Disclaimer: Just to keep it simple: A. I don't own Power Rangers. B. I just make fun of them; so don't get upset if I mock your favorite. C. Please review. I don't mind constructive criticism. D. Thanks to Writer's Guide to the Universe and Power Rangers Central for providing a lot of the information that I need.
If you haven't done so, please read the first hundred and fifty stories in "When Rangers Meet," "More of When Rangers Meet," and "Headquarters Where Rangers Meet."
This is story number twenty-seven. It was requested by born2reborn.
Sydney and Xander
By
Eileen (Psycho Tangerine)
Sydney grumbled to herself as she pulled a used, soiled sheet off yet another bed. Of all the things she expected to be doing at sixty...early retirement, cruises around the world, finding a legal loophole that would get that pain in the butt, Jack, to stop sharing her birthday since she was tired of him spending the month beforehand asking if she preferred 'vanilla' or 'chocolate' cake… working at a nursing home certainly wasn't one of them.
But unfortunately, she was broke from constantly helping her grown kids out of trouble. Syd knew she should never have married Sky or let him name them. Mountain was living at the house with his five children since his wife had kicked them all out. Ocean couldn't seem to hold a job and kept begging rent money off her. And Landfill, who always seemed mad at the world for some reason, kept getting into trouble with the law. Only last week she had to pay ten thousand dollars to bail him out of prison.
"Excuse me, young lady, are you serving chocolate pudding tonight?" came a male voice
Sydney turned around and watched as an elderly man hobbled in with a cane.
"I don't know, sir," she replied. "The dining area is down the hall."
"Don't get sassy with me," retorted Xander as he sat on a bed. "Now I'll have the creamed corn and pureed flounder. Hmmm nice, you got the chairs all padded. Ah, soup."
Sydney gaped at him. "Sir, this is a bedroom." She quickly snatched the 'soup bowl' from him. "And that's a bed pan."
"Well, it smelled better than that split pea cud you served last night," snapped Xander. "You kids just don't know how to cook anymore. Why in my day we all knew how to read the microwave directions on the boxes."
Sydney sighed. She had three more rooms to fix before she could go to lunch. But there was no way she could do her work with this confused patient in her way. "So," she said in hopes of getting his trust. "What is your name?"
Xander looked up with his most charming toothless grin. "Xander Bly, my dear, inventor and owner of the famous 'Plan Xander.'"
"Plan what?" asked Sydney in confusion.
"Why just the smoothest plan to make monsters listen and the ladies swoon." Xander was conveniently forgetting about all the negative responses: face slaps, wedgies, and cold ice down his pants, he had received every time he put his plan into action to get a date.
Sydney continued to stare at him. Then she shook her head. She didn't have time to figure out this crazy old man. "Well, I'm Sydney," Sydney held her hand out. "I'm glad to make your acquaintance."
But Xander did not take the offered hand. Instead he broke out in tears. "Sydney!" he wailed. "Oh, why did I ever leave that beautiful city? Why did I have to come to this country and end up in a backwards town with strange wood folk where some old witch gave me Green Ranger powers that have the side effect of me needing to be watered twice a day. Why did I waste all my money buying the Rock Porium?" Toby had decided to spend the rest of his life planning Woodstock 3 and had offered Xander ownership of the store. Less than a month later a couple of health and safety inspectors had forced the place to close, causing him to lose his investment in the place.
Sydney dropped the roll of toilet paper she had been in the middle of replacing into the toilet. "You...you...were..."
"A ranger? Yes I was, I..."
"...the owner of the legendary Rock Porium? I love that store! I go to the one in New Tech City all the time. It has all the hard to find music, including my debut cd." She broke into tears herself. "Why oh why didn't I continue my music career? I could've been famous. But, oh no, I just had to let some blue dog talk me into joining SPD and become a Pink Ranger just because I can turn my hands into anything. And then I had to meet my jerk of an ex-husband who ran off six years ago with his true love, Dru, and left me dealing with our loser kids. So, instead of living on the Riviera as I should be, I'm stuck here dealing with old decrepit geezers like you!"
Xander gasped at this. "You mean you've been..."
"A Pink Ranger? Yeah I was I..."
"...to the Rock Porium? Recently? But that's impossible. It was forced to close down over fifty years ago."
"Oh, that's right. My dad told me all about the boob who closed the place because of some phony health and safety inspectors. It seems they got the place for a song and did very well for themselves."
Xander frowned. Come to think of it, those 'inspectors' had looked suspiciously like Phineas and Leelee. Perhaps he shouldn't have gotten them a dog collar and flea spray as a wedding gift…or that wooden stake. He looked around the room. "Ooh, candy!" He took a big bite of the object he had grabbed and then spat it out. "Ucchh. I'm going to write my congressman about the shoddy food here."
Sydney reached over and snatched the bar of soap from Xander's hand. At this rate, not only would she be late for her lunch meeting with her personal manicurist, she would probably also end up in prison for poisoning this old idiot. "Do you want me to take you to the dining room, sir?" asked Sydney through a gritted teeth smile.
"Oh, how kind of you," replied Xander as he reached for his cane. "Could you help me up? They really made these chairs too low."
"Sure," Sydney stepped over to the bed and reached down to grabbed Xander under his shoulder. She helped him to his feet…and then slapped him. "Watch that hand, Buster!" she cried. "I don't care how senile you are. No one touches me there!" Not unless he can get me a million dollar recording contract she mused.
"Elder abuse! Elder abuse!" cried Xander as he began shaking his cane into the air. He was getting desperate. He was sure that his senility act would charm this lovely young lady, but Plan Xander wasn't going as well as he thought. He had to do something to stop her from thinking he was anything but a confused old man.
WHACK!
"AHHHHHHHHHHH" cried Sydney as she grabbed her now throbbing shoulder. "Are you crazy?!"
"Attacking a defenseless old man, huh?" accused Xander as he continued to shake his cane threateningly. "Trying to get all my bingo winnings, huh? I'll call upon my super-powered boxing gloves if you try that again! No, I'll call upon the whole power of the forest if you…" WHACK! "YEEEEEOOOOOOWWW!" he screeched as he fell to the floor in pain. "My good knee!"
Sydney narrowed her eyes as she dropped her spare change back into her pockets and turned her hands back to normal. "Now look what you did, you made me break a nail! I'm telling my manicurist to give you the bill, you lech! Orderlies!" she shouted as she stomped out of the room.
"Ohhhh…" groaned Xander as two large men grabbed him under the shoulders and lifted him up. "Hey, do you guys know if there are any other cute nurses around here?"
