I own none of the characters of Angel

"Eve, how the hell did you get into my apartment?" I growled. I really hated that woman.

"The door was unlocked." She said as her eyes took in my rumpled blankets. I raised my eyebrows because I knew damn well I had locked the door. "Well it was after I used my key to unlock it." I threw the blankets off and stormed over to her holding my hand out for the key.

"Angel you're naked." Cordy shrieked and I ignored her.

"I see that you have been reliving some tension."

"You've got to be kidding me." Cordy quipped.

"I would have been more than happy to help you out with that like I did before."

"You slept with her?"

"What the hell do you want Eve?"

"You missed out eight o'clock meeting."

"Shit, I forgot."

"I can see that you were otherwise occupied." Her eyes traveled below my waist.

"Get out. I'll shower and be down shortly." She turned and began to walk away. "If you ever walk into my apartment again I will kill you."

"Whatever you say boss."

"Who's the tramp?"

"My liaison to the senior partners." I answered walking past her to my bathroom to the shower.

"You slept with her? Jesus Angel, I thought that you had taste." I stepped into the shower.

"Lorne told us to."

"If Lorne told you to screw Wesley would you do it?" Her voice rose over the shower.

"Probably if I was under a spell."

"Huh?" Rendering Cordy speechless was always a challenge and I loved it when I was able to make it happen.

"Lorne had his sleep removed and because he is an empath demon it manifested itself and we all did whatever he told us to. He told Eve and I to get a room and we did. He told Fred and Wes to get drunk and they did without the benefit of alcohol. He told Gunn to mark his territory and he went around pissing all over the office."

"Gunn pissed all over the office, I would have paid to see that."

"Yeah, Cor it was real funny." I muttered.

"My God, I go into a coma and loose your sense of humor…oh wait you never had one."

"Hey I am a funny guy." I defended.

"Oh pu-lease. You were never funny." I turned off the shower, grabbed a towel and stepped out of the shower then stood there in shock when I saw Cordelia sitting on the toilet. She was in fresh clothes, hair and makeup done.

"What the hell? How did you?"

"Magic." She answered

"This is still all so unbelievable." I walked over to her, wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her towards me. "You are unbelievable." I pressed my lips to hers

"Angel you're soaking wet and naked. If you don't get some clothes on you won't make your meeting until noon." I laughed and reluctantly pulled myself away from her so I could get dressed. Ten minutes later we were exiting the elevator.

"Now remember, if you speak to me directly you will suddenly fall asleep and look like an ass. If you need to talk to me don't look directly at me. Just speak into the room."

"Yeah, Yeah. Yeah. Whatever."

"Don't you whatever me." She snapped and I grinned.

"Morning boss." Harmony greeted.

"Oh my God, Harmony is your secretary. What the hell? She tried to kill us and know she brings your coffee."

"Later." I mumbled

"What boss?"

"Never mind."

"Everyone is in your office waiting for you."

"Do you have my blood?" She placed a mug in front of me. I grabbed it and headed into my office.

"It's about time Captain Forehead." Spike commented as soon as I walked in.

"SPIKE!" Cordy shrieked in my ear causing me to flinch.

"Angel, are you okay?"

"Yeah, Wesley, I'm fine." He was staring intently at me. Wesley was never easily fooled. He knew something was up with me. "Can we start this meeting please?"

"Oh my God. What the hell is doing sitting in your office like he belongs? Why aren't you killing him? Last time he was in town he had you tortured and almost killed. What the hell has happened since I fell unconscious? First Harmony and now Spike, this is unbelievable. What's next? Dinner with the devil." As if on a cue a demon with two horns and a devil that looked remarkably like the devil walked into my office. "Are you fucking kidding me? Angel what has happened to you? You have really fell off the wagon. Look at the people you are doing business with. I thought that you were helping the helpless. These bastards are not helpless. In fact they are the main cause that people become helpless." She was rambling on and on and on and I was desperately trying to tune her out. Fifteen minutes later she still hadn't stopped yelling at me and I was losing my mind.

"Would you please stop?" I begged into the open room hoping that she would get the hint.

"Stop what?" Fred asked. Great, I wasn't as slick as I had hoped that I was.

"Spike, he's giving me weird looks." It's always easy to blame Spike.

"I am not you pounce."

"Can we just finish the meeting please."

"Angel are you sure that you are okay?" Wesley asked me again.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired. Now where were we?" Thankfully Cordy got the hint because she stopped ranting but I knew that I haven't even begun to hear about how badly I am screwing up in her eyes.

As we continued the meeting it took every bit of self-control not to burst out laughing as she went around the room examining all of her friends with a critical eye.

"There is something different about Fred. She seems happier. Is she happy Angel?" I casually nodded. "She in love with Wesley." I had just taken a sip of blood and I started to choke.

"Blood went down the wrong tube." I muttered before anyone could ask me again if I was all right.

"I wasn't trying to be funny Angel. I can see it all over her face every time she looks at him and believe me I know that look because I have it every time I look at you." She then moved to Wesley. "Yep, he's got it just as bad. I'm surprised that he isn't drooling right now. They both need to get their head out of their asses and admit it too each other because we both know how quickly it can all be taken away."

I was no longer paying any attention to my meeting. I was listening to Cordy, When she said everything could be taken away I know she was talking about us. Our relationship was over before it even began. I still got heartsick every time I thought how close we came to having everything we had ever wanted but never getting it.

"Holy Shit. Gunn's got hair. He looks so cute and what the hell is up with the suit he is wearing. He looks like an actual grown up and I never realize how handsome he is." She runs a light finger over his head and heads over to Lorne. "I have never seen him so happy. He's got this crazy smile on his face like if he did tomorrow he would die a happy man. Well at least Evil Incorporated made one person happy. The rest of you sorry hero's look miserable. Fred and Wes are miserable because they aren't with each other, a problem that can actually be fixed. Now I can't quit figure out why Gunn is so miserable. When did he learn so much about the law?" She sighed and wiped a few solitary tears away. "I wish that they could see me so I can their lives and make them happy again. These people aren't the family that I remember. We all used to be so damn happy and now everyone is just existing. This isn't how it was supposed to be. We all fought the good fight and we all deserved so much more then…" She waved her arm around the room. "This bureaucratic bullshit."

I had tuned everyone and everything but Cordelia out right now. I could see that she was hurting for her friends, hurting that she couldn't help them. I had known for months now that everyone was miserable, I just didn't want to admit it. If I were to actually be honest with myself, I actually didn't want to admit that I failed my friends. It was my decision to come here and they are all suffering because of a choice that I had made. I felt her soft hands on my shoulder, gentle massaging them.

"And you" She said, her breath hot against my ear. "Are the most miserable of the group." I felt her lips on my earlobe nibbling.

"That's it I'm done." I stood abruptly ending the meeting.

"But Angel the meeting isn't done." Gunn said.

"Look I didn't get a lot of sleep last night and I can't concentrate. Go ahead do whatever you need to do and give me the information tomorrow." I walked to my private elevator without a backwards glance at my friends.

I was really hoping that Cordy would have followed me to the elevator but she didn't. Maybe it was better that she didn't. I needed some time alone to figure out how to fix this royal screw up. One stupid decision ruined the lives of my best friends.

"You okay?" She was standing in my apartment.

"No Cordy, I'm not okay. The people that I love are miserable and you made sure that I knew it."

"Oh don't blame me Angel. You have known it for a while. You just haven't wanted to see it." She was right and it pissed me off. I turned around and slammed my fist into the wall. "ANGEL." She shouted and I ignored her and continued to pound my fist into the wall. "Knock it off Angel. The wall didn't do anything to you." I felt her hands around my arm but I couldn't stop. I drew my arm back rather roughly causing her to lose her grip and she went flying across the room.

"Oh God Cordy." I got to her side as she was pulling herself off of the floor.

"Owww. Son of a bitch." She mumbled as she ran her hand over her head.

"I am so sorry." I mumbled as I ran my fingers through her hair, looking for an injury.

"Quit touching me." She said as she tried to back away from me but I held tight but not too tight as to hurt her again. Once I was satisfied that she received no more than a slight bump on the head I released her.

"Cor I didn't mean to…I'm sorry."

"Asshole." She muttered, "What the hell has gotten into you?" She shouted. Instead of answering I went and sat heavily on my bed, putting my head in my hands. I felt her sit beside me.

"Did I hurt you?" I mumbled into my hands.

"No Angel you didn't hurt me. You could never hurt me."

"I could. I've hurt everyone else it's only a matter of time before I hurt you."

"I don't believe that and neither do you." She placed her hand on my back.

"When Lilah offered us Wolfram and Hart I immediately turned her down. I didn't want anything to do with this hellhole. Even though through the whole tour she kept throwing all of this great shit at me I continued to say no until I saw it."

"Saw what?"

"Connor. He was so screwed up after what had happened with Jasmine. He had taken a sporting goods store hostage. He had bombs attached to all of the costumers; he had a bomb attached to you. He was going to kill you. He was going to hurt and probably kill himself. He was so tormented. He didn't have a childhood. The short adulthood that he had was filled with hurt and lies and it was all because of me, because he had the unfortunate luck of having me as a father."

"Angel what happened to Connor was not your fault."

"It is Cordy. If I could have just saved him from Holtz then maybe none of this would have happened."

"You can't know that."

"I saw an opening Cor. I saw a chance to change his life, to give him a childhood, a family that he never had. He now has no memory of me. Holtz, you or Jasmine. He knows nothing about vampires or demons. As far as he is concerned he is a normal teenage boy with a family that loves him, something he never had with me."

"Angel…"

"Knowing what I know now, how miserable my friends are, how miserable I am I wouldn't change a damn thing." I admitted

"Of course you wouldn't Angel. No father would. I know that I'm also responsible for what happened to Connor. The other thing knew that he trusted it and me used that fact to get what it wanted. You did what you had to do for your child. Any parent would. Connor's happy now and that's what's important."

"I can't win. My son is happy but everyone else is miserable. I wish that you were really here. I wish that everyone could see you. I always screw everything up but you and you always fix things. You always make us feel better." Everything that I had been holding in for months came rushing to the surface in the form of tears.

"So do I." She took my head and gently placed it on her lap. I curled myself on the bed and she ran her fingers through my hair as I cried for all that was lost. I cried for Connor, I cried for Cordy. I cried for my friends lost happiness. A sudden knock at the door stopped my tears.

"Go away." I shouted.

"Angel, I need to talk to you." Wesley's voice came through the door.

"Please, Wes. I'm really not in the mood." I begged.

"I'm not leaving until I can see for myself that you are okay." Sighing I pulled myself off of the warm lap that I was lying in. I knew he wouldn't give up.

"How do I look?" I asked as I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. "Can you tell that I have been crying?"

"You're fine." I walked over and cracked the door open.

"See Wes, I'm fine." I knew that answer wouldn't satisfy him. He pushed the door open and walked in.

"You're not fine. You haven't been fine since you came home from seeing Cordelia. Did something happen?" Do I tell him that I am seeing her? Do I tell him that I made love to her last night? He would think that I have lost my damn mind.

"No nothing happened. It's just hard seeing her like that." I said.

"Are you sure? There seems to be more going on."

"I guess that seeing Cordy brought some of my inner demons to the surface."

"What can I do?"

"I'm dealing with them." Wesley stared at me trying to decide if I was telling the truth which I was. I was dealing with a demon who just happens to Cordy.

"We have reports of the location of the Himkak Demon. Maybe killing a demon will help you deal with your own demons. Are you in the mood?"

"Not really." I mumbled.

"Okay then." Wesley said.

"Angel get off your ass and go kill a demon. You cannot sit around in this room all damn day and mope." I looked at her. "I am not kidding. I will make your life hell if you don't do your damn job." I knew she meant it.

"Wait, Wes. I'm coming."

"Very good." Cordy and I followed Wesley out of my apartment.

Wesley was right. Killing the Himkak did elevate my mood from depressed and pissy to melancholy. It took long hours to kill him, but I felt energized when it was all done. He was a tough bastard to kill. He was small and fast; so fast that we wouldn't see him move. That fact alone made it hard to kill him. Cordy stood back and shouted out his position to me, which helped enormously. We may not have been able to kill him without her help. No one asked me how I was able to see him move when no one else could so I assumed that figured it had to do with my vampire senses. Before calling it a day I stopped to check in with Harmony.

"Here's Cordy's daily report." Harmony said.

"A daily report on me?" I felt her hovering and reading over my shoulder. "What does it say?" I skimmed over it and handed it back to Harmony.

"Just file it."

"Nina is waiting in your office for you." I closed my eyes. This may be awkward with Cordy here.

"Who is Nina?" Cordy asked and I sighed loudly.

"You told me that she could go in anytime." Harmony explained.

"I know what I said Harmony." I snapped.

"Be nice Angel." Cordy slapped my arm and I shot her a glare.

"I'll be in my office then my apartment if anything comes up."

"No problem boss." She responded as I walked away.

"Any chance that you won't follow me?" I mumbled quietly while staring at the floor.

"No chance in hell. I need to size up my competition."

"No one can compete with you." I whispered as I opened the door. Nina looked up and smiled.

"Hey Nina."

"Hey Angel." She walked over and gave me a hug. Now I was feeling uncomfortable.

"Blond, I should have known. First Darla, then Buffy and now Nina. All blonds." I quickly pulled away from her. "Maybe if I would have dyed my hair it wouldn't have taken us so long."

"Full moon huh?" Jesus, I could really be an idiot.

"Oh my God. Is this for real? A werewolf?" Cordy started giggling. "Ever hear of a normal human? Slayer, demon/seer and now a werewolf." Her giggling increased.

"Yeah. I'm here for the Wolfram and Hart bed and breakfast." I nodded and we both stood there awkwardly. "So what are you doing for breakfast tomorrow?"

"Eating." I answered without thinking. "Well…err actually drinking."

"Smooth Angel, real smooth. I wonder how the hell you ever got laid with all of that smooth talking."

"Oh okay." Nina glanced nervously at her watch. "The moon will be up. I should go." She turned and quickly walked out of my office. I sighed and began to follow her.

"Stay." I instructed Cordy as I reached the door.

"But…"

"Stay." I repeated. "I mean it Cordelia." I slammed the door behind me and jogged over to catch the elevator. "Nina wait."

"What?"

"Can I walk you to your suite?" She smiled and I stepped into the elevator.

"Look I'm sorry about the whole breakfast thing. I shouldn't have brought it up. It was really stupid." She quickly said.

"Nina, don't be sorry. I am glad that you asked. I'm flattered I really am." I smiled softly at her. Before Cordy came into the picture I had seriously considered dating Nina.

"It's because I'm a werewolf isn't." I laughed.

"No Nina, it's got nothing to do with that. I'm a vampire. I can't or don't judge. I just…well this isn't a very good time for me to date." She looked crestfallen so I figured that I owed her a little more than that lame ass excuse. "I'm in love with another woman Nina."

"Oh God, I'm sorry. I didn't know. No one told me you were dating anyone."

"Technically I'm not." Confusion sprang onto her face. "Her name is Cordelia. She is my best friend and she is in a coma. Before she went into her coma we admitted our feelings but it never went any farther then that but I still love her and I feel like if you and I were to get together then I would be cheating on her and I can't do that. Not yet anyway." The elevator door opened and she stepped into her cell. Before I closed the door she leaned forward and kissed my cheek.

"Cordelia is a lucky woman." She said softly. "If anything changes you know where to find me." She locked herself in her cell.

"Thanks Nina. I'll keep that in mind but hey if you're up for breakfast with a friend, I'm game."

"I'd like that."

After I left Nina I slowly headed back to my apartment where Cordy was waiting for me. She smiled her 100-watt smile when she saw me.

"Okay we've got to set some ground rules Cordelia."

"Rules what are we back in grade school?" She muttered.

"I'm serious Cor, I can't have you yelling at me when I'm trying to work. I can't have you kissing or touching me when everyone is around."

"So you just expect me to sit around and say nothing?" I gave her a look.

"I know that would be an impossible request. You don't know how to sit around and say nothing. If you have an opinion that is important to the subject matter then I want you share it."

"My opinion is always important." I couldn't help myself I smiled and kissed her lips.

"You're right sweetheart. Your opinion is always important but can you see my point?"

"Yeah I get it. I guess that I will just wait until we are alone to share my non important opinions."

"Thank you."

"Now it's my turn. You better explain to me why in the hell you are not only working with but letting Harmony and Spike live." I smiled and set next to her on the bed and gave her the whole background story on how Spike came to Wolfram and Hart and how Harmony became my secretary.

"Wow. Spike's gotta soul. Who woulda thought?"

"Besides being a giant pain in my ass I will admit only to you that he hasn't been totally useless on occasion." Cordy swung her leg over my thighs and pulled herself onto my lap, latching her fingers behind my neck.

"So what did you and Nina talk about?"

"I told her that I couldn't date her because I was in love with another woman."

"Oh really? Who is the lucky woman?" She purred into my ear.

"Some ditzy rich chick from Sunnydale."

"DITZY." She screeched and attempted to get away from me but I held her tight.

"It's one of the things that I love about you." I pulled her face to mine and kissed her.

The simple kiss turned hot and heavy fast. I flipped her on the bed and we quickly lost our clothes. This time the sex was fast and hard unlike the first time that was slow and passionate but still hot as hell.

"You know that I love you, don't you Angel." I was almost asleep after our lovemaking when she voiced that surprising question. I tightened my arm around her.

"Of course I do."

"I've been thinking." She was drawing lazy circles across my sweaty chest.

"About what?"

"When I'm gone, when I die I think you should pursue a relationship with Nina."

"Cordy."

"I want you to be happy Angel. I don't you moping around forever, which we both know is a possibility for you."

"Cor please I don't want to talk about this.

"I hate thinking of you with anyone but me but because I love you I want you to move on, be happy again but not perfectly happy."

"I'll never be happy with anyone but you." I was really squeezing her now.

"Maybe not perfectly happy but happy and I think that Nina could provide that for you. I saw the way she cares for you, the way she kissed your cheek. She would be good for you."

"How do you know that she kissed me?" She didn't respond. "Cordelia, you were watching."

"I couldn't help myself."

"Cordelia." She whipped her head up to look at me

"Hey that was before you gave me the rules." I chuckled. "I promise to follow all of your rules."

"You better." I leaned forward and kissed the tip of her nose.

"Now you promise me that when I die you will move on with Nina. I can rest easy knowing that you will be taken care of and happy."

"Cordy."

"Promise me Angel." I wouldn't say a word. "Do you want me to spend eternity miserable and worried about you?"

"No." I mumbled. "I want you to be happy."

"I'll be happy knowing that you're happy so promise me Angel.

"I promise." She smiled and kissed me hard on the lips.

"Thank you." I just glared at her. "I love you and I only want what's best for you."

"I know. I love you too."

Hope you liked this really LONG chapter. Please send me a review with your thoughts