Title: Disadvantaged Children
Rating: T


Chapter Eleven

Cold

I don't belong here either.

My eyes shift as I catch a glimpse of moving shadows behind the rustling of trees, but it's just a startled deer. The birds twitter maddeningly, while the sun licks me with sweat. I grumble to myself as the mosquitoes buzz around me, doing their best to pierce through my clothing.

I don't know what the hell I'm doing, but I can feel myself going insane in this sweltering heat. Three hours have gone by since I left Jiraiya standing in the Mansion, and I've suffered through bouts of delusion. That's right. I'm seeing things now.

Good Lord deliver us.

I smirk, taking a small joy in cursing God's name even though I'm sweaty, hungry, and incredibly stupid. By now, I've completely forgotten why I walked out. The only thing giving me strength to move my legs is Kiba's voice, urging me forward.

The sun soon goes down, leaving me with blessed shade. I occasionally stop to pop berries into my mouth, but this only leaves my mouth parched. Every step away from the Mansion pains me. I feel like I'm walking to my death.

The trees in front of me spill secrets like candy, tempting me forward and forward, but my sides start to ache and I just can't remember what I'm doing here. Inside, deep inside of me, I didn't hate the Mansion. It was the only place that I could call a home.

I'm so stupid.

I collapse right in the heart of the woods, where animals sounds and tangling vines trap me in. The Mansion is trying to pull me back, and some part of me wants to stop being so lost. But there's another part of me that wants to stay here, where nowhere exists.

The sound of my stomach grumbling scares some innocent squirrel away. Dammit, how long had it been? Hours? Days? Years?

I laugh, then yell out to the empty world. "Here I am, Uzumaki Naruto, lone survivor of massacres, bombs, and love. I made a promise to myself, to never, ever, give up, but dammit, look at me now."

The woods just sigh their disappointment and I sit down, ignoring twigs that bite me in the ass. Here, alone in the forest, I can be myself. No shield, no anger, no pain. I begin to murmur again, this time addressing the words to myself.

"What are you doing here, Uzumaki Naruto? You know, everyone's right. You're giving up and you're using Kiba as an excuse. Do you really want to stay here, lost and alone? Dammit, this is not who you are."

I shut my eyes, count to three, then open them. Green greets me, a suffocating clash of leaves, loss, and fate. I can't even recognize myself – I've become an empty shell.

When the thought hits me, I'm stunned.

"I've hit rock bottom."

The skies agree when their tears start to drizzle down on the earth. The cool droplets hit like revelations, each one darkening the clouds. The dirt underneath me slowly turns to mud, while an acrid taste becomes lodged in my throat.

I can't think or else I'll realize just how pathetic I've become.

Slowly, like it pains me, I look up to the sky and the rain kisses my face. My eyes close, my hands shake from supporting my weight, and the sound of peace hits my ears. Who was I to revel in tranquility? Hadn't God cursed me the day I had been born?

What do I do? What the hell do I do?

Leave.
Go on.
Leave to belong.
Go on to get lost.

Stay.

In the middle of the woods, in the middle of the forest, I do the only thing I can.

I'm sorry, Kiba.

As the sun disappears completely, the rain cries with me.


Jiraiya finds me the next day. I'm completely exhausted from my pitiful attempts at gathering food and drinking rain water, so I just continue to lay on the muddy ground. He has to notice the grimy tear stains on my face, but he doesn't say a word.

His gaze is completely unreadable. I shudder and turn on my side, so I'm lying away from him. It hurts. Everything hurts.

Silence stretches for so long that I think he's left. Until I hear him walk closer.

Gentle hands pick me up, even though I struggle uselessly with silent protests. I've become a little kid carried under the arms of help. He doesn't stop to take a break the whole walk back to the Mansion.

My thoughts, as well as his, were unspeakable. There was no need for words, because Jiraiya had broken his own rule.

From now on, you'll be alone. Truly alone.

Is that right, old man? What happened between the days of the past and today? What are you doing here, carrying me back to my home?

I know when we've stepped foot in the Mansion, because the air becomes cooler from the air conditioning. The touchy-feely moment that Jiraiya and I shared vanishes when he suddenly drops me on the cold floor.

Glaring, I rub my bottom. "Could have warned me, old man."

Jiraiya shrugs. "What can I say? I don't like human contact."

I suddenly sneeze, which causes Jiraiya to eye me like a dirty bug.

"You sick, kid?"

I laugh, even though there isn't anything funny about the question. "I'm always sick, pervert-sensei. It comes with being an orphan."

I bring myself to my feet and do my best to brush the mud from my clothes. An awkward silence passes before Jiraiya cuffs me lightly on the head.

"Don't think we're cool and all tight just because we shared a sentimental moment. If you mess up one more time, kid, just one more time. Well, you'll get your wish."

I pause outside of my door, tasting the words before asking. "The Island?"

Jiraiya sighs then shoves me into my room. "Jesus, always with the drama, huh? The Island, expulsion, whatever. I liked you better when you couldn't speak."

What was that supposed to mean?

"Hey, wait, did you know me before the Mansion?"

Jiraiya doesn't answer and instead disappears, leaving me to scratch my head. I finally shrug then turn around to click on the lights in my room.

Black, inky hair framing a soft face with smoldering eyes and twisting pink lips. On my bed. On my bed.

I rub my eyes and blink, wondering why the hell Sasuke was in my room. However, the snide voice that intrudes into my mind tells me who the person lounging on my bed really is.

"Why are you acting this way?"

I breathe a sigh of relief. "Oh, it's just you. Sai."

Ignoring Sai's hungry stare, I shed my dirty clothes off, leaving me in my boxers. My hair smells like grass, but I can't do anything about it until I get some sleep. I root around for some clean clothes, almost stumbling from the mess in the room.

"You haven't answered my question, moron."

I flippantly answer over my shoulder. "I don't owe anything to you, teme."

In a flash, Sai gets off my bed and shoves his arm in front of my face. "You did this."

I calmly stare into the blank eyes, trying to avoid the flowering cigarette bruise on Sai's arm. "So I did. Sorry."

My answer only angers him, because he grabs my arm and roughly pulls me towards him. I try not to flush as my bare skin meets the part of his skin that isn't covered by his flimsy shirt. Dammit, I didn't like Sai or the hard body pressing firmly into my own.

Clothes, I needed clothes. I try to pull away, but Sai keeps me in his grasp.

"Is it that mutt friend of yours? Is he the reason you acted so emptily?"

Bells careen in my head, a warning. I can feel the anger rolling off of his tongue, and I try to back away. "Look, Sai, let's calm down, ok? I'm sorry for-"

I jump as Sai deliberately stretches his arm to knock over a lamp. The crash is soon followed by another crash as I trip over a chair in my hurry to get away from the glint in Sai's normally blank eyes.

"You're so weak, dickless. You did all that for one dead boy who you loved. Every day, I watched you sink, but instead of taking joy in it, I was worried."

I don't understand what Sai is getting at, but hearing about Kiba triggers a hint of that hot rage that I had kept in for so long. I clench my fists and shake my head.

"Don't talk about Kiba like that. I know I was a complete asshole to you and Sakura, but-"

Sai glows with some kind of sick delight as he takes the back of my head and pulls me in close enough to kiss. "Do you think they buried his dead, stinking body, Naruto? Or do you think they left him in the Island, dead and perfect for the animals?"

"Shut up."

"I always thought he was a waste of space in the Mansion. Did you have sex with him, Naruto? Do you always have sex with stupid, absolutely worthless-"

I wrench away from Sai and shove him. He stumbles over the broken chair, but gets his balance. I grab a painting and throw it, watching it graze the tips of Sai's hair.

"What the fuck would you know about Kiba?" My teeth hurts from the grin on my face, as well as cheated muscles that are dying to be used. "You've got some nerve, you sick bastard."

"I know everyt-"

I stop his words by punching him in the face, right in the middle of the wreckage in our room. It was his fault, really. Here I was, calm and cool, until Sai barged into the sanctuary in my mind with his stupid touching and his stupid words. And the best thing is that punching Sai feels just as good as punching Orochimaru.

I'm pretty sure I made a huge mistake, though, when Sai looks up at me, breath heaving with an almost insane flush to his cheeks. I still have no idea why he's so angry with what I've done. He wasn't mad about the things I had done. There was something else he was livid about.

I stay silent, a wise move that doesn't solve anything. Sai makes an almost roaring sound then charges into me, knocking both of us into the ground. My breath fails and my stomach hurts from the weight of the boy throwing punches at my face. He finally stops when he notices that I'm dodging most of his attacks, and we stare at each other.

Chiseled face, silky hair, taut body. Sai flickers into Sasuke, and I shudder. No.

"I HATE YOU, UZUMAKI."

Suddenly, I get it. "And therein lies the problem."

It's not my fault that my words sound too arrogant. Unfortunately, Sai disagrees enough to grip me painfully by the side. The fact that the only clothing on me is my boxers doesn't escape me and it's not long before Sai remembers too. His eyes roam through my chest, pausing at every scar and swirl on my stomach.

Dammit, Naruto, you don't blush when boys who regularly insult your dick suddenly seem to like what they see.

Luckily, Sai quickly shakes his head and focuses back on my heated face. "You called me cute."

I blanch, but he continues on.

"You always, always take the time to say good-bye or hello. You gave me my first mirror, even though I've punched, scared, and betrayed you. Yet, you turned everything around last week by doing things only bastards like me would do. I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand you."

I'm so shocked that I can't say anything except open my mouth slightly in amazement. The Sai from a few minutes ago is replaced by one whose eyebrows are furrowed in concentration and whose hands shake from anxiety.

"When I say I hate you, dickless, I'm speaking the truth. But the thing is that I'm not supposed to hate you. I'm not supposed to feel anything for you."

And therein lies the problem.

I feel a small satisfaction from guessing what had been wrong, and some part of me is even touched by Sai's words. But I still can't forget the way he insulted Kiba.

"I've lost the most important person in my life, Sai, yet you insult him. What the hell is wrong with you? Don't you have emotions?"

Darkness flashes through that pearly skin. Whispers reach my ears like ocean waves. "I hated watching you with that mutt, because you two reminded me of a life that I had before. One with emotions and a treasured person."

I'm officially astounded by the words trickling out of Sai's mouth. It's like someone has hit me repeatedly with a dumbbell then sprinkled stars all over the ceiling for me to stare at. Was everyone in the Mansion a screwup with serious potential for change? Maybe Jiraiya's words had some depth, after all.

Sai's eyes have become clearer to read than his counterpart, Sasuke's. I've become aware of every single breath that we're taking in, every single word hanging in the air.

You, Sai.. You remind me of someone. Who?

We're both in the middle of something huge, but I don't know how to get out of this thin layer of suspension. The ground disappears underneath our bodies, and it's just two boys with the same problem, the same situation.

Who?

We've both forgotten how to feel.

Me.

His whisper is as soft as the grasp he has on my hands. "Help me before I lose myself."

I smile for the first time in weeks. "Only if you help me too."

I feel something skip inside myself when I see Sai's smile. It goes beyond reason that my roommate would be the one to drag me out of my depression, but somehow, these things just happen in the Mansion. I feel so happy, so light-hearted. I can't believe it.

The weight on my chest lifts when Sai climbs to his feet. He looks at me once, then extends a hand to help me up. I take it, and when my back is off the floor, I can almost imagine myself cutting off the ties to the dark shadows within me.

The future seems brighter, clearer..

Until the door opens.

"Hey, kid."

I smile at Jiraiya's lone figure standing at my doorway, but stop when he shakes his head grimly.

"It's not looking too good, Naruto."

I frown, unable to understand what he's saying. My blood becomes cold, almost unbearable. "What are you talking about?"

Stupid. You're so stupid.

"It's Sasuke. He wants to see you, kid. I'm sorry, but it's time."


When he disappeared, I couldn't do anything. I couldn't paint, couldn't sleep, couldn't stop. It was all I could do not to kill him the moment he walked in through the door, looking exhausted and sick.

Worry, hatred, confusion.

All for that little runt. All for Uzumaki Naruto, a loudmouth criminal who I shouldn't even think twice about. I admit, he's different from all the others, but I never would have imagined that he would be the one...

Brother, are you happy? I still haven't forgotten your wish for my happiness, even after all these years.

-Sai


AN: So after thinking and musing over it for a bit, I realized that the last chapter (chapter twelve) was kind of necessary in an unnecessary way. Naruto really was depressed from not only losing Kiba, but also from the whole week in which he got weaker. Mix that in with a horrible past and we've got crazy-reverting-back-to-past Naruto. Sometimes, I think he could give a run for Sakura's money in the whole multiple personality fad.

But this chapter went by so much more smoothly. And DUNDUNDUN! What does Sasuke want with Naruto? To ravage him on his office desk? To give him more mixed signals by acting like a completely distant (but loveable) bastard? Hahaha, things shall be answered in the next chapter.

Thank you for reading! (And reviewing, hopefully.)

P.S. Some people have asked for timelines. Okay, here we go.

Age 1 – Naruto sent to Kyuubi Island. Age 3 – Naruto escapes Kyuubi Island with help of Kyuubi, starts system in Konoha. Age 7 – Meets Kiba Age 10 – Meets Gaara Age 15 – Shit happens with Gaara. Gaara leaves. Naruto leaves to the States. Age 17 – Leaves States, goes to Uchiha Mansion