A/N: Just a quick note: Agents 3, 4 and 8 are the same age in this fic. Somewhere around 16-18, I didn't write the first chapter with a specific age in mind.

Also, rating will be bumped up in future chapter due to some serious themes.


"Agent 3 reporting for duty, sir!"

The inkling boy stiffened his pose into a military salute in front of the door, forgetting for a moment that all the apartments had at least some level of soundproofing – probably due to the recent popularity of blasting pop songs at full volume in the ungodly hours of the night. Knocking was a less stylish way to let his presence be known, but it was pretty much the only option he had besides screaming on top of his lungs. He had done that once, and the building staff was not happy at all about it.

Three knocks against the rigid wooden door. It was possible to hear the muffled sound of footsteps coming from inside the apartment, followed by the faint metal jingle of keys being picked up. And finally, the sound of a lock being opened.

"Agent 3 reporting for duty, sir!" He tried again, looking up at the face of the person who answered the door. A fuchsia tentacle was draped over the right side of his face, covering his crimson eye. He was squinting with the uncovered left eye, either because of the lack of glasses or because someone had knocked on his dorm at two in the morning. He was a few inches taller than Agent 3 and currently wearing white squid-patterned boxers and a shirt with "I'm Rank X-treme!" written on it in big bubbly letters. He blinked a few times, before slowly walking out of the way so the other could get inside the apartment.

"I assume you want to sleep here today." He said bluntly, rubbing his tired eyelids.

"Someone's extra grumpy tonight, huh? Sorry for the late arrival, I was going to come here right away but you know I can't resist going to the late night turf wars." Agent 3 let out a small chuckle, visibly flustered by the sudden kiss. "So…What's up? What is the status update on our super-secret Inkopolis protection mission, Agent 4?"

"You've been missing for three whole days, Kama." The taller inkling's voice had a hint of worry to it, but it remained calm and calculated like its owner. "You said it was just a research mission on Mt. Nantai. When I called Marie to ask her to locate you using your communicator, she gladly informed me that you and Cuttlefish were at least a thousand feet underground."

"It was just a research mission, Sal! Until a group of octarians showed up out of nowhere, and... And–" Kama's sentence slowly devolved into an inaudible mumble as he felt his ink-stained hero jacket being unzipped and thrown away, revealing the black tank top he always wore underneath it.

"Cuts." Sal whispered to himself, trailing a hand along the bruises that ran from Kama's knuckles to about half his forearm. "What weapon did this to you?"

"Oh! That was actually uh... I kinda had to break a giant blender with my bare fists." He let out a small chuckle, scratching the back of his neck. He received a doubtful stare from Sal, followed the raising of one of his eyebrows.

"…Alright. I guess I can believe in that. That's not the weirdest thing I've heard during these three days." Sal finally let out a sigh, running a hand over his face. "I would have gone with you if I knew it was going to be that dangerous. You had me really worried, you know that?"

"Geez, you sound like my mom. It was fine, really!" Kama grinned, showing off the cute little fangs that Sal loved so much. Cheap trick, but it always worked. "There was a subway station with some weird… Jellyfish, I think? But turns out it was just a front to turn innocent people into goo that would be used to wipe out all life on Earth."

Sal quickly checked Kama's head for any signs of concussion, receiving an unamused look coming in return. "I'm telling the truth! And oh, I even made friends with an octoling! He was one of the guys who ambushed us during the visit to Mt. Nantai, but then we became bros after he saved me from being brainwashed by an evil telephone."

"Nothing you're saying makes sense right now, Kama. How about you tell me all about your adventure tomorrow afternoon after training? Also, Marie already informed me of the so-called "new agent welcoming party"happening Friday. For your octoling friend, I suppose."

Kama nodded and opened his mouth to speak, but then realized that saying Pearl and Marina from Off the Hook were going to become new agents as well would probably make Sal call for psychiatric help. He closed his mouth in a half pout that shifted into a smile once he felt Sal kiss his exposed forehead.

"Can you pick me up?" Kama asked after closing the door of the apartment, making a grabby hands motion at the other. Sal didn't need to be asked twice, carefully sweeping him off his feet and holding his legs and shoulders in a bridal carry-like position. "Thanks! Can you say the thing now?"

"I'm not going to say the thing."

"C'mon dude, I saved Inkopolis and probably the whole world! I deserve to hear the thing."

Sal let out a long, exhausted sigh. He closed his eyes for a moment, then took a deep breath and shifted his facial expression and voice to a more serious tone. "Agent 4 reporting to Sheldon. I've located this unknown object right outside my apartment. I have made sure it's not an octarian trap or anything of the sort, but its properties are still unknown. It doesn't look like it's made of sardinium or any other metal, but rather… Boyfriend material."

Kama burst into a fit of giggles, a small orange blush appearing on his face as he heard the thing for about the tenth time that month. They soon arrived at Sal's bedroom, a place so neat and tidy that Kama sometimes had his doubts about whether or not his boyfriend even slept there. Sal gently put him onto the bed and moved his hands up to Kama's head, taking off the headband that tied his tentacles together in a small bun.

"You want me to wake you up when I leave the house at seven?" Sal walked around the bed and laid down besides Kama, pulling the blankets over them.

"Hm… Nah, my legs are gonna be hurting as heck tomorrow. It's gonna be the second time I don't watch you guys train though, is that alright?"

"Lin is going to be a little sad, but it's fine by me. We just need to practice formations, so it's not going to be that entertaining to watch."

"Dude, you guys are like the second best ranked battle team of all Inkopolis! It's never not interesting to watch." Kama retorted as he wiggled out of the rest of his clothes, now only in his boxers.

"Whatever you say." Sal turned around to face him, pressing his lips against Kama's for a brief moment before closing his eyes. "Sleep well, hero."

"Oh. It all makes sense now."

Sal was lying. Kama's story about his adventure the week prior did not make any sense whatsoever, at least from a logical standpoint. A human-made machine that had somehow survived twelve-thousand years and was using liquefied people as ammunition for a mass destruction weapon all along? It all sounded like the plot of some cheesy cartoon to him – although he did messaged Marie while Kama was getting himself a whale milkshake and the facts matched up pretty well.

"Dude, you're still insisting on wearing that face mask thing? You're not even sick." Kama frowned, taking another loud slurp of his drink. "You're not gonna be able to eat your… Whatever you just bought with that thing on."

"Soursop juice. They started growing this en-masse at the Kelp Domes, so it's getting much cheaper than before. And it's not really that hard." Sal rolled his eyes, tugging on the white mask that was currently covering his nose and mouth to loosen it up a little. He put a bendy straw on his plastic cup and reached the tip into the mask from above. "You do realize getting into a manhole is not a normal thing, right? That's why they made the shortcut to Octo Canyon there, so no one would accidentally enter it."

"I still did though. Crazy to think that not looking where I'm going while in squid form led to me becoming one of the most feared figures between the Octarians. I thought I'd just injure myself." Kama grinned, throwing his now empty plastic cup onto a nearby trash can. "How did you find it then?"

"I thought I heard someone falling into it and went to help them." Sal's answer didn't sound very convincing, but Kama knew better than to force his boyfriend to say possibly embarrassing this about himself in public.

"Whatever. Oh yeah, are you excited to meet the octoling I told you about?"

"You bet I'm excited to meet the person who made my boyfriend not text me back until midnight for a whole week because you're supposedly showing him around."

"Aww, is someone getting jealous now?" Kama smirked, gently nudging Sal's arm with his elbow and causing him to choke on his drink for a moment.

"No. Of course not." Sal responded almost mechanically, and then suddenly disappeared from sight. Upon closer inspection, Kama could see that they had already arrived at the manhole that was actually a secret passage to Octo Canyon. How Sal could turn into a squid so fast was a mystery, but it was one of the factors that led to him being one of the best of all Inkopolis. Kama rolled his eyes at his boyfriend's behavior and quickly followed behind him after making sure no one was looking his way.

The trip to Octo Canyon took only a few minutes. Kama could hear the sound of Sal sliding through the pipes in front of him, but the pitch-blackness of the passageway made it impossible for him to actually see anything. Soon enough the tube made a sudden vertical turn, and they came out of the manhole on the other side. Sal was patiently waiting for his boyfriend besides the exit, looking blankly at nowhere in particular. Kama took his hand and soon the two of them walked forward through the metalic bridge that connected the entryway to the rest of the land.

Tentakeel Outpost remained pretty much identical after Octavio's second defeat. The only notable difference was that all the kettles were now carelessly shut with duct tape. On the plane stone ground besides it, there was a large checkered picnic blanket with all sorts of snacks and drinks over it. There were two people sitting by each side of the cloth square: Callie and Marie in one, Pearl and Marina on the other, an empty space for the two, and the last one had Captain Cuttlefish sitting besides a not-so-unknown octoling.

"…And that's the story of how I almost went to jail!" The shorter inkling known as Pearl said with a grin on her face. She was the first to notice their arrival, although the whole group turned their heads to face them soon after. "Oh hey Agent 3! Who's that guy with you? I thought this was supposed to be a secret meeting or something."

In a rather awkward turn of events, three people replied simultaneous: Kama said "boyfriend", Marie answered with "Agent 4" and Sal himself simply repeated his name. The two of them sat down quietly, with Kama sitting next to the octoling and Sal besides Marie.

"Loos like everybody's here!" Callie smiled, clapping her hands together. She was wearing a beanie with a star on it, black shorts and a simple gray shirt under a pink coat. "Grandpa, the speech."

"What speech?" The googly-eyed elderly inkling tilted his head slightly in confusion.

Callie let out a sigh. "The speech for the new agents. We made one yesterday, remember?"

"Ah yes, I do now!" Cuttlefish suddenly jumped to a standing position all of a sudden, almost stomping a piece of toast with his old sandals. He would have cracked all his joints, if inklings had any.

"Ahem. We are all gathered here today to cherish the brave acts demonstrated by our fellow inkling and octoling partners. The fight against the Octarian Army feels like an everlasting event, but our struggles and the power of the Calamari Inkantation have brought us one step closer to a peaceful future where inklings and octolings will be able to coexist in peace. Marina Ida, Pearl Hime and… Hey, what's your name again?"

The octoling got flustered as all the eyes were suddenly placed onto him, a small red blush spreading across his face. He wasn't sitting down like the others, instead being in a peculiar squatting position – The same pose he did on the helicopter ride, as Kama remembered. He was wearing a white crop top and black shorts, coincidentally (or not) matching Marina's black crop top and white shorts. Sal wondered if showing one's abdomen was something significant in octoling culture.

"Eh? Ah, that's right, you still didn't get your memories back yet, did you?" Cuttlefish pointed his cane at the boy.

"A-Ah, no no, I did already." He raised his arms defensively. His voice was soft and somewhat relaxing, even when he was flustered like that. "I just… Haven't been named yet."

That sentence was met with surprised gasps and gazes – except from Marina, whose smiled seemed to falter a little. Perhaps she knew the reason for that? Nevertheless, her joyful demeanor returned as soon as Kama looked over at her.

"Well, why don't you choose a name now then?" Kama finally broke the awkward silence. "Take as long as you want, of course! You can change it later since you haven't made an ID card yet, but it's still a pretty big decision."

It was the octoling's turn to get surprised, almost losing his balance. He raised a hand to his chin, pondering for a while before speaking up. "I… I think Fen is a nice name."

"Fen! It's certainly nice indeed." Cuttlefish nodded, continuing his speech. "Marina Ida, Pearl Hime and Fen! I hereby proclaim you agents 5, 6 and 8 respectively."

"Aren't we missing a number?" Marie asked, fidgeting around with the folds of her traditional kimono absentmindedly.

Marina nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I think we don't have an agent 7 yet. Or… Do we? I don't know, I joined today after all."

"Why of course we do. I'm agent 7!" Cuttlefish made a peace sign with his free hand, and was met with facepalms and disappointed sighs from the other inklings.

"No grandpa, you can't be agent 7 because you're the leader of the group."

"Well as the leader, I proclaim that I can indeed be agent 7." Cuttlefish sat down again. Before they could start a arguing about the agent numbering issue, Pearl was the one who got up to speak.

"Yeah yeah, whatever gramps. Now that all the boys are here, it's time to discuss the REALLY important issues." She pointed at Kama and Sal with one hand and Fen with the other. "What are y'all's favorite idol duos: Squid Sisters or Off the Hook?"

"Pearlie, we discussed about this earlier…" Marina sighed, but she knew very well there was no way to stop the pygmy squid when she had her mind set on something.

"I'll go first! I like the Squid Sisters the most!" Kama said with a smile, making Callie wrap an arm around her cousin and cheer. "Sal, what about you? I guess this is something I've never asked you, is it?"

Sal crossed his arms. "I personally think idol culture is just another quick and reliable cash grab that is toxic to both the fans and the idols themselves. It idealizes a form of purity that is unnatural, while also encouraging sexual assault and stalking as if they were just normal fan behavior. Therefore, I refuse to pick a side in this vile cycle of catering to shallow trends and dropping off singers as soon as they're too old or act in the slightest in a way that is harmful to the company that employs them. I'd much rather listen to bands such as Turquoise October, who do it for the love of the music rather than fame and fortune."

"…"

"Um, the Squid Sisters changed my life with the Calamari Inkantation, but… After being introduced to the inkling culture by Kama this week, I think I kinda prefer Off the Hook's songs." Everyone let out a sigh of relief as Fen broke the tense silence.

"Hm… I didn't expect it to be a draw." Pearl pouted, sitting back down. "I guess we're gonna have to wait for an agent 7 to show up to end this once in for all."

"Agent 7 is here, and he likes the Squid Sisters best!"

"For the last time grandpa, you're not agent 7!"

"I can be whatever I want, I'm a grown squid!"

"Maybe we should make Sheldon agent 7 since he always helps us a ton?"

"Be quiet Kama, the adults are talking!"

"You're barely twenty years old yet!"

"And somehow still more mature than you are!"

Sal watched as the "discussion" quickly shifted into a bunch of incoherent screaming in which even Marie and Marina were taking part. He stuffed a bunch of popcorn in his mouth with a sigh, and then placed the bowl in front of Fen. "They're going to take a while. Welcome to the New Squidbeak Splatoon, it's like this everyday and it's only going to get worse."

"Hey, don't discourage Fen like that just because you're jealous." Kama teased, nudging Sal's side once again (fortunately not making him choke this time). The shouting suddenly stopped and everyone was looking at Sal with smirks on their faces.

"I'm not jealous. This is a misunderstanding." He rolled his eyes, starting to scout for different foods across the picnic blanket so all the looks he was getting wouldn't fluster him.

"He's been grumpy because I've been spending more time with Fen than with him this week."

Pearl chimed into the conversation before Sal could make an excuse for himself. "Don't worry, I know how you feel! I wouldn't let anyone take Marina away from me!"

"Marie is also the jealous type, you know?" Callie covered her chuckles with a hand in front of her mouth. Marie simply nodded, focused on eating rather than paying full attention to the conversation. "She's never let me have a boyfriend myself because she didn't want someone other than her spending time with me."

"I'll… I'll try not to steal your boyfriend, Sal." Fen said in a sarcastic yet fairly genuine sounding tone, which made the whole group burst into laughter.

"Oh shut up. All of you." Sal crossed his arms over his chest. It was probably no use talking to them anymore, he just wished the topic would change soon enough.

It wasn't as if he didn't like the octoling – much the opposite, he seemed pretty chill ("and kind of cute") and would probably make a great friend for Kama. But he just had a bad feeling about the situation. Something he couldn't really explain without sounding like he was just jealous.

It's like he always said: Something must go wrong eventually.