Chapter 15

The barbeque went on for hours before everyone decided to go to bed. John was staying at Carol's house while Austin had a hotel room, along with Randy, though she didn't know that. Austin bid everyone a good night before heading to her car, bags already in there, letting out a loud yawn. Tomorrow was her bachelorette party while John was having his own, something she was looking forward too. Sliding in the driver's side, Austin started the car and waited for it to warm up, lighting a cigarette, suddenly needing one after seeing Randy again. She wouldn't start this again; she was getting married and nothing was going to change that as she buckled up.

Randy suddenly opened the passenger side door and slid in, smiling at her. Then he frowned at her shocked look. "I'm guessing John didn't tell you I've been riding with him all day and my car is at the hotel?" He asked, sighing when she shook her head no. "Sorry, he's been out of it all week." He apologized on his friend's behalf. "Mind giving me a lift?"

"No, not at all." Austin replied softly with a smile, though the hesitance was in her eyes along with her body posture. 'Just breathe, he's the Best Man.' She thought and nodded, putting the car in drive, turning Rascal Flatts on, knowing Randy would hate it and it would give her a distraction. She didn't want to talk to him, remembering their last confrontation and took another deep breath before peeling out of there, heading to the hotel. John wasn't happy about it, but she had to do this, her last days of being an independent woman.

"Has anyone ever told you, you have a serious addiction?" Randy asked, amusement in his tone as he listened to the song, knowing it had to be Rascal Flatts. He had heard Samantha singing them one time and promptly told her to kindly shut the hell up. He was also mildly curious why Austin was staying in a hotel when there was room for her at Carol's. "Okay, why aren't you staying with John?"

"Yes, I have an addiction to this band." Austin replied as she took another drag of her cigarette, flicking ash out the window, ignoring his question about why she wasn't staying with John. She couldn't explain it to him and, honestly, why was he even talking to her? They weren't friends; they were ex-lovers, who apparently still had feelings for each other. Austin was in hell as she sighed heavily, rubbing her temples and rolled her eyes when Randy suddenly took her cigarette, taking a drag out of it before handing it to back to her. "Do you have any idea how annoying that is? Do you want a cigarette?"

"Hmmm...No." Randy reached beneath himself, pulling out a crumpled pack. "Old habits die hard, Austin." He told her with a grin, knowing she was uncomfortable being around him. Considering they both had a common thing in their lives; that being John, they were going to have to learn how to cope with being around each other. "Relax, I promise to behave myself."

"Why is it every time I get around you, I have doubts about this upcoming marriage?" She asked out of nowhere, shaking her head almost in disbelief, and smoking her cigarette like it was her lifeline. "Don't answer that." She didn't want to hear what he had to say regarding that and just drove, not realizing she'd passed the hotel, just needing to drive as she gripped the steering wheel tighter in her hand. "Where's Samantha?"

"Back there actually." Randy said, pointing behind them, referring to the highway and rolled his eyes. "You have doubts because you still love me." He said matter-of-factly, ignoring her request not to answer. "Or maybe you just feel bad because you want one more round with me..." He was talking to himself now, rubbing his chin, and sighed. "Fuck..."

"God you are so fucking arrogant." She muttered, not amused in the slightest, and lit another cigarette. "Do you know why I left you? It's because you gave me a damn ultimatum, Randy. I wasn't ready to settle down like you were! We were twenty fucking years old and you basically pushed me out of your life with making that decision! I'm tired of blaming myself for this because it's not all my fault." Now she was talking to herself, turning the radio down while driving, just needing to clear her mind and figure all of this out. "You want me too and we both know it." She stated matter-of-factly, daring him to deny it as she flicked ash out the window. "Now where is Samantha? Or did she decide she was too good for John's wedding?"

"Arrogant, no. I just know what I know." Randy said, contrary to his statement, sounding arrogant. He inhaled deeply, considering her words, blowing smoke out of his nose. "I got tired of waiting on you, Aus." He said flatly, not about to let her blame him. "I'd say it was a mutual thing. And yes, I want you. I always have and I probably always will. As for my wife, she's around somewhere. Why? Want to go exchange stories with her?"

"What do you mean you got tired of waiting on me, Randy? You mean when I would sneak out at night because you refused to stay up with me?" She snorted, shooting him a glare and suddenly took her ring off, not wanting to have this conversation with it on, setting it in the middle counsel in a secure place. "I was a night owl and I wanted to go out and LIVE life. We were very different people back then, Randy. You got into that trouble with the army and I had to WAIT eight months for you, which I did. So don't you dare sit there and tell me you were tired of waiting for me. If anything, I was done waiting on YOU to grow up and be a man." Austin didn't regret a single thing she said and she wasn't stopping, the back roads having no stop signs, just pure country. "As far as exchanging stories with your wife, I'd rather kill her if you don't mind."

Considering she had just low-blowed him with the army thing, which was a topic he didn't allow ANYONE to bring up -the fact that Randy only visualized smashing her head through the window and didn't do it- startled even him. "Why would you rather kill her?" He taunted, having noticed her slipping off her engagement ring. "Put it back on Austin; we have nothing to hide from each other, now do we?"

"It doesn't feel right wearing it while talking to you about our past." She shot back, glaring back at him as she turned down another road, knowing her way around West Newbury pretty good. It was a lot of woods, truly a beautiful place. "I want to kill your wife because she has you." Austin wasn't going to lie to him, already knowing she felt the same type of passion for him she did back when they were teenagers.

Randy couldn't say anything to that. Honestly, he had felt the same way when it came to John. Though there was the slight problem of John being his best friend and all, which wasn't good. Sighing, he reached across the seat and took her hand, squeezing gently.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

Austin pulled the car over on the deserted road, no houses for miles around or the town. She cut the ignition with her free hand and ran it through her hair, sighing resignedly. "I'm sorry too, Randy." She whispered, looking back at him with tears glistening in her green eyes. "I really am sorry I ran away from you all those years ago." Her eyes closed as a few tears slid down her cheeks, his hand cupping her face, thumb wiping a few of the tears away. "I don't know what to do anymore." She whispered, leaning forward to press her forehead against the wheel. "I do love John; I wouldn't have agreed to be his wife to begin with if I didn't..."

"So marry him." Randy said softly, having to force those words out. He hated himself for saying them, but at the same time, if she loved John...If she was happy, he would be happy for her. It wasn't like he could expect her to stay alone and single forever, especially when he was married. "Do what this-" He placed a hand over her heart. "Tells you too."

"It's just as confused as this is." She tapped her temple gently, wiping more tears away, and laughed bitterly. "Half of me wants to walk down that aisle and the other half..." Austin was reaching dangerous territory and she knew it, shaking her head. "Forget it, you're right. I have to marry him. I've gotten this far and I'm not going to let anyone down. You're married, I'm engaged, we'll leave it at that." Austin was still wondering where Samantha was and shoved that thought from her mind as she started the car before pulling back on the road. Digging into the middle counsel for her ring, Austin sniffled more as she wiped her nose before sliding it back on her left ring finger, more tears falling.

Randy sank back into his seat, lighting up another cigarette, and watched from the corner of his eye as Austin slid back on her engagement ring. She made it sound like getting married was a job now. Like she HAD to do it, not that she WANTED to do it, and that wasn't right. It wasn't fair to her and definitely wasn't fair to John. He inhaled deeply, cracking his window. It wasn't his place to say anything, he kept reminding himself.

The rest of the drive back to the hotel was made in silence, knowing Austin and Randy said everything that needed to be said. Maybe she could finally move on and marry John, maybe she could be happy. No, that wasn't possible because the only man she wanted to be with was sitting beside her. Sighing shakily, Austin pulled into the hotel parking lot and flicked her cigarette out the window before sliding out, rolling the windows up. She grabbed her bags and headed inside, needing to get her room number and keycard. She got a smoking room, knowing after her wedding, smoking was being banned since John hated it. She was willing to sacrifice that and got her keycard before going up to her room.

Randy stared at his keycard, turning it over and over in his hand, trying to come to a decision. Sighing, he looked up and watched as Austin crossed the lobby, finally trailing behind her. He caught her in the stairwell, knowing she hated elevators as a general rule and bent down to kiss her gently; tenderly, letting her know with that kiss she still held the key to his heart.

Austin moaned as she dropped her bags, instantly wrapping her arms around his neck, caressing the back of his head. Her nails lightly grazing it along with his shoulders, Austin kissed him just as gently and tenderly as he did to her, slowly pulling back with slightly swollen lips.

"I love you, but I can't do this." She whispered, tears sliding down her cheeks and tried pulling away from him, the torment clear as day in her eyes.

Her heart leapt in her throat when he kissed her again, this time a little more passionate and demanding. With every ounce of strength inside of her, Austin shoved him away from her and grabbed her things, rushing up the stairs. She had to get away from him, the tears cascading like two rapid streams, needing the safety and seclusion of her room.

Randy sighed, knowing he had yet again overstepped his boundaries. Austin knew he loved her still, that much was certain. Sighing, he stepped back out into the lobby and headed for the elevator, needing to put as much distance between them. If he chased her down, he would wind up forcing her into something she didn't want. Even if her body did say yes, her mouth had said no.

After hanging up the dress and changing into a lavender nightgown, Austin decided to head to bed and laid down, staring out the window. She felt so alone and confused, the ring glittering on her finger almost obscene. What the hell were her parents going to say when they saw Randy again?

Austin would have to tell them and hoped they didn't spill anything to John or his family. This was a bigger mess than she ever thought possible, knowing she had to be up early to go get her parents from the airport. They were staying in the same hotel as her, not to mention tomorrow was her and John's parties. With that thought in mind and Randy, Austin closed her eyes and fell into a restless slumber.

Randy wasn't sleeping at all. He couldn't. Instead, he paced his empty hotel room. Austin had kept asking where Samantha was. How did he tell his ex-girlfriend that he had caught his wife cheating on him? Snorting, he lit up a cigarette; pacing his hotel room in just a pair of unbuttoned jeans, shirtless and bare feet. He didn't. He had given her a choice -no, he had ordered her to make a decision regarding them so he could have his happy; normal life. So much for that panning out.