I own none of the characters of Angel

I waited not so patiently for the Oracles to grant me access. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity I was inside the cave,

"Why must you bother us lower being?"

"Cordelia Chase."

"What about her? You've already been to us once regarding your seer."

"She can't die. She is too important."

"It is her fate. Cordelia Chase will die."

"Look too many people have already died because they chose to fight with me. The world has lost Doyle and now Fred. It can't lose Cordy too. She is way to important. She can do so much more good if she lives. I couldn't save Fred but it's not to late to save Cordy."

"How can you save her?"

"Take my life. Kill me and allow her to live." I begged.

"Without you, The Seer's job would be pointless without you. The visions that are sent to her are for you. Without you there will be no visions and therefore she won't be of any use. She will be a normal human."

"Then let her be a normal human. She deserves to find some happiness."

"Without you to do the work of The Powers many people will die and one person's life is not worth the thousands that will die in her place." He's heard that excuse before.

"There must be something you can do to save her."

"There is nothing that can be done vampire. Do not come back again regarding your Seer." The next thing I knew I was back outside, having accomplished nothing. Cordy was still going to die and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

When I arrived back at my penthouse I walked in expecting to find a pissed off Cordy waiting to bitch me out but my penthouse was empty.

"All right Cordy." I said into the empty room. "I know you're pissed at me and you have every right to be. I was an asshole and I treated you like shit. I'm sorry Cordy." I waited anxiously for her to appear but hour later she still didn't show. "Come on Cor. I need my ass kicked and you know damn well you want to do it so please come back and kick it, yell at me, scream at me, hit me, do anything just please come back."

After another hour of silence I finally lay on the couch and waited all night for her to come back but when the sun rose I was still alone. I knew that I royally screwed up and I probably lost her forever but I wasn't giving up. I was going back to the hospital where I first saw her and hopefully I would see her again. I threw on some clothes and headed to the lobby to let Harmony know where I would be.

"Where's Wesley?" I asked her.

"He's been in her office all night." I had to make sure he was okay.

"I'm going to go check on him then I'll be at the hospital visiting Cordelia."

"Okay boss."

When I walked into the lab I found Wesley sitting in Fred's office, which didn't surprise me. What surprised me was Illyria standing in the lab staring up at my friend. I couldn't even look at her because I all could see was Fred. I ignored her and went straight for Wesley.

"How are you doing?" I asked softly.

"She's gone Angel and she is never coming back. I'll never be able to kiss her again, touch her soft skin, and tell her I love her again. Do you realize how much easier her death would be if Illyria wasn't here because every time I look at her I can see my Fred. Illyria's presence is just cruel, reminding me of what I have lost." Wesley said miserably.

"I can't look at her either without seeing Fred which leads me to ask, what the hell is she doing here?"

"Since her kingdom is gone she has nowhere else to go."

"What has she been doing?"

"For the majority of the time she has been staring at the ceiling tiles, possibly counting them and at one point she ate a couple of the leaves off of the plant."

"What do you want to do with her?" I asked him

"You're the boss. Why are you asking me?"

"Because you were in love with Fred and it can't be easy seeing Illyria hanging around here. Do you want me to have her removed?" He didn't answer me right away. He just stared at Illyria.

"Can I think about it?" He answer surprised me.

"Sure you can. I'll do whatever you want." He nodded. "I'm going to the hospital to see Cordy so if you need anything, call my cell."

"Why are you going to the hospital? Isn't she here?" I shook my head.

"I was a real asshole to her yesterday so she vanished and I haven't seen her since. I'm hoping that since the first place I saw her was at the hospital I can find her there again."

"Good luck."

"Thanks. I'll need it since I really screwed up."

--

"Good morning Mr. Angel." The head nurse greeted me when I arrived on Cordy's hospital floor. Cordy told me that this nurse thought I was hot and that's why she remembered my name even though I had rarely been here. I glanced at her nametag.

"Good morning Sarah. Any change in Cordelia?" I asked even though I already knew the answer.

"No sir, not since your last visit."

"Thanks for taking such good care of her." I said solemnly.

"I'm just doing my job." She flirted.

"All the same, thanks." She nodded and I walked away but I could feel her eyes on me.

When I walked into Cordy's room she was in the same position that she was last time I was here, well at least part of her. She was lying on her back with her hands lying at her sides. I hated to see her like this, so lifeless when she was so full of life. I leaned forward and kissed her on lips but there was no response. Sighing I sat down and took her hand.

"Cor, I know I screwed up. They sent you back to help me and I took you for granted. I know you can't help when you get the visions and you did what you could with them. What happened to Fred is not your fault. I know that, I knew that when I was blaming you. I was just hurting so badly when Fred died. I was pissed off at myself for not saving her and I took it out on you, the only person that wanted to help me. Baby, I'm so sorry. You have to come back to me. I don't want my last memory of us together fighting. I don't want that for you either. You deserve so much better from me. Please come back so I can make it up to you." My tears slowly fell from my eyes. "Cor, I love you so much and I'm so sorry. Please come back."

There was no response from her unconscious form or from her ghost self. I knew that she was never coming back to me. I wrapped my arm around her waist and laid my head on her stomach. "I tried to save you." I whispered. "When the evil you was pregnant we didn't know what you were carrying. We only knew that it was bad. I wanted to save you, to bring you back but it was too late. Skip told me that there was nothing I could do for you. My only choice was to kill you and that would kill what was growing inside you but when I found you, I couldn't do it Cor. Even though I knew that it wasn't you I would be killing, it would be the evil you that I would be killing but I couldn't do it. When I looked at you I didn't see evil Cordelia. I saw my sweet and brave Cordelia. I saw the woman who I fell in love with and I couldn't do it. I couldn't end your life. Kind of ironic isn't it? How many times did I tell you that if I was turned into Angelus and he tried to hurt you that you had to kill me and every time you refused because you said you couldn't hurt me and I ended up doing the same damn thing that you would have done." I linked my hand with hers and rubbed my thumb over her soft skin. "I went to The Oracles today to ask them to save your life. I asked them to take my life and give you yours back but the bastards refused. I know that if they actually would have done it you would have been furious with me but at least you would be alive and living. It's not fair Cor. Why should I get to live for over two hundred years and you don't even get to live to see thirty. You should be able to get married and have lots of babies. You would have made a wonderful mom and it's all my fault that you won't get any of these things. If only I wouldn't have given you that job that you so desperately needed then you wouldn't be lying here in this damn coma. You would have been pissed off but you would have gone off and lived a normal life, a safe normal happy life. Happiness, that's all I ever wanted for you and I managed to screw that up. Jesus, Cor, why the hell do you love me? All I've brought to your life is pain and heartache."

"You've also brought me happiness." I jerked my head up at the sound of her voice.

"You came back."

"We need to talk. I'll meet you back at your penthouse." Before I could respond she was gone. I quickly stood, kissed the unconscious Cordy and raced out of the hospital.

--

"Cordy, I'm here." I yelled as soon as I walked into my penthouse. This time I did find a very pissed off Cordy sitting on my couch. I rushed over to her. "I didn't think that you would be here." I moved in to hug her but she stopped me.

"I almost didn't. You were a jerk and you really hurt my feelings." She spat while glaring at me.

"I was and I know that I hurt your feelings and I am so sorry." I said weakly.

"You said I was selfish."

"I didn't mean it. I was angry and hurt and I took it out on you."

"You're damn right you did. Do you actually know the meaning of selfish? It usually has to do with the selfish person saying I and me and what I just head you say was YOU were hurt and angry and YOU took it out on the woman who loves you. You kept telling me that YOU were being tortured, that my visions weren't helping YOU, how much YOU would be hurt when I died, that YOU wish that I never came back. You're the selfish one in this room Angel, not me." I nodded in agreement. She was absolutely right. I was a selfish bastard. "Do you know how badly you hurt me when you said I wasn't any help to you, that you wished that I never came back, that we never got to have what we did, that we never made love or told each other that we loved each other? Do you have any idea how that made me feel?"

"I didn't mean it Cordy. I was just so angry that I was talking out of my ass."

"Hold on there buster, we are still talking about me." I nodded. "I have never loved anyone like I have loved you Angel, never. I put my heart on the line when I told you that I loved you and when I heard you say that you wished I never came back, I felt like you drove a stake through my heart. No one has ever hurt me like you hurt me Angel, no one." As she turned away from me I saw her wiping tears away. I reached out to take her hand but she pushed me away.

"Cor, I am so sorry."

"Are you Angel? Are you really sorry?" I nodded. "How do I know that the next time you get all pissed off that you won't take it out on me again? I may love you but I can't take those hateful words again Angel. I refuse to stand around and be your punching bag."

"I'm a selfish bastard. I'm an asshole. Cordelia I know that I have said this already but I'm sorry that I hurt you like I did. You didn't, you don't deserve to be treated as horrible as I treated you. I hate that I hurt you so bad. I didn't mean a word of what I said. I don't regret one minute of our time together. I could never regret it."

"Then why did you say it?"

"Because you were there."

"Not the time to be funny Angel." She said crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"I'm not trying to be funny Cor. You were here with me. You were the closest one to me when I got really pissed off so I took my anger out on you. Can you forgive me?" I asked her desperately.

"I'm working on it."

"Thank you."

"Now why did you go to The Oracles and ask them to kill you?"

"You saw that?" She nodded. "You deserve a life, a long happy life and I was hoping that my death would grant you that life."

"Do you really wish that I wouldn't of come to work with you?"

"No, I treasure the years that we have been together but if you never would have never worked for me you wouldn't be dying. You would probably be married and a mom. I just want you to live."

"Before you Angel, I wasn't happy. I really wasn't living either. My life didn't begin until I started working with you. I didn't become happy until I started helping people. I'm finally living the life that I was meant to live and that's all because of you buster. I'm happy now Angel."

"Happy? You shouldn't be happy. You should be mad as hell that you're dying. Aren't you mad?" Tears filled her eyes.

"Hell yes I'm mad Angel. I am furious but not because I never married or had children. I'm furious because we haven't had nearly enough time to love each other. Our time together, our love is being cruelly taken away from us prematurely." She was sobbing softly and I took a few steps towards her. When I closed the distance I reached out a tentative arm to touch her and she didn't pull away so I pulled her to my chest. "I'm glad that The Oracles didn't agree to your stupid plan."

"You are?"

"They were right. Me here without you would have been pointless. You are needed Angel. I can be replaced."

"No you can't Cor. You are irreplaceable."

"They can give my visions to someone else but you on the other hand, people who can't fight for themselves need you, their champion." We stood in the middle of the room, her arms wrapped tightly around my waist, head on my chest, my hands running through her hair, not speaking until I broke the silence.

"Cor?"

"Hmmm?"

"I love you, so very much."

"I know you do."

"I'm sorry I hurt you."

"I know you are."

"Have you forgiven me?"

"Almost."

"Almost?"

"You need to answer a few questions for me first." She pulled out of my embrace. "Go sit on the couch." She demanded and I did as I was asked. "Will you ever talk to me like that again?"

"No." She slowly unbuttoned her blouse and slid it to the floor. I liked where this was headed.

"Next time you are angry or hurt are you going to take it out on me?"

"No." Her delicate hands unbuttoned her jeans, slid them over her hips down to the floor and she kicked them away.

"Will you ever hurt me like that again?"

"Never." I whispered thickly. She slid her hands behind her, unclasped her bra and tossed it to the floor.

"Will you love me forever?"

"Forever." I repeated.

She slid her fingers under the waistband of her panties and quickly removed them. "I now forgive you Angel." With shaking legs I moved off of the couch, picked up the naked woman in front of me and carried her into my bedroom, staring into her eyes the entire time. I placed her on my bed, stripped out of my clothes and climbed on top of her.

I began to kiss her, first her lips moving to her neck, her breasts, belly, thighs, calves, and ankles. I gently sucked her toes and then I returned the way I came until I met her mouth again, whispering, "I love you" and "I'm sorry" the whole time. She gently cupped my face with both of her palms.

"I love you." She whispered before our lips met again. When she needed to breathe she broke away so I took the opportunity to kiss down her body again. This time I didn't go below her thighs. I spread her legs and placed gentle kisses on the most intimate part of her body. She moaned loudly when I slipped two fingers inside of her and placed my mouth on her clit. When her panting increased I pulled my mouth away from her clit replaced my fingers with my mouth.

"Son…of…a…bitch…" She panted as I darted my tongue around inside of her. I would never get over how wonderful she tasted. She tried to wrap her legs around my neck but I held them apart so my tongue could go deeper. Within a few minutes I had her bubbling over the edge. While she was still trembling, I slid myself inside of her, withdrawing a shriek from her mouth. I laid as close to her as I could without crushing her and I pressed my lips to hers, moving very myself very slowly inside of her, pushing as deep within her as I could then I pulled back until just the tip was inside of her and then I repeated the process very, very slowly over and over again, giving my Cordelia many orgasms. "Angel…please" She begged me. I knew she was ready to climax again. I sped up my thrusts and simultaneously we both were moaning each other's names.

"That was so sweet." She told me when she got her breath back. Her head was on my chest and I was drawing lazy circles across her back.

"I'm glad."

"I felt so close to you."

"No two people can be closer then when they are making love."

"I know but it was different this time. Maybe it was because you went so slow and your touch was so soft and tender but I've never felt closer to you then I did tonight."

"I'm sorry. If I knew how much you liked it slow, I would have always gone slow."

"I like slow and sweet but I also like hard and fast. I guess it depends on my mood but you always know how I want it to be. Like tonight, you knew that I needed to make love to you slowly. You always know what I need Angel."

"I sure didn't know what you needed last night?"

"You did but you were just so caught up in your grief that you couldn't see it."

"I am so sorry about yesterday. I promise that I will never treat you like that again."

"I know you're sorry. You've told me about a thousand times. I don't want to talk yesterday anymore. It's in the past. I only want to think about the future and the time we have left." A strangled sob escaped my throat. "Angel, I know that you don't want to think about my impending death. I know that I don't have much time left and I don't want to spend it being sad. I want to enjoy what time we have left being happy. Can you give me that?" She asked me softly.

"I'll give you whatever you want my sweet Cordelia." She pulled herself up on her elbows on kissed me sweetly.

"Do you have any idea what I want right now?"

"I think I have a pretty good idea." I said with a smile as I rolled us over.

An hour later a totally satisfied Cordy fell asleep in my arms and only then did I allow my tears to fall. I knew that she wouldn't be alive for much longer and it was killing me. I wanted so badly for her to live. I wanted to be with her and love her for the rest of my life. I would make her remaining time here on earth happier then she ever could of imagined. She deserves at least that much from me.

"I love you Cordy." I whispered, gently kissing her forehead. She sighed and snuggled closer to me.

"I love you too." She mumbled sleepily. I tightened my arms around her and drifted off to sleep holding the most amazing woman in my arms.

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