I'm bringing you a longer chapter because I go back to uni soon. Hopefully I won't be too swamped with work and I'll still get to write and update every now and then. I'm currently working on my other story, Hurting and a chapter for that will be up very soon. My story Nowhere is one of my harder stories, though. You might be waiting a little longer for an update on that one. Sorry! I'll be writing short one-shots every now and then too!


A knock at the door shook me from my thoughts and I flung myself off the couch to answer it, placing my almost finished book on the coffee table.

"Package for Miss Saunders?" The red headed man on the other side of the door smiled warmly. I threw a look over my shoulder to make sure Derek wasn't home and when I confirmed that he had the right apartment, he handed me a clip board where I signed my name at the bottom.

He left the gigantic box with me and I had no idea how I was going to move it on my own. It came up to my waist and was twice as wide as me. I looked at it quizzically and gave it a tentative shove. It slid across the floor by an inch; too heavy to move much further.

"Simon?" I called out hoping for a reply. "Tori?" No answer, I just hoped that they'd be back soon before Derek. There was nothing else to do but cover the box with a blanket to make sure he didn't see, at least until somebody else was able to help me move it.

I was at the mall a few days before, not looking for anything in particular after having my hair cut. Then I saw an office supplies store and instantly knew what I could buy Derek for Christmas. Simon's present was obvious as he was an artist, but Derek and Tori were more complicated so once I had the guys out of the way, all I had to figure out was what to get her.

I went back to the sofa where my book waited for me and curled up with a blanket. The apartment had only grown louder with the upcoming holiday now that both Tori and Simon were staying. Derek had finally claimed his room back, much to Tori's displeasure now that she had to sleep in the tiny room that we called an office and Simon graciously slept on the sofa. With all three of the siblings out today, I was happy to get a break from their constant bickering.

I finished my book on a high note and started on dinner, deciding that tinned spaghetti was the most appealing dish I could whip up in a timely manner. Just as I sat down to eat the door flew open and Simon and Tori trudged in, shaking off their scarves and coats. They greeted me and promptly raided the fridge.

"Simon, before Derek gets home could I get you to do me a favor?" I asked between mouthfuls of food. He nodded and I stood up and discarded the bowl of half eaten food to the coffee table, walking over to the covered up box. "I need to move this."

"What is it?" Tori asked.

"Derek's Christmas present." I told them as Simon pulled off the blanket, revealing what was underneath. "It's heavy."

"You got him a-" He stopped short as the door opened and I hastily stepped in front of the box, knocking Simon out of the way in the process. I managed to pull the blanket back over it in the same moment that Derek popped his head around the door. He closed it behind him and gave us a wary look, narrowing his eyes at the sight of me casually leaning against this new mass that occupied our living room floor.

"I don't know what you're doing, and I'm not going to ask. But whatever that is under the blanket needs to be stored away somewhere Chloe won't trip over it."

"S-s-sure." I stuttered, my face burning red.

We watched him retreat to his bedroom and I gave Simon and Tori a look of relief.

"Let's get this thing moved." Tori said.


"Will you calm down?" Derek muttered from the kitchen as I bounced in my seat.

"Join me." I rustled the bowl I had in my hands. "I have popcorn."

It was Christmas Eve and I was curled up on the couch with a blanket and some snacks, about to watch The Grinch. Again, the apartment was close to silent with the odd exception of Derek emerging from his room. Tori had a work function and Simon was catching up with an old friend for a few Christmas drinks. That left me and Derek alone in the apartment together - just like old times. It wasn't that I minded his brother and sister staying, but I was happy with the amount of noise just the two of us provided. And the apartment really wasn't made for four people.

"Not really one for Christmas movies. Sorry." He rumbled as he picked out a box of cookies from the top shelf.

"Oh come on, it won't kill you to be a little festive, will it?" The sound of my phone buzzing in my pocket startled me. "Hold that thought."

I pulled it out and scanned the screen. It was mom.

"Hey mom, what's going on?" I answered.

"Hi sweetheart, I'm just about to drive your father to the airport."

"T-the airport? It's Christmas tomorrow!" Dad was a good father, but he was mostly absent in my life due to his work. He missed a lot of me growing up since he was travelling all the time. It didn't make me hate him or anything like that, but I felt sad that he didn't stick around to see me graduate or turn eighteen. The only thing he was always definitely around for was Christmas, and that was another reason why the holiday was my happiest time of the year.

"I know honey, but business called - Berlin this time. It's okay though, I'm staying behind and we can still have our day together tomorrow."

I sighed down the phone. "Go with him, mom. I'll be fine." Derek gave me a quick yet concerned glance as I said this but I made a point to avoid eye contact and he continued with his business in the kitchen. Mom stumbled over her words in protest, telling me that she didn't even need to go but I knew they liked to be together on dad's business trips. I reassured her that everything would be fine. "I'll tag along with Liz." I eventually ended up telling her, just so that she would stop fussing.

"Are you sure?" She asked one last time, traces of concern hinted in her voice. I could tell that she really wanted to go and be with dad, and I wasn't going to be the one to stop her.

"I'm sure. Go and have fun."

We said our goodbyes and I love yous and hung up, leaving me with tears prickling my eyes and a lump in my throat that I tried so desperately to swallow. I looked down at my hands as I let go of a deep breath that I didn't realize I was holding. Maybe I shouldn't have lied to mom about going with Liz, but how else was I supposed to convince her?

Derek lingered in the kitchen area for a few moments before tentatively coming over to the living area and sitting on the arm rest of the couch beside me. "So how about that Christmas movie?" He asked, in an obvious effort to try and lighten the mood. I appreciated it, but the movie was the last thing I wanted to think about.

I grabbed the TV remote off the coffee table and hit the power button, sending the screen black. "Suddenly not feeling very festive." I muttered as I left the bowl of popcorn behind and retreated to my room, slamming the door behind me.

After throwing myself onto the bed in my dark room and letting a few tears run down my face, I wanted to slap myself for crying over a problem that seemed so small and minuscule. I took a deep breath and curled up into the most comfortable position I could manage and began to doze off, hoping that I could sleep through the holiday. Or better yet, wake up and have my mom and dad at the door saying 'Just kidding!'

A rap of knuckles on my bedroom door startled me awake, my breath catching in my throat. When I didn't answer quick enough they knocked again.

"What is it?" I asked through the remnants of sleep and sat up in bed, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.

The door cracked open, allowing a sliver of light into my room that was mostly blocked by Derek's hulking figure.

"Do you like hot chocolate?" He asked tentatively, as if he didn't know if it was the right thing to do. I flicked on the lights. Derek was holding a red mug with hot chocolate in it and held it out to me as an offer.

"Thanks." I whispered, genuinely grateful for his gesture and took the drink into my hands. His eyes scanned my bedroom before catching on the same box from earlier, still covered. I sipped from the mug, tasting the chocolate. It was good.

"You're welcome to join us tomorrow." He offered as he watched me drink. Derek's father was coming here to the apartment for tomorrow for Christmas lunch since the rest of the family was here.

I shook my head. "I don't want to impose."

"You're not imposing. This is your home too."

"Thanks, Derek, but I think I'll be okay." I told him, hoping that he'd let that conversation drop.

He sighed but thankfully he didn't push the issue further. "Can I at least drag you back out to watch the movie?"

I thought about it for a moment. My only options were to mope around in my room or go and watch this movie with Derek. The answer was obvious, since The Grinch was my favorite Christmas movie.

"Sure." I gave him a weak smile and followed him out into the living room.

The following morning came and went quickly enough. The smell of roasting meat and vegetables filled the apartment with a delicious aroma that made me want to take Derek back on his offer. Derek's dad was due to arrive any minute now and I was about to make myself scarce, but not before piling my arms with junk food that was inevitably going to be devoured while I spent the day in my bedroom watching trashy movies and reading lame magazines.

"Come on, Chloe." Simon hounded as I plucked the cookies out of his hands. "Just join us for lunch. Tori won't mind, right?" He asked.

"Fine with me." She shrugged, devoid of any enthusiasm as she typed on her phone.

If it wasn't for the weather, I would have enjoyed a nice day in the park by myself, but instead I had resolved to sit in my bedroom while my flatmates felt sorry for me. I was about to protest when the front door clicked and swung open, revealing Derek and his father. The older man was a dead ringer for Simon with the exception of his graying hair. They had the same smile, cheekbones, build and eyes.

His smile was warm as he looked around the apartment, his eyes finally settling on Simon and I in the kitchen. "You must be Chloe."

"Hi, Mr Bae. It's nice to meet you." I replied as he walked over and extended his hand. We exchanged a friendly handshake.

"Please, call me Kit. Will you be joining us for lunch?" He asked, a hopeful gleam shining in his eye.

"Oh, no. I'm just going to make myself scarce for the day."

A frown appeared on his face. "Nothing else to do? I must insist. I'm sure Derek has made more than enough food for an extra person."

I looked to Simon for help, but I knew what he was thinking - he wanted me there too.

My voice deceived me. "Yeah, okay." I found myself saying.

After I had put away my collection of junk food, we sat around the dining table that Derek had generously cleaned of his papers. It was the first time I saw the surface of the table since living there, and I'm pretty sure it was the first time ever that the dining table was used for the specific purpose of dining.

We had a delicious meal followed by exchanging gifts. I ducked into my bedroom to retrieve the gifts I got for Simon and Tori but left Derek's as it was too heavy, vowing to give it to him later.

Simon was ecstatic with the amount of art supplies he received, particularly with the pastels I gave him. Tori opened up the black leather jacket I bought her and eyed it.

"Good taste, Saunders." She nodded in approval and folded it over her lap.

I smiled at her and turned to Derek. "Yours is coming later."

I apologized to Kit for not having anything for him but he assured me it was fine, knowing that my plans were all made at the last minute.

Eventually Tori left to see her mom and Derek drove Kit back to his hotel room, leaving just Simon and myself in the apartment together.

"Your dad's nice." I said as I cleared the table of plates, bringing them to Simon who then neatly stacked them in the dishwasher.

"He's been great. He's also thrilled about Derek and Tori." He took a plate out of my hands and held it for a moment as if thinking, before setting it down and leaning against the counter. "I'm really glad you changed your mind.

"You guys didn't give me much choice." I laughed. "But I'm glad too."

He walked over to me at the table and grabbed my hand that was reaching for the last plate. I spun around as he twined his fingers in mine and stared down at our hands.

Oh no...

"I've really liked spending time with you."

For the second time that day, my mouth betrayed me. "Y-yeah, me too." God, Chloe, you couldn't manage to choke out 'as friends'?

"Good." He rubbed small circles on the back of my hand with his thumb as he shifted closer, towering over me.

Don't get me wrong, I liked Simon. But did I want him kissing me? I wasn't so sure about that. Should I push past every part of my body that was telling me it didn't feel right and just kiss him anyway to test the waters?

The answer didn't matter because he slid his hand on the back of my neck and tilted my face up before I could say anything. His lips connected with mine and he kissed me, but all I could do was stand there. A voice in my mind screamed at me to do something - anything, but my body stood rooted in place, as if I was paralyzed from the waist down. Finally I made the connection to move my lips against his but it was awkward, as if I was holding back.

He caught on and stopped, his face hovering above mine for an awkward few moments before I blinked and looked away from him.

"Sorry, I know we haven't been on a date yet-"

"N-no, it's not that. I just-"

"Wrong guy, huh?" He gave me a sad smile. It was one that told me that he knew something I didn't.

"W-w-what?" I stared at him dumbfounded, my mouth opening and closing but no words came out of it. "Simon, I'm sorry." I eventually whispered.

He smiled that same sad smile from before and he shook his head. "It's okay, Chloe. Don't know if you don't try, ya know?" He picked up the same plate from before and took it to the dishwasher. I stared after him with my mouth gaping open like a fish, not knowing what to say. He picked up on my shock and turned back around. "Let's not make things weird."

I snapped out of it and nodded, beginning to pick up the glasses and bringing them over to him. "No hard feelings, right?"

"Of course not." He grinned. With that reassuring grin I felt more at east over what just happened and smiled back.

We continued on like nothing ever happened.


Simon left the apartment not long after our run in, assuring me that nothing was wrong - he just needed some air. Derek came back soon after, looking pleased that we tidied the living space to his standards.

"Where's Simon?" He asked.

"J-j-just gone for a walk." Ugh, not the stutter again. I fiddled with my hair, trying to play it cool.

He raised a bushy eyebrow at me. "Did something happen? You're being weird."

"N-no." I thought about the box in my bedroom that was still waiting for Derek and tugged on his jacket sleeve towards my bedroom. "Come with me, I've got your present."

"In your bedroom?" This time he raised both eyebrows and I thought about where his mind could possibly be wandering to...

I hissed at him to shut up. We reached my room and pushed the door open. The box was sitting in the corner, blanket still on top and covering it. "I couldn't wrap it because it's so heavy, but merry Christmas." I gestured towards it.

He walked over to the box and eyed it warily, as if something spooky was about to jump out and bite him. Eventually he lifted the blanket to reveal what was underneath.

"A... filing cabinet?" He asked.

"Thought you could use one. Now we can use the dining table for dining. Unless you don't want it, then I can-"

"No, it's great actually. Perfect. Thank you." He turned around, a concerned look plastered on his face. "I didn't get you anything though."

I waved him off. "Just make sure you use it. That's good enough for me. Also help me move it from my room. I can't do it on my own."

"Deal." He nodded and gestured for me to come and help him. Together we moved the box into the office where Derek would store the cabinet and left it there for the time being. We dusted off our hands feeling pleased with ourselves and closed the office door as we left.

"Coffee?" He asked.

"Yes please."

We sat at the kitchen counter and drank our coffees together, making light conversation. Derek mentioned wanting to take a few weeks off work once he was finished with his current cases. He apparently owned a holiday cabin in the woods not too far out of Buffalo but didn't get out there very often. Eventually we moved on from that topic and he asked about my work, but there wasn't a lot to tell other than I wanted to leave it behind for something better.

"Something happened with Simon." He stated knowingly. "I bumped into him on his way out of the building."

I chewed on my lip. How much did I really want to tell him? How much had Simon already told him?

"Did he say anything to you?" I asked. He shook his head.

Great, now I had to be the one to tell the story.

"Simon... got the wrong idea." I mumbled, staring down into my mug of piping hot coffee.

"Wrong idea?"

I sighed. For such a smart guy, Derek was such an idiot. "It was my fault. I just wanted to be friends. He thinks there's someone else though." I shrugged.

"Is there?" He asked a little bit too quickly. He tried to play it off by fiddling with the fruit bowl in front of him. I eyed him warily, hoping that he wouldn't be too mad at me for hurting his brother.

"I don't think so." As far as I knew, there was nobody else. I didn't have the time or the energy - especially after Liam - for romance. "I think I'm done with the dating scene for a while."

Derek simply nodded and I hoped that meant he would drop the conversation. Luckily it didn't matter because the front door clicked and Simon walked in. His eyes scanned over the room, spotting us together at the counter. He flashed a smile towards us then his eyes zeroed in on me. The same knowing smile from before spread across his lips and I froze.

Did he think - no, there was nothing to suggest that I liked Derek. Was there? Sure, we spent a lot of time together but we shared an apartment. I spent a lot of time with Simon too but that didn't mean anything when he kissed me. But even when I spent time with Simon, I still managed to find myself back with Derek.

No.

My mind raced as I excused myself from the kitchen, leaving the brothers together, and retreating to my bedroom. I found myself trying to justify why I spent so much time with Derek and why we were such good friends.

But I didn't need to justify. I shouldn't have to justify. Or did all of this mental gymnastics mean that I was in denial? I never thought about Derek in that way before, but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. I was attracted to Derek, I'd be an idiot if I wasn't. He was handsome, protective, albeit a bit brooding but that just added the sexy bad boy vibe he gave off.

I shook my head. Bad Chloe.

But these feelings didn't mean that I wanted to be with him. Right?

I groaned.

I threw my face into my pillow and screamed, hoping that it was enough to muffle my sounds.


So do you think Chloe will follow these feelings or try and squash them? ;) Please review, I can't wait to see what you guys think!