A/N; Thanks to all those who have stuck with my story. Like lots of others I have read, it seems to have a life of it's own. I hope you continue to enjoy it. Thanks for all your reviews.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything belonging to CSI or CBS.
Family and Friends
Grissom had heard somewhere 'You can chose your friends but not your family' or something like that. He understood where a statement like that had come from, because everyone has relatives they wish were someone else's. But looking around his backyard, he saw a family, he knew that now. He also was very aware that they had chosen to be his family and for that he was very grateful.
Sitting in the lounge chair in the sun, Grissom closed his eyes and thought back on the day.
Catherine had been the first to arrive. He knew she would be.
Pushing past him as she entered, Catherine looked around the living room noting how tidy it was, not like the last time she had been there.
"Pleased to see you cleaned up Gil" she threw the comment over her shoulder as she headed for the kitchen.
"What, you thought I wouldn't" he responded with a chuckle as he followed her.
"Well. I know how distracted you can get Gil. You need any help?" she asked as she dropped the bag she was carrying onto the kitchen counter and proceeded to pull out a bottle of wine, bottle of juice and nibbles.
Grissom watched her empty the bag, shaking his head.
"You didn't have to bring anything you know Cath. I do have everything under contr…….."
"I know! I know! But you know me. I couldn't come empty handed and you didn't tell me not to" she interrupted him.
He laughed at what she had said, as he put the wine and juice in the fridge. He knew it was really because she didn't think he would be fully prepared for today. Under normal circumstances he would have been irritated, but today for some reason he found it amusing.
Before he could say anything however, the doorbell rang again.
This time it was Jim Brass and he grinned when he saw the brown bag in his friend's arms.
"Catherine been issuing instructions behind my back again I see" Grissom pointed to the bag, his smile reassuring Brass that all was ok.
"Yeah, Well I think we all got our instructions Gil. Sorry" he smiled at his friend apologetically.
Grissom just smiled and ushered the other man inside. He was just about to shut the door when he saw Nick's truck pull up.
"Go through Jim, Cath's already in the kitchen, I'll just wait for Nick."
Warrick and Greg had come with Nick and Doc Robbins pulled up a moment later.
Once they had all unloaded their goodies, Grissom ushered them outside where he had set chairs and a table under a big umbrella.
"Wow Grissom, I didn't know you had such a nice big yard" Nick stated looking around.
"Yeah, this is nice Griss" Warrick added and Greg just wandered around poking his nose everywhere.
"What's in here Grissom?" Greg asked tapping the door to the small shed in one corner of the yard.
"That's where I keep most of my 'bugs' Greg, I don't really like the cockroaches in the house, or the crickets and the ant farms take up too much space"
"Cool. Can I see them later?" Greg asked eagerly
It surprised Grissom a little, Greg's eagerness to investigate his insects, but he hid it and just nodded.
"Drinks are in the cooler, please help yourselves. I'm just going to get the food for the BBQ organised, then I'll be back out" he told them.
Entering his kitchen he grabbed the meat from the fridge.
"Here let me take that."
Grissom turned, surprised to find that Jim had followed him inside.
"Thanks Jim. I'll just grab the rest and I'll be right out."
Jim Brass watched as Grissom pulled on an apron that said 'King of the BBQ', with a crown over the words BBQ and chuckled.
"What? Grissom asked with a grin.
"Nothing, just not your usual attire, you know? I'm glad you're feeling better Gil. You have to know I've been worried about you pal" Brass gave him a small smile.
"I know and thanks Jim. Anyway" Grissom wanted to change the subject. "Let's get this stuff out and start cooking why don't we."
"After you Oh King of the BBQ" Jim waved his hand and bowed deeply at his friend while trying not to laugh.
"Thankyou."
Then he heard Grissom mumble "god it's hard to get good help these days" andbroke out intoa loud laugh only to be joined by his friend.
As they returned to the backyard they received a number of inquiring looks, so Brass explained about the apron and Grissom's comment, causing more teasing comments and laughter from the others.
Brass helped Grissom cook and Catherine and Greg brought out all the salads and other things that Grissom had all ready to eat. Nick and Warrick performed the duties of barmen and before long everyone was enjoying their food and pleasant conversation and laughter filled the afternoon.
Opening his eyes, Grissom noticed that everyone was watching him.
"We thought you had dozed off Gil" Catherine told him as she crossed over to sit beside him. Giving him a smile she continued on. "Can't blame you if you did though, this sun and all that food and drink is enough to make anyone sleepy."
Knowing she was reassuring him that it was ok to fall asleep, Grissom smiled at her.
"Not asleep Cath, just thinking."
"Good thoughts I hope" said Al Robbins from the chair next to him.
"Yeah" Grissom told him as he smiled at the gathered group. Now was the perfect opportunity. The smile slowly morphed into a frown as he jostled his thoughts about in an effort to find the right way to say what he had to say next.
Seeing the frown, the others exchanged looks and Catherine reached over and took his hand.
"Gil? Are you ok?" She sounded worried.
"Um… Yeah Cath, I'm ok. Just…." He broke off, rubbing his hand over his face.
"I…ah…. I want to say something to you all" he gestured to the other chairs. "Get comfortable, all of you, this could take a while."
Sporting puzzled and concerned looks, Nick, Warrick, Jim and Greg grabbed chairs and joined Catherine and Doc Robbins near Grissom.
When they were all settled he began.
"Firstly I want to thank you all for coming today. I have really enjoyed the company and I hope you've all had a good day. I hope, I mean, I think we should do more of this" he looked at each of them, watching their nods of agreement.
"Secondly I want to apologise to each and every one of you for my behaviour over the past several months." He put up his hand to forestall any comments.
"Please let me finish."
He paused to take a deep breath.
"I…realise that I have been behaving like an idiot. I also realise that I put all of you at risk by my behaviour out in the field. I treated you like my enemies instead of the friends….." again he paused and rubbed his face with his hand, "no… the family that you are. I could not ask for a better family than all of you and I want you to know that I am truly ashamed at what I have put you through. I did not deserve your continued support after the way I…….." he swallowed the emotions welling up, finding it difficult to finish the little speech he had rehearsed.
"I just want you to know that I am so sorry." Hanging his head he looked at his hand clutched in Catherine's.
Nick, Brass, Warrick, Greg and Doc Robbins all looked at each other, each of them feeling touched by what this man had said to them, and also a little uncomfortable at Grissom's uncharacteristic show of emotion and….well honesty.
Catherine was the first to speak as she squeezed his hand.
"We know you are Gil and I think I can speak for all of us when I say that I'm glad you have finally realised that we are your family and that we truly care about you and whilst as your family we didn't need an apology….." she grinned as he raised his head to look at her. 'I think you were right, we deserved it."
His answering chuckle was enough and as she pulled him into a hug everyone else relaxed.
Letting him go, Catherine looked at Warrick, Nick and Greg before continuing.
"While apologies are the subject, I think the boys and I owe you an apology." She said, giving Grissom another grin when she saw his raised eyebrows.
"We should have told you about Sara long before things got so bad……" she broke off as Grissom shook his head and went to speak.
"No Gil,it was not fair to you and I'm sure Sara wouldn't have minded if she had known the circumstances."
All three men nodded and mumbled apologies, still not feeling all that comfortable at the turn of conversation.
"Look, can we just agree that we all stuffed up in some way or another and just be glad that things are improving now" Brass interrupted in his typical no nonsense manner.
There were words of agreement from everyone, including Grissom.
"There is one more thing though, and I know that you won't be happy, but I wanted to tell myself. I did't want you to hear it from anyone else. I'm not going to be coming back as Supervisor of the night shift" Grissom got it all out in one breath.
"What do you mean Gil?' Catherine asked, unable to keep the concern from her voice.
Everyone was silent as they waited for his answer.
"I am retiring from the lab" he held up his hand. "Please, I want you to know that this is not easy for me to do."
"I am going to continue to be the County's resident entomologist, but only on a consultative basis" he took a deep breath before continuing.
"All this time out of the field has made me question whether or not I truly want to go back to what I was doing before. I don't have the same enthusiasm I once did, nor the energy. You all know that I'm frequently being offered guest lecturing positions that I have to turn down and now I have also been offered the opportunity to help devise a forensics course at UNLV. I would like to be able take up these offers and I can't do that if I am still working full time at the lab." he finished.
There were several minutes of silence, and Grissom was beginning to feel a lot more uncomfortable than he would have liked.
Doc Robbins was the first to break the silence as he patted Grissom's shoulder gently. "Good choice Gil, get out before you burn out, we've all seen what these last few months have done to you. I for one wish you luck" he said.
"Yeah me too pal, you deserve a break from all this death and sadness, a change will be good for you" Jim told him.
"If this is what you want Griss, then I wish you all the luck in the world" Warrick told him sincerely.
"Same here" Nick added. "I mean it's not like your cutting us out of your life or anything. We'll even get to work with you sometimes I guess. Yeah I think it'll be a good thing Griss.
If he was surprised at their calm acceptance of his decision, Grissom didn't show it as he looked to Greg who had his head down and was silently contemplating his hands. Catherine too had said nothing.
"Greg? Are you ok?" he asked quietly.
Greg slowly lifted his head and his face was sorrowful. Looking around the group, his eyes settled on Catherine.
"Oh man! This means that Catherine is going to be in charge all the time, doesn't it? You promised me that I could train as a CSI, Grissom, how will I get out in the field now?" He paused and looked at the man who would have been his mentor. "You know the worst part is that I'll never get to work with you." he lamented.
Nick, Warrick and Grissom looked stunned and Brass and Doc Robbins broke into laughter at the look on Greg's face when Catherine gave him her death glare. .
"I'm sorry Greg, but yes Cath is will officially be the night shift supervisor starting from Monday" Grissom chuckled as Greg rolled his eyes and Catherine continued to glare.
"However, when I had my meeting with the Sheriff I arranged for you to start training as a CSI as soon as they can find a replacement, I wouldn't forget my promise Greg." He told the young man, before looking over at Catherine who was still not saying anything.
"Umm….Cath? Can you say something, you actually scaring me a little here."
"As you should be Gil Grissom!" she directed her glare at him. "You invite us here, which in itself is extraordinary, apologise, tell us we are your family and then spring this on us. Forgive me if I'm not jumping up and down Gil."
Grissom was a little shocked by her outburst; he didn't think she would react that way. He thought she would be happy to get the supervisors position; she had earned it while he had been gone and he thought that she, out of all of them would understand. He was confused and hurt that she angry at him.
The others were looking uncomfortable again.
"I'm sorry Catherine, I thought you would be pleased at having my job officially. I'm sorry if you are upset by my decision, but I have thought about this long and hard and I truly believe that it is the best thing for me" he told her, a hint of anger in his voice.
"Excuse me while I go and get myself another drink" he mumbled as he stood
grabbing his glass and pushing past the others to go inside.
He heard footsteps behind him and turned to see Catherine standing on the other side of his kitchen, and he saw the sadness in her eyes.
"I'm sorry Gil. I should not have reacted that way. It's just….you took me by surprise that's all. I am happy to be 'officially' night supervisor, but I guess I always expected you to come back" she told him moving to pull him into a hug.
He could hear the sincerity in her voice and he hugged her back.
"I just want you to tell me that this is not because of Sara and that it's what you really want to do Gil" she stated, pulling back and looking at him closely.
He sighed.
"I won't lie to you and tell you it's something that it is not Cath. It doesn't feel the same anymore without Sara and I don't think it ever will be and it's not just
because I miss her. I think….no I know….that I am ready for this change. I want to write that book I've been too busy to write. I want to teach again. I want a break from all this crime and death, I want to see the better side of life for a while" he looked closely to see if she understood.
She slowly nodded to show she did indeed understand.
"In that case, thankyou, and I do wish you well, you know that don't you. I'm just a friend who's trying to look out for her friends' best interests" she told him and gave him a brief kiss on the cheek.
"Now let's get back out there before they think I've killed you" she laughed as she grabbed his hand and dragged him towards the door.
The rest of the day went without a hitch. They talked about Grissom's plans, the latest antics in the lab and even made tentative plans for the coming holidays.
By the time he was once again on his own, Grissom was exhausted, but happy. As he sat at his computer, sipping a coffee he realised that at that moment he actually felt as though a weight had lifted from his shoulders.
He felt a moment of unease knowing that he had yet to tell Sara of his decision but he hoped that her reaction would mirror those of the rest of his 'family'. He need her 'blessing' to finally know that his life was slowly settling back into place.
