Chapter - 19 The Stand [Father of Mine by Everclear]
Though Draco dreaded this visit, he did have a contingency plan if his father behaved badly but his stomach knotted at the thought of it. Within the grim prison, the stench of death and decay filled his lungs the dreariness leached all sense of joy from the core of his being. All things considered, my father is remarkably resilient not to be going into a depression. He smiled as cheerfully as he could, "Good afternoon, Father."
With his chin up, shoulders squared in a regal stance, his father turned with a hint of a smile. "Good afternoon, Draco. Thank you for visiting." He offered him a seat. "How's your mother?"
"She's doing well. She misses you." This time he placed some books by Muggle born authors and on controversial subjects on his father's desk.
"Don't lie to me." His father shook his head slowly. "She's still on holiday, thinking about divorce, I'm sure."
"She loves you father. I think she just wants to be away from everyone and everything." As usual, his father looked at him with impassive eyes. "How have you been?"
"Aside from being bored and lonely, I am quite well." His father stared at him with a piercing intensity that made Draco uncomfortable. "Is there something you wish to tell me?"
"I'm not going to go through with any of the encouraged marriages," he said. "When the time comes, I intend to marry a witch of my own choosing. In the years to come, my family will live at the manor as tradition dictates."
"Since you scoff the marriage tradition, why not the family home?" His father rose angrily.
"Some traditions are worth keeping while others are outdated and uncivilized," he calmly stated.
"Do you think that I am so isolated that I don't know what you have been doing?" He went to his desk, picked up a newspaper with Draco and Hermione's picture on it, kissing, and slammed it down. "You will not bring that filthy Mudblood tart into my family or my home!" Draco glared at his father as he continued. "If you need to sow your wild oats, then do so, but not in the public eye. Our name doesn't need to be sullied by the likes of her kind." In a quick stride, his father towered over him, looking him dead in the eye. "Do not disgrace this family. Choose well. I don't like to be disappointed, nor will I tolerate certain behaviors."
"Don't threaten me." Draco stood up and looked his father dead in the eye. "Hermione is everything I could ever want. She's intelligent, courageous, loyal and accomplished among many other terrific qualities. One day, I might be worthy of her. On that day, if we choose to be together, we will and not even you can stop me." He took an intimidating step forward and an imposing stance. "As to sullying the family name, you've done an excellent job of that already." Countering his father's intimidating stance, Draco bowed up himself. "Don't ever insult her again, or else."
"How dare you speak to me that way." As he quaked in anger, his father's fists clenched at his side. "As head of this family, you will do what I tell you."
"Head of this family, you don't know what it means. I've done my research. The Head of the Malfoy Family's duty is to expand the power, influence and prosperity of the Malfoy name while upholding its unity by ensuring the welfare of its members. You haven't acted like the head of this family ever since I can remember. The welfare of mother and me came in a very, very distant third to yourself and your ambition."
"To that end, you are no longer head of this family." He removed some papers out of his pocket. "Our great, great grandfather Cyril Malfoy decreed that if the head of the Malfoy family were to disgrace it, by being incarcerated for committing criminal acts, he is to be removed; as long as there is an adult male heir to replace him." Draco shook his head and smiled. "A few weeks ago, I introduced a law enabling pure-blood families to administer their own family decrees. Those decrees will be upheld by the Ministry. You have taught me all too well how to manipulate and get what I want." He took a deep breath. "Please, accept the fact that I'll marry who I want. Don't force my hand."
"I will not accept anything but a pure-blood in this family," his father stated indignantly. "Also, I do not accept you as head of it."
"You may not but the law does. From now on, I'm making my own choices." Draco smiled as he handed his father the envelope. "All the paperwork is in order. As head of this family, we're under new direction."
"You disappoint to me with your newfound beliefs," Lucius replied callously.
"I don't care anymore. You're cruel and selfish. There's only one opinion that matters to me anymore," he stated austerely.
"That filth…witch," replied Lucius.
"My own!" He kept his gaze locked with his father's and took a few calming breaths. "Please accept my choices," he pleaded in a mellower tone. "You are my father. I don't want it to come to this."
Lucius walked away. "I do not accept your choices." With his back turned, he stared out the window. "Nor, do I have a son."
"Father, please," Draco sorrowfully muttered. "If this is what you wish, then it will be." His father turned in shock. The pain from years of emotional neglect welled within Draco as well as a thirst for revenge: from his reading of the family history, a Malfoy trait. "Though I didn't want to, I did Voldemort's bidding to protect my family." Standing defiantly, he looked his father dead in the eyes, only letting his hatred show. "To protect my mother, not the wizard she was married to." When the blood drained from his father's face, Draco felt a very twisted satisfaction.
Outside his father's cell, Draco rested his forehead against the cold stone wall, allowing himself to grieve. "That's the last time you will ever hurt me, Lucius Malfoy." One scalding tear disappeared on the icy damp stone floor. "And, that's the last thing you will ever get from me."
Desolation engulfed him as he flew to the North Sea. Rough weather ravaged the sea. He dive-bombed a huge wave, pulling out at the last second, as salt water sprayed him. Immediately, he hurled at another, releasing all anger he felt. When he arrived home, he went to his room avoiding all contact with his guests and showered away the salt water. Afterwards, he began more work in his study where Tinkey brought him some soup and informed him that Bianca was doing much better.
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Draco caught a few winks early in the morning and bought Hermione a present. No matter how much he worked, he couldn't shake the wretchedness he felt. Tinkey informed him that Bianca wanted to spend the day with her beau.
As he walked in the snow that evening, Hermione ran up and joined him. "Draco, are you alright?"
"I'm fine. I just want to be alone." Draco went into his home, grimacing when she followed. "I appreciate you stopping by though." Not even she could brighten his mood. "We'll have some hot tea before you go," he suggested, trying not to be too rude.
"Things didn't go so well yesterday, did they?" She poured the tea Tinkey brought.
"No," he admitted.
"What happened?"
"I don't want to discuss it." He walked away. "Please leave."
"You need a friend right now and I'm not leaving." She went to him. "Talk to me."
Soon it became clear that she wouldn't leave. "I told my father that I wouldn't go through with an arranged marriage and he wasn't happy about it."
"I'm sure he'll change his mind. He's your father and eventually he'll have to accept your choices."
"Not anymore." Somberly, he watched the fire. "My father disowned me."
"That's horrible." While she hugged him, comfort enveloped him. "You should tell your mother."
"And give her an excellent reason to divorce him." He grimaced. "That prison leaches hope. Right now the only hope my father," he corrected himself, "that man has, is a slight belief his wife is waiting for him. I won't be the one to squelch that hope and destroy him completely. I'm alone on this."
"You're not alone. I'm here for you." She hugged him tightly. "Standing up to him was the right. This isn't your fault."
They sat together and enjoyed the warmth of the fireplace. "Growing up, I stayed out of trouble and I always did everything I was supposed to. I adopted his political views without question. I think back to when I was growing up, trying to remember what I did wrong to make him not love me but I don't think he ever did." Draco stared at the floor. "What's wrong with me?"
"It's not you," she said softly as she leaned her head against his shoulder. "He's the problem."
"I guess so; No, I know so. Strangely, I feel relieved now that I don't care about his opinions anymore. Finally, I can be who I want to be." After sitting in silence a moment, Draco rose so he could stare out the window. "The problem is I don't know who I am anymore. Am I a dark wizard? I'm certainly not a good one."
From behind, Hermione could see him rapidly clenching his fist. She had no idea what to say to him.
"You were right about me before; I'm not compassionate." On the icy glass of his study, he traced the Malfoy 'M.' "It's not in my nature. Before I left I said something to deliberately hurt my father and I felt such satisfaction when I did. Cruelty is part of my being and I can't fight it."
"You said something horrible out of anger." Trying to comfort him, she held his arm. "We all say things when we're angry that we regret later."
"That's the problem. I don't regret it and I would do it all over again." Draco gripped the curtains in front of his window until his knuckles whitened. "And the cycle will continue. In the years to come, my son will experience all the pain I did growing up because…" Now, the grim desolate look in his eyes from his reflection in the window. "I'll become more and more like my father. I'm trying to fight it but I don't know how long I can."
"You won't become like your father. I'm sure of it."
"My actions yesterday proved it." Draco remembered his last words to his father spoken deliberately, spoken to hurt. "The snow's getting heavier. You should leave now."
From behind, Hermione observed Draco's squared shoulders and heard the tremor in his voice when he spoke of his future fears. Poor Draco, throughout this turmoil, you're still desperately trying to be stoic. Just let it out. Because of their past and that he was a Malfoy, she had doubted his ability to change. However, from what she learned about James Potter, he was a bully just like Draco but he changed. Why couldn't Draco change? Prejudice, just like she dealt with in her past, made her blind to the changes he exhibited already. First, he needs to let go of all that pain before he can truly get on with his life and even hope to change. What can I do to get him to just let it out? Then she had an idea; she thought about the pain of her and Ron's break-up. For some reason, it didn't bring tears like it used to so she thought about how unloved Draco must have felt growing up and the loneliness he felt.
Hearing her crying, Draco moved next to her. "What's wrong?"
"You've been through so much." Hermione shook her head. "If I tell you, you'll think I'm completely selfish. I mean after what you've been through."
"There's nothing that would make me think you were selfish." Draco looked to the snow outside. "Did something I said bring back a bad memory?"
"Sort of," she cried. Holding her, he brought her to his armchair where strong arms comforted her. "All the pain Voldemort brought to us, all of us. The loneliness, feeling frightened." As he held her, she felt his shaky breaths. Her tears brought his so he could let go of the pain he felt. "Draco, are you alright?"
When she tried to look up at his face, he gently pressed her head against his chest. "Don't look at me," he ordered in a ragged voice. "I don't want you to see me like this."
Just like a couple years prior, he wouldn't let anyone see his tears but Moaning Myrtle. "I'm not sure what you mean." Cuddling into his chest, she granted him his pride. Since she now heard sobbing, she feigned ignorance. "I was just getting a little more comfortable."
"Voldemort threatened my family…my mother. When I tried to poison Dumbledore, I wanted to get caught because if I had asked for help." Tissues floated over to him. "Voldemort made me torture people."
For most of the evening, Hermione felt him sobbing as she rested her head against his chest. She hugged him tightly, comforting him while making him think that he comforted her. For the entire time, she let him keep his dignity by not looking and feigning ignorance. Many times he hugged her tightly but didn't mind. Sometime later, she awoke with a start in very soft candle light.
"You dozed a little. Feeling better?"
"Yes, and you?' She looked up to see his puffy rimmed eyelids.
"Much better," he answered with a comforting smile. "While you were dozing, I realized that a lot of my anger during my school years was because I felt my father didn't love me."
"Now that I know you better, I thought as much."
"Strangely, I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders." Like she was his personal teddy-bear, his arms tightened around her.
Up close, she studied the blue flecks in his grey eyes. "I've found another excellent quality in you. You're compassionate."
"Oh, please," he sighed. "You're the only one who brings that out in me."
"I guess I'm a powerful witch." Climbing out of his lap, she stretched with him following suit.
"I want you to know that from my research of our family's history, the hatred of Mudbloods was never a formal decree but instead an adopted belief." Together they strolled to the manor's entrance. "I'm escorting you home."
"You surprise me sometimes." She extended her arm. "Are you sure you want to?"
"Yes," he answered taking her arm. "Guide me to the land of muggles."
"As you wish," she replied. With her guidance, together they apparated near her parents' home but to an obscure area where no muggles could see them. "Lumos," she commanded so the light from her wand could guide them. Like a complete gentleman, he escorted her to her doorstep when the lights flicked on. Draco nearly jumped out of his skin. "Motion sensor lights," she remarked.
"I have no idea what you're talking about." For a moment, Draco shifted uncomfortably. "Earlier, I might have done things …that I don't normally do."
"You comforted me when I remembered horrible things from Voldemort's reign. Would you mind if we kept it between just us?"
"You have my word. If you ever need me, just ask." Bending down, he kissed her forehead before he bode her goodnight. Keeping an eye on the lights, he walked back to the corner they arrived at and apparated home.
