Title: Disadvantaged Children
Rating: M.
WARNING: This chapter finally lives up to its rating.
Linger
It's strange that everything, everything that we've worked for is coming at us in a rush, a blur, a strange speeding up of time. We can't hold on anymore, because none of us are willing to fall.
Especially me.
"I know none of you wanted this to happen. But as the head staff member of the Mansion, it's my job to announce all the news, no matter how bad it is." Kakashi lowers his gaze and he looks almost vulnerable with his mask tilted at a dangerously revealing angle. "From this point on, the four way tie will be impossible."
Sai.
The name is a poisonous whisper that snakes its way through every person's head. The group of individuals has become one unit, thinking together, breathing together, detesting together. Where was he? Where was the boy who was responsible for this, this pathetic loss, this sad ending?
Betrayal. Anger. A strange sensation of loss. How long would we have to repeat this sorry, sad story?
"To protect the identity of the person who came to me, I won't reveal the winning Team. However, this doesn't mean that all of the three bottom teams will be expelled. Because of these trying circumstances, I will convene with Sasuke and the whole faculty to decide only one Team to be sent to the Island."
Can't back out like this. Biting the invading hatred, I raise my hand and clench it into a fist.
"Why?"
Kakashi's eyes give away nothing. "Because we want to help you."
"That's not good enough!" Failure gives my voice a hysteria that even Sakura has never heard before. "How can you help us if we're sent to the Island? Are we supposed to learn morals while fending off other criminals, other monsters in the Island? Are we supposed to find out the meaning of happiness and love and life in that miserable hellhole where everyone fucking dies?!"
"I understand, Naruto, but-"
"You. Don't. Understand. Anything."
Kakashi sighs deeply before taking his eyes off me and focusing on the other people behind me, the appendages of my sorrow. "You may leave. Please take the next couple of days to prepare for the possibility of expulsion. I'm truly, truly sorry to dismiss the meeting like this."
They leave and I'm left to stare at every crack in the tiled floor, trying desperately to hold on to the strength that I have.
"Naruto.."
"Why are you doing this? You are my counselor. My savior." I say the last word as if it burns my tongue. "Do you know how much this Mansion has healed me? The people around me? How can you discard this so easily and leave us to rot and die?"
He listens to my ragged breathing before walking closer to me. "Please do your best to understand, Naruto. These tests we give you... They are lessons to prepare everyone here for the next step. There are illusions and consequences behind every event that you cannot possibly begin to imagine. Believe me when I say that we aren't here to hurt you. We're here to force you to not run away."
"Does it look like I'm running away?!" I want to scream and leave my voice in this empty, soullless room. "Have I ever once asked for a break? A reason to leave everything to everyone else?"
"That's the problem with you, Naruto. You're so busy trying to fix everyone else that you don't have time to fix yourself."
Myself?
Me?
Am I really.. that important?
And suddenly, there's the painful feeling that I've forgotten something, that Kakashi has opened a new batch of problems and solutions that I'll never be able to understand.
"That's it. I'm out of here." I hiss and I turn to leave. But Kakashi grabs my arm and forces me to look into his eyes, the swirling eyes of truth and lies.
"Your team is winning," he says quietly, forcefully. "Do you have anything to say about that?"
I want to get rid of the nagging feeling that's eating up my fingers, my heart. But I'm confusing hatred for security, so I wrench my arm from Kakashi's grasp.
"Yeah. Fuck Sai."
The burning sensation envelopes me when I walk into my room and the smell of paint and blood leaves me nauseated, almost unable to walk.
"What are you doing here?" Sai looks up at me with those empty eyes before he turns away. "Get out of my room."
I'm burning. Choking.
"You.." I spit out the word, unable to walk out the door. "Is this what you wanted, you selfish bastard?!"
He looks confused for a minute until he recognizes my anger. "Oh. You're talking about the points, aren't you?" He goes back to organizing his paintings in a cold, calm manner. "You should be thanking me."
"Thanking you?!" I unfurl my fists and shove Sai, feeling immense satisfaction when he stumbles over his easel.
"Yes." Sai gets back up and wipes his mouth. "Thanking me. Won't it be fun to see one of our poor, pathetic teams leave? Think of all the fun we'll have, watching them cry and sni-"
"SHUT THE HELL UP." I grit as I grab his shirt and shake him. "It's all because of you that this is happening. Why couldn't you have just let it go?! What is WRONG with you?"
He laughs and it's chilling, listening to him take his time, waiting for me to punch him, hurt him, do anything but stand there. "What did you expect, Naruto? Surely, you should have been waiting for this. For me to lose all my humanity."
"That wasn't what I wanted when I left you." That incessant feeling is back, worming its way into my confidence. "I wanted you to learn how to live without me. To live without me holding you back."
"Were you holding me back? Huh. I never noticed." Sai sneers at me through his hooded eyes. "What a shame. Once again, it's all your fault that a team has to suffer. How's that feel, Naruto? To know that you can't save everyone?"
I'm running empty and it's starting to show. The longer I stand there with Sai in my grip, the longer I start to realize the million little pieces that I've scattered throughout the Mansion. Was he right then? Would everything have been better off without me?
"What exactly are you waiting for, dickless? Is it finally starting to catch up to you? Can't go around punching me, now, when it's not my.."
-so busy trying to fix everyone else that you don't have time to fix yourself.-
Kakashi's words hit me suddenly, blurring Sai's words and tilting the world at an angle that I'm trying so desperately to grasp. What was I missing?
-However, this doesn't mean that all of the three bottom teams will be expelled. Because of thes-
What was I missing?
"Hey. Idiot. If you're going to punch me, you might as well do it before I decide to actually get really irritated at you. All this for a team. A loser team.."
Then it falls into pieces.
"You're not supposed to know that."
Sai stares at me. "What?"
"That information. You're not supposed to know that there's only one team getting kicked out. There's only one winning team, so there should actually be three teams getting kicked out."
"So what if I know? Kakashi told me-"
"Kakashi wasn't supposed to tell anything to the person who came in to request the extra points. And you weren't there when he told the group.." I stare at Sai like he's grown two heads and whisper. "You didn't do it because you wanted to. You did it because Kakashi asked you to."
"Idiot. Spouting your stupid schemes like a real idiot. F for fail, Naruto." But the way he blinks at me, the way his shoulders loosen up, the way his eyes reflect the light...
"Sai.." I lower my voice. "At times like these, I really hate you."
And before I apologize profusely, before I wrap my arms around him, and before I smile at his sputtering, I punch him.
It's easy to find Kakashi. Take a left from the dorms, follow the arched buildings, go past the swimming pool, and find myself in a secluded hallway. Third door from the right, knock and let yourself in.
The room is the same as always. The big view to the fountain with the sparkling water, the same water that had splashed all over the orphan under a firey sky. A plush couch, a couple of oak chairs and desks, a door leading to another room. But the atmosphere feels more final than the rest of the times.
Without thinking, I touch the edge of a desk and I can feel remnants of myself lingering in the woodwork. This was what I did. I talked, breathed, and lived within other people.
"Ah Naruto. I had a feeling that I'd see you sooner than later. Take a seat."
I don't do as he says. "You wanted my Team to win. It would be the best punishment for losing our faith in Sai, our last teammate."
"And pray tell, why would winning be a punishment?"
"Winning would mean that someone is losing." I let my gaze trail to the window behind Kakashi like all the countless times that my eyes had followed the trail of forests to the horizon, the clouds to the sky, the possible to the impossible. "Winning would destroy all chances of a four way tie."
Kakashi nods. "I'm sorry that you had to find this out only after you talked to Sai."
I laugh softly. "Bastard kept up the charade. I only found out that you set this up when he slipped up."
We stay like that for a while, in complete silence except for the small noises outside. I want to cut holes in the floor and fall forever so I won't have to face my mistakes. But I know that I shouldn't be running away, that in the real world, it's impossible to both win and lose.
Closing my eyes, I lean back on my heels and try to memorize the scent of the room, the memories that I made here.
"I was so sure that it was Sai.."
"You gave him too little credit. It's an honest mistake."
"A costly one, too." I snap open my eyes. "You know why I came here, right, old man?"
Kakashi sighs before swivelling his chair to look out the window. "I'm assuming.. That you want to take the loser's spot."
Little wishes flutter in my body and, for a second, they're all I hear. I want to beat Rock Lee in soccer. I want to hear Sakura sing. I want to see Sai's final drawings. I want to feel Neji's pain. I want to cure the Mansion's flaws.
I want to be Sasuke's humanity.
They whisper their final goodbyes and I can feel forever in their butterfly wings.
"Yes. I do."
"You understand that your whole Team must consent to this?" He swivels around to meet my eyes. "If you manage to do this, then be prepared to make your final speech, two days from now."
Is this peace that I'm feeling? Or resignation?
"Hey old man?"
"Hm?"
"Why did you pick Sai? Why my team?"
He smiles. "Because you, out of all the people in the Mansion, deserve to stay."
The lump in my throat makes it difficult to talk. "Thanks old man for everything."
"You're welcome, Naruto. It's been a privilege being your counselor."
Silence.
"Good bye, Kakashi."
"Good bye, Naruto."
The color of apologies is a myriad of many different things. The pink of Sakura's lock of hair, the blue of the Adventures of Sai & Naruto comic strips, the white of chocolate bunnies. It took all of a day before Sai finally caved to puppy dog eyes and random pounces.
"ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT, I GOT IT. I FORGIVE YOU, OKAY?! Just please. No more sweets. No more.." Sai shudders. "Bodily contact."
I sling an arm around Sai, grinning in his ear. "You have to understand, my grumpy teammate! For all of two seconds, we really hated you!"
Sakura scoots herself in front of Sai and throws another batch of flowers and candy his way. "And then, when we figured out that it was all set up... We felt worse than bad. We felt like we were the ones who betrayed you."
"Heh. Funny how that works, eh, Sai?" I give his hair a ruffle which makes Sai glare at me.
"It's not like I went out of my way to get you two idiots to think I was innocent. And dickless, if you touch my hair one more time, I'm going to break all of your fingers and laugh."
I only dig my fingers into his hair. "Oh he's a joker, this one!"
Sakura giggles until she stops and stutters, "Uh, Naruto?"
A little alarmed at Sakura's white face, I blink and look down at Sai's hands. "No, it's okay, Sakura! Sai's not going to hurt me." I reach down to grab his hands and grin. "Look, he can't do anything about it!"
"N-Naruto, I don't think you want to keep doing that. Lo-"
"And if that doesn't work, I can always use my Intense Seduction Technique on him! Here, let me give you a demonstra-"
A low voice behind me stops me dead in my tracks. "Naruto?"
"-tion. Heh. Oh, hey, uh Sasuke." I quickly pass off a scowling Sai to Sakura and dig my hands into my pockets. "I was just showing Sai how to get the gnats out of his hair. With his hands. Using intense.. seduction?"
If only skeptical had a different name other than Uchiha Sasuke.
With a gulp, I sheepishly wave goodbye as Sasuke growls and then drags me out of the room.
"Sakura! Sai! Meet me at the birthday site tonight at 8, okay?"
I only have time to see them look at each other with confused looks before the door slams shut and I'm dragged outside by the collar. "Hey, Sasuke, um.. Ouch, loosen your grip, will you?! Geez, where are we even going?"
"Someplace where we can finally have some privacy."
I perk up. "Really? Like a secluded area in the forest? Actually, that's quite risque of you, boss. Are you secretly a romantic or are you just dying to have your dirty way with m-"
*SPLASH*
"SHIT! THAT'S COLD, YOU BASTARD!"
Sasuke smirks and then climbs into the fountain. "That was the point."
Sputtering, I growl and splash water in his direction. "Oh no you don't, mister. I want you at a five foot radius or else I'll have to do something really drastic."
"Like what?"
"Like.." I grimace when he lightly shoves me towards the center of the fountain, allowing the spouts to shoot cold water into my chest. "Like never talking to you for the rest of my life! Ha!"
He raises an eyebrow. I squint at him.
"You know, dobe.." He lets his eyes trail from the hair sticking to my forehead to the shirt that's clinging to my chest to the pants that are hanging dangerously low on my pelvis. "Drowned rat is a surprisingly good look for you."
"That's it!" I wade a path away from Sasuke, hitching up my pants. "I can understand.. If you.. Oomf. Want to have your dirty way with me in some forest or something." I pause to take a breath and then continue pulling my legs through the water. "But in public?! In a fountain?! Freaking insane bastard, I'm telling you. Out of your freaking, stupid, moronic mi-"
Something barrels into me, causing me to yell and trip straight into the shallow water. Sasuke doesn't loosen his grip on me, even when I'm half drowning from all the water that I'm inadvertently drinking. After a couple of minutes of splashing, confusion, and insults, Sasuke spins me around and traps me against a metal circle supporting the spouts in the center of the fountain.
"First of all, we're not in public." His breath is a burning contrast from the freezing water surrounding us and I make a squeaking sound when his hands brush against my nipples. "Second of all, I like the fountain. And third of all.. A forest? Really?"
"M-Maybe I really like trees! And, if you haven't noticed, we're both soaked and shivering. I don't care how much you like the fountain, teme! There is no way that we are going to do anything, and I mean anything, in some stupid, retarded.."
And then Sasuke's kissing me with lips that are burning, searing through all the water that's enclosing us. His cold fingers are lightly tugging the ends of my hair while his body is pressed closer, warming us both. It's like time's stopped and the world is only me and Sasuke with only the roar of the water to remind us that we're not alone.
"God, Naruto..." He kisses me again, a langorous and desperate one that leaves me panting and staring into those indescribable eyes. "You talk too much."
It's been so long since I've felt my chest constrict, my heart pound, my whole body react in a way that hazes the memories of Gaara and sex. Sasuke's every kiss, every touch is making me ache for a lust that I've denied myself for so long.
"What are you.." I moan as he suckles my throat, leaving my eyelids to flutter. "I can't.."
He breathes against my neck and snakes his hands up my chest, roaming and pinching my hardened nipples. "Can't what? Can't admit that you want this too?" He brings his lips to mine and kisses, sucks, bites them.
"Sasuke.."
He lowers his head and lets his lips trace a circle around my left nipple. A spasm of pleasure runs through my body, leaving me to curl my fingers around Sasuke's hair and groan. Every muscle in my body is working to resist the lavishing of Sasuke's tongue, but the water around us, the metal behind my back, the burning sensation in my chest are all conspiring against my will.
I can feel Sasuke smirk through my shirt and he lets his hands stray downwards, where they find the zipper in my pants. Eyes wide, I try to bat his hands away, but he only shoves his body closer to mine and works his tongue around my other nipple.
"No.. Sasuke.."
He growls and then raises his head to face mine. "Do you think I don't know about your history with sex? The complete strangers, the promiscuity?" He spits out the last word before touching my cheek. "What is it about me that always turns you away at the last minute?"
When I don't answer, he only sighs and then pulls me in for a hard and violent kiss that ravishes every part of my mouth with a deftness that can only come from experience and familiarity. We finally pull apart and I stare at him with hooded eyes, at his red mouth, his pale skin, the raven hair hiding his eyes. Even though he's scowling and moody and fatigued, I still feel a magnetizing pull to him.
"I can't stand it when other people are around you." Sasuke splays a hand across my stomach while using the other hand to work the zipper. "And I can't stand it when you're next to me because I always end up wanting to screw you senseless."
My breath hitches when I feel something brush against my erection. Biting my tongue, I close my eyes and let him feel over my boxers and under the water. I can't distinguish between the roar of the waterfall over us and the blood rushing to my head anymore.
Hot. Everything about Sasuke is so hot. I don't know where both of his hands are, where he begins and ends, what the hell his lips are doing. But every part of me wants it, wants the pleasure, the burning sensation, wants..
Him.
And suddenly, I know. I just know. I never wanted to have sex with Sasuke because I didn't want to lose it. To screw things up. Which meant that I still hadn't gotten over the last guy I had ever, actually made love to.
"You're thinking about him, aren't you?" Sasuke swiftly takes off my pants and I make a face as it floats away. "Gaara."
"Eerie how you do that so well. The whole reading mind thing. And Sasuke, I can't.. we're in public."
He leans in closer and sucks my jaw. "This fountain is big enough to hide us from all the windows."
"What about the water?"
"You won't have to worry about it."
"..Forest?"
"Are you still on about that?"
"Sasuke.." I groan as he shoves his slick tongue into my mouth, effectively shutting me up for the next minute or so. "Sasuke, I told you, I can't.."
Suddenly, he shoves me against the wall and pulls off my boxers, all in one fluid motion. I yelp, but he quickly silences me by using his tongue to lap all the water off my chest and stomach.
"Dobe." He looks at me with something that makes me shiver. "I want you to hold on to the spout above your head."
Reluctantly, I reach above my head and grasp the spigot lightly. "In case you haven't noticed, Sasuke, I'm completely nak-"
Warm adrenaline suddenly surges through me in a delicious haze. Hips bucking, I let out a whimper as Sasuke's slippery hands grasp my engorged cock and it's all I can do not to cry when his mouth kisses the head of my length.
"Tell me."
It's torture being able to do nothing as Sasuke's hot breath tantalizes the seeping slit and his fingers slowly, painfully stroke me into a sweating, moaning mass of jelly. Every whisper, every stroke forces me to tighten my grip on the spout while I throw my head back and gasp.
"Sas.. Sasuke.."
"Tell me what you want."
"Sasuke.. Please."
We lock eyes for one minute, mine in delirious ectasy and his as lust-filled obsidian darkness, and I can feel the pain in my arms, the strain in my torso, the throb of my member. But nothing can compare to the frightening collapse of my reserve, that complete lack of self control..
I really like you, Sasuke..
How am I supposed to leave you?
My thoughts are quickly cut off when Sasuke leans forward and takes my whole length in his mouth. The pleasure is too much for me and I can only strain to keep quiet as his hot mouth swirls around my cock and his fingers massage my thighs, my buttocks, my balls. Soon, I'm bucking my hips and shivering from the intense pleasure racking through my entire body, searing through my nerves and spine. The cold air disappears and all that's left is Sasuke's tongue and his mouth and his smirk..
"Nngh.. Sa-Sasuke. I'm going.. Going to.."
My breath stops and Sasuke strokes and sucks one more time before my whole body tenses and then releases an orgasm so intense that I end up letting go of my grip on the spout and ending up collapsed in Sasuke's arms. The water laps at my legs and deliciously swallows all the sweat in my body while Sasuke smirks and whispers in my ear.
"Didn't I say you wouldn't have to worry about the water?"
Confused, I look down and realize that Sasuke licked and swallowed everything clean. Blushing, I look away and ask quietly, "What about you?"
His gaze is fixed on me and I suddenly feel like he can see everything, read every emotion in my veins.
"I'll be fine." He smirks before pulling me close and I yelp when I feel his hardness. "You're not that special."
Eyes wide, I splash him and then try to wade out of his grasp. But he only tightens his grip on me and before long, I give up and wrestle into my drenched boxers. The sun is dipping into the clouds and the feeling of Sasuke's arms around my body is enough to make me realize how warm I really am.
"You cold, Sasuke?"
He smiles and looks at the horizon in front of us, the water surging around us. "No. Not at all."
"Wow! Naruto-kun! What happened to you and can the youthful Rock Lee do anything to assist with your rather disheveled appearance?"
I growl and shake my head, water droplets hitting Rock Lee in the forehead. Opening the door into my dorm building brings a blast of cold air and I shiver violently before grumbling.
"Not cold, my ass. That bastard Sasuke couldn't even deign to give me a towel, huh? Well, I'll show him. Yeah. I'll show him."
"Tch. You're dripping all over the floor."
I sneeze before glaring at the puddle that I'm making on the floor. "Sorry, Shikamaru. I'll clean it after I get something to strangle Sasuke with."
"After you what?"
"Did I say that? I meant to say after I get something to clean myself with. Yeah.." I sneeze again before slamming the door to my dorm room open. "I'm hommme!"
Silence.
Remembering that I have to meet Sakura and Sai at 8 o'clock, I quickly climb out of my drenched clothes and put on new ones while towelling off my hair. It's hard to get things done without thinking about what just happened, so I settle for cussing out Sasuke and holding a grudge against his ungraciousness with towels. Before long, I'm dry and warm, so I stretch and prepare to walk out of the room.
Until I see Sai's sketchbook.
"On second thought.." I grab his sketchbook and dive into my bed. "Time to enter the realm of the unknown - Sai's brain!"
"Don't you ever get tired of knowing everyone's secrets?"
The voice startles me so much that I almost fall out of my bed. Whirling around, I find Neji leaning against my doorway and motioning to the sketchbook in my hands.
I grin then blow a raspberry. "I'll do what I want, ne?"
"Immature as always..."
Scowling, I throw a pillow at Neji who swiftly dodges it. "And what the hell are you doing here anyway? Shouldn't you be out somewhere, being cold-hearted and all that stuff you're good at?"
"I heard.. That you're thinking about leaving the Mansion."
"Eh?" I blink before shaking my head. "Well, you heard wrong. Now, plllease get out of my room before I sic Rock Lee on you."
"No."
"What do you mea-"
"No. I can't let you do that." Neji walks into my room and his fists are clenched, his face is hardened.
"Do what? The throwing you out of my room part or leaving the Ma-"
Neji suddenly slams his arm against a wall and I wince when I hear a couple of bones realigning out of place.
"Do you think this is a fucking joke, Uzumaki?! What the hell do you think the Island is? One, huge party for idiots like you?" He pauses before massaging his broken arm, wincing as his hands heal the pain. "I've wasted too much time on you. If you're stupid enough to think that you can survive the Island, then be my guest and rot in that hellhole."
He turns to walk away but I leap out of my bed and stop him by blocking the doorway. Now that I'm closer to him, I can see the pure anger in his milky eyes and the deep circles and hollows in his face that hint at insomnia. His arm is hanging limply while his fingers are scratched and bleeding at the fingers.
"What do you mean.." I eye him warily before continuing. "I've wasted too much time on you?"
"The world doesn't revolve around you, Uzumaki. Now get out of my way." Neji grits before trying to push his way past me. I don't budge.
"Maybe it doesn't, but that doesn't mean that you aren't connected with me somehow. Did you.. bet on me or something? Are you risking money if I leave the Mansion?"
Neji doesn't answer, only staring at me with empty eyes.
I make a face. "I don't understand. You don't even like me and you're practically fuming at the thought of me leaving the Mansion." An idea strikes my head and I grin. "Don't tell me you like me! Ha! Another win for the great Uzuma-"
"No."
"Then you want to kill me yourself! I know a lot of villagers who wouldn't mind getting their hands on my head and man, Neji, you have the look of a bounty hunter down.."
He sighs. "Shut up, Uzumaki. I can't stand idiots like you."
I pout. He sighs again before walking into my room and gazing at my things.
"This isn't the first time I've seen your room." He walks over to my bed and then turns to face me. "The slip of paper from the Second Event. Did you really think that Sai would be so careless as to lose his only clue?"
"Eh? What are you saying?"
He shakes his head at my gaping face. "I knew that you could help Sai so I planted that clue in your room. I've also done other things to help your team. Little things like rigging the basketball game in your favor, giving Sakura the answers to tests.. Who do you think told Sai about the community service paintings in the first place?"
"That was you?! Do you know how hard it was to get him to stop going over there when we were trying to tie..." I cross my arms. "Anyway, the better question here is why? Why would you go out of your way to help my team?! Why weren't you trying to help your own team!?"
He doesn't answer and I make a noise of frustration in the back of my throat. "You know, Neji... I have this other boy I like so that means I can't like yo-"
"I did it because you're the only one who can help me."
I yawn. "Heard that, done that."
Neji sighs one more time before he takes out something from his pocket.
A badge.
"My name is Neji Hyuga and I'm a detective for the Akatsuki case. I have my reasons to believe that Uchiha Sasuke is still in contact with the head of the Akatsuki. His brother."
Like most of Konoha, I was obsessed with revenge. I was one of the children kidnapped for experimentation. The injections on my hands, the months of agony, the terror.. And then the years after that, when people would stare at me and hate me for what the cult had done to me.
That's why I became a detective, following every trail, every lead just to end up at the beginning. Scared, lonely, cold hearted. I followed the path one more time and it lead me here, to Uchiha Sasuke. But it also lead me to this boy. Naruto. Anyone with half a brain can tell that the Uchiha is obsessed with him.
From one obsession to another, I'll find the Akatsuki and kill them all.
-Neji
AN: I am not a smut writer. At all. Maybe I'm squeamish! Maybe I just suck at trying to find a million different words for penis! But some loyal reviewers were like 'lol porn?' and, naturally, I thought 'lolwutokay.'
Also, I know that this story is extremely slow and that one of the crucial, so called rules of writing is to "not incorporate every single idea into one story." Well. I failed, okay?! Now excuse me as I go and find another monumental rule to break.
Thank you so much for reading! I'm so humbled by those who have stuck it out through all these chapters. :) Read and review!
