Chapter 3: You and Me, Kid

Emily is impatiently tapping her fingers on our wooden table. We are both sitting in a local diner just nearby our campus, waiting for our food to come. She keeps staring at her phone, checking it every five seconds. She hasn't found a replacement yet and it's only hours away till the photoshoot. Well, actually she has sent emails to a couple of models from her previous project, but none of them confirm yet.

I keep staring at her phone nervously too. I promised her last night that I would model for her as a last resort.

Our food arrives. Cinnamon toast for me and cheese & sausage omelet for Em. We also ordered two servings of chocolate shake, one for each of us. I snap a picture of my food and send it to Peter. I text him, "Missing le bf, so I ordered his favorite."

Em's phone buzzes and both of us look at each other, hopeful. She drops her spoon, wipes her hand with a napkin and checks her phone. She sighs, the kind that signals bad news. I feel sorry for her. She is all tensed these past couple of days. She spends all her time attending classes, writing essays, and taking pictures for her project and portfolio. I barely see her in our room.

"Hey, Em," I call her, feeling unsure with myself, "I, um, I will do it." I say finally with hesitation.

Emily looks up at me. She seems as if she's going to cry. Her eyes are sparkling with tears of joy. "You're really gonna do that for me?" She asks, overwhelmed by my sudden change of mind.

"Oh, why not?" I laugh skeptically, then ask, "Are you sure I'm the right fit for it, though?"

"Ugh, I've been telling you since ages ago. You're perfect for it! Thank you so much, Lara Jean."

"Anytime for my favorite roommate."

Her face breaks into a grin. "Your class finishes at 2, right?"

"Mmhm," I take a gulp of my chocolate shake.

"I'll be waiting for you at the gate next to our dormitory."

I nod.

After that, all her worries disappear. I tell her about my upcoming trip with Peter. We laugh and giggle like schoolgirls. Em is back to her usual cheerful self.

Loud knocking on my door wakes me up from my brief nap. I jump out of the bed and open the door.

An old man with a radiant smile holds out a medium-sized box to me. "A package for Ms. Covey," he says with a cheery voice.

"That's me. Where do I sign?"

I close the door and head to my desk. I am wondering who would send me a package. Maybe it's from Margot. I'm excited to find out what she sends me from Scotland. I reach inside my bag and take my key so that it's easier for me to open the box.

I see a big box of Milk Duds and another box of Sour Patch Kids, along with a Nicholas Spark novel that I've been wanting to buy for a while to add to my collection. Wow! These are all my favorite things in a box! My sister surely does know me so well. If only, she can fit Peter inside the box too. I find a small card that says: you're my favorite notification. I look at it in confusion. Well, that's a little weird coming from Gogo. No, scratch that. It is very weird. As I reach the bottom of the box, I find a letter. There's a very familiar handwriting on the envelope. I feel butterflies flying around inside my stomach. OH! This is from Peter. He surprises me with a care package which is very cute and adorable of him. I stare at all the things I just received from Peter. And then, I look up to the wall where I hang a picture of Peter and I. I stare into Peter's eyes and say, "How can I be so lucky to deserve a guy like you? You always know how to sweep me off my feet."

I turn my head to look at the clock behind me. Crap, I'm gonna be late for class. I grab my book, phone, key and the letter from Peter and throw them all inside my bag in one swift motion.

Phew. I am not late. I even arrive four minutes early. The professor hasn't arrived yet by the time I enter the class. I slowly scan the room to find a good spot. It's not really hard to find an empty seat as there are not many students in the class yet. I guess I'm not the last student to arrive. I choose the one on the fifth row in the center of the classroom.

I am staring blankly to the professor's desk, still trying to control the rhythm of my breathing from the sprint I just did to get here. A voice comes from my left side, "Hey Lara Jean, do you mind if I sit here?" Liam points at the empty seat next to me.

I look around the room, students almost occupy all the empty seats in just two minutes. So, I nod and say, "Sure."

I take my book and stationery out when the professor enters the room and tells us to open to page 109. He asks us to work in pair and submit the result at the end of the class.

It seems like Liam is a very bright student, and funny too. He seems like a good and polite guy when he's not saying annoying comments to my face. We have a very smooth discussion and finish earlier than the others. The professor dismisses us as soon as we submit our paper.

We walk out of the class together. He asks me, "Have you joined any student organization yet?"

"Yeah. I signed up for Korean-American student association last week and we're going to have our first meeting next Wednesday . What about you?"

"I play as a striker in our soccer club."

"Oh, wow. Go Tar Heels!" I exclaim mimicking the voice of a cheerleader.

He laughs. "Yeah."

Now that he mentioned it, I can see that his body is in great shape with muscles here and there. Not as big as Peter though.

"The practice must be tough," I say.

"You have no idea," he replies.

"Well, my boyfriend is a lacrosse player in UVA. He needs to practice everyday, condition, strength training and all that. So, I guess it won't be too different with you guys," I state matter-of-factly.

"Oh, you have a boyfriend?" He is curious, while trying to hide his surprise.

"I do. We have been together for more than two years now." I check my phone, it's almost two. I better go meet Emily. "Anyway, I am meeting a friend. I'll see you around."

"Cool. See you, Lara Jean."

As I walk across the field, I call Peter. "Peter?"

"Hi Covey. Well, this is a nice surprise."

"You sent me a wonderful surprise. Thank you for sending me all of those. I got your post just before I left for class. I thought it was from Gogo. I was kind of confused when I saw the 'you're my favorite notification' card. But then I found your letter at the bottom. I haven't read it, though. I was almost late for class just now, but I have it in my bag. I will read it as soon as I get the chance to."

"It's fine, Lara Jean. You don't need to worry about it. Are you walking somewhere?"

"I haven't told you this, but I volunteered to help Em with her photoshoot. So… I am meeting her in a few minutes."

"That's great! I can't wait to see the photos. Please send them to me later, okay?"

"If the pictures turn out alright, maybe I'll let you see," I tell him, emphasizing on the word 'maybe'.

"It's okay, you don't need to. I can ask Emily to send them to me. I have her number, remember?" I can imagine the smug on his face.

"You're unbelievable, Kavinsky. Do you have any more classes today?"

"Yes, in fact, I am already standing in front of my next class. And, I have practice after that."

"Peter, I just told Liam that I have a boyfriend." I suddenly remember.

"You did?"

I tell him about the class and the conversation we had after. I can tell Peter was tensed when I began the storytelling, but as I reach the end of it, he sounds more relaxed.

"Which means you don't have anything to worry about, Peter Kavinsky."

"All's fair in love and war, Covey. Gosh, you're so naive." I know he's joking. I know he is relieved to hear what I just told him.

"Whatever." I roll my eyes.

He roars with laughter. "I have to go. The class is about to start. Talk to you later?"

"Mmhm. I love you, Peter."

"I love you too. You'll do great in the photoshoot."

"Okay, Lara Jean. Now, give me an 'I'm gonna kill you' kinda stare," Em directs me. "Yes, that's a really good one. Now, look at that direction and lift up your chin just a tiny bit. That's it."

I think Emily is a really good photographer. She gives me a clear direction of how she wants the picture to turn out to be, especially for someone like me who doesn't have any experience whatsoever of posing for a fashion editorial shoot, whatever that means. Also, she makes me feel comfortable doing all these poses, even the weird ones. Those who say that being a model is easy definitely have never try to walk in their shoes. In my opinion, it's even harder than being a performer cause people need to be able to feel the emotion, the mood and the message you're trying to deliver just by looking at a still picture, or else it's just going be another soulless image.

Em shrieks in excitement for I don't know many times. She is extremely satisfied with how the pictures turn out to be. She keeps saying things like, "OMG, Lara Jean. You're a natural!" or "Look at this one! It's gorgeous. I mean… do you see the look in your eyes? It looks fierce, yet sultry. Ugh!" or "This has got to be my favorite picture of you." except she says that for at least 10 pictures. Well, I'm glad that my first attempt of being a model is not a complete disaster.

"I think I got everything I need. Thank you so much for doing this for me. Give me 15 minutes. I'll pack up my things and then let's get out of here," she tells me with cheery voice.

I take this chance to read Peter's letter.

Dear Lara Jean,

You're welcome. I know you're gonna be over the moon, not particularly because of the things inside the box, but because the gesture itself is very sweet and romantic. Am I right or am I right?

So, I've been secretly planning a special trip for us. I haven't asked you about your plan for next weekend yet. I am planning to ask you soon, though, probably tomorrow. Hopefully, you'll be agreeing to the idea of going on a short getaway with me. Fingers crossed.

I miss you. I miss you. I MISS YOU. It's killing me not to be able to see you in person everyday or to hug you, either to comfort you or just as simple as to remind you of how much you mean to me.

I know that we keep saying to ourselves that this long distance relationship thing is going to get better. But, let's be honest, it's never going to be. It's always going to be hard, if not harder. But, I'm sure we can make it through, no matter how hard it will get. You and me, Covey. We will make it through. Cause at the end of the day, we both know it's gonna be worth it.

Love,

Your Peter K.

Peter's letter makes me feel emotional. I'm really close to crying. I don't know whether I can hold the tears any longer. I feel a strange feeling inside me, something that I have been trying so hard to ignore. It's pain. Not a heartbreak kind of pain, though. It's different. This feels like it's radiating deep inside the bones, then it sends out goosebumps all over my body. There's also this uncomfortable feeling in the gut, like you have just been punched by someone. And, I think Peter feels it too, that makes me feel even worse. I know his letter is sweet and optimistic, but I don't like to think that he's hurting.

Em calls me from behind my back, "Are you ready to go?" Her face shows a sign of terror when she sees my face. She makes a swift move to embrace me. "Oh my God, what happened? Did something bad happen?" Her voice is unsure and anxious.

I stay quiet, crying inside her hug.

"Talk to me, Lara Jean. What's the matter? Did something terrible happen at home? Is there anything wrong with your dad or sisters? Did you fight with Peter? He seemed alright like five minutes ago. Cause I texted him, I sent him your pictures from our shoot today. And he didn't mention anything about a fight."

Now, I feel stupid and weak. Maybe I was just overreacting.

"Hey, you know I'm always here for you, right? I'm not Peter or your sisters, but I see you as my sister, even though we've just known each other for a month. And whatever it is, I am not going to judge you."

I nod.

"You can tell me whenever you're ready. And, it's totally fine too if you don't. Do you want me to give some space?"

I shake my head.

"Okay, let's get you home."

Em slowly lets go of her hug and holds my forearm instead, guiding me out of the studio. The sky is dark when we step out of the building. Cool breeze of evening wind touches my skin. It instantly makes me feel a lot better. I am starting to feel in control over my emotion. I try to focus on my breathing, something that Margot taught me several years ago. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale.

"I miss Peter so much, it hurts. And I know he feels it too."

"Hmm…" Em seems confused, but overall very calm. "Is that a bad thing?"

"Isn't it? He's hurting because of me."

"Okay, let me give you a lecture about the issue at hand. First of all, I don't want you to think that you're overreacting. It is normal to feel the way you are feeling right now, like 'you miss someone so much, it hurts' and 'you don't want someone to hurt because of you'. Actually, if I'm being honest with you, it's good that both of you feel that way. You can only feel that towards someone you care deeply. Also, you guys are still getting a hold of this long-distance situation. Everyone knows it's not easy. You guys went to the same school, spent hours together everyday for two years and suddenly you two can't physically be there for each other anymore. That's a pretty big turning point," she explains.

"I guess that makes sense," I agree.

"Hell yeah! I'm speaking from my own experience, you know? Of course, I'm right," she gives me a proud smirk. "Just don't be too hard on yourself, Lara Jean. You are allowed to grieve when you are missing him too much. Cry as much as you want. Just let it all out." She says it with a very funny dramatic hand movement, spinning both of her hands in front of her chest in circular motion.

I let out a roar of laughter. "Thanks, Em. How can I survive college without you?" I quote her.

"I know right!" She is laughing too now. "Besides, you miss him because you feel incomplete without him. Isn't it the beauty of love, Lara Jean? And here I am thinking that you're a romantic," she teases me and rolls her eyes.

I finally finish my part for the group assignment and send it to Aaron. I shut down my laptop, make two cups of Night-Night tea and walk to our favorite corner. Emily is already lounging there, writing her essay. I join her, not to do anymore assignments, but to read a novel that Peter sent me. I should probably do my Math homework, but I think I've had enough for the day, I still have tomorrow anyway.

Around 10, Emily goes to the bathroom to take a shower. She says she has a headache from writing an essay, so she needs a long shower. It's an Emily thing. She always does that whenever she's not feeling well. According to her, shower is the best therapy.

My phone buzzes. Peter is FaceTime-ing me. I check on my reflection, my eyes are puffy and red from all the crying. Sigh.

"Hey, rabbit eyes. Were you really that touched by my thoughtful out-of-the-way present?"

Peter always knows how to comfort me. My lips turn upward, smiling brightly at him. A surge of warmth rushes through me.

"What's wrong with my favorite girl?"

"Nothing. I'm fine now."

"So, why weren't you before?"

"Umm, PMS," I lie.

"You're lying, Covey. I can tell. Besides, you just finished your period. How are you having another PMS?" This is absurd. He is so observant that he even knows my period cycle.

"I was just having an emotional breakdown."

"What about?"

"I don't know," I hesitate. "Us?"

"But we're fine. We're great, aren't we?" He's getting confused.

"Absolutely," I try to convince him. "Nah, it's not a big deal, Peter." I talk about all the conversation I had with Em earlier without leaving out any details.

"Oh, Lara Jean. This is what I hate about long-distance relationship. I wish I can hug you right now. If only I can be there for you to make you feel better."

"Well, this wouldn't even have happened if we are not in a long-distance relationship in the first place."

"I know. I'm sorry if I'm being stupid with my letter."

"No, please, don't say that. Your letter is very sweet, Peter. I really like it. You sound vulnerable in it and I can feel raw emotion coming from it. Please keep it that way when you're writing your letters to me."

"Alright," he looks unconvinced.

We talk all night. He tells me about his day, his teammates and so on. Just before we hang up, he says, "Lara Jean, I miss you everyday. I feel the exact same kind of pain too, but I want you to know that I never think of it as a burden. This relationship, our relationship, is a beautiful thing. There's so much more to it than just the pain of missing each other badly. This long distance thing is totally worth it."

I don't say anything right away. I am taken aback by what Peter just told me. His genuine words ring true. He turns out to be a very dependable man that I can always rely on and I am ever so grateful.

I only give him a sincere, relieved smile and he smiles back at me. We are having our silent moment in which we just stare into each other's eyes, knowing in our hearts that everything is going to be alright between us.

Then I say, "It's you and me, kid."

Notes: Hi! First off, thank you for reading. Don't forget to leave comments for me. I really like to hear what you guys think about it haha. I hope you guys enjoy it. Have a nice weekend :)