I AM SO EMBARASSED I TOOK SO LONG I AM SO SORRRRYYYYYYY. I was doing my thesis and I'm FINALLY GRADUATING OMG. Haha. But still—I swear I've uploaded this before and was a bit hurt by the lack of response. Now I know why. xD Silly me. (it probably happened when I accidentally poured coffee into my laptop since I had to proofread AGAIN) I wouldn't have noticed if it weren't for the reviews commenting about the events of the previous chapter.

Speaking of that, THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO SUPPORTED ME THUS FAR! Special hugs to my lovely vocal readers. YOU people made me get back here and write again! *hugs*

WARNING: No explicit YinYang pair moments this chap. Sorry. xD Let's move a little more towards the chain pair, ne?

DISCLAIMER: I WISH I own Hunter X Hunter. :D


压倒


CHAPTER 19: Overwhelmed

In the background, she could see the bright star-lit sky. In the foreground, all she saw were his deep cerulean eyes, eyes that appeared to have an ugly shade of purple at the moment. Her eyes darted back to the Greek cross that caused everything she saw to by dabbed by the color of blood.

"Let go of me." She said without looking at him or his cross. If she did, she felt that her blood would boil so much it would kill her. "Let go of me, now."

"I can't." He huffed out, and she could almost hear his heart beat being frantic, and she could feel his warm breath. It was driving her insane. "You won't listen."

"What makes you think I'll listen now?"

"What makes you think I'm giving you a choice?"

"A choice?" She snapped back, finally looking at him in the eyes as waves of memories of her family, of him before he betrayed them, and— even now that he was in front of her—how helpless she was to do anything. "Like they didn't have?!"

She had been working towards justice. But now the fact that she was useless and weak, despite the target being in front of her, was simply too much. She wasn't able to stop her tears. But despite the pain Kurapika maintained her glare and the blur caused by her tears did nothing to diminish its sharpness.

Then, slowly, she could feel her hands gently moved to her head. She realized it was so he could hold them with a single hand. She didn't know where the other now—then free—went until it was already on her face, wiping her tears.

Her eyes widened at his gentle and warm touch, his soft guilty eyes never gazing away from her. She couldn't stomach it—how gentle someone who did all those things to her family was to her.

"Now what?" She said as steadily as she could, no longer making any vain attempts to stop her tears. "Are you going to kill me now, too?"

"I would never hurt you." He said with such sincerity it made her freeze. "Or anyone you loved."

But how was she supposed to believe that? And how could she allow such petty words to make her pause?!

If her eyes could turn even redder, it probably did, and his lone hand was weak against two of hers. She used her elbow to hit him—she didn't care where—and took advantage to finally shift their masses and get her off him.

But he was too strong.

And she once again faced the fact that she was so incredibly weak against the enemy she had been wanting to face all these years. The pause in her will did not exceed a second, and she struggled under his body, which was then pinning her even more tightly to the ground. "Get off of me—"

Her eyes widened at the sudden weight on her lips. She could only stare at him, unable to process what just happened, as he lifted his head up again to look at her. "Listen to me." He said, and despite wanting to retort no voice came out. "I wasn't the one who killed your family." "I owed them—you—too much to even wish that fate."

It was true. She could feel it.

But she refused to believe it.

"As someone you grew up with… please believe me." He said, ever so close again.

"Who did it, then?" She said under her breath, voice rising and unbelieving, still shocked at what he just did.

"I can't tell you."

She frowned deeply, rage still hovering over her heart—as she hoped it would. "You steal my first kiss to tell me you can't tell me who killed my family?" She spat. "Am I supposed to believe it wasn't you?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"What will you do if I tell you?" He said, eyes locked on hers—so close—and she half-expected him to kiss her again.

They both knew the answer: She'd jump in danger and get herself killed.

But—despite believing him unconsciously—her stubborn side refused to back down so easily. "Tell me or I will do whatever it takes to take my vengeance on you."

There was something sharp in his eyes, just before she felt the weight over her lift and he sat up, soon standing over her and turning away.

"So be it."

压倒

Kalluto and Killua walked all the way to the city center, view shifting from the isolated areas to the bustling streets. They hadn't really talked, which didn't bother either of them because it wasn't awkward at all. Both of them had a lot on their mind.

That girl, for instance—she paused at the thoughts with a smile, before proceeding.

They didn't really speak after that, she and Feitan, but she stayed there for a while, and so did he. During that time, along with the thoughts of her brother, images of Feitan's strength of will—even the way he looked at Gon—kept appearing in her head. In the beginning, it confused her, then she began accepting the thoughts as they did her no apparent harm. They were rather fascinating, anyway.

She and Feitan were completely still and silent, but there had been something so… comforting about it that she never quite had the urge to leave. They only separated when the bell rang: signalling it was time for her to meet her brother.

She unconsciously held the part of her chest that covered her heart.

Kalluto finally understood what her brother was feeling, at least to a degree... and she found herself curious as to what it felt like to have these feelings at such intensity. And once more she shifted her gaze to look at him.

Her brother had been smiling, and blushing, and then scratching the back of his neck like an idiot in seemingly random intervals for a while now. Kalluto was surprised at first—she gaped at him for a while—then she realized this wasn't something new. It was just the first time she saw him so open.

Not even Nerys would be able to ruin his mood.

The other surprising part was her admiration for him didn't lessen. If anything, it heightened even further.

压倒

NOSTRADE RESIDENCE
The Morning After

"Neon the brooder." Basho mumbled as he stared at Neon, who was then sitting on their long dining table, staring into thin air. Light Nostrade didn't want to eat breakfast outside his room again, but it had been a few days, and they thought Neon would move on.

"What an ugly epithet." Vaise mumbled, standing right beside him. By that time, a little over a week after Neon lost his hatsu, half the guards have already been dismissed. Everyone was suddenly exposed to Light's complete dependence on the Ghost writer... and now that it's gone, so was Light's sanity.

Basho watched Vaise as she sauntered towards the bocchama and patted his shoulder, staring at him softly and gently and for a moment Neon wondered if that was the way a mother looked at her child (Vaise usually gave that feeling) but he really wouldn't know for sure as he never actually had a mother.

"It's not like you can't use nen anymore…" She said softly, but he did not look at her.

"But I can no longer use the ability that made me special."

"It doesn't mean that you're no longer special." She said and he looked up and he did see her smile—but the highly annoyed aura. He winced. "So if you don't man up any time soon, then I can almost guarantee you'd lose your chance with Kurapika."

His eyes widened, and his cold-from-brooding insides began to burn. "I-It's not like I'm planning on making a move or anything!"

Apparently, that annoyed her the most.

"Then you go nowhere." She said. "Considering where you and and your father are going—you're becoming quite poor." "I suggest you stop acting like such a victim and better change your mindset of not doing anything!"

"Oohh—harsh." Then the two whipped their heads toward the source, making him step back by reflex.

"SHUT UP BASHO."

压倒

Neon arrived at school to find out that it was free training. He received a pat on the back from Killua (who seemed particularly toothy that day), a short hug from Gon (which earned him a small glare), and a pretty acknowledging smile from Kurapika. It had been a while since their eyes met and he ended up looking slightly away again—primarily to prevent his blush from becoming saturated enough to be seen—like he usually did. Kurapika was used to this already, and returned to her meditating position.

About to enter a reverie (with Kurapika at its center), he was pulled out by someone sighing. "She seemed out of it." Gon said and Killua and his guards nodded in agreement.

Neon blinked at this and stared at her deeper. And with his own turmoil, he failed to notice the growing eye bags and the strained body gestures Kurapika was giving.

What happened while he was away?

"Hey." He said, looking at the tree in front of him. "What are you thinking?"

"A lot of things." She said honestly and dismissively. As always, Neon had no idea how to retort so he only continued to stare at the tree in front of him.

"You told us your deepest secret before haven't you?" That was Gon and Kurapika's eyes opened as she stared at the other girl, almost pleading not to ask further. "You know we're here for you, right?"

Kurapika smiled. "I promise I'll tell you."

Gon returned her smile, albeit it was a little regretful. "When you're ready?"

"Yeah."

The bell rang an hour later and everyone was already ready to go back to their respective rooms. Kurapika's uttered Killua's name quietly, only so he would be to hear. His eyebrow raised as she gestured to a corner nearby, and he then somewhat understanding what she wanted, he asked Gon and Bisuke to go ahead.

"Killua. You were an assassin weren't you?"

"E-Eh? What?" He stared at her and realized the conversation was dead-serious. "I mean I was but what for?"

Kurapika seemed reluctant to go further, but there was really no point in stopping now. She had already asked the basic question. "What's the best way to kill someone stronger than you?"

This time the pause was a little more tension-filled. "Oi, oi." He voiced out nervously, but his thoughts primarily on someone else. "What the heck's going on Kurapika?"

He worried that Gon would worry. She never told him of Kurapika's secret yet, but he was pretty sure it wasn't small—especially to make Kurapika appear so… expressive. "Just tell me."

"I can't do that." He managed to say, proud that he uttered it sternly.

She furrowed her eyebrows in an almost childish way that made Killua flinch. He was not used at seeing the mature Kurapika act like a child. "Fine." She said, looking away. "I will figure something out on my own."

The sudden darkness in her eyes worried him. "What are you planning, Kurapika?"

Kurapika probably noticed the genuine concern on his face and gave a strained smile in an attempt to reassure him. "Nothing dangerous, don't worry."

Killua knew a lie when he saw one, but at the same time—he knew there wasn't anything he could do. Kurapika was simply too much of an enigma like that: there was no gainsaying with her. For now he could only hope—and trust—that Kurapika wasn't planning on doing something that'd cause her pain.

And, by extension, everybody else.

压倒

However for the days that followed, all the way until the weekend came, Kurapika not once attempted on Kuroro's life.

At first she blamed the fact that she was weak and he was strong… then came the realization that the will power to do the act simply wasn't there.

She held out her hand, now more powerful than before after a certain pact that she made.

It was a pact that would make her stronger. And even though she did not regret her decisions, a part of her wondered what was the right thing to do.

So, that weekend, she ended up on the way to her old house again—to find the will or to apologize or perhaps to beg for guidance, she wasn't sure. All she was certain about was the guilt and uncertainty that had been occupying every molecule of her body.

She hadn't even gotten off the bus when she felt his presence—something she had been honing the past days—and reflexively hid her presence. As she disappeared from the bus' door—no doubt surprising the driver—sprinting up the stairs she soon heard the roaring sound. It took her a few moments, as she could hear her heart beat too loudly, to realize what was creating the sound.

A lawn mower.

And there he was, patiently mowing the grass. There must be something about grasslands as they always end up meeting there.

Kurapika remembered—with the pained sort of nostalgia—that it was one of the first jobs she saw him do as a child. She always watched from afar as everyone feared she might go too near the machine and hurt herself, but every time she entered the large clearing he always turned his head to face her with a bright smile.

She wondered if he truly hadn't noticed her presence and for a while it seemed so, until he spoke out. "For a moment there I thought you'd offer to help."

She watched his broad back turn to face her. "What are you doing here?"

"What do you think?" He asked. She frowned at this, and he sighed, turning the machine off and walking to her direction. She stepped back by reflex. He stopped walking then, and looked at her sternly. "A few more steps and you're going to fall down the stairs."

She blinked at this and looked behind her to see that he was right. Two more small steps and she would've fallen the large stairs that traversed the hills. Her eyebrows furrowed as she whipped her head back to face him—only to realize he was suddenly only a meter away.

This time, he held her arm, and she was about to force herself out from his grip when she realized she would fall down the flight of steps if she did.

"What about you?" "You've been here twice this month already." She blinked at this. "Something must've been bothering you."

"You think?"

He let go of her arm then, she was stable already, and she walked (stomped) past him. "Kurapika." He called with sternness that made her stop walking. "Do you still believe I killed Kuromi and Pironn?"

Was she going to lie?

"No." She said without looking at him but, knowing that inside she knew she wasn't lying, she turned her head slightly to him. "But I know I can't trust you, not yet."

"You should know by now that I wouldn't be able to stomach that answer."

"Why? You had for, what? Eight years?" "You must've known that I blamed you for everything." If he truly didn't harm them—why did he leave her all alone, thinking everyone she loved was either dead or a traitor?

She could feel his stance soften. "This is not the same thing, Kurapika. You know that."

Ignoring his words, she conjured a set of chains. "This is my ability," she paused, finally gathering courage to look at his eyes. "And I've made a vow."

His eyes constricted, and for a moment there she almost faltered. She steeled herself, and steeled herself more when he began to speak. "No—"

"That this chain will reveal whether or not you are responsible—" She said so stoically, with coldness that intensified next to Kuroro's increasing faltered state. "If what you're saying is true, then you should have nothing to fear."

The chain rose, much like a snake rising from its basket, and with one clean swoop—went for the kill.

.

.

The chain hovered just above his heart. She looked at his eyes—so stern and the initial look of shock was already gone. He was, to her surprise, mad.

He swatted away the lifeless chain and stomped to her direction with such authority her legs didn't move at all—as if it waited to receive reprimand. He grabbed her arm so tightly and raised it a little, yet his eyes never left hers, and she had to admit she was too shaken to react otherwise.

"Why did you stop?"

She didn't answer. She couldn't. He was desperate to prove his innocence. But how was she supposed to tell her the real reason she stopped?

"It is an ability that would be able to tell if I'm lying, is it not? Do it." He said, authority oozing out of his voice. "I'll tell you right now: Everything I'm doing and have been doing—all of them are for you."

Her eyes widened in surprise but his enraged ones remained, boring into them. "So tell me—why did you stop?"

She could only stare at him and he looked down on the conjured chains, analyzing them, before finally figuring something out. She didn't think his eyes could get darker then.

"What did you do?"

The chain would able to take the life of the people responsible for her parents' deaths, no matter how powerful they were. "I…I wanted to be strong enough—"

He repeated his question. "Answer me."

"I needed all the power necessary to win against the people who caused my family's demise."

"At what cost?" When she didn't answer, he repeated it again—holding both her shoulders. She thought he was heavy, almost as heavy as the burden she carried. "What's the restriction?" Tell me.

She couldn't speak for a while, all of her confidence drained. She heard his sigh heavily, hands gripping her tightly, and finally she spoke. "My life."

He froze. She did, too.

"How will you die?" He asked, almost carefully, as if he didn't want to hear what was next—like he was walking along the line of a bomb.

"If I kill the wrong person," She said, and paused. "Or if I fail to kill the right one."

"What?" He almost gasped, releasing his grip without knowing, and one of his hands finding its way on his head. She never saw him so distressed before—nor had she imagined he would be capable of giving such an expression. It was overwhelming.

It seemed he felt the same, albeit for a totally different reason, and with a huff he stepped forward to lean his head on hers—no longer having the strength to support his own weight. She would've blushed furiously if not the utter shock of it all occupied her senses.

"You're an idiot, Kurapika." He whispered and she shuddered under his breath. He then stood straight, suddenly towering over her.

"Did you hear me?" He said, voice cracking, mean words coming out of his mouth, yet at the same time his hands was caressing her face. "You're an idiot."

.

.

END OF CHAPTER 19

Coming Soon:
CHAPTER 20: Intoxicating
The team encounters a mission involving teenage sensation-seekers


REPLIES TO ANGELS

oxCuteKataraox – hahha yes! Glad you're liking the chain pair moment. More of them here and I hope you like it as well. And lol. Kura herself will be the one doing the interrupting. Haha. Thank you for reviewing!

Hikar1ma1 – Ohohohoho~ xD I hope you don't mind having almost zero YY pair moments here tho! Or is that laugh directed to the chain pair? Haha. Thx for d' comment!

Crazykitkatty – Right?! I agree. Feitan is sooo underrated. xDDD Thank you for the review by the way! *high five*

Dragonbooks249 – They (Feitan and Kalluto) will eventually! Not really sure when exactly but it will! I know I'm gonna have fun with it lol. Thx for reviewing!

Buchielle – hahaha. And she will continue to try (to kill Kuroro) lol. Glad you love the chapter and thaaankk you for reviewing kabayan!

Grandpamuffin x 2 - Hey you! xDD thank you for reviewing! The date tho will come later. I decided to do Chain pair for a while. Hope you don't mind! :D And OMG I got a fangirly comment from someone who has better writing skills! Haha. C'mon woman! xD Still, I'm flattered and thanks again for reviewing! *hugs*

Phoenix-Thunder - Now that I saw the date on your guest review I realize how long it has been. *shot dead* Anyway, I've read your latest story and it's awesome! Hahaha. Thanks for reviewing btw!

Melissa the kawaii yandere – loloololol . In fairness Killua is taking forever. Hahahah. Poor guy. At least we know for certain who's dominant in this relationship. *wiggles eyebrows*

Malimali – Thank you for reviewing! I am so flattered to know you think the story's awesome *blushes* Hope it can continue that way and I'm sorry I took so long!

Aria – (ch1) Oh it's ok! I'll be logging in that account soon. And thank you for adding me. xDD

SilverSapphire34523 – Here it is! I hope the chain pair-based chap didn't disappoint. And thank you for reviewing!

Guest [Sept 29 2015] – I think I should get a beta too but it will take me even longer to update. *sobs* thanks for the suggestion tho! And I'm flattered you still think my story's good. XD

RavenZaoldyeck99 – (ch9) Yes they made up! xD And also yes. The KallutoxFeitan pair is called the shorty pair hehe. No problem btw! Your story's very fun and thanks for reviewing!

Assassin8 – Aww shux. I am so glad you enjoyed the story! And yes! OCs are tricky business and I am happy that you liked what I did with mine. *sobs* Thank you for reviewing! And I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Fingersofbone – thank you for reviewing! And lol if only you know how much fail this chap was (I believed I uploaded it ages ago!) you wouldn't feel guilty haha. Glad you liked the chapter btw!

Darlingfedz- hey kabayan! It's okay. How's work lately btw. I haven't been logging in my fb acct in a while. Haha. Thank you for reviewing btw and glad you loved it!

Jonica77- It's okay! I owe you people a lot more for not updating for ages. Glad you thought it was cute btw and thx for reviewing!

Laine Klein – (ch17) IKR. So. Much. Angst. Haha. I try to moderate. xD (ch18) Yes you will! Hope it doesn't disappoint tho and thank you for the reviews!

Guest [Jan 4 2016] – Here it is! I really thought I uploaded this a while ago #Ashamed. But I hope it's worth the wait, still!

Reluctantpartner – hahah. Team Feitan FTW! xDD And ye, he is so underrated. We need more feitan! Haha. Thx for reviewing btw!

Diclonious57 – Aww thank you so much for liking all of my fics! I hope I can continue to write them nicely, and I hope you read all of them *hearts*

Laxusdrayer2324 – Here it is! I'm sorry it took forever. I failed my readers! *sobs* and now I pray it's worth the wait. xD Thx for reviewing!


压倒


THANK YOU FOR READING!

Now please pause!

And please write down your thoughts.