "No. I understand why. I am only afraid for you."
"Helps when you're here."
Parvati patted Severus' shoulder and laid her hand on Harry's wrist. "Harry? I'm going now." She turned to Severus. "Will you stay with him? He needs sleep but the drugs aren't helping. Your presence quiets the curse."
"I … my presence?" Severus' cheeks warmed. "Why me?"
"I'm not sure. Still not over this blasted cold. But I can see enough with my physical eyes to tell that it does."
"All right. I'll stay." He turned back to reassure Harry, but stopped himself when he realised the young man was already asleep.
Parvati whispered, "Just keep holding his hand, okay? He needs you."
Severus nodded. "Go home to your wife. I will care for him."
"Thank you." She laid one more pat on his shoulder and left Severus alone with Harry.
"My presence helps you sleep?" Severus shook his head. "Well, perhaps the foreign healer will have answers soon. Until then, I will stay with you."
"Mm, good," Harry muttered, and returned to dreams.
Severus said nothing else for many hours and stayed there, either watching Harry sleep or resting with him, never letting go of Harry's hand. When Harry woke, the auror looked much better. The dark circles had gone and his skin had lost some of that sickly pallor.
"Sev'rus?" Harry freed his hand and rubbed his eyes. "You stayed the whole time?"
"It seemed to comfort you to have me near." Severus gave him a wry smile. "But if you are well enough, I am in rather dire need of a trip to the loo and some dinner. Perhaps I could bring some back for you as well?"
Harry gave him a wan smile. "Maybe some soup."
"As you wish." Severus stood and brushed Harry's hair back from his forehead. "I will try to be here for you as much as I am able."
Harry looked up, eyes full of tears and a grateful smile on his face. "T-thank you."
"You … you are welcome."
Severus darted away to the loo before he could fall to the temptation to kiss the pain from those abused lips.
When Severus returned in the morning after a night of tossing and turning, Harry was looking pale and wan again. The dark circles hadn't returned, but the man's eyelid twitched every so often. Even so, Harry greeted him with a bright smile.
"Sev'rus. Gl'd y'r 'ere."
Severus took a moment to translate that into a greeting. "Harry?"
A young healer answered from behind the man. "He's all right. It's just the medicine making him slur." She pointed to an IV in Harry's hand. "Helps him sleep a bit."
Severus moved to Harry's side and took the boy's gown-wrapped wrist, hoping it would calm him somewhat. Harry gave him a sad smile, then dropped off into sleep. It seemed restless though, not like the peaceful sleep he had enjoyed yesterday.
"Healer Dragomir should be here before long, sir. I would appreciate it if you would watch over him until then."
Severus gave her a curt nod. "I had intended to stay as long as he needs me."
"Very good." The woman gave Harry a pitying look, clucked her tongue, and left.
As soon as she had gone, Severus took hold of his fingers instead, being careful to avoid the IV. "I am here, Harry. I do not know if it helps, but I am here."
Harry gave a little sigh and settled into a more peaceful rest. Severus stayed quiet and watched him sleep, holding his fingers and wishing there was something more he could do.
Healer Dragomir arrived in a flurry of red and green robes. He gave Severus a sharp look when he came in, and the man moved aside, assuming the healer wanted to check the IV. Something the man muttered under his breath convinced Severus he had been wrong on that front and he barely resisted the urge to sneer. What gave this man the right to judge him for offering comfort to a friend simply because they were both male? If Harry's life hadn't depended on the healer's help, Severus might have hexed him.
The healer said nothing and began examining Harry. Severus watched, fearful for his love and wondering if his presence would cause problems. He tried to stay quiet and out of the way, but his resolve didn't last long.
"Is there … any hope?"
Dragomir gave him a wry smile. "His heart still beats. There is alvays hope if he is not dead." He clucked his tongue at the findings. "Vell, this is difficult curse, but I think I know how to beat it. He vill be right as rain in the morning. You may go, vhile I treat heem."
Severus frowned. "You're sure you know how to treat it, or you think?"
The healer narrowed his eyed. "Vat you think I am, a quick healer?"
"I think you mean 'quack.' And I ask because I am the foremost potions master of Britain and if there is anything my stores can do to help him, rest assured I will do it."
The healer cocked his head. "You are Master Snape?"
The man bowed. "I am."
"Ah. No, I think this is not a case for potions. But I vill keep you in mind vhen I haff other patients in need."
Severus stared at Harry, unsure.
"Go, go. The longer you hover, the longer it takes me to cure heem."
Severus sighed and gave Harry's hand one last squeeze. "I'll be back in the morning then. Good luck, Harry."
The healer scowled, but said nothing as Severus bid him goodbye and swept out of the room. Merlin, he hoped Harry would be all right when he returned.
Harry slashed, struck, tore at the flesh beneath his hands. Blood was everywhere. Someone was screaming his name, begging for him to stop, but Harry could hardly hear it over the screams in his head.
A voice purred into his ear, "Yes, good widdle Potter. Make the traitor pay."
"Knew you had it in you, my boy." Sirius sounded proud.
A third voice inside his mind screamed, "Harry! Oh Merlin, Harry, STOP!"
Regulus. Of all the voices, Harry could only trust Regulus. He stopped.
And sank to his knees, horror sinking like a dead weight in his chest. Like the dying weight of his love in his arms. Severus lay sobbing beneath him, huge slices of flesh torn away, his face barely recognisable under all the gore. Harry searched for a place he could hold the man, screaming with the voices, appalled at what he had become.
"S-Severus, oh gods!"
But rubbing his eyes and begging only smeared the blood under his nails all over his face. Harry's tears washed it clean.
"Severus, please."
Harry struggled with his healing spells, tried everything he knew, and when nothing worked, even tried that dark spell again, but in the end, nothing would fix the damage he had wrought.
"Harry …."
Severus' voice was weak, barely a breath.
"Oh, Severus. Gods, I … I'm so sorry."
Severus lifted a bleeding hand to Harry's face. "I forgive you, pet."
His hand dropped, his dark eyes closed forever, and Harry's heart shattered into a thousand pieces.
"Severus! No!"
Hermione winced at the scream from Harry's lips. Dear gods, it had brought every healer for five floors running.
"Harry, Harry!"
Harry woke with a jolt and slapped at everything around him, knocking the IV loose. "Severus, Severus—no. Tell me it's not—where's Severus?"
A dark-skinned man grumbled and immobilised Harry's left arm. "All this fuss. You haff pulled out your IV. Be still!"
"Severus!" Harry sobbed. "Severus, please. Where—"
Hermione grabbed Harry's shoulders. "Harry, get a hold of yourself. It was just a dream. A terrible one by the looks of it, but a dream nonetheless. Severus is fine. He just went to his shop for a few hours while Healer Dragomir works."
"A dream." Harry sank onto his pillows with a sob. "J-just a dream. You're sure he's okay?"
"Yes, Harry. He was fine when he called me earlier."
Harry winced. "Why—why isn't he here? Did I … did I hurt him?"
Hermione shot the healer a dark glare. "A certain prejudiced arsehole shooed him out."
Dragomir scowled. "Vomen should vatch their mouths if they haff nothing kind to say."
Hermione barely held herself back from hexing the bastard inside out. Unspeakables knew many things others would find … unpleasant. She stood and whipped out her wand, just for show, but it always had a good effect when idiots let their lips flap too much.
"Mark my words, Dragomir, if you don't shut your foul mouth and focus on your godsdamned job this instant, I'll make sure you lose it by the end of the week. Or have you forgotten that Harry and I are largely regarded as heroes of the war? As is the man you are so determined to rail against, I might tell you. Do remind me, what did you do for the war effort again?"
Dragomir turned the colour of putty and returned to his work without a word.
"That's what I thought."
"H-Hermione," said a shocked Harry. "I … Merlin. I didn't even know you knew that word."
Hermione have a wry laugh and sat once more. "He's been going on and on for hours about how unnatural it was to find Severus holding your bloody hand, as if Severus had been shagging you into the mattress while you slept."
Harry flushed crimson. "Dear gods, 'Mione," he choked out.
She shook her head. "Sorry, Harry. It's just, prejudice like that is what we fought so hard to end."
"Well, yes, but I k-kind of need his help."
Hermione fixed another glare on the healer when he started muttering again. "And you'll get the best he can offer in spite of his narrow-minded views or he'll find out exactly how hard the British Ministry can come down on those who short-change war heroes and auror captains in need."
The healer immediately stopped his muttering and redoubled his spellwork.
"Honestly," she huffed. "It's enough to drive a saint to murder."
"No murdering," said Harry in a weak voice, his tears starting anew. "Just … just stop fighting, okay? It's all I hear anymore, and I'm going spare as is."
Hermione sighed and took Harry's hand. "You're right. Forgive me. I'm just trying to protect you and Severus."
Harry squeezed her hand and turned his face into his pillow. "Just want it to stop. Can't take it much longer."
Hermione rubbed his fingers, guilt crushing her. She shouldn't have lashed out—but damn it, the idiot healer had all but driven her to drink! Her confidence in the bastard had dropped by the minute, and if it weren't for Harry's desperate need, she'd have thrown him out on his ear hours before.
Even idiots could sometimes be useful. She kept reminding herself of that as Harry tried in vain to master his emotions. Gods, he looked miserable.
"Harry, I … I know it's not much, but I'm here for you, okay?"
"Thanks, Hermione. I …." He trailed off and stared at the ceiling, his despairing expression quickly forming into a glare. "I never thought I would wish I could shut Sirius up."
Hermione frowned. "Sirius again?"
"He never shuts up, always going on about how Snivellus doesn't deserve me and such. Gods, I half wish …." Harry sobbed and covered his face. "No. No! I'm not … it's not real."
Tears blurred Hermione's vision. Heart aching for her friend, she smoothed Harry's hair, but quickly drew her hand back when he winced and covered his ears as if her touch had hurt them.
"I … I'm sorry, Harry."
"I am too." He covered his face and wept, and Hermione wished she had gone into healing after all.
Despite Dragomir's best efforts, not that Harry put much stock in the bigoted idiot, the curse did not abate. Bellatrix seemed to take great delight in mocking the man's efforts, and Harry wished he knew how to cut out her tongue. Of course, that train of thought only got her started again on how Harry would be as mad as her soon, and he Occluded his mind lest any more evil thoughts creep past his defences.
Even his strongest shields couldn't keep them out for long.
After several hours, the healer gave up, exhausted.
"There is noffing we can do, I think." He gave Harry an apologetic look. "I vill help research this, but it is not responding to my treatments. I do not know what else to do."
Hermione, already at the limit of her patience, stood akimbo and glared at the man. "And this is what the best healer in Europe can offer? Nothing? Pfft."
The healer glared and left in a huff, complaining in his native language about who knows what. Probably women and gays, judging by how he'd gone on about them for the past seven hours.
Some voice in his head Harry didn't recognise said, "He is saying the girl is an idiot. And he is right."
Harry winced. "Hermione, I don't think you should … no one else can help me. He's all I've got."
Hermione tossed her curls in irritation. "Well, you heard him didn't you? His answer is just the same as the other healers'. Research and hope we find something. Bah. I could do that as well by myself, probably better. And Severus can brew you medicines to help you sleep."
Harry gulped. "Hermione … what are you saying?"
She took Harry's hand. "Harry, let's just go home. Let's go to your house and research this ourselves. Between the doe-eyed bimbos and bigoted arseholes who are supposed to be the foremost curse healers in Britain and yet can barely tell a jinx from a hex, I don't trust these jokers any longer."
Harry shuddered. "I … I don't know if I should leave. Is it safe? Am I safe?"
"Itty-bitty-Potter, come to join the madhouse."
Bellatrix's cackle set his teeth on edge and tears flooded his vision.
"No. I'm dangerous, Hermione. You can't."
Hermione gave him an annoyed look. "Harry, you're about as dangerous as a puppy. You're fine. Let's just go home where you can be at peace."
"But … but the medicine." He held up his IV-entangled arm for emphasis.
"That doesn't do a thing to help you sleep. Severus can brew you better, I'm sure. Anyway, let's just go. Maybe being at home where you're comfortable will help."
Harry sighed. "I guess you're right. If I'm going to be miserable, I suppose I might as well be miserable at home."
Hermione thumped him. "None of that. It's going to be okay. Don't give up hope, all right?"
He nodded hesitantly. "Just … don't tell anyone else except for who's researching for me. I … Severus was so terrified. I don't want to worry him."
"You don't think he'll worry when he comes to see you?"
Harry winced. "Well, he doesn't really come all that often. Maybe we'll have it settled before then."
Bellatrix gave an insane laugh. "Good luck!"
Hermione shook her head. "Harry, what about the medicine?"
"Just … just tell him it gave me nightmares again."
"Harry … I don't like this."
"I …."
His dream from that morning filtered into his mind again. Severus broken and torn apart, lying in his arms with the life fading from his eyes. Harry's madness had driven him to attack the one man he loved more than anything. The thought that it might become reality if Severus stayed near him terrified Harry to the core.
He couldn't risk it. He couldn't be around Severus if his presence endangered the man's life. Harry didn't want to endure without him.
"I c-can't, Hermione. I can't do it to him. Please." He closed his eyes around tears, trying to think of an excuse she would believe. He settled for the truth, or at least a part of it. "Besides that, Sirius drives me mad the second he walks in. It's tearing me to pieces, hearing him tear me apart for loving Severus."
"Don't be an idiot, Harry. No one loves that greasy git."
Regulus growled. "Bugger off, Sirius! I loved him—well, not like Harry does, but he isn't friendless!"
"Harry doesn't love that slimy git! He's just been brainwashed! Come on, Harry. You know he's not worth your time."
Harry growled. "Gods, that idiot. He's actually making me think …."
He choked that thought off with a sob. No. He would not admit that his godfather's constant ranting had driven him to occasionally think the man had deserved to fall behind the veil. He wasn't that evil.
"Not yet, ickle Harrykins." Bellatrix cackled maniacally.
Harry bit into his knuckle until it bled. Hermione cringed and eased his hand away.
"Merlin, Harry. If this is what it does to you … all right. But I don't think it's fair to Severus. And I really don't think this is a good idea."
"I know. But … I don't know if I can bear it any longer."
"Just wait, Potty-head. It gets better. Loads better." Another cackle split his eardrums and Harry rubbed his temples to try to get rid of the pain.
Hermione gave him a sad nod and helped him into his robes. "It'll be all right, Harry. We'll just work extra hard to find the answers, so by the time Severus visits, you'll be right as rain."
"He said something about coming tomorrow evening. Make sure he knows not to."
"How?"
"Um … tell him I'm sleeping and the curse wore me out?"
She frowned. "Harry, he's been sitting here with you while you were asleep every night. Why should that stop him?"
"Then tell him I have to be quarantined while it's treated or something. I just … I don't want to … I can't bear it any longer. It's driving me mad."
Hermione hesitated. "I … if you tell him he can't visit you, Harry, I … I don't think I want to see the look in his eyes. He needs you. He needs to know you're okay."
Harry grimaced. "You're right. Well, maybe Sirius will shut up if he knows one visit might keep Severus happy for two weeks."
Sirius shouted, "Fat chance!"
Hermione shook her head. "I doubt he's going to want to stay away that long knowing you're recovering."
Harry blinked hard, overwhelmed and exhausted. "Well, I'll just have to convince him that I'm well!"
Bellatrix's mad laughter reverberated off his ears, but Harry stifled his reaction. Or tried to. Judging by Hermione's sorrowful look, he hadn't managed all that well. His shoulders slumped and he gave up. He'd have to tell her the truth.
"Hermione, it's not just that. I'm afraid. I'm afraid of what this curse is turning me into. I can't risk him. He almost died in my arms once and … and I …." Tears choked his throat. "If I were the one to put him there the second time, I …."
Hermione caught him into a hug. "Oh, Harry!"
"MUDBLOOD! MUDBLOOD BESMIRCHING MY HOME!"
Harry gently pushed her away and rubbed his ears. "S-sorry. I can't bear it."
Hermione sighed. "I really, really don't like this, but I'll make you a deal. I'll try to find a way to keep Severus away during the day if you'll at least let him come at night and try to help you sleep."
"I can't. If you do that, he's going to know I'm still cursed and … and I don't want him to worry."
"Harry, you idiot! He should be worrying!" Hermione sighed. "I don't know what to do. We'll try your way for a few days. That's it. But after that, if I need his help, by gods I'm going to get it and you're going to shut up about it."
Harry snorted wryly. "All right, all right. Just … make sure he's safe, okay? Please."
"And what am I, chopped liver?"
Harry chuckled. "You're a witch I'm actually a bit afraid of right now, so I think you can hold your own."
Hermione tittered. "Good to know." She reached for his hand, but at Harry's pained look, let hers drop instead. "Just … you're not evil, okay? You're not mad. We'll … we'll figure it out."
Bellatrix started her mad laughter again, and this time Sirius was too busy sulking to shut her up. Regulus did the honours with a hard punch, or what sounded like one anyway, and Harry liked the man even more.
"Thanks."
Regulus snorted. "My pleasure. Really."
Somehow, Hermione convinced Severus without alienating him that Harry needed time alone for the cure to work. She told him she was working on taking care of most of his needs, but if he could provide her with Dreamless Sleep, it might help speed his recovery. Severus obliged without trouble and simply asked when he could visit again.
Hermione bit her lip. "Ah, give it a week or so. We'll see how he's doing then. I'll let you know, okay?"
Severus gave her a hurt look. "Hermione, does he not wish to see me at all?"
She gasped. "No, no. It's not that. It's just … he's really feeling off and doesn't want to cause trouble. You know how he is. He really does care about you, sir."
Severus hesitated. "I … I suppose. You will call me if he needs help?"
She nodded, and hoped there would be no need. "Y-yes, of course."
Severus' eyes narrowed. "Your word, Miss Granger."
'Shite. He suspects me already. What am I doing, lying to a spy?'
Hermione sighed. "If he lets me, sir."
"You had best do it either way. If I do not hear from you in three days, I shall apparate in, invitation or no."
Hermione gulped. "Yes, sir. I hope he'll be well by then."
"So do we all," said a suddenly weary-looking Severus. Hermione wished she could hug the man through the floo.
"Severus, it'll be okay. I'll take care of him. Honest."
He sighed. "I trust you. It is only that I worry for him."
"I know. We all do. But I promise I'll call you if … if it gets bad, okay?" That promise she would keep, too.
Severus searched her eyes and nodded after a long moment. "Thank you. I shall send you the potion through the floo." He reached a hand behind his head and, a moment later, passed a phial of dark blue potion through the fire. "Give him two capfuls of that a night. If that does not work, you may try three, but no more than that if you wish him to wake in the morning."
Hermione shuddered. "Yes, sir. Thank you."
Severus nodded. "Please, keep him safe."
"I will, sir."
"See that you do."
He vanished from the floo, and Hermione spent several moments hating herself. "Merlin, I can't help but think this is a bad idea."
With a sigh, she stood and pocketed the potion. Whatever her misgivings, Harry needed his medicine if he was to sleep at all.
"I'm sorry, Severus. I'm just … trying to keep him sane."
As she handed a shaking Harry the potion, she feared keeping Severus away might just make him worse.
'One week, Harry. You have one week, and then I'm bringing him in.'
She just hoped it wasn't necessary.
The voices were driving Harry mad. Every moment of every day, whispers turned to screams, no silence, no peace, not a thought left of his own. He could hardly continue the research with everyone else because of the constant bickering in his brain.
Regulus kept trying to convince Sirius—who sank in Harry's regard further every day—that he wasn't a traitor to the light and he'd died trying to save them all. Harry had supported him and provided proof of his claims, but Sirius had just denied it claiming that Harry had been poisoned by the Slytherins and so his opinion didn't matter. Every time he said this, it broke Harry and Regulus both to pieces and Remus sank further and further into silent despair. Harry spent his first two nights home crying, wondering if he had ever even known his godfather at all.
Even that did not move Sirius from his sulk.
Before long, Harry had an uncontrollable urge to return to Grimmauld Place. He wanted to know if he had truly misread his family so badly, and had the idea that if he started there, maybe he could find out. Besides that, there seemed to be something … off about his house lately, and that same something was pulling him to the Black ancestral home. Considering all the voices in his head appeared to be of that origin, maybe going to their house would shut them the hell up for five minutes.
Bellatrix's cackling at that thought did not encourage Harry, but still, he couldn't push the idea aside.
"Hermione?" Harry walked into the living room, dragging his sleeves down to hide the welts he had inflicted upon himself the night before. "Could we go to Grimmauld Place?"
She blinked. "Grimmauld? Why?"
"Well, I thought … all my voices are Blacks. Maybe it will shut them up for a bit."
She pushed her heavy tome aside and grinned. "It's worth a shot. And we might just find some answers. If it's a Black family curse, it might be in the library. Or hidden somewhere—you know how Kreacher likes to keep a stash. We should search the whole house."
"While I'm still able, you mean?"
She paled. "Harry, we … we'll find it. I … I'm sure of it."
He gave a bitter laugh and rubbed his eyes. "I'm not sure of anything anymore."
She gave him a friendly nudge with her elbow. "Well, let's just try your idea before we consign you to the rubbish bin, hmm? It might help."
Harry nodded and let her lead him away.
Even in Grimmauld, the voices didn't stop.
They searched the library for any clue about Harry's illness, but nothing appeared on Hermione's scans and Harry's manual research yielded little results. He couldn't focus over the voices anyway.
One by one, his team came to join them, tearing the house up from top to bottom for hidden tomes, Summoning journals left and right, and Ron even tried a revealer on the stack of old porn mags under Sirius' bed hoping they had things more interesting than busty ladies inside. Even Kreacher tried to help, but by the time bedtime rolled around and they had found nothing in aid of curing Harry, they had to concede defeat.
Padma brushed dust from her nose and sighed. "Well, we'll call in the rest of the books the aurors removed from this place. I'll go back to the office before I go home and put in the request with Robards." She shook her head. "Nothing particularly dangerous is left here, and I don't think a curse like that will be in a mundane theory text."
Ron nodded and shoved a stack of books aside. "I think she's right, Harry. We'll spend a day or two hunting down all the old books and that'll be the answer. You'll see."
Hermione gave Harry an appraising look, and he shied away from her gaze. He looked like hell right now and he knew it.
She sighed and patted his shoulder. "Well, for now, let's just get you home and into bed, okay?"
Harry nodded mutely and stood, letting Hermione lead him from the house. He wasn't capable of resisting even if the voices in his head did rail against him. Not that he wanted to. However much they might like this place, Harry really, really didn't.
Regulus screamed louder than them all. "Harry, stop! Don't!"
But Harry was already out the door. Then he stepped off the stoop and immediately wished he hadn't. Terrible pain shot through him, blinding him in its intensity. He covered his face, trying to keep it from ripping away, and pulled his hands back covered in blood.
"It's tearing me! Oh gods, it's tearing me."
"Harry!" Ron cried out and scooped him up, carrying him bridal-style back into the house.
The pain stopped as soon as Harry passed through the front door. The voices stopped screaming too, at least at the top of their lungs anyway.
"Harry?" Ron looked down at him. "Are you … okay now?"
Harry panted. "Y-yeah. But I don't think I can go home. I think … I'm stuck here."
Padma rushed to his aid and started healing what damage she could find. "Ron … I think he's right."
Harry just whimpered and buried his face in Ron's shoulder.
"BLOOD TRAITORS! MUGGLE LOVERS! FILTH IN MY HOME!"
He barely resisted the urge to break into tears.
