Disclaimer: Just to keep it simple: A. I don't own Power Rangers. B. I just make fun of them; so don't get upset if I mock your favorite. C. Please review. I don't mind constructive criticism. D. Thanks to Writer's Guide to the Universe and Power Rangers Central for providing a lot of the information that I need.
If you haven't done so, please read the first hundred and fifty stories in "When Rangers Meet," "More of When Rangers Meet," and "Headquarters Where Rangers Meet"
This is story number nineteen. It was requested by Autumn's Child.
Kat and Xander
by
Eileen (Psycho Tangerine)
Kat groaned as she took another sip from her almost empty glass. Life sucked. Life truly and surely sucked. She was supposed to have been dancing in the SuperSwanky Ballet Company and touring all over the world. She was supposed to be married to Tommy and having all his babies. But here she was instead at some bar in some dinky little town in California.
Damn that Kim, anyway, for deciding to drop gymnastics, take up ballet and become so great in it that she snatched Kat's spot in the ballet company from under her. Damn her also for sticking Kat's return address on the envelope that she had used to mail her breakup letter to Tommy. All Kim had to do was point to that address and it was goodbye Kitty and hello again Kimmie. Well, there was nothing else to do about it except just sit and drink her troubles away.
Just then, the door flew open. "Okay, Ladies!" announced the young man in green who had just entered. "I am here! Now don't crowd around, there's plenty enough of me to go around!"
Kat looked away disinterestedly as she began on her thirteenth Shirley Temple. How long does it take to get drunk, anyway? She thought. And what was it about that idiot's voice?
Xander frowned as all the women in the room turned away from him and continued whatever they had been doing. Well, that just wouldn't do, not at all. Not when even Chip was having both Vida and Clare at the same time. "Well then, Ladies...It's time for plan Xander!" With that he whipped out his cell phone morpher. "Magical source, Mystic force!" A few seconds later he was morphed as the Green Mystic Ranger.
A few women turned around and glanced at the now spandex covered young man and then turned around again. A few others giggled. One even took a picture with her cell phone so she could cheer up her boyfriend who was feeling less that 'adequate.'
"Aw, come on!" Xander whined as he took off his helmet. "Doesn't anyone want to be with the great Xander? Xander the Great? Get it? Anybody?" Damn that Jenji and his lame jokes.
Kat scowled at the scene. Then she leapt up and marched towards the younger Ranger.
"Hello there," grinned Xander. "I'm Xa...AAAA...nder," he squealed as he was grabbed by the ear and dragged to an empty storage room at the other side of the bar. "Oh, wow, Mate, you don't waste time." He looked Kat over. "I could really go for an old lady like y...eeeeeooooowwwwww!" he screamed as he received a vicious kneeing.
"How dare you morph like that just to get girls!" ranted Kat. "You should be ashamed! What would Zordon say?!" And what was it about his voice that sounded so familiar to her?
"Zor...who?" squeaked Xander in confusion and pain. He demorphed, grabbed a bottle off a shelf and dumped scotch down the front of his pants. "Ahhhhh, much better."
"Don't give me Zordon-who, you ungrateful creep!" snarled Kat. "After he gives you those powers, you go and break his rule just to get floozies!" What Kat didn't know was that Kim had convinced Tommy not to call her when he had gathered all the other Rangers around to give them the bad news about Zordon.
"What are you talking about?" asked Xander who was desperately trying to look cool in his wet pants. "Udonna gave us our powers. After we went into the woods to help some old guy out and... Oh!" He exclaimed loudly.
"What? Did you think of another way to humiliate yourself and your gender?" asked Kat as she leaned against a wall with her arms crossed.
" Now I get it, she was that old guy." He had always wondered why the others had laughed when he had spent the next five weeks after getting his powers looking all over the forest for the old man.
"Udonna? Who is he? Is he someone Zordon knows?" asked Kat curiously.
"Udonna is the snow Ranger. She is our mentor. Who is Zordon? And Udonna's a she, not a he."
"Zordon just happens to be the greatest uh...whatever he is. In fact, I should go right now and tell him all about how you...wait a minute...she?" Kat pushed away from the wall and grabbed Xander by the shoulders. "You mean you have a female mentor? A woman is in charge?"
"Hey, Mate!" cried Xander as he shoved Kat away. "Watch the threads! How am I going to get the ladies to love me if my leav...clothes are messed up?"
But Kat ignored him in her excitement. "Finally! A woman is in charge! No more bald headed dictators telling me what I can and can't do with my powers! No more alien geezer keeping me from turning into a cat anytime I want!" She longed to get Tommy to pet her again. Or maybe she'd snub that jerk and go around to the other guys. Jason was especially looking lonely after Emily left him for Justin.
"Wait a minute!" exclaimed Xander. "You mean your a Ranger? And your mentor gave you animal powers? Amazing!" He frowned. "All I can turn into is a tree."
"Wow, you certainly are bright," replied Kat sarcastically. What was it about his voice? "But, Rita gave me the ability to turn into a cat, not Zordon. She wanted me to spy on the others. I should've stayed with her. Now that was a woman who knew what she wanted."
Xander yawned in boredom. "Well, I really don't care what your dominatrix had you fantasize about. In fact, if you want to bring your...uh...catsuit into this room later, I'm sure we cou...YEEEEEEEOOOOOOOWWWWWW!" he screamed as a chair was now slammed into an already-tender area. Xander fell to the floor, moaning in pain.
"You men are all alike!" accused Kat. "All you want is to degrade us so you can be in charge of everything! Well, I'll put a stop to that! I'll go find this U...U...whatever of yours and tell her what a chauvinist pig you are." Kat paused. "No, wait...I'll go start my own Ranger team. If that dolt, Tommy can than anyone can." She paced as she continued to rant. "Maybe I'll go do it when I go visit my grandparents in Australia."
"That's why your voice seems so familiar, Mate," stated Xander as he gingerly began to get up off the floor. "Hey, I could help you. I can come up with some hot costumes for you ladies."
Kat stared at him in horror. "You mean you're from...NOOOOOOOOO!! Now even that's been ruined for me!" She began to sob. "What else can go wrong?"
"I'll tell you what else, Missy!" boomed a voice as Zordon's head ghost appeared. "You dare even suggest you can do better than Tommy in running a team?" His voice went high pitched. "Tommy! Oooh, Tommy! Help me, I can't fight even though I'm a Ranger!"
Xander began to laugh. "Oh, Mate, you didn't say you had a floating head leading you. All we got is a menopausal old Sorcer..." Xander stopped talking as he suddenly turned into a tree. "Hlllllllllllllllllllppppppppppp!!" he cried through his now sealed lips.
"And you'll stay that way until you learn to have more respect for women!"
"Nice touch, Udonna" commented Zordon as the other Ranger mentor appeared in the room.
Kat giggled at Xander's predicament. At least she was finally rid of the dolt.
"But I can do you one better." With that Zordon used his ghost magic. "So, do you want to do lunch sometime?" He asked Udonna as they began to fade out.
"Wait until Thursday. Leanbow's going out riding with Bow..." the rest was lost as they finally faded away.
Hours later, one of the bar's owners received the shock of his life when he opened the storage room door and saw a trembling cat tied to the very top branch of a tree. "Yo, Bulkie! Do you remember about us coming here to get away from all that crazy stuff? Well, I think we need to keep on going!
