Chapter 12

A/N: I hope you like this instalment Thanks for all the lovely reviews.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with CSI or CBS.

Communicating

As soon as she opened up her computer it signalled that she had mail. Hoping it was from Grissom she quickly grabbed a juice and an apple and settled in to read it. She was not disappointed when she saw his name appear in her inbox.

From g.grissom

To s.sidle

Dearest Sara, (she broke into a wide smile as she read the endearment)

What a day!

As I told you I invited everyone here for a BBQ and that was today. It has been a beautiful sunny day that made it very pleasant to be outside.

Catherine obviously didn't trust my organisational or cooking skills (Sara found herself chuckling at his observation) because she organised for everyone to bring something. By the time everyone was here I had twice as much stuff as I needed, much to Miss I thought you'd forget Willows' surprise.

I didn't tell you (or them) the reason behind my little get together, because I have to admit that I was a little afraid of what might occur. Catherine once told me that we had built a family around us whether we intended it or not.

I realised recently that she was right

With that realisation came another and that was that I had treated that family badly. If I hurt them as much as it hurt me to realise what I had done I wanted to make it up to them.

So I apologised. Yeah I can just picture your surprised look. (Sara laughed aloud, because she probably did look surprised at that precise moment.)

My apology took them by surprise too I think, and I know I made them a bit uncomfortable. You know, Grissom with emotions. Anyway, they accepted what I had to say and I think clearing the air like that has made us even more of a family.

I know this talk of family is probably making you either sad or angry that you are not here to be part of this.

Please don't be sad Sara, please believe me when I say that you will always be part of this family whether you are in Washington, here or anywhere in between.

Please don't be angry at me for being such an idiot that it took you leaving for me to see what was right in front of me.

(Sara was a little shaken to realise that Grissom had known what her reactions to his words would be, perhaps he knew her too well.)

I have more to tell you.

I have decided not to return to my work at the lab, though I will still be consulting on entomological cases and others that they may need me for.

(Sara had to re-read that last sentence to make sure she hadn't imagined it.)

I have had plenty of offers to lecture and UNLV wants me to consult on their new Forensics course. I will have plenty of time to do research and whatever else I want to do. I know this will be a shock to you, the workaholic Gil Grissom in retirement, but I no longer have the desire or the drive that I once had to work in the field.

I hope that you understand as well as the rest of my family did (once the initial shock had worn off) when I told them today. Greg will still be going into the field as soon as a suitable replacement is found and Catherine will be taking over as supervisor.

This has been such a positive day for me that I'm going to take the risk of asking a favour of you. Do you think we can graduate to talking on the phone Sara? I really miss your voice, something brought home today by the fact that you were the only member of my family not here.

Will you consider it?

Oh! Before I forget did you get my gift? I hope so.

I'm going to go now Sara, I'm tired after this amazing day. I guess I'm still not up to full strength yet.

Take care

Grissom.

Sara sat for a while, the news in his letter slowly sinking in.

Retirement was not something she had pictured for Grissom for just yet. He still had many years til retirement age, but she knew there were other reasons to retire besides age. Still it was definitely a surprise.

Was she the reason he no longer had the desire or drive for his job? For a moment she felt guilty for taking his love of the job for him, but it was brief when she remembered that not that long ago she had felt the same way and he had been the cause.

Sara was glad that Grissom had the support and love of his family back in Vegas. That family was something she tried not to think about too often, because that meant she would have to admit just how much she missed them all. It was not that she regretted her decision to leave them all behind, she still firmly believed her decision had been the right one. She just hadn't realised how important they had all become to her.

The old saying 'you don't know what you've got til it's gone' popped unbidden in her mind.

Some days worse than others, and on those days she would pick up the phone to call one of them but then stop herself. Usually she justified not calling by using excuses like the difference in times between Washington and Las Vegas – they would be sleeping, they would be working. Trouble was, deep down she knew they were just that, excuses. The truth was she was nervous about speaking to them because of the way she left Vegas, even though they had been in contact, email felt safer because she could control the conversation as it were.

Her conversation with Warrick had been ok, but that hadn't really been just to chat she told herself.

What would she say if she just phoned? Would they be able to talk like they used too? That was perhaps her greatest fear, that she had damaged their friendships, that they would actually want to talk to her.

Damn Grissom for asking about the phone. She missed his voice too but was she really ready for that step? It would mean relinquishing her control over the conversation and Sara was not sure if she could handle that just yet, she was sure that if she heard his voice she would once again fall under his spell.

This was going to require a lot more thought and Sara was determined to take her time and make the right decision for her.

Unfortunately Sara could not predict the future.