III - Journey

It was a depressing week.

One of the first things Sana did that week was to apologize to Nanaka for the incident at the retirement home. Alas, he would only receive a blank look before she walked away. At least Aoi had warned him that it would turn out like this.

Things didn't get much better during lunch time. As it turned out, Sana wasn't kicked out of the lunch group, but he might as well have been. The twins would mostly exchange whispers amongst themselves, and shut out everyone else. Asami would occasionally talk to him, but only about the music they were playing. And Nanaka refused to speak to anyone. And this time, Aoi wasn't there to smooth things over.

Luck was definitely not on his side.

Schoolwork was starting to become more and more difficult. And his work schedule was really picking up now. Cleaning. Landscaping. Learning about the water and electricity systems. Making all kinds of little repairs. Carrying boxes here and there. It was never an easy road, but this week seemed to be an especially steep climb – there was one time when he had to work three hours on a school day, much of it hard labor. He was so exhausted afterwards that he could barely stay awake, let alone do his school assignments properly.

Practice sessions with Asami was one of his few moments of respite, but even that was going to be cut to twice a week – thanks to his newfound work schedule. But at least this was one area where he was making progress; they were starting to get the hang of it on a couple pieces and they talked about adding one or two more to the list. Sana promised to practice whenever he could, but he wasn't sure if he could live up to his word – his only chances to play were during their practice sessions and perhaps for an hour after dinner. And on the days he had a lot of work, forget it.

And of course, the student representatives' meetings.

Oh yes, it was yet another one of his responsibilities. He knew this had been a bad idea from day one. And that was even before he became stuck with that person – it had gotten to the point where even being in the same room with her became draining. Every word spoken to her had to be chosen carefully. Facial expressions, body language – she seemed to pick up on everything, and a cold glance greeted anyone, any thing, that displeased her. And no one wanted to know what would happen if someone made a mistake, like –

– CRASH –

Did he say that luck wasn't on his side lately? Well, it looked like he had just added seven years to that total. Everyone's eyes – not just Nanaka's – were on him now. This was going to get ugly quickly, unless –

Whew. His rescuer arrived, violin case in hand. After offering a hurried apology to Nanaka and promising her to buy her a new mirror, he rushed out of the room as fast as he could.

* * *

"Sana, didn't you play a little fast on that part?"

He had. Actually, it was a minor miracle that he managed to play it at all – instead of the random, jumbled mess that was now filling his brain.

Somehow he managed to play it correctly the second time around. They were about to move onto the next piece when – should he bring it up? Asami was a girl after all, so she might be able to help. So Sana explained to her what had happened.

"Oh, I know a place where they sell those. Do you have a little time after practice? It's not far from school."

The rest of the practice went reasonably well; thank goodness. And as promised, Asami showed him the store where he could buy a replacement mirror – then quickly left, just as Sana made his way inside.

Somewhere, a long-haired girl nodded in approval.

Browsing around the store at least gave him a chance to slow down – things had been going much too fast lately. Was it always going to be like this? It was always one thing after another. Even now, he could envision another couple hours of labor waiting for him once he got home. Then facing homework problems he couldn't solve, and having to ask Aoi for help. The dreaded phone call – his mother seemed to practically relish in his struggles. And finally, collapsing in a heap and having his world turn black – before a piercing sound prematurely brought him back into this world. And he didn't want to even think about Sundays, the worst day of them all. Early wakeup call. Nonstop work until early afternoon. A crushing amount of homework, which took until the wee hours of the morning – if he managed to finish it at all. A longer phone call with mother. Having to deal with his aunt and cousin's mock cheerfulness and empty encouragement. He was going to have to do something about this, and soon. Maybe Nanaka's case was a bit extreme, but he was this close to going over the edge.

Speaking of Nanaka, what kind of mirror would be best? He quickly decided against the Hello Kitty compact and the Yeti-chan one was out as well. There was an olive-green one with a drawing of an ugly toad that he was tempted to buy, just to see how she would react – but decided that the last thing he wanted to do was to dig himself into a deeper hole. Ah. A plain circular one that was jet-black in color. Simple and elegant; it would do nicely.

Now that his errand was finished, it was back to the apartment, where Aoi would be waiting for him with a smile – and a lengthy scroll of tasks. And this day was no different, though having Aoi by his side at least made things more bearable. At least she had no shortage of things to talk about. She seemed to be quite worried for her friends. Most of them were studying for college entrance exams; they (along with Aoi) were third-year students, after all. Aoi was the only one among the circle who had no plans to go to college; she planned to stay at Sakuranomori and take over much of her mother's duties at the apartment.

A hint of sadness. Wasted opportunities? Sana couldn't help thinking that way, even if that was what Aoi really wanted out of her life. Her grades were excellent; she was near the top of her class. Surely she would be able to get into a good college if she really tried. And her writing – now that was something else. So creative; always finding a way to draw interest from the most ordinary things. There was a short story about a young boy who was learning to ride a bike, and was held from behind and encouraged by his father – only, the boy was an orphan, and there had never been anyone behind him all along. A somewhat longer story about a young girl who aspired to become a musician, and even made it all the way through music school – only to learn that her skills fell short of professional level. Another one about a talented artist who was destined for greatness – only to be held back by a traumatic event, and later betrayed and deserted by those closest to her…

It was somewhat disturbing, honestly.

Maybe that's why she tried so hard to be cheerful. She was now talking about the light novel series she was following; the magical girls were now on vacation at the hot springs, only to be hit on by just about every male they came across – and having to defend themselves from peeping toms. And her current story. Unlike her previous stories, this was a much more mundane affair. It was about an ordinary young salaryman who was struggling to find meaning in his life. Until, he noticed a young woman who always seemed to be on the same train on his way to work…

Ah, the typical romance.

But Aoi was looking for a little more. Sana could guess this much, based on what she had told him. She had a few ideas; they all had some potential, but were rather standard fare. Wacky characters. Little misunderstandings and mishaps. Then development and progress. Fulfillment?

That's when Sana realized what was missing from the story. This wasn't like Aoi at all. All of this seemed a little forced; a light-hearted story with the sole purpose of generating a happy ending. It was the kind of story that would leave one with a grin – yet would come and go, like passing of the wind. And maybe that was exactly why. Happiness was something that never lasted. It might be there at one point, but it would disappear without fail. Be torn apart. Broken to pieces, and ground to dust. And even if it was built up again, it would only set up the inevitable fall –

So why was the voice still there?

All you really have to do is to try. There's something magical that you need to find. And once you do, and as long as you really work at it, and face each day with a smile, you will eventually be rewarded…

It was a lie. He knew it was a lie. It had to be a lie… but why did he find himself succumbing to it? He looked at Aoi – was the same thing happening to her?

Ah, the smile.

He couldn't tell whether it was real or faked, but it calmed him anyway. For even if the smile wasn't real, there was something that was. Something that would last, longer than the fleeting memories of his childhood, and the flashes of exhilaration that moved him still…

"Sana?"

The smile was returned.

"I was thinking. You've been working really hard, Sana. So – I thought you deserved a little reward."

He could picture it now – being patted on the head and being given a bone-shaped biscuit while being called otouto-kun. He supposed that was his cue to wag his tail and bark out onee-san, but there was no way he was going to stoop that low.

"So, what you think of Sunday next week? I thought about arranging a trip for the whole group. It'll be like the old times. You, me, Shuri, Shuu, and Nanaka. How about going to the mountains? We can go hiking and fishing. Pack a bento, and eat lunch by the creek. Spend some time catching up; it's been so long since we've gone out as a group. What do you think, Sana?"

"How about Asami?" After all, there was a new member in the group now.

"Hoshino-san – I don't think she can make it. It's on a Sunday. She has mass."

Mass?

"Didn't you know? Hoshino-san is Catholic. She has church on Sunday. And I think she helps out at the nursery, too."

Ah. He didn't know whether to be disappointed or not. Considering his own religious affiliation (or lack thereof), maybe it was time to put a red X through her name – not that he ever had a chance in the first place.

"Don't worry, otouto-kun – I'll take care of everything. Just relax and have fun – I'm sure this will be a great trip.

Relax – now that was something he hadn't done in a while.

* * *

Not surprisingly, it turned out to be a fib.

It was just one thing after another. Miss Oribe's new work schedule might as well have come with skull and crossbones – it even got a reaction from Aoi. The twins and Nanaka had their own plans for Sunday, and would have to do some haggling to clear up their schedules. Asami – was put in the doubtful category. And planning for the trip itself proved a bit more challenging than first thought. Phone calls. Internet searches. Lists and ideas. Discussions. Food preparations. This was supposed to be a vacation – so why did it take so much hard work?

If that wasn't enough, the trip seemed to be getting a less than enthusiastic response. Miss Oribe tried her best to remain neutral – though her work schedule spoke for itself. The twins seemed to think it was a bit of a hassle. Nanaka hardly spoke to them at all. And his mother? No question; if she had money riding on this, she would surely bet on the trip to fail.

And Saturday was nothing short of a nightmare. Aoi and Sana got an early wake-up call and had to work for an hour before going to school. (Miss Oribe did make them breakfast, but still…) As for practice with Asami? Visit to the retirement home? Forget it. In reality, he was even excused from the student representatives meeting, as he had orders (and a note) from Miss Oribe to return home immediately (but at least he had the satisfaction of dragging Shuu to the meeting instead – served him right).

Lunch was a box of rice balls from the convenience store and instant miso soup. And then? Well, he supposed this was supposed to be the fun part. Replacing pipes, and installing a new water filter. Gardening – cutting overgrown shrubs, mowing the grass, and watering all the potted plants. Digging out stones and bricks, so a new walkway could be built. Scrubbing the tiles in the laundry room, and sweeping and mopping the floor. And that was only part of the list; Aoi had the other half.

Dinner wasn't served until 7:00PM, though Miss Oribe decided to splurge and order Thai takeout. And Sana was soon presented with a dilemma: to eat fast, to fight the hunger and exhaustion that was consuming him; or eat more slowly, and hope that it would cut into the time that he would have to work. In the end, his animal instincts won out over logic and he devoured his food rather quickly. And from the looks of it, he wasn't alone in doing this.

Miss Oribe did the dishes while Sana made some pitiful attempts to play the piano – it was mistake after mistake. Even Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star (actually, Mozart's 12 variations) proved to be too tough a piece for him as his fingers failed him somewhere in the middle of Variation 1, his eyes shut down a few measures after that, and his brain froze around Variation 3 (or was it 4? He might have skipped one somewhere). Finally he gave up and crashed into a chair; the sofa was already occupied – the day hadn't been much easier for Aoi.

But even that wouldn't last. It was now time to do homework – per the dictator's orders. They were to finish their homework before they would be allowed to go on the trip; or at the very least, as much as possible. Alas, it became obvious very quickly that neither of them had even a ghost of a chance of finishing, especially since the dictator had cut off all sources of caffeine. They were still at least two hours away from finishing when they were shuttled off to bed.

And the morning? Ah. Aoi had promised to do the cooking, which meant Sana – had to do absolutely everything else. Packing. Phone calls. Last-minute checks. Cleaning up after Aoi in the kitchen. And finally! The feeling of freedom, once they walked through the door. A shared laugh, and a sigh of relief. Anticipation. Excitement. A moment that they would always have, no matter how the trip went – could the trip itself live up to its promise?

* * *

Ah, the feeling of déjà vu.

There was another surprise guest at the bus stop, only this one had lighter hair. And in a mild upset, everyone else was also there, on time and in high spirits.

Aoi was the one to start things off. "Asami? How were you able to come? We thought you wouldn't be able to make it."

"I didn't think so either – but it worked out. They let me attend the 8:00 mass today. And they found some else to help out at Sunday School." And I owe them one, she left unsaid.

"I had to do double duty yesterday," Nanaka chimed in. "Uncle is really strict about these things. I was lucky I was able to come at all."

"…" Not much a response from the twins. Well, if they had pulled off a jail break, it was their own business.

The mood continued to be light as they rode the bus to their destination – a nearby campground, which served as a hub for various trails. The one they chose was a three-mile hike deep into the forest, to a shady area with several running creeks and a small pond off to the side. There, they planned to eat lunch and hang around for a few hours – until it was time to go home. That was the plan, anyway.

And the first part of the plan went off without a hitch – well, Asami had forgotten to bring water, but trusty Aoi had an extra bottle handy. And lunch was a jovial affair; Aoi's bentos were a big hit, and so was Asami's store-bought cherry pie – though they mostly gorged on the snacks that the twins had brought. And Nanaka had brought a bottle of Coke to wash it all down, which quickly disappeared. Ah, nothing like junk food.

The group split up following lunch. Nanaka went off by herself, wandering a bit further down the creek, while the remaining girls sat in place and talked. As for the guys? This time, it was Shuu's turn to drag Sana along, as they made their way to the nearby pond – with fishing gear in hand.

"It's been a while," Shuu mentioned, once both of them had settled in. "We really haven't had a lot of time to hang out. I guess we've all been busy lately."

Now that was an understatement.

"Yeah, I wish we had more time," Shuu continued. "That's what Shuri always says. She always complains that I don't take her out more often. But it's tough. Something always comes up. Homework. Soccer practice. And her tennis. It gets really frustrating sometimes. I know, I know. I should find a way, and make the time. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

No, he didn't.

"It's nice to hang out like this once in a while. And just relax – there's been so much stuff going on. Have you noticed that Shuri's been on the edge lately?"

It was hard not to, but of course Sana couldn't say that.

"Something's been bothering her. This is just between you and me, but she snaps at people sometimes – and she can get really scary when she gets mad. And then she'll get upset and cry. Why is that? What happened to her smile? It's been so long since I've seen it."

None of this was exactly new information to him, but Sana feigned a surprise anyway.

"I don't know what I can do anymore. All I want is to make her happy. But how? I try to talk to her and take her out as often as I can. And I do everything I can to help her. And I would do more, if I could – do you know? Is it how things are with you and Aoi?"

Now that was a strange choice of words, but from a certain angle – well, Sana supposed it was true enough. Not that he ever thought of it that way.

"Sorry for bothering you with all this. I know, it sounds stupid. Maybe I'm getting worried over nothing. Don't you wish we could go back to those times, when we could play all day and never have to worry about anything?"

Those days had never existed, now that Sana thought about it. Oh well; maybe he should just play along, as long as it made Shuu feel better.

"Hey, I know you're busy, but give me a call when you're free. Maybe we can hang out. I still haven't shown you the karaoke place. They've redone the whole place – there's a big arcade now. They even have the Hatsune Miku machine where you get to wave the leek and sing at the same time."

Sana couldn't have been much more eager in his response. At last, he could give a straight answer.

Things slowed down from there as they moved on to lighter topics. Like the student representatives meeting. The school festival had been pushed back, since it was too close to the town festival. They were going to move it to fall, since the senior class field trip was cancelled due to budget cuts. Aye, Aoi wasn't going to be too happy about that. The administrators were also thinking of removing the vending machines from school, due to cost and litter – a proposal that was met with unanimous, and rather passionate, opposition. Schoolwork. They were in agreement that it had gone from bad to worse, with Yuzuki-sensei's topics the worst of them all. The average score on the last physics test was around 60%, and the next one promised to be even worse – especially with Yuzuki-sensei telling horror stories from her college days (apparently, a 60% average was considered to be "high"). The latest Mixed Martial Arts matches. Apparently, the current middleweight champion decided to show up in a Tuxedo Mask costume before one of his matches, and even threw bouquets of roses into the crowd after a big victory (including one to his wife – she was dressed as Sailor Moon).

In between, Sana managed to catch a frog, while Shuu did catch a fish – though it was one of those inedible types. The hours passed by quickly, and it was time to go back.

* * *

Oh, he should have seen this coming.

It was fate. No matter how much he wanted to avoid that person, she kept coming back.

He knew something was up when he saw Aoi talking to Nanaka on the bus. And Aoi seemed rather animated for some reason. He had enough sense to know that when girls got excited, it was usually bad for the guys.

This was no exception.

So Nanaka had invited herself over to the apartment, and planned to stay for dinner (she had already called her aunt and uncle). Great. So now he was stuck with her, again. This was getting ridiculous. Wouldn't it be better to just cut the string and tie things off, instead of seeing it unravel even further?

But Nanaka was going to keep trying, so he was forced to do so as well. It was this word called politeness, a dirty term that would often override common sense. And failing to worship it would lead to grave consequences – perhaps worse than anything Nanaka herself could come up with.

And so, dinner was a civil affair.

Sana wondered whether their faces ever got tired from having to smile like that all the time. Or how they found the patience to talk about inane topics at length. Or how they managed to hide their true feelings about Nanaka – which they made known to him a number of times in the past, even before the hospital incident. While his mother called it an "essential social skill", Sana couldn't help but think that there was something inherently dishonest about all of this.

Sana somehow managed to survive the dinner, and immediately made his way over to the piano – he could use a break. Just for a little while, a chance to forget. Relax. And make up for all the days he couldn't practice; the gap between his playing and Asami's was only growing wider.

Alas, even that would be denied.

Nanaka and Aoi soon made their way to the piano. And Nanaka made a number of requests – despite his insistence that he was lousy at sight-reading, and even worse at playing by ear. But there was one he could play, thanks to Asami – the song that Nanaka had played at his farewell party.

Somehow, it sounded incomplete without the violin.

No, it wasn't because he was playing the accompaniment part – Asami had gotten him a piano solo version. It was that piercing, haunting quality that only a violin could bring – or at the very least, a more skilled pianist. He knew it had something to do with having a better touch and creative pedal work. But at this point, he was having trouble playing all the notes, let alone refine his techniques. And mentally, he just wasn't all there – and perhaps that was the root of the problem.

He was tired. Tired from the trip, and from lack of sleep. Tired from all the work he had to do, and the schoolwork that was piling up. Tired from having to deal with Nanaka all the time. Tired of being reminded of his past; no, having it shoved into his face. And tired of having to put on a mask all the time, pretending to be cheerful and energetic in front of everyone when what he really wanted to do was to collapse in a heap somewhere and not wake up for a very, very long time. Willpower could only go so far – it was only a matter of time before his body shut down on him.

But not yet. Nanaka had gone inside with Miss Oribe to have a private talk. And Aoi went inside to finish her homework. So he would be given a chance to recover. Now that he thought about it, perhaps that had been the purpose of the trip. To be renewed, and regain the energy needed to take care of their duties. To strengthen the bond that seemed unbreakable at one point, but was now in danger of falling apart. And to clear up any misunderstandings, and the thick air, that had risen amongst them. And just maybe, this was true for Nanaka as well?

After a little while, Nanaka announced she was leaving – and Sana was asked to walk her home. All of a sudden, doing his homework became a lot more appealing – but did he have a choice?

Sana fought the temptation to ditch Nanaka as they made their way to her home. But at least Nanaka was in a better mood, though admittedly, she had nowhere to go but up. So she was capable of being like this, after all. Confident. Cheerful. To the point. Not at all like the Nanaka of old – yet distinctive qualities, all the same. Maybe there was hope for her yet.

They stopped under a street light, next to the shrine where Nanaka lived.

"Sana," Nanaka called out as he was about to head back. "I really had a lot of fun today. Thank you for the trip."

"You should thank Aoi."

"I already did. She told me how hard you worked to make this happen. I – we all – owe you a lot."

"Thanks."

"And tonight, I was thinking – how it's always been like this. You've always been the one to give. Do you remember the culture festival? That was when you gave me this bracelet. And this week, the new mirror to replace the one that broke. And now, this trip. I wish there was something I could do to repay you."

Nanaka took a few steps toward him – and Sana instinctively took a step back.

Nanaka opened her hands. "I know this isn't much – but I found this in the creek today. It's the clearest stone I've ever seen. I thought it was a piece of glass at first. Do you want to take a look?"

It was strange, to tell the truth – both the stone and the overall atmosphere.

"I want you to have it. And remember. Maybe – I hope – there will be more days like today. Oh, Sana, and feel free to visit the shrine whenever you're free. I usually work there in the afternoons."

"Bye," Sana said hurriedly, before jogging away. Did he say strange? Never mind; this was downright bizarre. It was time for him to make his escape, before his brain became even more scrambled – it was suffering from overload at the moment.

And that's how this memorable Sunday ended – except for the pile of homework still waiting for him at the apartment, that is. And it left Sana with a lot to think about. What should he do about his friends, and especially Nanaka? He knew how his mother felt about them; and she would undoubtedly remind him once again during her call. As for Nanaka – if he was reading this right – his mother would be all over that one. This was going to be an interesting conversation, to be sure. And his aunt? Something told him that she was less than convinced by Nanaka's efforts, and rather wary of the twins. And frankly, there were times when he felt like casting all of them to the side and start over.

But it seemed wrong. Especially after today. A day when promises were fulfilled, and hopes were renewed. When the wreckage was sorted, and a new foundation built. Maybe it could happen. Maybe there was that chance of a miracle. Transformation. Didn't he sense it? Didn't he see it happening, right in front of him? Why shouldn't he believe? Why shouldn't he hope? Surely, the reward was there for the taking – not just for him, but for everyone else. Maybe his mother and aunt were right. Maybe his friends had done something horrible. But wasn't it his mother who brought up the subject of redemption? If it was possible for him, it had to be possible for them, as well. And denying them that opportunity – would be an act of betrayal. He couldn't, he wouldn't, do something like that. No, as long as there was a chance, he would hold onto it with all his might. And hopefully, he, along with his friends, would reach their destination – a promised land, where there would be joys and smiles, meaning in everything they did, and memories that would last a lifetime…