Warnings: None.
Summary: The boys discuss their unique situation with Draco and finally learn the cost of that dark healing spell from 5 years ago.
CHAPTER 10
Heart and Soul
Harry woke snuggled in Severus' arms and sighed in contentment. "Ah, this is good."
Severus nuzzled Harry's neck. "I was beginning to wonder if I should wake you. It is after seven, and I know you are usually awake much earlier than this."
"Mm, is it? Merlin." Harry yawned and arched into Severus. "S'nice waking up to you."
Severus kissed his cheek. "You seemed to be sleeping well."
"Yeah. As soon as you held me, the nightmares stopped."
"Then I shall hold you every night."
Harry turned to kiss his sleepy mouth. "I have no objections."
Severus smiled and traced Harry's lip with a gentle fingertip. "As loath as I am to leave this bed, we should probably tell Draco that something changed in your curse since yesterday. If we hurry, we can still catch him before work."
Harry snorted. "If you're going to do that at this hour, then … Kreacher!"
The house elf appeared with a pop and rubbed his eyes. "Yes, Master? Oh!" He jerked out of sleepiness with a gasp. "Master, you are well again?"
Harry paused. "Not quite well. Severus is helping me keep the curse at bay."
Kreacher blinked. "Oh. I am sorry, Master. I had hoped …."
"What, Kreacher?"
Kreacher's eyes darted between Severus and Harry, but he lowered his head without voicing his thoughts. "It is not a house elf's business, Master."
Harry smiled. "Actually, it might be. Severus is my partner now as well."
Kreacher gasped. "Oh! Congratulations, Masters."
Severus groaned and clutched Harry flush against him, whispering in the younger man's ear. "Do you have any idea what it does to me to hear you say that? To call me your partner?"
Harry felt it for certain. "I might have some." He wriggled his backside for emphasis.
Severus hissed and put a bit of space between them. "Too soon and too odd with a house elf looking at me," he muttered.
Harry petted Severus' hands. "It's all right, sweetheart." Severus' snort made Harry grin. "Er, we'd best hurry anyway if we're going to catch Draco before he leaves. Kreacher, that's why I called. If we're asking Draco over here early, we'd best have a pot of strong coffee ready to go. Would you mind making one for us?"
Kreacher grinned. "I will prepare some for you, Masters. Is there anything Masters will be wanting for breakfast?"
"Not until after Draco leaves. Draco will have already eaten by this hour and I don't want to make him late."
"But if you are to make something for breakfast," said Severus, "Harry will need to eat lightly for a few days, until his stomach adjusts to having food again. Porridge and fruit would be good for now."
"Yes, Masters. I will get the coffee on then, and ready the porridge for later."
"Thanks, Kreacher," said a stunned Harry.
Severus bowed in thanks as well.
The elf bowed and popped away, and Harry gave Severus a shocked look.
Severus frowned. "What? Did I overstep my bounds in ordering breakfast for you?"
Harry chewed his lip. "It's not that. It's just … he obeyed you."
Severus stared at the place where the elf had been. "Merlin. You have a point. He does not obey anyone else, does he?"
Harry shook his head. "He's gotten a lot better about being respectful in the past few years, but he still doesn't obey anyone but me. And you now, apparently."
Severus frowned. "That should not have occurred until after the bonding."
"I know. Maybe it was just because what you said was to my benefit?"
"I don't know. Perhaps."
Harry shrugged. "We'll find out eventually, I suppose. Come on, though. We'd better get up if we're going to catch Draco."
"Indeed."
Ten minutes later, Harry was nursing a cup of coffee at the kitchen table, Severus at his side, when Draco came stumbling out of the floo half-dressed and buttoning his robes.
"Was there any particular reason why you called for me at such an hour? Robards is already going to ride my arse for …." Draco paused and rubbed his eyes. "Wait a moment. You're not touching any longer."
"Good of you to notice," said Harry with a snort. "Coffee?"
"Merlin, yes."
Harry handed him a fresh cup and the condiments. "Well? Have you learned anything since last night?"
Draco frowned. "I did some research and have a few ideas, but whether they're any good or not depends on what you did to be able to break the connection. So?"
Harry's cheeks flamed. "Er … we kissed."
Draco almost dropped his coffee. "You kissed him?"
"I kissed him, actually," said Severus with a smirk. "Then he returned it."
"Oh." Draco rubbed his lip in thought, much like Severus did. Maybe it was a Slytherin thing. "In that case, I think I was right about the cure and the cause, if not what the actual curse is."
Harry harrumphed when Draco sipped his coffee with no further comment. "Well?"
"As for the cause: you two are half-souled."
Harry blinked. "What?"
"Half-souled. You heard me."
Severus narrowed his eyes. "What proof do you have of this?"
"Well, you," Draco pointed at Severus, "were a right miserable git most of your life. But as soon as Harry was conceived, things began changing for you."
"Coincidence, as around the time Harry was conceived is also when the Dark Lord began targeting Lily. There is also the fact that I was 'a right miserable git' for several years afterwards too."
"Hmm, possible." Draco shook his head. "But I don't think it's likely. Especially since right after then, you had a major change of heart and turned back to the light." He turned to Harry. "It's what happens when one half-souled mate is significantly older than the other—the older starts out mean and dark, but once the other enters the world, their life changes drastically."
"That is all coincidental, as I have said," Severus said with a frown. "What about Harry?"
"There was that thing with the …." Draco wiggled his finger in front of his forehead. "The you-know-what. Might have affected him. Or he might have just been born for you. Hell, dying and coming back might have made him half-souled. I don't know. There's no precedent to Harry."
"Thanks," Harry muttered, then froze. "Dying and coming back."
Harry flashed five years into the past, to holding a dying Severus in his arms and a hastily-spoken healing spell, whispered amongst puddles of blood and horcrux-tainted venom.
"Oh gods. Severus …."
Sick, icy dread rolled over him in waves as he realised, after all these years, what the cost of that particular dark spell actually was. The magic had saved Severus' life, but at the cost of half of his soul.
And half of Harry's own.
"Oh gods!"
"Harry!" Severus gripped the younger man's shoulders and shook him a bit. Only then did Harry realise the man had been calling for him for some time. "Sweet Circe, what on earth has terrified you so? Is it the voices, pet? Has the curse returned?"
Harry choked down a wave of bile and shook his head. Oh fuck. What had he done? They were horcruxes, or had them, or something. Souls torn down the middle, cut cleanly in two by Harry's rashness. Severus had spent his entire life fighting magic like this—he would never forgive Harry when he knew.
It just figured that the moment Harry found something beautiful, something he wanted so desperately to keep, life would have to snatch it from his grasp. But then, it was his own fault. If he'd only paid more attention in class, maybe, just maybe, he might have been able to save Severus' life without condemning their souls.
Tears streaked down Harry's cheeks. Oh gods. He had really done it now, hadn't he?
"Harry, please. You're terrifying me. What is it?"
The unusually high pitch of Severus' voice and his frantic eyes forced Harry to speak despite his dry, aching throat.
"S-Sev'rus—that dark spell. The healing spell. Did you … ever discover the cost?"
Severus frowned. "I did not. It is only referenced in that particular book and there has been no research done upon it, so there is precious little information to work with. But what does this have to do with—oh. Oh gods." He went white as a sheet. "You think the spell …?"
Harry gave him a terse nod and squeezed his eyes shut, waiting for the blow to fall.
Severus sighed. "Well, that is a relief. It could have been much worse."
Harry choked. "A relief? I obliterated half of our souls and you're relieved?"
Draco cried, "Obliterated!"
Severus grabbed Harry's hand. "Pet, no. It is not so dire."
"Not so dire? Are you mad? I … I made us into horcruxes. Or I made horcruxes. I ripped away half our souls and now when … when we die, we're going to be monsters like he was! Oh, oh gods. I … I really am as bad as Riddle."
"What?" Draco's screech rebounded off Harry's ears.
Harry curled into himself, tears choking his breath.
"S-sorry, Severus. So sorry."
Harry gasped as Severus scooped him up and deposited Harry into his lap. "Harry, pet, listen to me. The condition of being half-souled does not mean we literally have half a soul. If that were the case, you and I would have long since begun demonstrating signs of madness—and not as a result of your curse—and we would not have symbiotic magic."
Harry sniffled and sat up, hope slowly returning to his heart. "We w-wouldn't?"
"No. Symbiotic magic requires a deep connection between wizards, and as half-souled, we would have such a bond naturally. To be half-souled means you retain half of your soul, but also carry half of mine, and I carry half of mine and half of yours. We are not half-obliterated or horcruxes—we are linked. Bonded, in a way. You are the guardian of half of my soul and I guard half of yours."
"So … so we're not mutilated?"
Severus traced a hand down Harry's cheek, gently wiping tears away. "Perhaps if you had spoken that spell after my heart stopped, we would have been, but as it is, no. We are only paired."
Harry fell onto Severus' neck with a sob. "Oh gods. I thought I'd torn your soul away, I thought I'd ruined you forever and you … you'd never be able to forgive me."
Severus rubbed Harry's back and held him close. "Ssh. Be at peace, pet. As costs for dark spells go, this was relatively light."
"Could've been worse. Could've been so much worse. I'm such an idiot. I should've—"
"Harry, ssh. We have gone over this before. Yes, you were a foolish, brash Gryffindor who deserved a sound spanking at the time, but it is over now. We are safe."
"But tied together for life. Eternity, really. Are you going to … is that bad?"
Severus smiled and kissed Harry's forehead. "An eternity sharing life with you? No. I find the idea rather soothing actually." He frowned. "Unless … you would not wish to …?"
Harry shook his head hard and kissed Severus lightly. "I already told you I haven't been whole without you." He gave Severus a wry smile. "I didn't realise it was literal."
Severus snorted. "No indeed." He rubbed Harry's cheek. "Are you all right?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I think I'm okay now. Just got really scared."
"Hmm."
Harry moved to get up, but Severus squeezed him tight.
"Stay. I rather enjoy holding you like this."
Draco's annoyed tone made them both jump. "Is anyone going to explain this supposed spell to me?"
Harry groaned and hid his face in Severus' hair.
Severus chuckled and patted his back. "Yes, I do suppose you are about to receive yet another round of having your ears boxed, pet. It is what comes of using dark magic without knowing the cost."
"But you would have died!"
Severus hesitated. "Had it truly torn half of my soul away, Harry, it might have been better for me to die that night. We were lucky. This spell simply bound us together, but it might have done truly terrible things. Dark magic is classified as such for a reason."
Harry cringed and swallowed a wave of tears. He had only been trying to save Severus' life. It was the only option available to him at the time. He had thought Severus had forgiven him, but after all this time … maybe he still carried a grudge.
"Ssh." Severus soothed him with a gentle caress. "This spell worked in our favour, pet, and you know I forgave you years ago. I only said what I did to warn you off making another such reckless attempt in the future."
"Won't," Harry whispered. "I know how to heal now—I made damn sure I paid attention to those classes so I'd never need such a dangerous spell again. Padma is our official field medic, but only because I'm the better dueller. I trained just as hard. I even studied your chant."
Severus chuckled. "Good work, pet." He ran his fingers through Harry's hair in a calming motion, and Harry thought he might melt into a puddle of goo or start kicking his foot. With a sigh, he sank into Severus' arms, more than content to let his … soul mate do the talking.
At least he was until Draco heard the full story and started screeching at him in earnest. Then he would have rather gone back to bed.
Merlin, it was too early for this.
After Draco had finished chewing off Harry's ear, the aristocratic boy sat and downed another cup of coffee in three long swigs. "Damn, Harry, but you do find your way into trouble's pocket enough, don't you?"
Harry snorted. "Find my way there? It carries me around like a toy."
Draco chuckled and poured himself a third cup of coffee, toasting Harry's statement. "Cheers."
Harry harrumphed. "It's not like I enjoyit, you know."
"Merlin, Harry, of course you do. It's a Gryffindor thing. You boast, you strut around like peacocks, and you run half-arsed into danger like maniacs."
Harry raised an eyebrow. "Now, I wonder who else in this room that might describe?"
Draco snorted and pretended to be offended. "I, run half-arsed into danger?"
Severus smirked. "I can think of at least fifty separate occasions—"
Draco blushed and hurriedly cut off his godfather's words. "Yes, well, no need to get into that now."
Harry chuckled. "What, don't want to share family time?"
"Considering who my family is, Potter, most definitely not."
"Touché." Harry nabbed a biscuit and nibbled thoughtfully at the edges. "Well, now that you've had your say, Draco, how exactly did you know Severus and I were half-souled? I'm pretty sure you're right—mostly because Severus is sure—but I really don't know how you figured it out."
"The fact that only Severus could heal you and that it was his touch that did it." Draco rubbed his lip again. "You said you two kissed yesterday, right? Did it feel … normal? Or far too good to be normal?"
Harry's blush gave away the game.
Severus murmured, "It felt as though the world had come into alignment."
Harry turned and pressed a light kiss into Severus' lips. Both shivered and clutched at each other.
"Yeah, that's too powerful, I think," said Draco with a smirk. "I mean, it's supposed to be good when it's right, but planets aligning? Shocks from even a simple peck? I think it's obvious you two are soul-mates."
Harry frowned. "So the planet-aligning kisses, magical symbiosis, and curse-healing are a part of being half-souled?"
"The kisses and symbiosis, to be sure," said Severus with a frown. "But this raises some interesting questions. If Harry and I are half-souled, why did Bellatrix's curse not affect us both? That spell hit a wide area."
Draco rubbed his chin. "Well, we'd already determined that the curse has something to do with the Black family bloodline. That being the case, we had three potential victims there, not including Bellatrix: you, Harry, and myself. Harry and I are Black family members, you and Harry are half-souled, but only Harry was both. So I'm guessing that the curse only hits those of the Black family with weakened souls."
"How could she know?" Harry slammed his hand on the table. "She was mad, Draco! How could she know to use the one curse that would cripple me and me alone?"
Draco shrugged. "She probably didn't know. It was probably just in the front of her mind and she got lucky. Or unlucky, as the case may be."
"Or she knew and she'd been planning that revenge for years."
"It is … possible," said Severus with a shiver. "If she was aware of the horcrux in your scar, she may have thought it would weaken your own soul."
Harry winced. "Couldn't be. No one knew of that. Not even you knew of the specifics, Severus, and besides Professor Dumbledore, you were the best informed person of the war. Better informed than me, to be sure."
"She may have worked it out for herself, Harry."
"But she was mad, Severus. How?"
Severus frowned. "You make a good point. Perhaps she simply believed the Dark Lord's possession of you in fifth year to be enough of a catalyst, or that you killed him."
Harry winced. "Now that makes much more sense." He shuddered. "Merlin, she's a manky bitch."
"Absolutely," Severus agreed with a scowl. "The world is better off without her."
"Indeed." Draco frowned and sipped at his coffee. "I wonder—is it possible that someone passed that curse to her? She was never a good woman—Mother said she was always cruel—but Mother also said she was sane until about a few months after we were born, Harry."
Severus grimaced. "Damn. Don't remind me about the month of age difference between my partner and my godson."
Draco smirked. "And your godson is older."
Severus groaned.
Harry swatted Severus' shoulder. "I'm only younger in numbers, Severus. We both know I've lived two lifetimes of trouble in my twenty-four years."
Draco snorted. "By that definition, I'm still not much off your age."
"Younger though."
Draco shrugged. "Considering the criteria for being older by your definition, I'll take it."
Harry laughed. "Fair enough. I only said you were younger because I've been a target since before I was born. You've certainly had enough trouble to …." He frowned. "Wait a minute. A few months after I was born? Merlin, Severus. That's about the same time Regulus must have gone after the locket. You don't suppose …?"
"Regulus? Perhaps." Severus tapped a fingertip against the centre of his lip. "The timing is correct, pet. He might have hoped that by driving Bellatrix mad, he would be taking her out of action. It is only to our misfortune that she thrived in madness."
"I'm not sure thrived is the word I'd use." Harry gave Severus a heartsick look. "I don't understand. If Regulus did cast the curse, then he knew about it. Why didn't he tell me?"
Severus stroked Harry's cheek. "I suppose because he did not wish to take away your hope. He could not have known you were half-souled, or if he did, who the other half of your soul was. It is more likely he believed your soul became weakened upon dying, battling, and killing Riddle. Perhaps he did not know you could be cured and did not want to break you."
Harry frowned. "Possible. These last few times I've broken away from you for one reason or another, he's been shouting at me to get back to you as quickly as possible."
"There you have it then. He was only trying to protect you however he could."
Harry shook his head. "I suppose we won't know for certain until we can break the curse and restore his portrait, but it sounds likely. Especially if Severus is the only cure." He shuddered and rubbed his arms. "Merlin. I don't like this. If you leave me, Severus, I'll only have half a soul and I'll go mad. I … I'm so scared."
Severus cradled Harry tight and brought him into a gentle, yet paralysing kiss. Harry felt the shocks down to his toes.
"Peace, my Harry. I have no intention of leaving you and you will always have an entire soul, though your makeup is different than most. I do not mind sharing mine with you."
Harry flushed to his ears. "Really?"
"Yes, pet. As you have said, I did not feel complete before now either."
Harry gave him a brilliant smile. "Oh, Severus. Gods, I'm so glad I saved you, even if I was stupid about it."
Severus caressed Harry's cheek. "I am as well. I would never have experienced this if not for you." The man tilted Harry's chin down and kissed his forehead over the scar. "I am glad you survived as well. I thought we would both perish that night."
Harry frowned and leaned back. "Wait a minute. That night … I should have died. You remember I told you in the hospital that after I let Riddle 'kill' me, I woke up in the train station and talked to Dumbledore?"
Severus nodded. "What of it?"
"Dumbledore said the reason I survived that confrontation was because my soul was pure and whole and his was … mutilated beyond saving. How can I have survived if I only have half my own soul and it was weak enough to fall prey to Bellatrix's curse?"
Severus frowned. "I … that is a good question. My soul is not pure—I have killed …." He went stark white. "Oh gods. I have tainted you. Your soul … I have … oh …." He tried to leave, tried to push Harry away and run, but Harry grabbed him into a tight hug and kissed him hard.
"Ssh. Severus, your soul is beautiful. And I've killed too."
Tears slipped down Severus' cheeks. "As an auror and in self-defence, not murder! Pet, please. Let me … I can't bear it."
He made to run off, but Draco's shout rooted him in place three metres from the door.
"Severus Tobias Snape! Have you lost the bloody plot? Harry's cursed, remember? Without you, he goes barking!"
Harry, terrified and sick, grabbed his partner's shoulders and shouted, "No! Don't let me go mad." His lip trembled and his voice dropped to a murmur. "I don't want to hear them again. Please don't leave me."
Severus went ashen and caught Harry close. "I am sorry, pet. So sorry. I will not leave you to madness, but I … I wish I … oh, Harry. I will stay, but you deserve so much better than half the soul of a murderer."
Harry buried his face in Severus' throat and struggled to fight back tears. He felt like an idiot for crying like this, but gods! The thought of having to endure that nightmarish curse again was horrifying.
And the thought of losing Severus was equally awful.
Despite Harry's auror academy training, tears poured down his face and he trembled in Severus' arms, whispering pleas for the man to stay, not to make him listen to his godfather rail against him one more time or Regulus scream at his brother that he wasn't evil and he'd done all he could. Hearing Regulus' heart break over and over again was almost worse than Bellatrix's incessant ranting.
"Please, please don't leave me alone. I can't bear it without you."
Gods, Severus could have smacked himself for terrifying Harry like this. Harry, the archetypal Gryffindor, was weeping and shaking in his arms, scared almost beyond reason that he would lose his mind and die alone. Shite. Severus had only meant to shield Harry somewhat from his ruined soul, but it was too late to spare him—their souls were already irrevocably linked—and Harry needed Severus to stay sane.
Merlin, he'd really bollixed it up this time.
"Harry, oh pet. I'm sorry. I am here."
He lifted a sobbing Harry into his arms and carried him to the table once more. Carefully, he lowered them both into a chair and settled Harry in his lap, cradling him close against his chest.
Harry flung his arms around Severus' neck and wept hard. "S-Sev'rus, please."
"Ssh. It's all right now. I will not leave you."
"You had better not, Severus," Draco snapped. "Gods, I've never seen Harry like this."
"M'sorry," Harry cried. "S-sorry. Can't—can't make it stop. M'trying."
Severus slipped a hand into Harry's hair and rocked him in his arms, his heart bleeding for all the pain he had inadvertently caused his innocent soul mate. "Harry … gods, pet. I am so sorry. I lost my head for a moment, but I should have remembered you need me."
Harry keened into his throat. "Don't leave me again. Please. S-stay."
"I promise, Harry. Please forgive me."
Harry nodded and clutched at Severus' robes, still sobbing uncontrollably. The sound of his grief shattered Severus' heart to pieces.
"Oh, Harry. Ssh. I am here. I am holding you. Can you feel my arms around you? Can you feel how tightly I am holding you? Protecting you? You are safe, and I have learned my lesson. I will not leave you again." Severus kissed Harry's temple. "You are mine now, my beloved."
Harry's breath hitched and his tears slowed. "Severus, do you—that name … are you sure?"
"I …." Severus sighed. "I am sure, my Harry."
Harry choked back a residual sob. "You, um, you don't s-sound particularly sure."
"I am. It is only that I am a little embarrassed to admit it for the first time before Draco."
Harry blushed. "Ohh. I'm s-s-sorry, Severus." He winced. "Can't stop crying."
"Ssh." Severus pressed Harry close against him. "I am only glad you are not rejecting me." He cast a spell to ease Harry's laboured breathing, and the man relaxed against Severus with a shaky sigh.
"Oh, Merlin, that's better." Harry laid his head on Severus' shoulder and sniffled. "I can't reject you, but I don't want to anyway." He nuzzled Severus' throat. "This is home. Don't … please don't … I don't want to lose this."
Severus cradled Harry's head against him. "You won't. I am with you, always."
Another surge of tears dripped into his collar, but Harry had stopped trembling for the most part and his voice was calm. Still, Severus held him close and shielded him, trying to let the young man know he had a place with him, always.
Severus whispered in Harry's ear, "I am here. I am yours. You are home, my love."
Harry whimpered and held him tight. "Yeah, home."
He ran a wandless Tergeo over his face and Severus' robes and rested against the older man, quietly sniffling. Severus slowly petted Harry's hair, praying his touch could soothe the younger man's pain.
After several moments, Harry finally quieted.
"Are you better, pet?"
Harry nodded and kissed Severus' cheek. "Sorry. I don't think I've cried like that since Sirius died. It's just … it's been so terrifying for weeks, and I was afraid to lose you, and—"
Severus kissed Harry lightly, shivering at the intensity of even such a simple touch. "Ssh. I know. I frightened you when you have been stressed beyond endurance. Anyone would weep. I am sorry, Harry. Are you all right?"
"Yeah. I think so."
"Good."
