Chapter 9
"Not at all." Austin replied softly, taking a deep, long drag from her cigarette and held it in as her eyes drifted closed. Letting the nicotine work its magic before flicking ash away, the smoke flowed out of her mouth slowly. "I told him about you coming up to the room." She said, seeing him nod out of the corner of her eye, before taking another drag.
Damn he was absolutely gorgeous, what had she been thinking letting him go all those years ago? Simple. Austin wasn't ready to settle down like he was and followed her wind. Now she had a ring on her finger and a wedding she wasn't even sure if she wanted to be apart of anymore. She wasn't sure if she even wanted to be a bride.
Randy could read her body language, more than aware of the subtle shifts. The way she would change her posture as if trying to fend away unwanted thoughts, the defensive way her shoulders squared. He wondered what was going on behind those green eyes though, looking thoughtful as he puffed on his own cigarette, studying her intently.
"Having second thoughts?" He asked finally, knowing that was open to a lot of things.
"What?!" Austin exclaimed, immediately turning her defensive green eyes to Randy, swallowing hard when he just raised an eyebrow at her, that sexy expression crossing his features. She had to turn away and shook her head, laughing harshly. "There are no second thoughts about this. I'm marrying John because I WANT too. Seconds thoughts..."
She scoffed and took an even deeper and longer drag this time, not believing he just asked her that! She forgot how well Randy could read her and mentally cursed. Was she having second thoughts? Was all of this too fast for her? Austin didn't know.
"You've been with him three years, finally said you loved him after two, and are now marrying him; you're not so sure you want too anymore." Randy summarized, not bothering to wonder if it was because of him, knowing better than to ask. He shouldn't care. But that didn't mean he was about to let her shred his heart to pieces for a second time. "Don't hurt him, Austin." He cautioned gravely.
"I'm NOT having second thoughts about this Randy." She stated, scowling darkly, not believing John had told him something THAT personal. This son of a bitch before her was the reasoning behind her taking so long to say those three words because she was scared. She didn't want to get hurt and she wasn't going to hurt John. Her running was over with and Randy needed to mind his own business. Austin was pissed and rightfully so as she flicked her cigarette away, raking a hand through her hair. "And I didn't just run away from you." Her voice became quieter, eyes narrowing. "You gave me an ultimatum and I took the one I thought best; I don't regret it, Randy. I'm not the same person I was nine years ago, that's something you have to realize. I've changed drastically."
"God I would hope so. I don't think John could handle waking up alone with nothing, but a note saying 'I'm coming back' over and over again." Randy retorted flatly flicking ash off of his cigarette before inhaling on it again, blue eyes narrowing.
"Okay, I'm done." John said, coming out with a grin on his face. "Man, that girl in there is a floozy; she wouldn't stop hitting on me." He snorted, wrapping an arm around Austin's shoulder. "How laid up do you gotta be to hit on a guy who's getting married?"
"No idea honey." She replied with a smile and accepted his kiss, loving how honest he was with her. "Come on, you have your signing in an hour."
She guided him back to the car, Randy sliding in the backseat while she took the passenger and John was the driver, just like they did when they first arrived. The entire drive back was made in silence, Austin in her own thoughts. Granted, she knew her relationship with Randy was complicated; she rarely stayed by his side, or the night for that matter.
They were young and stupid though! She was only sixteen the same as him, what did he honestly expect from her? Not to mention she was captain of the cheerleading squad while he was in football. Austin lit another cigarette while John put on a rap CD, after asking her permission. She did not feel like hearing Rascal Flatts at the moment, too confused, not wanting to cry again.
Rap, he could handle this. Randy let the beat pound into his skull, though it didn't do anything to assuage the memories flooding over him. They had been high school sweethearts, then he had gone into the service that had been a fiasco...afterwards, he had been ready to settle down; ready to start a family with her. That hadn't been anything close to what Austin had wanted. Finally, he had given her a choice. She had made it and it wasn't him.
When they arrived at the hotel, Austin kissed John several times goodbye, telling him to have fun and all that jazz. He loved his fans and what he did for a living, there was no mistaking that. So that just left her and Randy, alone, for the first time since that night a week ago in the arena parking lot.
This was very awkward as Austin walked inside, him following suit. She took the back staircase, not really in the mood to wait for an elevator that was slower than a turtle. When they arrived in her and John's hotel room, Austin lit another cigarette and kicked her shoes off before sitting down on the bed, the only bed in the room...she was fucked in more ways than one.
"I know you didn't come up here just to help me pick out my wedding dress, Randy." She finally said knowingly, pulling the laptop out of her bag and turned it on, waiting for it to load. "So what did you want to talk about?"
"Oh don't kid yourself honey, there's nothing to say. I did come up to help you with the wedding dress." He gathered she didn't have them with her; that would be too tempting for John to peek. Not to mention carting those through airport after airport would be a pain in the ass. So he sat down beside her on the bed, stretching his legs out in front of him, after kicking off his own shoes, taking the cigarette from her, puffed once and passed it back. "Show them to me."
Austin blinked when he did that, reminding her of when they were teenagers, sharing a cigarette together, sighing gently before turning her gaze back to the laptop. "Here we go." She murmured, setting it between them and took another drag of her cigarette before handing it to him so she could type, finally finding the links. "Okay here's the first one..." She clicked on it, the dress coming and waited for his reaction, gauging it. The second and third followed suit.
Randy studied all three dresses thoughtfully, surprised to find his heart was aching. He was helping the former love of his life pick out a wedding dress to wed another man. Clearing his throat, he let her go through the dresses, finally moving his hand to gently hover over hers, clicking back to the first one.
"This one is perfect." He said softly.
She couldn't do this. She couldn't pick out a wedding dress with the former love of her life. Austin felt the tears well up in her eyes and she had to stand up from the bed, lighting up another cigarette.
"I'll go with that one then." She quietly said, taking a long drag and blinked the tears away, not wanting them to fall. God help her, she didn't want to show Randy any weakness at the moment and looked at her ring. "I'll have to call David's Bridal and have them reserve it so I can go try it on tomorrow for my fitting." They were in Boston for two days, which was perfect. Today was John's fitting, tomorrow hers, and Austin felt sick to her stomach as she raked a hand through her hair.
Randy simply nodded, reaching down to pull out his own pack of smokes from his pocket, needing one so badly his hands were shaking. She was going to wear that dress when she married John. God, why did it bother him so much? He knew why. Because deep down inside he still loved her. He always had, even though it had hurt like hell when she left him.
"You'll look beautiful in it." He finally offered.
His politeness was killing her as Austin slowly walked back over, stopping him from taking a cigarette out, eyes locking with his. There were so many things she wanted to say to him; so much had happened in nine years, but all Austin could do was swallow hard and release his hand so he could light his own smoke. "I'm glad you're happy." She finally said after what seemed like hours of silence between them, clearing her throat awkwardly, her hand feeling like it was engulfed in flames. She would call David's Bridal after he left and let out the crying that was aching to flood. Austin felt sick because she was getting married and she wasn't sure if it was the right decision anymore.
He was happy alright. His wife had a hard time saying the words 'I love you' to him and he had a sneaking suspicion she wasn't being faithful to him. Not that he would ever tell Austin that, no. She didn't need to know his home life wasn't exactly roses and wine. Though when she had pulled her hand away, he stood up, that damn electricity coursing through his body again, and he knew she had felt it too. He crossed the space to her and pulled her into his arms, her body pressed against his. Not even caring about the consequences, Randy bent down to claim her lips.
Her arms instantly wrapped around his neck, kissing him like she hadn't been able to breathe in nine years, like he was the air she breathed. Austin was going to hell. Randy was married and she was engaged to be married in a few short months to his best friend! She didn't care about any of that though, the feeling of his hands running up and down her sides causing her body to ignite and melt against him.
Kissing him was like the final piece had finally sealed within her, knowing he completed her, and that broke Austin's heart. She couldn't hurt John like this and felt tears slide from the corners of her eyes, not able to pull away from Randy. Her head moved from side to side, opening her mouth for access when his tongue swiped across her lips, the turmoil and heartache rushing through her mixed with a rapidly beating heart, pulse and the amount of passion between them. It was more powerful than her and John's kisses, more demanding and full of fire.
He was going to burn in hell and he was going to burn with a smile on his face. This was his best friend's -John's- fiancée; they were going to be married in a few short months. Hell, Randy had a wife at home. Granted, she probably wasn't waiting on him, but the fact remained he still had a wife. However, for the life of him, he couldn't break this kiss. He was tasting Austin for the first time in nine years, feeling her delicious body pressing against him. He was a man dying of thirst and she was the water he desperately needed.
Her heart was thundering powerfully against her chest as the tears subsided, fingers running over his very short black hair, wondering why he kept it so short. She remembered his boyish cuts with the spikes in the front, not to mention she had nothing to hold onto. Austin moaned as Randy's hands slid down her back to her ass, cupping her cheeks and lifted her up as her legs instinctively wrapped around his waist, not able to break the kiss.
John wouldn't be back for several more hours; god she was sick. She was hurting the man who worshipped her, but her and Randy had a very strong history. One that, if John knew anything about, he probably wouldn't have been fine with Randy coming up with her alone to look at wedding dresses. She needed air to breathe, but she couldn't pull away, Randy had always been an addiction to her that was worse than a cokehead with drugs. She loved how he could hold her up with ease and kept her grip on him, kissing him with so much passion, with every feeling she was experiencing at the moment.
This was getting out of hand. He knew he had to stop; he had to be the one to say no. They both were risking so much. Breaking John's heart, not to mention each others...But god help him, he couldn't. He simply could not. He craved her. Lord, did he need her. Just now he was realizing how much he had truly missed Austin, having foolishly believed he had buried her memory firmly in the past. The past had a funny way of repeating itself. His hold on her tightened, backing her into a wall to help brace her, and freeing his hands to explore her passion inflamed body.
John was the last thing on her mind, as bad as it may be, the only man before her was the true love of her life in Randy. She loved him, she never stopped, and she thought he was happy with his life. She thought he didn't want her, to touch or kiss her, but damned if she'd been wrong. Shoving everything to the back of her mind, Austin would deal with the consequences later. She ran her hands up his strong, chiseled chest, his tank top already off; feeling his lips leaving hers finally to travel down her cheek and neck, Austin let deep, throaty moans escape her.
