After Lydia gives me one of the greatest moments of my life by telling me she loves me, we pass words back and forth between kisses. All the things we've wanted to say but withheld, are tumbling from our lips. I tell her that I knew she loved me – that she showed me over and over again, and it makes her smile. She tells me that she knew I loved her – even before I said it, and that I saved her life more times – and in more ways than she can count, and I couldn't possibly be happier.
Unfortunately, there is an unwanted presence in the room. Fear. It's making us speak quickly, as though we won't have time to say everything we so desperately want to express. It's making us afraid to blink, as if the other will have disappeared when our eyes reopen.
But then Lydia touches my hand, which is still over her heart, and the world slows down for us. We let go of the breath we've been holding, give into the impossible desire we have for each other, and take the leap together. And it is perfect.
Lydia is real, and as impossible as it would have sounded a few years ago, she is here, with me – where she belongs.
We are in my room, as usual. Not long ago, she told me that she feels safer here than in her own home. That admission tugged my heart in opposite directions. In one sense, knowing that I, or that this place brings her happiness, security, and peace…well, that's the greatest gift. Above anything, that is what I want for her because she has the same effect on me. In another sense, it makes me incredibly sad, because she should feel safe in her own home. I understand why she doesn't, but I want her to. I want Lydia to feel safe everywhere, and I'm going to make it my life's work to make her as happy as possible, no matter where she is.
Right now, it's just after midnight. The bedroom is shadowed and dark, but the sky is clear and the moon is so bright that it makes her emerald eyes glow for me.
I love Lydia at night. There is an ease about her in those late hours; her night voice sweet, and soft, and low. She's sleepy-eyed, freckles-bared, smiles often, and I can't take my eyes off her. Her breaths are deeper and fuller. She's less guarded in the evening, after she has shed the careful façade she wears as a shield all day, finally allowing herself to relax. This is the time when she whispers confessions she wouldn't necessarily admit in the exposing light of day. It's as if the darkness provides just enough cover for her to comfortably open up.
She's lying next to me in her floral pajamas (yes, even her PJs are floral), halo of strawberry-blonde waves splayed across my pillow, inviting me to play with them. My hands inevitably find their way to her hair, so I can twirl the ends around my fingertips and watch as she smiles…unreservedly revealing those dimples that I love so much. Her scent is calling out to me – lingering notes of vanilla from her perfume, mixed with the seaberry body wash and some kind of raspberry-infused shampoo she just used, and I dunno…something uniquely…Lydia. It's unreal how good she smells. As a bonus, she is always cold at night, so she snuggles as close as possible. Being close enough to Lydia as to where I can feel her breath in my face, is the best part of my existence.
We face each other as we lie on the bed and for some reason, that is powerfully significant to me. It means we are partners – we are equals in this relationship. It's so impossibly good that I feel like I need to count my fingers to make sure I'm not dreaming. She's got one hand on my heart and the other tracing the moles on my face and neck – markings which I used to hate, but now I'm extremely grateful for – because the feeling of her fingertips playing connect-the-dots over them is magic.
Drowsily, she plants kisses along my jaw with her impossibly perfect pink lips, showing me that she loves me with every hallowed one, and I adore her more that I even thought possible yesterday. She drifts to sleep in my arms, all the while whispering in each of the languages she knows:
I love you
Je t'aime
Te amo
Ti amo
Kocham cię
Se agapó
Ani ohevet otkha
Mai tumhe bahut pyaar karti hunn
Ego diliget te
Tá mé i ngrá leat
She can't say it enough, and I can't hear it enough.
There is no possible way a day could end any better than this. The best thing I ever did in my life was fall impossibly in love with Lydia Martin.
