Chapter 17

After leaving the dinner rehearsal, Austin was taken to a bar in town with her bridesmaids and Kiersten, the Maid of Honor, for her bachelorette party. She didn't feel like partying, only having a few daiquiris while the other women got completely trashed. Kiersten was talking about how hot Randy was, to which Austin had to remind her that Randy was married.

It was nearly three o'clock in the morning when Austin finally arrived back at the hotel, sobered up for the most part, though she still had a slight buzz going. She took the back way to her room, hating elevators, and knew she had to get some sleep for her big day, which was at noon. Austin was doing the right thing and would be happy with John as she arrived at her room and walked in, closing the door behind her, kicking her heels off.

Randy was the designated driver. He had watched everyone else get totally shit faced and have a good time at John's expense. Though seeing how uncomfortable John had been when the stripper had appeared HAD been pretty funny. After getting everyone home and advising John to sleep it off, he headed back to the hotel. That had SUCKED. He shook his head, wondering if it was too late for him to back out of this.

After a shower, Austin changed into a silver nightgown that went to her mid-thigh and spaghetti strapped. She tried falling asleep, but couldn't, looking down at the ring and finally pulled it off. She didn't want to wear it tonight. She just wanted one more night as an independent woman and paced back and forth, glancing over at her wedding dress.

The thought of her getting married was twisting her insides to the point where she could barely breathe. Austin sat down on the bed and put her head in her hands, closing her eyes, and thought about her past with Randy. She loved that man more than life itself, more than the air she breathed, though she thought she would never see him again.

Austin felt the tears cascade down her cheeks, her entire body trembling from head to toe, the pain radiating off of her in waves. She had to get this all out before walking down the aisle in the arms of another man. She loved John, but it was NOTHING like the love she felt for Randy. It was wrong; she knew it, but Austin couldn't help how she felt and wiped her tears away, needing to breathe.

He was insane. Randy had finally lost his mind. He stood in front of Austin's hotel room door, still in his suit. Though the jacket was open and he had unbuttoned the top three buttons of his dress shirt, hating the constricting feeling that always came with dress clothes. He rested his head against the door, wondering what he was doing here, besides obviously looking for more pain and heartache. No matter how she felt, she had made it perfectly clear she was marrying John.

Austin's head snapped to the side when she heard a light rapping on her hotel room door, raising a slow eyebrow and slowly slid from the bed, wondering who it could be. She honestly didn't care how she looked, knowing it was probably her parents checking up on her. No, they were sleeping; it was well after four o'clock in the morning.

Austin opened the door and came face to face with Randy, her breath catching in her throat. Her eyes were red, puffy and swollen from how much crying she'd done. This was the LAST person she wanted to see at the moment, though her heart was already piecing together just by the mere sight of him.

"What are you doing here?" She whispered, walking away from the door before he could answer, knowing he would force his way in because there was obviously something he wanted to talk to her about. Her wedding dress he helped her pick out hung in the corner along with her shoes and whatnot.

Randy had instantly noticed her eyes; it looked like she had just done a very great deal of crying. Then he took stock of the wedding dress, wishing to god he hadn't helped pick it out. It would be so much easier seeing her wear something he hadn't been involved with.

"Why are you marrying him?" He whispered after closing the door behind him, not moving towards her, just staring at her desolately. "You don't love him Austin." Hell, she wasn't even wearing her damn ring.

"Yes I do." Austin shot back softly, wiping more tears away, and couldn't look at her dress. She walked over and took it, putting it in the closet and closed the door before lighting up a cigarette, shaking badly. She was scared to death, not to mention Randy's scent was quickly making her heady as she took a long drag. "I've been with him for three years; I owe it to him to go through with this." She walked over to stare out the window, pressing her forehead against the cool glass as more tears flowed down her cheeks. "What does it matter to you Randy? If you're thinking I'll hurt John, rest easy, I won't." Her voice was bitter as she took another drag and flicked ash in the ashtray that was nearby.

Randy wondered momentarily if it was even worth it anymore. "You're hurting him whether you know it or not." He said bluntly. "You OWE it to him to marry him because you've been with him for three years? Do you have any idea how much of an ice bitch you come across right now? You might love him, but you love me more."

"You're MARRIED, Randy!" She shouted and spun around to face him, the anger clear as day in her eyes. "You're married so even if I did leave John for you, it wouldn't make a damn difference! I can't hurt John by leaving him, Randy. I can't do it." Austin was afraid this was her last chance at happiness and she wasn't giving it up. "Just leave me alone." She whispered heartbrokenly, turning back around and stubbed her cigarette out as more tears fell. She loved Randy and she wanted him, but couldn't HAVE him. John she could have.

"Yeah, you're right. I'm married." Randy agreed faintly, lighting up a cigarette, needing nicotine desperately at the moment. Maybe it would keep him calm so he didn't either blow up or take her, both options looming on the near horizon. "I'm married to a cheating whore who can't even say she loves me, she can't even LIE about it to me." Like Austin did with John, interesting. "Tell me one thing Austin and I'll go. Can you honestly spend the rest of your life with John, have kids with him, grow old with him and actually see HIM instead of ME?"

Samantha cheated on him?

Austin felt even sicker than before because that meant Randy was getting a divorce more than likely. 'Oh my god...' She thought, knowing she couldn't deal with this anymore, and suddenly needed another cigarette. She walked over to Randy and snatched his, glaring before taking a long drag, handing it back to him, ignoring his question. She knew the answer and her eyes told him what he needed to know. The answer was no, but Austin could learn to see John instead of him, right? "Damn it, why are you torturing me like this?" She whispered brokenly, walking back over to stare out the window.

"I'm not torturing you anymore than you're torturing me." Randy fired back, not liking the way she sounded almost defeated, placing the cigarette to his lips, instantly tasting her and groaned. His mind was all too readily supplying images, scents and sounds for him, all associated with her. "You're going to screw John and yourself over, Austin. You know that, right?" He wished he wasn't doing this to her, but damn it he loved her. He wasn't going to let her marry a man she would spend the rest of her life wishing was someone else.

"So what the hell would you have me do, Randy? Call off the wedding and run away from my last chance at happiness?" She was voicing what she'd been thinking moments ago, taking another drag of her cigarette, shoulders slumped. "God I don't know what to do." She whispered, covering her eyes with her hand, feeling the frustration both emotionally and sexually building up, ready to explode. "I DO love John, but my heart has never fully belonged to him, no matter how hard I've tried giving it. This is so fucked up!"

"Your last...Austin, you aren't even thirty yet, there is plenty of time for you to find 'happiness', REAL happiness. And REAL love, not some shadow of it." Randy said, shaking his head. He finished his cigarette, searching for an ashtray and stubbed it out, walking over to pull her hands away from her face. "If he makes you happy, marry him. If he doesn't, then don't walk down that aisle."

"You don't get it do you?" She whispered staring back into his mystic blue eyes, feeling them pierce her very soul by how much fire and love was coursing through them. She could see it, feel it, the whole shot. "The only REAL love I will ever experience is with you, Randy. Nothing will ever compare and with John it's as close as it's going to get. I've never stopped loving you and, damn it, I don't think I can. I don't think it's physically, emotionally or mentally possible for me to love someone as much as I love you." Austin closed her eyes as Randy's forehead pressed against hers, hands resting on his shoulders, sniffling softly. "I don't know how to let you go."

For a brief moment, he was tempted to point out that nine years previously she had no problem in letting him go and walking away, but...he couldn't do it. He loved Austin, he always had and he always would, which was turning out to be the biggest heartache of his life. He wanted to tell her so many things, but couldn't find anymore words, knowing she would very likely take them with a grain of salt. Sighing, he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her against him and rested his head on top of hers.

"The only reason why I've been fine the past nine years is because you weren't there. But you've always had my heart, Randy, my whole heart. I've never let you go fully, but I learned to cope without you in my life because there was nothing else I could do." She explained softly, burying her face in his neck, and felt him pull her tightly against him as they just stood there, holding each other.

Austin loved his arms around her, feeling complete for these brief moments, not wanting to be anywhere except with him. Randy was the love of her life. The man she wanted to walk down the aisle toward, but knew it would never happen.

If he really was the ruthless, heartless bastard he portrayed himself to be, Randy would have whisked her off right then and there, telling John to fuck off, and all the rest. What was he going to do? Fade out of the picture and eventually just stop being John's friend? He knew if she married him, he was going to have too. Otherwise these stolen moments were going to keep happening and both he and Austin were going to keep breaking each other's heart.

"I love you." He whispered raucously.

"I love you too." She whispered and slowly pulled back enough to stare in his eyes, not able to stop herself from cupping his face and pulling it down as their lips met in a soft, passionate kiss.

Austin moaned, so much feeling in this simple kiss and felt Randy lift her up, legs wrapping around his waist. This felt right; this felt so good, yet it was wrong in every aspect. She couldn't help it though and kissed him back with every ounce of love and feeling that was rushing through her body.

Nobody would interrupt them; nobody would stop this from happening as Austin pulled back. Her eyes darkened to a deep forest green swirling with desire for him, pleading with him silently to take her. She didn't care about her wedding, about John, about anything, except this man who she was becoming very familiar with after all this time.

Ever since he had laid eyes on her again, when she had fainted in his dressing room, a fire had been burning inside of Randy. During their brief interludes together, it would get flamed into an all out raging inferno only to be doused abruptly by some sort of interruption. The fire never died out fully, it always simmered. And now, there was nothing and nobody who was going to stop this from happening. He was going to make Austin his, even if only for one night.

After tonight, Austin knew what she had to do and, even though it was going to hurt John more than anything, it was the right thing. With every thrust, every kiss, touch, hug, caress, Austin was feeling alive and like herself again. Nine years was a long time without Randy, even though he was still technically married. Austin knew her parents were going to hate her, but honestly, it was her life and she was doing what she felt best.

Randy took Austin to heights only he was capable of, causing her heart to nearly explode out of her chest, loving the feeling of being filled with his seed repeatedly. She lost count how many times Randy whispered he loved her and she loved him, forgot how many tears had been shed from both, forgot everything except what was happening between them. They stopped after hours of love making, even taking a shower together, before falling asleep in each other's arms.

No matter what happened after this night, it would be a night Randy cherished forever. It had been him and Austin, the way it was always supposed to be. If she still married John, he would accept it. If she chose to be with him, he would be the happiest man alive. There was always that possibility that she would run and the mere thought broke Randy's heart, but...He had her for one night, he would content himself with that.