Chapter 13
After her shower, Austin decided to go for a walk while John slept, brushing her lips lightly against his and left him a note, pulling on a short sleeved shirt with blue jeans, needing to get some air and a cigarette. Her hair was wet and straight, hanging down her back. Slipping her flip flops on, Austin walked out of the room silently and walked down to the staircase, going out the back door and lit a cigarette up while she just walked around the hotel premises, needing to think.
Did she really want to get married? Was she ready for this commitment and was she only feeling the doubts because Randy was in her life? Austin was so confused and took a long drag, letting the nicotine work its way through her system, calming her down and keeping the tears at bay.
Randy watched her from his hotel balcony, a beer in his hand, cigarette in the other. His blue eyes never left her, watching as she paced the property, seeing the expression on her face when she passed underneath a light. Was she doubting her feelings for John? Just the way he was doubting everything else? Sighing, he flicked the half smoked cigarette over the railing and leaned against it, closing his eyes.
Suddenly, as if something snapped inside of her, Austin looked toward the street lights and immediately headed in that direction, feet pounding pavement. She didn't know where she was going or what she was doing, but one thing was for sure, she wasn't staying here. Tears streamed down her cheeks and flew behind her, vision blurred by the pain and misery flowing through her. The wedding was a mistake, a horrible mistake, and she had to breathe. She just had to get away, to be alone, to reflect and find out what she truly wanted.
"Oh shit..." Randy groaned, knowing damn well what she was going to do.
Sighing, he measured the distance between him and the ground. He was on the second floor. Muttering under his breath, he hopped the railing and slid across to the outside of the building, gripping the insteps and began climbing down. He was going to kick JOHN'S ass for this, not hers, because he didn't beat women. When his feet hit the ground, he took off running.
Even when she was out of breath, Austin kept running, heart pounding thunderously. She wasn't running away from John, she would be back; she just needed a moment where she wasn't thinking about the wedding, about John, about Randy. Mostly about Randy. This all surrounded him, every thought, every feeling, everything. Austin couldn't take it as she rounded a corner and kept going, chest constricting painfully since she hadn't run in awhile. It didn't matter. She just had to get away.
Randy was not built for long distance runs. He could sprint, somewhat. He was in awesome shape, but this running crap wasn't cool. So he jogged, keeping up with her thanks to his long legs. Though he also kept his distance. If she tried running off on John, he would make himself known. Maybe. Maybe it would be better for John if Austin was gone, then he'd never be hurt...Randy shook his head; it wasn't his call to make that decision.
Sniffling, Austin slowed to a walk a few minutes later, wiping her tears away and wrapped her arms around herself. What was she going to do? Did she cancel the wedding or just leave John like she did Randy? Austin didn't know what to do. Everything was so messed up and she was more confused than ever, something she hated feeling. The ring on her finger caused her anger to rise as she nearly ripped it off and stuffed it in the pocket of her jeans, not wanting to look at it right now while walking, while contemplating her future.
He hadn't missed that gesture, arching an eyebrow and just maintained his distance behind her, his footsteps falling softly and in time with hers. Was she doubting her love for John? Randy already knew she was. On some level, she was still in love with him, just like he was in love with her. His eyes narrowed when he heard catcalling from across the street, his head turning to the sounds.
Looking up from the sidewalk, she stopped and seen a park nearby, jogging across the street, knowing John would sleep for a few more hours. She kicked her flip flops off, not believing she actually sprinted on them and sat down on the swing, pumping her legs to go as high as she could, eyes closed. Her hair flowed back and forth with every movement, seeing the night was closing in around her, and honestly didn't care. For just a brief moment, her mind cleared, holding on tightly to the steel chains the swing was hooked too, more tears flowing down her cheeks.
He stood beneath a tree, hidden by the shadows, and just watched her. A beautiful woman wandering the streets at this time of night, she was just begging for trouble. Shaking his head, he leaned back into the trunk, feeling the coarseness through his shirt, eyes never leaving her. The way her hair streamed behind her, catching what little light there was. The tears glistening on her face whenever she swung into that tiny bit of light. It was both a beautiful and heartbreaking sight.
"Randy." She whispered as she slowed down and buried her face in her hands, the regret pouring forth from her, her entire body radiating sadness and heartache. "I'm not ready. I can't do this." Sniffling, Austin wiped her tears away and dug her feet in the sand, wondering what she was supposed to do. Postpone the wedding? What would her excuse be and would John understand her? She loved him, but god help her, Randy coming back into her life made her realize who she used to be, what she used to be and how much she'd hurt him. "Maybe I'm not meant to be with anyone. Maybe I'm meant to be alone forever." She whispered to herself, feeling broken and stood up from the swing, carrying her flip flops and went to the merry-go-round, not having done anything like this in years.
Oh, she had to know he was there; she was purposely trying to screw with him and shatter his heart. Randy almost got angry then realized that was just stupid. Austin didn't know he was there because she would have probably told him to hit the pavement by now. Sighing, he dropped down to the ground, drawing his knees up and watched her, wishing he'd brought his cigarettes.
After spinning the merry-go-round, which reminded her of what her life was like at the moment; Austin hopped on it. She dragged her pack of cigarettes out, lighting one up and went to the center, knowing it would go for a few minutes before she would have to start it up again with her feet. Her arms spread out as her head tilted back, just enjoying the night air engulfing her, cell phone shut off at the moment. She just wanted to be totally and completely alone, knowing she would have to have a talk with John when she returned back to the hotel. For now, Austin was enjoying this and let the smoke rise in the air that came from her lips, closing her eyes.
He should have stayed back at the hotel; Randy buried his face in his knees for a moment, having watched her light up that cigarette, obviously enjoying a nicotine fix. He needed a new addiction. Between smoking and Austin, he wasn't sure which one was going to kill him first. Finally, he leaned his head back against the tree trunk, watching her spinning and smiled slightly.
When she was dizzy, Austin jumped off of the merry-go-round and laughed softly as her back connected with the soft grass, flicking her cigarette away after taking one final drag, staring up at the midnight sky with a million stars glistening back at her. The dizziness was a temporary way to forget about everything that happened, especially Randy, though he was still lingering. What was it going to take to get rid of him? Her red hair was splayed all around her as Austin closed her eyes, sighing gently. She didn't move to put her ring back on, didn't move period, just laid there for what seemed like hours as the cool wind blew across her body, giving her the peace and tranquility she desperately searched for.
Randy watched her still, getting to his feet with a frown. When she just laid there, not moving, he began to worry. Did she faint again? Maybe fall asleep? Damn fool woman, falling asleep in a park, of all places, in a strange city. Grunting, he walked out from under the tree to her, halting when he towered over her, his breath catching in his throat at the sight of how she looked laying there.
Feeling someone else there, Austin slowly fluttered her eyes open to stare back into Randy's mystic blue orbs, swallowing hard, wondering what he was doing here. Did he follow her? His hand extended to her, taking it as he pulled her up gently from the ground, standing in front of him.
"What are you doing here?" She murmured searching his eyes for something she wasn't quite sure she was looking for.
She had to go home. She had to go back to Atlanta before she ended up doing something with Randy that both of them would regret later. It would kill John, but it would kill John more if he found out what all that had happened between her and Randy since coming on the road.
"I followed you." Randy admitted with a shrug, letting go of her hand and stepped back, giving her space. As hard as it was, he was going to keep things formal between them. She had a fiancé who loved her unconditionally and he, well...he had a wife who wanted to try to make things work between them. "I was worried you might be running off on John. He's a good man, Austin. And he...he loves you."
"Like I did you." She whispered, looking away from him, and felt the tears beginning to fall again. Austin knew John loved her, what the hell was he reminding her of this for? Oh that's right, his little wife was coming back on the road and he suddenly wanted nothing to do with her. Snorting, Austin wiped her tears away angrily and pulled the ring out of her pocket, sliding it back on her left ring finger, where it belonged for now. "I'm talking to John when I get back about going home." Her voice was low and quiet, raking a hand through her now damp hair. She was also thinking about postponing this wedding to think things through a little more, but Randy didn't need to know that.
"Because you're having second thoughts." Randy said evenly, knowing her better then she realized. "Because you're confused if you still love me or not and maybe if it wouldn't be better all the way around to run again." He was really needing a cigarette at this point, rubbing the back of his neck. "I'm always going to love you, Austin. But it's time we BOTH moved on."
"Wow, thank you so fucking much for putting that into perspective for me, Randy. I feel so much better!" She shot back bitterly and lit another cigarette up, sighing when he took it from her after taking the first drag, knowing he needed one and shook her head. "Keep it." She whispered and walked away from him, heading out of the park, her flip flops back on.
She didn't want to be near him right now, his words cutting through her like a knife because they were true. She had to move on and Austin thought she had, but then Randy just had to come back in her life and turn it upside down. Now she didn't know what she wanted, knowing she couldn't have Randy. She'd given him up all those years ago and now she was paying for it. Karma was indeed a bitch.
Randy was done, absolutely, positively done. He couldn't keep chasing after a woman who had shattered his heart; fell in love -or something like it- with his best friend; and who also happened to be driving him out of his damn mind. He'd be lucky if he didn't call his wife by Austin's name the next time they had a tumble. He just dropped down onto the merry-go-round, propelling himself with his feet as he puffed on the cigarette.
Austin went home, after giving her resignation to the company, just needing time. She hadn't asked John to postpone the wedding, just coming up with an excuse that she couldn't handle the traveling. No, she couldn't handle seeing Randy, especially when Samantha came on the road and she met her. She was beautiful and Austin had played the part, getting along with the woman, even though what she really wanted to do was hammer her head repeatedly against a cinder block wall. Austin had been home a week and everything was slowly getting back to normal, getting calls on a daily basis from John, who was currently doing advertisements for his movie 12 Rounds and wrestling full-time. He had no time to come home to her, even though his home was in West Newbury while she resided in Atlanta.
Randy had a problem.
He had to deal with Paul still being a jerk; Cody and Ted's nagging about watching their asses all the time. He had to deal with John moping about; missing Austin. AND on top of all that, he had Samantha, who had sweetly insisted on staying on the road, even after Austin had gone. Austin, he actually missed her, not entirely sure why since now he didn't have to worry about sporting a constant erection or the desire to bash John's head in.
After a month straight of being off the road, John visiting three times, Austin finally started getting back into the swing of things, genuinely excited about marrying John. He was sweet, kind, gentle and treated her like a queen, something she knew she didn't deserve. She didn't deserve John, he deserved someone better, but at the same time, he was good for her.
Austin had shoved Randy in that little box in the back of her mind, knowing she would see him at the wedding rehearsal during the weekend when their wedding was taking place, but until then, she didn't have to see him. He was right; they had to move on, no matter if they loved each other or not. Randy loved her, but he was married, happily it seemed, to Samantha and she was genuinely happy for him, refusing to screw that up. She refused to screw this up with John too and busied herself with the wedding preparations.
"Big day coming up soon." John grunted, lifting weights, Randy spotting him. "Think she'll back out?"
"Why the hell would she do that?"
"I don't know...she seemed so weird for awhile, now she's not and it confuses the hell out of me."
Randy snorted, wondering how John would handle finding out the reason behind Austin's 'weirdness'. "She's probably just as nervous as you are, chill out."
