Well guys, I really don't have any good excuses for not having updated in forever AT ALL! So yes, you're more than allowed to kill me! But please, at least make it original! :)
I should probably say that I'll try to update more often, but with this being the last year of IB and practice starting up again next week (8.5 hours a week - after all, we want to do better at the European championships next year), I dont think I'll have too much time...
But I PROMISE I'll TRY!
Jenanis: I know it seemed unrealistic that Luka was also in the room (I think so as well), but I neede him to know the 'story' as well, and I thought it would be even more unrealistic if Abby told it twice or if Dr. Kovac 'forwarded' the story...
Anyways, thanks a lot for the reviews guys, and I hope to see a lot more of them :) Maybe they'll even inspire me to write - especially now that I know exactly where to go / what to write from like... this next chapter :)
So, ENJOY!!!
Chapter 48 - Contradiction
When Luka was finally done cleaning up after their takeout, he definitely hadn't been expecting to find Abby laying in his bed when he returned to his room, staring out of the window at the clear evening sky.
She had skipped dinner, saying that she wasn't hungry, and none of them had tried talking her into joining them, knowing she needed her space after their trip to the hospital earlier that day.
"Do you think your mom will ever let me go back to school?" Taken aback not only by her question, but also by her wondering tone, he stopped momentarily before joining her on the bed, also laying on his stomach but not waving his legs around in the air like her.
"Of course she will." Not looking away from the almost full moon which was still rising, she just nodded her head, not looking very convinced.
"Yeah right."She still hadn't looked at him, and it started to get to him, so he gently grabbed a strand of her loose her and started playing with it, but she didn't even acknowledge it.
"She knows you care about your school and that you miss it, she just wants you to wait till you're ready."
"Oh, and I'm not ready yet?" She'd turned her head to face him, a look of disbelieve in her eyes, although her voice still sounded a bit distant. But it had been like that ever since they left the hospital. "I've been doing just fine for years, Luka, why should it be any different now?"
"Oh, I don't know, maybe because it's gotten worse with time." Abby just looked away, knowing he was right but didn't want to admit it. "Or because the entire school saw what happened and everyone are still happily feeding on the rumors." Taking a deep breath, Abby closed her eyes as she carefully fell onto her back, seeing as it was still a bit sore. "I'm sorry, I..."
"Don't, Luka." She started staring at a tiny discolored spot in the ceiling above her. "You shouldn't have to apologize. I was asking for it." Luka couldn't think of a fitting response, so instead he just started twisting a piece of her silky hair around his fingers, loving how she no longer flinched at every tiny physical contact.
"Was dinner any good?" She didn't really care about the answer, she was just trying to change the subject and kill the awkward silence, and Luka knew it, so he just shrugged his shoulders.
"Chinese. There are still leftovers in the fridge if you want some." Abby just shook her head, finally looking up at him. He couldn't help but let a small smile form on his lips at the image in front of him. Her long hair was spread all around her on the pillows, making her look like some kind of fairytale princess, and her bruises, at least the ones on her face, were barely noticeable anymore. And damn he loved it when she smiled, something which seemed pretty rare lately.
"Don't look at me like that!" She wasn't mad, and didn't sound it either. In fact, she actually liked how he looked at her, seeing her only, and not full of pity like everyone else these days. Before she knew it he started poking her sides, which quickly turned into a lot of tickling instead. Squealing, she blocked out the pain and instead focused on the unfamiliar ticklish feeling shooting through her body as he leaned over her to get better access of her other side when she subconsciously ached her back in response to what he was doing.
Holding her down, with a hand tickling each of her sides, he couldn't help but bend down to kiss her, like he had done so many times before, but as her body completely tensed up the second his lips touched hers, he knew he'd crossed the line, and the completely petrified expression on her face when he pulled back was enough to break his heart. It seemed to last forever, but it didn't take more than a few seconds before she looked away ashamed, rolling onto her side so her back was facing him.
"I'm sorry." Luka just stared speechlessly at her. There was absolutely no way she should be the one apologizing for anything, least of all something he was clearly to blame for.
"Abby," He gently placed his hand on her shoulder, causing her to flinch, but she didn't pull away. "I'm the one who should be sorry, not you."
"It's kind of ironic, isn't it?" She didn't sound very affected by what had just happened, instead she just sounded somehow annoyed – at herself. "Here I'm trying to convince you that I'm fine, and then I react like... this." Luka just shook his head even though he knew she couldn't see him, carefully rubbing her arm with the hand he still hadn't removed.
"No it's not. I should have known better. Especially after today." She snorted, reluctantly rolling back onto her back so she could look at Luka.
"Why? Because I'm an emotional wreck?" Shrugging his shoulders he gave her a wry smile.
"Well, emotional perhaps, but not wreck." When she raised her eyebrow he elaborated. "You're not that old. Wrecks are usually old." Rolling her eyes she sat up
"Very funny." She didn't sound amused, but she didn't sound annoyed either. "I think I'm gonna go back to my room, that way you can get your homework done as well." She jumped off the bed, but before she could get too far, Luka grabbed her arm and made her turn around.
"I'm sorry, Abby. I really am." Abby just shrugged, gently shaking her head.
"Don't be. I overreacted. I just... I'm not myself today." He knew Abby pretty well by now, so he could easily hear that she was done talking, that their conversation was over and she she just wanted to be by herself, and he knew better than to try to talk her out of it.
"Okay." He let go of her arm and she moved towards the door. "You're more than welcome to come back if you want, though." Abby just nodded, not turning around.
"I know." She grabbed the door handle but stopped for a second before leaving the room. "Night, Luka." And then all he saw was the door closing.
As Abby sat up, or more specifically shot up into a sitting position on her bed, she didn't even notice the person sitting next to her, at lest not until he let go of her clammy hand to instead gently grab her shoulders in an attempt to calm her down.
She recoiled before she had a chance to register what was going on, taking a couple of seconds to realize where she was.
"Dr. Kovac..." Her voice seemed so weak and unsure, which just built on to the confused look in her eyes.
"Please Abby, just call me Josef. There's no need for being so formal." Not acknowledging what he said she looked almost frantically around the room, frowning at the red numbers on the alarm, telling her it was in the middle of the night, before her eyes settled back on the man at her side.
"What are you doing here?" The was drenched in sweat, but the presence of the man in the room made her tighten her duvet around her instead of throwing it off like her body screamed for her to do.
"You had a nightmare. I tried to wake you up." At her confused stare he squeezed her hand, not surprised when she tensed up. "I had to use the restroom and decided to check up on you on the way, and you were tossing and turning in the bed like crazy."
"Oh." She looked down, not returning the small smile he gave her. It couldn't really get much more embarrassing than that, could it?
"You wanna talk about it?" There was a short silence as Abby started tracing the pattern on her duvet with her finger. "Your dream I mean." She was wrong. It could get more embarrassing. Or well, maybe awkward was more fitting.
"Not really." It wasn't like she even remembered what it was about and besides, he sounded pretty uncomfortable with their current situation, obviously not that experienced at dealing with... well, people like her.
"It's okay, you know. You can go back." Seeing his doubtful look, she shrugged her shoulders. "I'm fine." She didn't sound very reassuring, and to be honest she was pretty shook up. Not because of the dream though, but because of his presence.
Being alone in a room with a grown up man, in the middle of the night, while laying in her bed, scared her much more than she liked to admit. And she hated it, because she knew he'd never hurt her, that he just wanted to help her, but she just couldn't suppress those unwanted images and memories in her head.
"Are you sure?" The thought of being left alone with all those memories which would most likely just cause another nightmare must have caused some kind of uncertain flicker in her eyes, because instead of waiting for a reply he rose from his chair and slowly moved towards the door.
"How about I make us some tea? Might help us both sleep better." She wanted to ask him why he needed a better sleep, but couldn't find enough courage or willpower to even open her mouth, so instead she just carefully got out of her bed, making sure the duvet was safely secured around her body, and followed the ER doctor leading the way towards the kitchen.
Dr. Kovac held up two boxes as Abby sat down on one of the chairs. "Which kind? Apple-cinnamon or camomile?"
Shrugging, she looked out of the window. It would have been pitch black outside if not for the few bright stars "I don't care." She couldn't be sure, but she thought she heard him release a small sigh.
"Well then, camomile it is." Abby just nodded as he started finding some mugs and boiled the water. She wasn't really in the mood for tea, or anything, really. To be honest she just to go back to sleep, but she also knew that it wouldn't be possible for her to get any useful rest after the way she'd woken up.
The smell of camomile tea pulled her out of her out of her trance and she carefully accepted the hot liquid from Josef, as he sat down on the opposite side of the table.
"This is kind of awkward, isn't it?" She couldn't help the tiny smile that formed on her lips as she considered how true his words were. It was probably only meant to break the well, awkward silence, so she supposed it had worked like it was meant to.
"Very." She took a sip of the hot tea, careful not to burn herself, all the while trying to ignore the feeling of being stared at. Sure, it wasn't exactly a rare occurrence, and she didn't care about the staring that much, it was the pity she absolutely hated.
"So ehm, what are your plans for tomorrow?" She had to smile at his attempt at starting some small talk. They both knew the answer to that question but she couldn't complain, it wasn't like she could come up with some better way to break the silence.
Shrugging her shoulders she pushed a piece of hair behind her ear, suddenly staring down at the tea as if it was th most interesting thing she'd ever seen. "I don't know. Probably finish the book I started reading today and play some minesweeper on the computer or something."She could just as well have said that she'd be breathing and eating and brushing her teeth, even added the fact that she'd be blinking every 5th second or so, considering they were already just stating the obvious, but decided against it.
"Speaking of Minesweeper, I noticed you set new high scores for all the games on the computer." Not knowing whether it was meant as an accusation or a compliment, she found herself studying the front page of yesterdays newspaper very intensely.
"I suppose I've quite a lot of time lately."
"Well I think it's pretty cool." She looked up at him with a raised eyebrow, but he just took a sip of his tea before continuing. "Besides, I never could figure out how to play Freecell. So I guess you'll just have to teach me at some point." Putting down her now empty cup she gave him a tiny nod, while at the same time unsuccessfully trying to suppress a yawn.
"Sorry." Josef just grabbed her cup and placed it in the sink along with his own as he gently shook his head.
"No need for apologizing, Abby. The tea just did it's job." At her confused look he decided to elaborate. "It's 3:30. I don't know about you, but I could definitely use some more sleep." Once again trying to suppress a yawn, she nodded her agreement to what he'd just said, and without protest got up and followed him back up the stairs towards the bedrooms.
"Thank you, Dr. Kovac." She bit her lip as he gave her a small smile, but decided to continue before he'd interrupt her to tell her once more to just call him by his first name. "For the tea and for the... distraction." She didn't know what else to call it, but she'd meant what she said. Although it had been pretty awkward, it had still gotten her mind away from the nightmares.
"Any time, Abby." He gave her shoulder a tiny squeeze, the biggest amount of physical contact he'd allow himself to give her, for her sake – and mental health – of course, as they stopped outside her bedroom door. "And remember, if there is anything, even the smallest most silliest thing ever, you're always more than welcome to come to us, including in the middle of the night.
"I know." She nodded, having heard it all before, but while it was almost embarrassing and she knew she'd never dare to actually take them up on the offer, it still made her feel all that more cared for, knowing that they actually meant it.
"Well, goodnight then." Giving her a last reassuring smile he went down the hallway to where the master bedroom was, while Abby retreated back to her temporary room and closed the door before sitting back down on the bed.
She really didn't feel like sleeping, but she hoped that the exhaustion would be enough to knock her out so much that she wouldn't even realize she had fallen asleep. Taking a deep breath she laid down on her back and placed the duvet on top of her, staring at the ceiling above her as her eyes were already getting used to the dark.
But as much as she fought it, it only took a few seconds before she was sleeping like a rock.
