Dedication: For hochopeto, thank you thank you for your amazing review :)
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Sleep seemed intent on avoiding her. Tauriel exhaled as she shifted to her back again, facing the ceiling. She watched the white walls, noting how the light from the moon outside reflected through the slanted side at the south of her room. There was no other source of illumination, but she could see her chambers clearly. Her eyes had long adjusted to the dark. She took note of the wardrobe on one side, and the brown pack that lay beside it. She sighed, again remembering the thoughts that kept her awake.
After Lord Elrond spoke with her earlier that day, she had swiftly finished readying that pack. She had a few items stowed inside, like the herbs from her mother, and a few garments that she would not part with. Then, she had no doubts of what she would do. The road had been clear before her. But now...
Now she did not know.
She returned her gaze to the ceiling, marveling at the levels and curves in the architecture. More minutes passed, before she finally pushed herself up from her bed, and let her feet dangle on the side. From that angle, she saw her table by the window, and the bow that lay on it. Like a daydream, she stood from her bed and walked to the table. She took the bow in her hand, the now familiar wood seemed soft in her touch. The curves and grips on the bow seemed to have been made for her, but, remembering what Legolas said as he had given it to her, it probably was.
She laid the bow down and made to her wardrobe, knowing that her sleeping robes would not befit the sting of the night air. She opened the receptacle and wafted through her belongings, only stopping when she came across the familiar shade of green. It was Legolas' cape, the one he had given her days and days ago. She had more than enough opportunity to return it to him, but she never did. She did not know why she held on so much to it—she did not know why she held on so much to him.
She took the cape and wrapped it around herself, and exited her chambers. Perhaps the outside air would help her think. The hallways were almost empty, and only once or twice did she meet anyone else who was awake. As she drifted through the corridors, her mind flew to the night.
When Legolas had asked her to come with them, she had answered almost immediately. Of course she would return to Mirkwood with them. Was this not what she had wanted for so long? But then she had remembered the words she had wanted to tell him before he spoke, she remembered what Lord Elrond told her.
Even as his niece, she was rarely invited for an audience with Lord Elrond. It was often she who would visit him chambers and tell him about her worries and ask him questions. But after Legolas had left the room and had left them alone, she knew that it was an important matter.
And it was.
Together with Arwen, she was invited to visit Lothlorien by none other than the Lady Galadriel herself. She was, of course, Arwen's own grandmother, and her cousin had often visited before. But Tauriel had only ever laid eyes on the Golden Lady when she had first visited Mirkwood. Galadriel spoke with her then, but this was the first time that she had ever been summoned to go to Lorien. More than that, their stay there would be much longer than a simple visit.
Here, at last, was a chance for her to escape the bounds of her own home. Here at last was an indication that she was truly part of their blood, and not simply an outsider who had been picked up at the road in a young age. It would not only be a visit, it would be a way for her to grow as a member of their family, and dispel any notions that she did not belong.
It was why she had been so burdened to make a decision. After all, how could you ever make a decision between two things you've wanted so badly?
Tauriel stopped. She had somehow found her way to the herbarium. The blowing wind turned and twisted the vines that hung from the trellises. She breathed the smell of earth and flora, remembering the earlier conversation she had with Legolas at the pavilion.
When he had asked her to come with them, she knew Legolas had not expected her silence. And she was not able to tell him why she was so confused.
"I-I do not mean that you come, if it is against what you want," he had hurriedly told her, but she could see that he was hurt by her hesitance.
"No," she quickly countered, shaking her head urgently. "You know that I do. But...I...When I talked to—,"
"You do not have to explain, Tauriel," he told her, catching her gaze with soft eyes. He laid a hand on her shoulder. "And I know that whatever you choose, you would choose for a reason. We will leave at sunrise tomorrow. Meet us at the gates, and if you bring choose to come with us, then bring the items you will need, for you might be staying there for a while," then he smiled sadly. "But if you do not want to come, then I will understand."
With those words, he had left her standing by the tree, her heart heavy with a burden to choose.
Her eyes snapped open, her heart beating fast again with the sudden recollection of the crossroad she was in. She scanned the herbarium, but her attention was stolen by a speck of white on the ground. Her drumming chest relaxed somewhat, and she walked towards the plant. It seemed a long time before when she had planted the athelas in her own home, but she could still remember the events leading to it so clearly.
She remembered how they had traveled to the village of Bree, and how, time and again, Legolas protected her from the enemies beyond their land and even the enemies inside her own self. It was a wonder how he was always there, how he could be patient with her. She knew she was not an easy companion, she was stubborn, and rash, and—
She took the leaves in her hand, and brought the plant to her nose. The smell calmed her, but more than that, it reminded her that there at last was someone who would not leave her side, and would help her become what she needed to be.
The family she wanted may have been in Lorien, but the family who she needed was in Mirkwood. And that was where she would go.
She could almost see Legolas' face when she would tell him. With her mind finally made up, and a sudden excitement in her heart, she stood and turned around.
"You look happy."
"Kylis!" Tauriel started, clutching a hand to her chest. She had not felt or heard the younger elf's presence. And the sudden appearance of the she-elf left her heart going back to its last state of panic. "I—I did not see you there."
"Obviously," Kylis smiled, but the mockery in her tone was not difficult to miss.
"I could not find rest," Tauriel confessed, knowing that her presence outdoors was odd, especially while the rest of the city slept.
Kylis merely rose a brow as she dragged her hand through the leaves of a bush beside her. She did not answer.
"It is late in the night," Tauriel realized she needed to be cautious. Kylis' presence in the herbarium was not a mere coincidence. She had deliberately sought her out. "Why are you here, Kylis?"
Her smile widened, "I thought a night stroll would be good for me. And also, it is difficult to find sleep knowing that the wood elves are leaving so soon," she frowned, but there was no sadness in her eyes.
"I agree with you," Tauriel answered with careful words. This was a dangerous game she had fallen into. When Kylis did not reply, she continued. "It would be a shame to see warriors who have defended our people finally go back. Their presence will be sorely missed."
At this, Kylis eyes snapped up to regard her. Under the moonlight, Tauriel could discern a glint in her gaze."Their?"
Tauriel frowned, she was expected to give an answer, that much was sure. But even she could not understand where the conversation was going. "I'm sorry?" she asked, fearing that she had heard incorrectly.
"Do not pretend," Kylis sneered, not bothering anymore to hide the detest in her voice. "You mean his presence. You do not really think I do not see you forcing yourself to him?"
Tauriel froze. "I do not understand—,"
"Oh, stop your imaginary innocence. It seems it is not enough for you to worm your way into Lord Elrond's family. You would even see it fit to mingle with the prince. I see the way you've been running after him, desperate to prove your worth. Using his power to get what you want."
It took a moment for the depth of the insult to burn through her understanding, but when it did, a boiling heat rushed through her limbs and Tauriel stepped forward, facing the younger elf head on. She had not known the extent of Kylis' blindness. What corruption had she been exposed to that would lead her to have a heart so hateful? But it was not the former accusations that aroused her anger, but the fact that she would ever think her to be using Legolas, her friend and teacher, for her own benefit. "How dare you," she hissed at the elf. Her hands trembled with emotion, but she stilled them at her sides. Kylis stepped back, for the first time, her face showing doubt. "Your allegations are unfounded. It seems it is never enough for you to have let me feel outcast. Now you even dare to think that I would use him? What right have you to even accuse me of such things?"
At this, the smug look returned to Kylis' face, and very slowly, she smiled at Tauriel. "I have every right," when there was only silence, the smile widened. "You do not know?"
Tauriel did not withdraw, but her brows crinkled in uncertainty. "Of what?"
"It was arranged when we visited Mirkwood. My mother spoke with King Thranduil," she paused. "Legolas is my betrothed."
Tauriel did not know what she looked like, but it was clear from Kylis' face that she had gotten what she wanted. The only thing Tauriel knew was that her insides froze, and that she had stopped breathing.
"So before your desperate attempts to steal his favour gets in the way," she silenced Tauriel's intentions to speak. "I suggest that you end your schemes now. You should have been content with the attention you get here."
Tauriel straightened her back, and glared back, though her resolve was not as it had been earlier. She did not understand why, but there was an ache in her chest. This was not the first time she had felt betrayed. The malice of her accusations were untrue, but were they really uncalled for? She knew that Legolas only looked at her as a friend, but there were moments when she wasn't sure if it was the same for her... moments when his touch brought out emotions she had never felt before. Had she really been so careless? Had she been too overwhelmed by his kindness? And he was engaged. Did he know? It did not seem probable, but that did not lessen the pain she felt. Why did it seem like a knife was plunged into her chest? "I will repeat what I have said earlier," she said, her voice steady despite the brokeness she felt inside. "Your accusations are unfounded. We—I am nothing more than a friend and a student to him. And you need not fear—," she swallowed, and before she could mull over the—in a desperate attempt to deny her new found fears—, she spoke, "I will be leaving for Lothlorien in a week. I will not see him again."
"You're going to Lorien—?" Kylis frowned, but shook her head and regarded her coolly. "Never mind, I will not concern myself with your activities. I know what he thinks of you, you need not tell me. I merely wished to remind you of your place, and to warn you: the next time you covert with royalty, remember that there is no future in a bind like that," with one last regard at Tauriel, Kylis revolved and walked back into the house, her form like a black shadow against the light.
For what seemed like hours, Tauriel stood in the dark, letting the wind blow her red hair. She felt as blank and as cold as the black night. So quickly her decisions jumped from confusion to certainty to despair, and until now, she still did not understand her own feelings. Had she really felt more than friendship towards Legolas? And if that was so, would he have—? No. She shook her head, running her fingers through her brow. It did not matter now. Even if she had, she could not do anything about it. She would not see him again, at least not for a while. And maybe that really was for the best, she doubted that she would get in the way of their marriage, as Kylis had suspected, but she was scared of what she felt towards him. She was scared of falling even deeper in this wall she had dug herself—what was the point anyway? She was not a true blood of Galadriel, Thranduil would not allow his son to be swept up by a commoner. She would not go with him. She would leave for Lothlorien in a week, and grow as a member of her line, and prove herself worth of her family.
She did not return to her chambers that night.
When the sky finally turned blue, and the noise from the small band of elves woke the entire city, Tauriel watched from the same place where she and Legolas had spent training just the day before. She gazed at the elves at the gate of Rivendell below. Her far-seeing eyes found Aegnir and some of the other elves she had formed friendships with. But always, her gaze returned to his golden hair that shone in the sunrise. She watched as he stood, looking about, even as the others rode their horses. She watched as, finally, he spoke his last words to Lord Elrond and Arwen before he climbed his own horse, and followed after the company.
She watched, her whole body numb and her heart screaming for her to talk to him one last time. But she pushed all her emotions down, and stared after the retreating party. Although all of her questions from the night before remained unanswered, one thing was clear to her. She was afraid. And Lothlorien was the only way to save herself.
She tightened the cape—his cape—around her shoulders and finally, turned away and walked down the shaded path.
He turned back one last time, hoping against hope to find the familiar shade of red hair from the group of elves who were still waving goodbye to his company.
Finally, Arwen neared him, concern in her eyes as she watched him. "I cannot find her," she said, her breath heavy.
Around him, his companions were mounting their horses. It was time for him to go. Desperately, he pulled the dagger from his back, one of the two that he always kept with him. "Will you give this to her? Tell her... tell her I hope she does not forget."
"I will," Arwen said, as she took the silver weapon. Her eyes softened as she wrapped her arms around him in an embrace. "Goodbye, yet again. I will miss you, mellonamin."
"And you," Legolas held her.
When he was finally on his steed, slowly moving away, he looked back. The crowds were, already, like miniature specks in the distance, but still she was not there. Others rode past him, some looking at him queerly, but still he stayed. He did not understand. He had told her it did not matter if she chose to stay, but he did not expect her absence. How long he stayed his horse searching, he did not know.
Only when Aegnir had passed him and called out his name, did Legolas turn away. Aegnir's eyes told him, finally, what he could not tell himself.
She was not coming.
Nodding, he spurred his horse on again, until he reached the front of the crowd. When he spoke, his voice sounded hoarse to his ear. Confusion, regret, hurt-a multitude of emotions welled in his chest until all he could feel was anger. Anger towards what was happening, towards her, but most of all, towards himself-that he had allowed himself to become too bounded to another, that it would lead to this. Steeling his heart, he erased her picture in his mind and gazed over his companions, much like the prince he had been before.
"Let us ride home, my friends," he announced, before stirring his horse onto the unknown forward.
END OF TALES OF MIRKWOOD: PART ONE
A/N: Thank you to everyone who has been with me up to this point. You guys are the reasons I keep writing awww. :) I'll probably be releasing the next chapter when I finally watch BOFA, which is maybe on the twelfth or a few days after that. For now, I'd love to hear what you guys think of the story so far. And for those who haven't yet, please don't forget to vote on my poll! Thanks!
Follows is a long discussion for BOFA:
So we only have nine days til BOFA and I am so hyped. Did you guys know that I stayed up til 5AM just to watch the premiere even when I had an exam at 7AM, two hours afterwards? Oh, the things we do for the things we love. Anyway...
-spoilers-
Yep. I broke my own rules and actually read some stuff. What I found out basically frustrated me. It seems PJ was serious in pushing the Kili and Tauriel thing, which kinda frustrates me (and not simply because I'm a TaurielxLeggy fan, but) because it's just so... unrealistic. I don't think sir Tolkein himself would ever have envisioned Tauriel and Kili together. He did state that Legolas and Gimli's friendship was the strongest ever that there would be between a dwarf and an elf. And (SUPER SPOILER ALERT) making Tauriel be the cause of Kili's death? Seriously? I kinda thought it would happen but I didn't really think it would. UGH. Anyway. I guess that's the reason I'm writing this story. Because I honestly and objectively think Legolas has a better chance, more than anyone, to get the girl, and I want to share that story with you guys. :)
-End of spoiler-
The rest of The Hobbit based events for this story is mapped out, and the next two chapters are finally drafted out (I might actually start giving titles to my chapters! :)). I planned to deviate completely from wherever Tauriel and Legolas are going in the movies, but it seems, from the spoilers I read, that the events I've planned out in this story are actually going to happen in the movie. How awesome is that?
Plus, I have edited some earlier chapters (Chapter 1-8, I think, so far). They don't affect the plot, really, but I think it would be a great refresher for you guys to go other those, anyway.
Okay. I've honestly talked too much. Now it's your turn!
Leave me a review guys. Thanks!
Much love,
Vee
