A/N: Reviews are wonderful, thankyou to all who have done so. Please keep them coming.
A Pact Is Made
It had been three days since Sara sent Grissom the email. She hadn't meant to start off the way she did, but she had to admit it probably got his attention and as she had told him she did feel better after venting.
The last three days had been hectic with the murder of a man in the witness protection program. Those were the worst possible cases the FBI could get because there was always a lot of negative attention focused on often the wrong person. That always meant a need for speed and absolute accuracy in the collection, processing and reporting of evidence. This case had been no different and she was relieved to be able to come home and relax.
Opening up her mail account she was both pleased and a little apprehensive to see that Grissom had indeed replied. In fact it appeared that he had replied straight away.
Taking a sip of her coffee Sara opened his message.
From
g.grissom
To
s.sidle
Hello Sara,
To say I was surprised to hear from you would be an understatement. I thought that you had left my life for good.
I'm sorry that you had to find out in a round about way that I have been ill and I'm sorry if it scared you. It should please you to know that I am well and truly on the mend, even if I am not yet allowed to work. Please don't feel sorry for feeling angry at me, I know that I thoroughly deserved it. Not only have I been an idiot with myself, but with everyone else as well.
You are not the only one who has been left out of the loop (so to speak), as I have just learnt that Catherine knew where you were. It would not surprise me to find that the boys have been in contact with you also, as I know your relationship with each of them has always been a close on. They never gave me any indication that they were and I accept that it is solely their choice and probably yours too.
You are right about me not taking care of myself. Though I think it was truly more of an oversight, than 'intentionally trying to kill myself' as you put it. That was just my way of trying to forget.
Do you know how hard that is?
Stupid question, if you had found it easy to forget I would not be sending you this.
Every time I was at a crime scene some little thing would remind me of you and I would think 'I must show Sara' or 'Sara would like this case' or 'I'm glad Sara is not here to see this'. It became such a distraction that I stopped going out into the field unless I really had to. I buried myself in my work and yes I did over do it. Perhaps if you had been here to notice, you would have pulled me back, like you have done in the past. But that's a moot point.
I know you think that I never listened to you, but I did listen and whether you know it or not you pulled me back from the edge many times Sara and for that I am grateful.
What I did, I did to myself and you should never feel guilty for my actions.
Are you taking care of yourself Sara?
I hope you are not working too many doubles and triples. I hope there is someone there who will notice your intensity and drive and not allow you to become so involved in a case that you forget to eat or sleep. Yes I know it's the pot calling the kettle black, but I know you.
I am sorry that I did not notice how bad things had become for you Sara. I wish with all my heart that I had been a better friend to you. You may think I was never listening, but I was, it's just that I never know the right thing to say to you. You often render me speechless. Did you know that? No-one else can do that to me Sara. By the time I get my head around what you are saying to me it is too late and you are gone.
I don't blame you, I blame me. 'Poor people skills' so Catherine tells me.
Sara laughed when she read that. Catherine had said that to him so many times in the past. As for rendering him speechless, that was a surprise, she had honestly thought he was not listening or just didn't care enough to answer.
I want to fix this Sara, this thing between us. If this is going to be the way we do it then I am all for it.
Before I go there are two things I want to tell you.
Firstly I do have feelings, though I may not readily show them. In particular I have feelings for you Sara; I guess that I always have, I have just never been able to convince myself of that fact. When you left, it forced me to look at myself and what I did to you and I did not like what I saw and I told myself that if I had the chance I would never repeat my mistakes. Well I'm certainly going to try if you will let me.
Sara blinked back tears when she read that. Why did she have to leave to get him to admit it? Why couldn't he have admitted it before and saved them both a lot of heart ache. Well it would take a lot more than just that admission for them to move forward, but it was a start. She just didn't think she wanted to go into that just yet. We need to start at friends. She went back to the letter.
Secondly, I want you to know that I am so proud of the way you tackled your recent triple murder case. I could not find fault in your insect time- line or your results. Well done Sara. You are the consummate CSI.
Washington and the FBI are lucky to have you.
Yours
Grissom.
Sara felt the unmistakable flutter of pleasure at Grissom's praise and realised that, deny it as she tried, she still needed his approval. She frowned when she read the last few lines. How the hell did he know it was her that did the insect collection and report? She had not included her name.
"Well, Grissom is one of the finest criminologists in the country after all, so I shouldn't really be surprised that he worked it out." She thought to herself.
Wait, what had Grissom said 'I only just learnt that Catherine knew where you were'. How did Catherine know?
"Rod" she growled his name out loud. He must have told Catherine. But he said he hadn't. Why would he lie?
"Tomorrow that boss of mine is going to answer some questions whether he likes it or not" she told the computer as she logged off.
