It's been a while since I've had fun with a chapter; as in, actual amusement vs having 'fun' over making the pieces fall into place. I don't know, it makes sense in my head.
26. Για το αλφα
Connor stares at the box sitting in his bed like it has personally offended him, and considering what it contains, that's not too far off.
Let's rewind.
Connor had somehow managed to navigate through the first week of Evan's heat, learned the exact distance to stand in order to not bother Evan, but also keep alphas away, he still had to get a bit closer whenever Jared appeared nearby, just in case. Resisting the 'thrall' was honestly the easiest part, Connor seemed willing to do anything not to lose Evan; and that was just the thing, wasn't it? Connor wanted Evan Hansen.
It wasn't the most… common sort of want - though the heat had influenced some fantasies that claimed that kind was a thing too -, but it worked; it made Connor basically immune to the scent Evan was producing, simply because taking him now would be breaking the omega's trust, and Connor couldn't risk that.
Connor also had finally found the moment to tell his mom about why Evan couldn't come, Cynthia expressed her empathy, and Connor thought that was that; he'd been wrong. So, here he is now, staring at a box of heat suppressants, 'the effective kind'.
He couldn't even confront his mom about it, and he knew for a fact that she was the one to put them there, mostly because they came with a note in her handwriting, which was why Connor knew the blockers were 'the effective kind'.
Was it fucked up that his mom bought heat suppressors just so Evan would be able to come have dinner with them? Connor felt like it was. Also, how the fuck was he going to explain this to Evan?
Connor felt absolutely mortified just thinking about mentioning the box's existence to the omega, never mind actually giving the pills to Evan. And didn't these kinds of things have to be given by a certified doctor? Connor would check the box for side effects, if he could bring himself to touch the fucking thing.
So, like the teenager he still is somewhere deep inside, he texts him; just… takes a picture of the box in his bed, adds the caption 'why is my mom like this?', and presses send.
Evan responds a moment later, first a line of question marks, then one of blushing emojis, Connor waits for something else, sees the 'writing' in the screen, so Evan must have something else to say.
It takes a full three minutes of the message going on and off, which, fair; before Evan finally sends the last line.
- . -..- - .. -. -. / -... .-. . .- -.-
Evan: Can you like
Evan: Take a picture of the other side?
Evan: Close enough to read if you could
Connor: Uh
Connor: No
Evan: ?
Connor: I don't want to touch it
Evan: It's not gonna bite you Connor
Connor: Wow
Connor: I can physically hear your tone
Evan: Please just send me the picture
-Image attached- 'Can you read it now?'
Evan: Yeah
Evan: Give me a sec
Evan: Ok, it should be fine
Evan: Hopefully my mom can take a night off
Connor: You're gonna use them?
Evan: Well, yeah
Evan: It'd be nice not to smell like free sex for once
Connor: Look at you
Connor: Being all cool about heat scent
Connor: I'm so proud
Evan: Shut up
. -. -.. / - ..-./- . -..- - .. -. -. / -... .-. . .- -.-
Connor can easily imagine the face Evan's making right now, trying to be angry at him and rolling his eyes, but with that small proud smile he always gets when Connor compliments him, so the alpha doesn't stop doing it. He's a weak man, and Evan is…
The boy that paused everything he was doing to help a crying child.
The boy who willingly followed an alpha he was most than likely warned about into the unknown, because he knew what people did to dragons, and understood why Connor wanted to keep Tera secret.
The boy whose secret was now hanging from a thin line, all because Connor didn't double check their surroundings, didn't notice the scent following them.
The one person in school who knew the truth.
The one person who didn't run from Connor in fear, nor tried to get a rise of him just to see how long it took him to explode.
Evan has become possibly the second most important person to Connor, all through the length of half a month. They are friends, or at least Connor thinks they are, he hopes they are at least friends; and the situation is a bit iffy, between the fact that people are starting to learn about Tera's existence, and with the Kleinman thing, and the project thing.
It's not exactly the time for Connor to be thinking about how great the omega is, not the time to be dwelling on feelings; Connor fears the time might never come, that he'll lose Evan before he can open his mouth. Connor fears that opening his mouth will make Evan hate him more though; so he keeps quiet.
He doesn't expect things with Evan to last beyond this one year, maybe a bit longer, considering Connor will have to find a place for Tera and himself, as well as a job, and he doesn't think Evan will leave Tera without a roof over her head. Connor knows he's only considering letting Evan help with the job/apartment search because he doesn't want to let him go, wants to have as much time as possible.
Evan will find himself someone in college, and maybe Connor will get to see that, to see him find someone that makes him-
Hide.
It hits Connor like a fucking train, the fact that Evan, who deserves nothing more than to have something good, something happy; will have to hide the biggest part of himself from anyone in his future; or chance telling them and… Connor doesn't want to finish that thought, doesn't want to think about that, can hardly come to terms with Evan himself pulling the plug, much less someone else doing it for him.
And he thinks, with ten gallons of bitterness burning through his lungs, that this is what people mean when they say life can be cruel.
