New chapter guys!
Once again, Thank you SO MUCH for reading this.. and especially thanks to those who review it :P
Already have some of the next chapter written, so shouldn't be too long till the next update :)
Chapter 47 - Painful Talks
It was times like these that Abby was happy she was as small as she was and that these rooms had pretty big chairs. She was now sitting practically on top of Luka still with her legs pulled up tightly to her chest. He had her arms around her, and although she usually wasn't into too much physical contact, especially during these kinds of things, it made her feel more safe, like it would help keep her grounded and maybe even a bit more calm during what she was about to do, to go through, to share with with these people.
"Abby?" She nodded slightly, confirming that she was okay, that she still wanted to do this. "When did you first meet Richard?" Taking a deep breath she never looked away from her feet.
"My mom started dating him a couple of months after my dad left. The same summer we moved to Chicago and half a year later they got married. Maggie had apparently decided that she felt bad for my dad ruining my birthday the year before, so what better present could she give me than a new dad?"
"So they married around your 8th birthday?" Abby gave a short snort, still staring at her feet.
"Like the day after."
"Is that when it started? When he started hurting you?" Dr. Kovac hadn't missed the the slight wince when she'd mentioned Abby's birthday and their wedding, so she figured there must be something about that. Feeling Luka carefully tightening his grip on her hand and rubbing the backside of it with his thumb, she gently shook her head, closing her eyes as she did so.
"No." It was getting harder to relive the memories she'd been trying so hard forget, the more detailed they got. "It started before that." She felt Luka stop his movement for s split second before resuming it.
Dr. Kovac stayed quiet for a short while, not knowing how to respond. Knowing just parts of what Abby had been through was bad enough, but knowing it had been going on for half of her life, maybe even more than that, was just too much.
"How?" When Abby just looked at her confused, she figured she'd have to specify what she meant. "Was he as hard on you back in the beginning?" Looking towards some very uninteresting spot on the opposite wall she once again shook her head, something she seemed to be during a lot recently, although barely visible.
"In the beginning it wasn't much." She closed her eyes, forcing herself to continue. "The first day we came to Chicago Maggie brought Eric with her to get some groceries and to look at the area. It was the first time I was alone with him." She felt Luka pressing her closer to him and had to remind herself that it was Luka. That he wouldn't hurt her.
"I didn't really like him, so when I didn't obey him right away he grabbed my arm." She bit her lip, not wanting to let her emotions show. "I didn't really think anything of that, I mean, Maggie sometimes did that when she got really mad, but I hadn't expected him to... slap me." Sure it wasn't much, not compared to what she'd soon get used to, but it had shocked her back then. "By the end of the week I knew not upset him or talk back to him. He was my new 'daddy' and I was supposed to respect him and do everything he said or asked."
"He hurt you that much during such short time?"
"No." At least not physically. "We just had a lot of talks. Or lectures." She hadn't really been part of the talking, just nodding and replying 'yes, sir' to everything he said. "I usually just kept quiet, I didn't want to get hurt more than necessary, and getting burnt by a cigarette once was enough to teach me my lesson." Dr. Kovac noticed how her son clenched his fist and she couldn't blame him. She wanted to see this guy dead just as much as he did, and Abby's forced monotone only made that want so much stronger.
"Didn't your mom notice anything? Couldn't you tell her or someone else what he was doing?" Abby just snorted, not making eye contact with any of them.
"She just thought I was still mad about having to move from Minnesota, not even noticing my bruises." Her hand automatically went to the inside of her arm where that first burn had been. Of course Maggie had believed Richard when he told her that Abby had taken it from the ashtray and accidentally burnt herself. "And I was too used to never being able to tell anyone about what happened at home, with my mom's disease and all, so I suppose that just worked in his advantage." She felt Dr. Kovac curiously looking at her, so she figured she probably should elaborate.
"Some of the first things he did was to make absolutely sure I wouldn't tell anyone. He made sure I knew whatever happened between us, stayed between us. That it was some kind of relationship that all dad's had with their daughters, and the only reason why I didn't know was because my real daddy was a really bad father." She knew her shield was starting to fail. She had promised herself she could do this unattached, that she wouldn't break, but she was starting to loose faith in that promise. "It had to be a secret though. No one could know about it." Dr. Kovac grabbed the hand that Luka wasn't holding, giving it a firm squeeze.
"Abby, no matter what he's told you, everything he's done to you is wrong. Very wrong." She saw the doubt flickering in the young girl's eyes and knew that it would be a long time before she truly believed that. "And none of it is your fault. You haven't done anything to deserve it." She felt the need to reassure Abby, to let her know that she could go on without being judged. However, Abby just closed her eyes and looked away, obviously still feeling responsible for all that had happened to her.
Taking a deep breath, Dr. Kovac tried to prepare herself for what was coming next. It had to be asked now, while Abby was doing so well, but she was as reluctant to know as the teenager in front of her was to tell.
"When did he start..." She was trying to find a good way of formulating her question, but quickly realized that there was no good or easy way of asking. "using you..." She'd learned very quickly that Abby didn't respond well to the word 'abuse', most likely because it didn't match with it being her own fault, as had always been drilled into her. "sexually?" Her eyes shot up as her entire body visibly stiffened, subconsciously recoiling from their comforting touches. It was impossible not to notice the look of fear and horror in her now glassy eyes, as though she was suddenly remembering it for the first time. But the look quickly disappeared again, betraying all traces of fright as the stony look once again took over and she chose a spot at the opposite wall to focus on.
"They went somewhere else to get married." Although to any other person she might have sounded completely emotionless, the two people in the room could hear the tremor in her voice, which she tried so hard to disguise. "I don't know where or how, I just know they didn't want me or Eric there."
When there was a slight pause, Luka forced himself out of the trance he was currently in. As selfish as it might sound, he too found this hard, and it was absolutely killing him to see Abby like this, to hear her voice so broken. Wanting to do something, anything to make her feel better, he tried to grab her hand again, but he couldn't really blame her when she pulled away. He was after all male, and at this very moment he might not be of her favorite sex.
"The day before they left Maggie took Eric with her to get the last things she needed and stuff like groceries for the neighbor who was gonna take care of us for the 2 weeks they would be gone."
"So you were alone with him." Abby subconsciously winced at the statement, her eyes watering up at the memory, although not enough for tears to actually fall.
"He said it was an early birthday present. And a wedding present from me, a way of connecting us into a family like he was with my mom by marrying her." Her voice along with her body was trembling, and this time she couldn't find the power to resist as Luka tightened his grip around her and grabbed her hand in his.
"It hurt." A tear slid down her cheek and she soon tasted the salty liquid on her lips. She was broken, her barriers were gone, and she was telling them things she had been planning on taking with her to the grave. "But when I started crying he deliberately made me hurt more, even slit my finger with his swiss knife so he could explain the blood on the sheets, by me having played with the scissors or something, so after that I never made a sound." She hadn't realized that more tears had escaped her eyes until she felt Dr. Kovac's hand gently wiping them off her cheek. It wasn't many, but it still made her feel weak.
"It's okay, Abby." Not acknowledging what Dr. Kovac said she let herself fall deeper into Luka's embrace, trying to pretend she was just dreaming this whole thing.
Dr. Kovac felt sick. Even though she'd gotten those kinds of confessions and other revelations from people throughout her career it never got any easier, especially not knowing that she was the one making them relive it and often break down. But this was different, not only did it make her want to vomit, knowing what this sick bastard had put her through in such a young age, before she turned 8, but the fact that she had gotten so personally attached to Abby, that Luka cared so much about her, only made it much worse. And it sickened her to know that she'd suspected it and not done anything about it sooner.
"I think this is enough for today." When Abby just turned her head so it was resting against Luka's chest, staring into nothing with her eyes still very watery, Dr. Kovac reassuringly padded her knee.
"You did good, Abby." It was the first time Luka had spoken and Abby just bit her lower lip in response, wanting to believe him so bad. He sounded slightly out of place, almost scared of breaking the silence, but she couldn't help but notice the calming effect I had on her, especially added since he'd started gently running his fingers through her loose hair.
"Abby?" Not moving from her comfortable position, she looked up at the doctor in front of her. "How about you walk on down to the car, and me and Luka will be down shortly?" Biting her lip she slowly reached out and grabbed the keys from her hand, attempting to stop the slight tremor by squeezing her hand shut around them. "You know where it's parked, right?"Dr. Kovac didn't really want to rip Abby away from her 'safe spot', but they needed to get going and she had to talk a bit with Luka, and besides, she knew Abby would probably appreciate a few moments for herself after what they'd been talking about.
Nodding, Abby reluctantly leaved Luka's embrace, and the second she had left the room to go get her things from the doctors' lounge, Luka gave his mom a quizzical look, not understanding why she'd asked Abby to leave.
"Look, Luka." She could see how hard he was taking the new information they'd just learned and somehow wished he hadn't heard it. "When we leave this room, we forget everything that's been said in here."
"Why?" He sounded as confused as he looked.
"She needs to trust us. She needs to know that she's able to tell me things, as her psychiatrist, without us treating her or acting any differently around her." He seemed to accept that explanation as he quietly nodded, following his mom out of the room to go meet Abby in the garage.
