Chapter 2: Even When It's Hard
Ugh.
My alarm goes off the next morning at 7. I press the snooze button. I'm still lying on the bed, shifting into a more comfortable position. With my eyes still shut, I try to remember what time my first class is.
"Lara Jean, wake up. Lara Jean, wake up!" Emily shouts at me from her bed. "Turn it off, please!"
"I'm sorry," I say, reaching for my phone. I must have dozed off just now. I press the stop button to turn my alarm off. I turn my head to look at the person on the bed at the other side of the room. Emily already falls back to sleep. I wonder what time she came back last night.
I start to stretch within my cosy, warm bed. I roll out of bed and tie my hair before jumping into the shower. I try to decide what to wear as I apply my all-time favorite body wash all over my body. It has vanilla scent, Peter always says it reminds him of Christmas morning and every other good memories. I am wide awake after shower.
Ten minutes later, I stand in front of the mirror to check myself out. I am wearing a vintage striped loose tee with a denim button-front skirt, and pair it with my comfy white sneakers. I put my hair in a messy bun, then apply some mascara and lip gloss. Now, I am ready for the day. I take a picture of myself in front of the mirror to send it to Peter later. He likes it when I send him pictures of me.
I walk to my desk to check on my schedule. My morning class starts at 9. Sigh. I could have slept for another hour. Forget it. Maybe I can submit my two half-finished assignments before I leave for class. I turn on my laptop and look around the room that I share with Emily.
The room is not big, but it feels like home already. What I love the most about our room is we have our own private spaces. Our bathroom is at the far left corner of our room. My bed is located next to the left side of our door, while Em's is just across the door. To the right side of the door by the window is our favorite corner where we usually talk, read, watch movies together, share snacks and so on. We just placed a big fluffy peach rug with different shades of grey floor pillows, also a few small indoor plants above our little bookshelf to decorate our little lounging area. We even went overboard by hanging cotton ball string lights on the wall.
I check my phone as I wait my laptop to turn on. I smile and feel a familiar warmth growing in my cheeks from reading a respond I got from Peter last night on Instagram. I quickly send him a picture I took just now along with a text message, "Wakey, wakey, rise and shine! I love you, Peter K. Always and forever."
—
I feel my phone buzzes inside my bag. It's a text from Peter.
Peter: Morning, Covey
Peter: You look gorgeous
Peter: It's unfair how the guys in UNC get to enjoy the beauty of my gf everyday
Lara Jean: Hi, you just woke up?
Peter: Nah
Lara Jean: I'm in the middle of chem 102
Lara Jean: Extremely boring
Peter: LOL
Peter: I'm not having fun either
Peter: I guess chem class is a lot more exciting when I sat in front of you, huh?
Lara Jean: Probably *eye roll emoji*
Peter: WHAT?
Peter: Probably?
Peter: You're killing me, Covey
Lara Jean: *hand over mouth emoji*
A guy who is sitting next to me shushes me when I let out a silent giggle. He looks annoyed. My cheeks burn hot. I put my phone back into my bag and ignore the next buzz that I'm sure comes from Peter.
When the professor dismisses the class, I immediately take out my phone and read Peter's text. "Have you called your dad about the plan?" He asks.
"Gee, you just can't live without your phone, can you?" The same guy from earlier retorts before he takes off.
What is wrong with that guy? I ignore him and speed dial Daddy. I wait for him to pick up as I step outside my classroom to go to the library.
"Lara Jean?" He greets me.
"Hi Daddy. Are you in the hospital?"
"No. I had a night shift last night, I just got back home."
"You must be really tired."
"Nah, I'm alright. What's up?"
"Hmm," I hesitate, not sure how to ask him. Why am I nervous? It's not a big deal, or is it?
"Yes?" He asks, waiting for my answer.
I just have to say it before I lose my nerve. "Daddy, I don't think I'm going back home this weekend, if that's alright with you."
"Oh. Are you going somewhere else?" He sounds curious.
"Hmm, yes. I, um, plan to, maybe…" I stutters.
"Sorry, what? I don't get it," he says and continues to help me finish my sentence. "You plan to go somewhere with Peter?"
I stop walking. "Mhmm," I answer nervously.
I hear my dad guffaws as he senses a trace of anxiety from my voice. I don't know why, but I find myself relieved at his laughter.
"Why are you so stressed out about it? You know you can tell me anything, right?" I can still hear him chuckles as he asks me.
"I know. It's just that…" I'm searching for the right words to explain to Daddy. "Maybe it's because I feel bad not going home for the holiday. Instead, I'm about to ask permission from my dad whether or not it's okay for me to go on a trip with my boyfriend, just the two of us. It's like I'm choosing my boyfriend over my family, which makes me feel guilty," I ramble, unsure of how he will react.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. It's only gonna be just the two of you?" He sounds surprised.
"Yes."
Silence. Oh God. What does it mean? Why doesn't he say anything? My heart sinks.
"So, it's a no?" I ask carefully, uncertain. Another silence.
After what feels like forever, my dad laughs and says, "Of course you can go, Lara Jean. It's totally fine. I'm glad you're always honest with me."
"Then why didn't you say so earlier?" I let out a sigh of relief, I didn't realize I was holding my breath.
"I was just building the tension. I found it funny. I'm sorry," he lets out another chuckles. "So, where are you guys going?"
"Daddy! It's not funny!" I shriek in annoyance, but smile thinking how my awkward, shy and quiet dad can be very playful when it comes to his family members, especially with his daughters. "We don't know yet. Peter told me he prefers somewhere we can reach within a 4-5 hours drive from Chapel Hill. Any ideas?"
"Ugh, you know I suck at planning a trip. You and Margo have always been the planners in the family."
"True. Well, we don't know yet. I'll let you know when we've decided," I tell him. "Um, are you really okay with me not going home?"
"Totally. Trina, Kitty and I will come up with something to keep us occupied during the holiday. Go have fun! You deserve it," he assures me.
"Okay, thanks Daddy. I gotta go. I'm in front of the library now. Go get some rest."
"I will, sweetheart. Don't worry. Trina always makes sure I get enough sleep. Don't forget to grab some lunch," he reminds me. He hangs up the phone.
I am thankful to have Trina by my dad's side. He is a lot happier and more cheerful ever since they've been together. I hate the idea of leaving Daddy and Kitty at home just the two of them. My dad is a busy man, I don't know how he can take care of Kitty if I'm not home to help him. However, now that we have Trina, our family feels complete. Sure, it will never replace our Mommy, but I guess it's enough to fill in a mother's role. I gotta say Trina is not the best in organizing a house, but she takes really good care of my dad and Kitty, which is all we need. Also, she is exceptionally close with Kitty, and I am grateful for that.
I sit at the end corner near the book shelves, like I always do. I remember back in the day I used to obsess over McGregor room in UVA, but as I stepped foot in Wilson Library, I instantly fell in love with it. Due to tight security, less people come here, which adds to the reasons why I love it. The building is beautiful; it's covered in marble, decorated in wood, with chandeliers hanging from the ceiling.
I take out my laptop and books. Then, I grab my phone and text Peter while taking a bite of my chicken cheese sandwich.
Lara Jean: Good news, we got daddy's consent!
Lara Jean: Good luck with your practice later
Lara Jean: Sending you a virtual hug
Half an hour later, Peter replies.
Peter: Just got out of class
Peter: Awesome, I'm going to visit him tomorrow during my free period
Peter: Any advice?
Lara Jean: Just be your usual charming self *winky emoji*
Peter: I wanna hug you so much rn *crying face emoji*
Lara Jean: You can hug me as much as you want this weekend
Peter: I'll hold you to your word
Peter: I'm gonna call you as soon as I finish practice
Peter: I love you, Covey
Lara Jean: Ok, have fun
Peter: *kiss emoji"
"Why are you always on your phone?"
Oh God. Seriously?!
I look up and see the same guy from Chemistry class who shushed me earlier. "Excuse me?" I ask him in a tone of annoyance, I don't even bother to hide my annoyed expression. I don't get why he needs to be rude. We're not even friends. I don't even know his name.
He is setting his things on a desk in front of me, that makes us sit opposite to each other. I look around the library, there is hardly anyone here.
As if he can read my mind, he introduces himself, "I am Liam, by the way, in case you're wondering. We attend almost the same classes everyday. I like to sit with a familiar face, so… Do you mind?"
Oh, now, he's asking permission? He basically has set all his things on the desk. Who am I to say no? I shrug and say, "I'm Lara Jean."
"I know," he responds back, but I ignore him and return to my assignment. Before he can ask me another question or say any petty comments about me and my phone, I plug my earphone and turn on a song.
By the time I look at the clock, it's nearly time to head off to Biology class. I am quite proud of myself today. I have so far submitted 2 assignments and 1 lab report, which leaves me with 1 Calculus homework and 1 other group assignment.
Just before I turn off my laptop, Al Green's Let's Stay Together is playing. I stop and listen for a while. I close my eyes, trying to remember our dance at prom. I remember he took my hand and put it on his heart, he even sang a little. I love listening to his voice, I wish he sings more often. I beam at the sweet memory. I miss him so much.
As I step out of the library, I hear someone calls my name, chasing after me, "Lara Jean, wait up!"
I turn my head to the direction of the voice. Liam is running across the field towards me. I keep walking. He arrives at my side and slows down, adjusting his pace with mine. "Hey, I'm sorry. I think we started off on the wrong foot. I tend to say the wrong things whenever I'm nervous, so…"
"Apology accepted," I reply sincerely.
"Are you going to biology?" he asks.
"Yep."
"Me too," he says with a smile.
I don't say anything.
My mind drifts off to Peter. What will he think if he sees me walking to a class with another guy? I know it's not a big deal. But, I think he will not be too happy about it. It's not that we feel insecure with our relationship. I'm proud to say that we trust each other enough not to restrict one another to befriend the opposite sex. Maybe I should tell Peter about him.
—
I am searching for destination ideas that Peter and I can visit this weekend. I want to go somewhere special with him. However, I have no idea where to go. That's when I decide to call my big sister, Margot, for help.
"Hi, Lara Jean. I heard from Daddy that you're going on a trip with Peter," she sounds very excited.
News really do travel fast in the Covey household.
"Yeah, about that…"
"What? Is anything wrong?"
"Not really. I just have no idea where to go."
"Well, have you discussed it with Peter?"
I shake my head, forgetting that I am on the phone and Margot can't see me.
As if she can see me, she convinces me, "Hey, it's gonna be fine. You guys will figure it out. Besides, it's not a matter of where you guys are going to, it's whom you are going with that makes it special."
"I know. But since this is going to be our first trip together just the two of us, I want it to be extra special."
She gasps. "Are you planning to l—"
I cut her off, "Gogo!" My face turns red.
She giggles, "Well? Are you?"
"No," I say too quickly. "Maybe? I don't know. I haven't given it much thought yet."
"Oh okay. I mean, you don't need to rush it if you're not ready yet."
"Is it weird that we haven't done it after all these years?" I ask, doubtful.
"Of course not. Why would you think that? Is he pressuring you to do it?" Gogo questions. Now she sounds worried.
"No, no, no," I reply quickly. I don't want her to think that Peter forces me to do anything I don't wanna do or am not prepared to do.
"Are you sure?" I hear a hint of doubt.
"One hundred percent. He's a total gentleman, Gogo. In fact, he never even asks me about it. I was the one who brought up the matter at hand last year. He mentioned something like 'you're the one driving the bus'" I imitate his voice, then chuckle.
"Hey, Lara Jean," suddenly she sounds very serious.
"Mmhm?" I answer nervously.
"I'm glad you're with Peter. Honestly, at first I was worried when I heard that you two were a thing, you know. I thought he was a stereotypical jock, I was so worried that he eventually would hurt you. But, as I get to know him last summer, he continues to impress me. I think he's a sweet and thoughtful guy and I can tell he loves you very much."
"Aw, Gogo. Thank you so much for saying that. It really means a lot, you know. Especially, coming from you," I tell her sincerely. "Peter always thinks you're the most difficult to impress. He is more worried about your opinion than Daddy's."
Gogo laughs. "Well, I have to make sure that my sister dates a great guy. I guess I'm protective that way." She yawns.
"Thanks, Gogo. You are the best sister. Go and get some sleep. Say hi to Ravi for me."
"Will do. Good night, Lara Jean," she hangs up.
—
Emily comes back around 5.30, just as I step out of the shower. She tells me about her photoshoot last night. And, she also asks me to consider helping her as a model for her project tomorrow as another model of hers is ill.
I think for a few seconds and say, "Why don't you try to find someone else first? And if you still can't find a replacement by lunch time tomorrow, I'll do it."
She's so relieved to hear my answer. I can see that this project is stressing her out. We talk a little bit about our day. Then, right before she goes into the bathroom, I ask her about Liam.
"Em, do you happen to know a guy named Liam?"
"I'm not sure. Should I?"
I laugh. Emily is really outgoing, she knows a lot of people even though we have only been here for less than a month. I tell her about him.
"What a weirdo. Maybe he has a crush on you or something," she frowns, thinking hard. "I'm pretty sure I don't know him. But I'll check him out for you."
"There's no need. I'm not that curious, actually. I just think he's weird. Also, I don't like the way he makes petty little comments. That's all." Then, I add, "Do you think I should tell Peter about him?"
"Hmm, it's up to you. You can tell him, but don't you think it's just going to make him feel anxious?"
"I'll think about it."
—
I am sipping my Night-Night tea while scanning through Em's portfolio that she leaves at our corner. She's not in the room right now. She said she was going to pull an all nighter at the library to finish an essay due tomorrow.
It's almost 10, I haven't heard a word from Peter. He should still be at practice. Or maybe he's taking a shower now. I'm not sure. Suddenly, my phone rings from my nightstand. I get up and quickly pick it up.
"Peter?"
"Hi Covey."
"I miss you so much, Peter."
He responds in his serious, deep voice, "Me too, Covey, me too. You have no idea how much I miss you."
Silence fills the air. Then, I hear him let out a long, soft sigh, breaking the silence. I try to cheer us up, "It's gonna get better. We're gonna be fine."
"Of course, we are." Even though I can't see him, I know that he's smiling when he says it.
"So, I've been thinking about our trip. I have been browsing the internet for hours and I still don't have even the slightest idea where to go," I panic.
"Hey, hey, hey, don't worry about it, Covey. I've got it covered."
"Seriously?" I ask in disbelief.
"Hey! Are you doubting me? When have I ever let you down?"
"Where are we going, then?"
"It's a secret."
"What?! Come on, Peter. I wanna know."
"Nope, I'm not gonna tell you. It's a punishment. So that next time you know better not to doubt me ever again."
"That's not fair."
"I'm still not going to tell you. It's a surprise. I'm sure you'll love it."
"Fine," I give up. I see no way where I can win this. Peter can be stubborn if he wants to. Besides, it makes the trip even more exciting, in my opinion. I think it's very sweet of him to take this trip seriously and really make an effort for it to be special for the both of us.
"Tell me about your day," Peter says.
I tell him everything. Waking up earlier than I needed to, finishing more than half of my assignments (which he responds with an, "I'm proud of you, Covey. I know you can do it."), my phone calls with Daddy (Peter laughs so hard when I tell him how nervous I was and how Daddy playfully tricked me) and my sister (he is very moved by Gogo's remark). I also mentioned about Emily asking me to become her model that he is so enthusiastic about.
I hesitate for a while whether or not I should tell him about Liam. As a matter of fact, it's not really important since I have no interest in him whatsoever. I mean, we are not even friends. His behavior towards me, however, is pretty weird. Finally, I decide to tell him. I believe that honesty is the best policy. We promised each other to always tell the truth, no matter how hard it is. I guess, it includes no matter how big or small it is too.
"Peter, there's something I wanna tell you."
"Oh shit, I don't like the sound of it. What is it?"
And so, I tell him everything about Liam. How he shushed me, his annoying comments, his choice of seat despite of all the empty desks, how he said he knew my name and how he told me that he usually said the wrong things when he was nervous. I tell Peter everything, with all little details that I can remember.
Peter doesn't say anything after I finish my story. So, I ask, "Peter, are you mad at me?"
He sighs before he answers, "Of course not. But, I can't say the same about this Liam guy."
"I have no intention to make you worried, Peter. I don't like to keep things from you. I told Emily about this and she told me there was no point in making you anxious."
"Lara Jean, it's okay. I can't deny the fact that I don't like Liam. Cause to me, it sounds like he's interested in my girlfriend. But, I trust you and I know you love me. So, I don't think I need to feel insecure or anything, do I?"
"Absolutely not. I'm glad we are so in-sync. I mean I was also thinking about how much we trust each other that we don't need to feel insecure about our relationship."
"Yep. Don't we sound so mature?" He says proudly. "I am really glad you told me. You can always tell me anything, Covey. I mean it. Don't be scared to tell me anything."
"I know. Peter and Lara Jean will always tell each other the truth, even when it's hard."
Suddenly, I feel warmth creeps up all over my body when I say the words out loud.
"Peter?" I call him softly.
"Mmhm?"
"Lara Jean will love Peter with all her heart, always."
I can feel that he is smiling as he hears it. "Sorry, I couldn't hear you just now. Do you mind repeating it?"
"Nah, sorry. It's a one-time thing," I laugh. I know he heard what I just told him.
"I love you, Covey."
After that, he tells me all about his day until we are both ready to sleep.
"Um, Covey, do you mind to keep me posted about Liam?" He hesitates, not wanting to sound jealous.
"Whatever keeps your mind at peace, Peter Kavinsky."
"Good. I'm not jealous or anything, well, maybe I am. But, I want you to believe me when I say that I do trust you."
"I know. I'd do the exact same thing if someone's flirting with my oh-so attractive boyfriend." I assure him to make him feel better.
Peter bursts into a loud cackle of laughter. His laughter is like music to my ears. I realize how much Peter affects me. His happiness somehow can make me twice as happy.
"Peter, can I make one small request before we go to bed?"
"It depends."
"Well, it's nothing bad. Promise me you'll do it."
"What is it?"
"Promise me first."
"I can't. You tell me first."
"Please." I beg sweetly.
I'm sure he is considering now. Peter always gives in whenever I say a few magic words, sometimes as simple as "please". I'm glad Daddy taught his daughters well about the importance of saying please. It works wonders, especially with Peter.
"Alright, Covey. I promise. What do you want?"
I beam at his response. "Can you please sing our song for me?"
"Right now?" He asks in his hoarse voice, which is a sign of him being nervousness. Peter all in all is pretty much a confident guy. So, it's cute when he's nervous, especially when I know I'm the reason behind it.
"Mmhm. I was listening to our song at the library earlier today. And it took me back to our prom dance."
He doesn't say anything for at least 15 seconds. Then, he mumbles, "Fine. I'll do it."
I let out a shriek. "I love you so much, Peter Kavinsky. With all my heart."
Then, he starts singing. Our song. Just for me. It feels as if my heart is dancing around my chest. That familiar warmth I've been feeling ever since I met Peter stretches throughout my entire body. It feels weird, yet so right. I guess, this is what it feels like to fall deeply in love with someone.
—
Notes: Hi! Thank you for reading! So, I kinda want to make a guy has a crush on Lara Jean, since we all know that Peter is usually the one who receives all the attention. Maybe I need to further develop Liam's character? I'm still not sure yet. Let me know what you guys think about it. Anyway, I'm thankful for all the nice comments I've received for the first chapter. I'll try to update as fast as I can. I really hope you guys enjoy it. Have a nice day :)
