"My boyfriend got a cat. You know, a tiny, cute, black kitten. Actually, it looks kind of like a demon. It's probably why it likes me more than Aedan. We clicked. I told Aedan that he should call it Avada, but for some reasons, he thinks it's a bad idea. I mean, imagine calling the cat through an open window. It would be so hilarious to watch people drop… well, dead to the ground, completely freaked out."

She stopped talking for a moment, looking at the woman in front of her. She didn't look impressed with her story. Bummer.

"Is that what you really want to talk about? Your boyfriend's cat?"

"Um… Yeah. Why not? Cats are cute. Don't people love cute, fluffy animals?"

Obviously, most people loved talking about that stuff. Why couldn't that woman act like a normal human being?

"Clarisse… Do you even know why you're here?"

Duh. People hardly went to "therapist's office" to party, did they?

"Obviously. It's a therapy, isn't it?"

"Yes. It is supposed to help you overcome your fears, to help you get better."

"So?"

"I'm afraid you're not going to get better, unless you start talking about your feelings."

Great. Why was everyone so hell bent on forcing her to talk about her past? It sucked. Thinking about it hurt. Wasn't it enough that she had to see the aftermath of everything that happened?

"How can talking about pain, anger and hatred make me feel better?"

"Is that what you feel?"

"Maybe. Sometimes. Don't we all?"

"We do. It's perfectly natural. But not all of us have been through something so terrible, as what happened to you."

Clarisse didn't answer. Instead, she just looked out of the window, scowling lightly. Merlin, she hated that bloody therapy thingy. Not that she didn't need it. She was a very messed up individual in general and all those things that happened… Well, they certainly didn't help. Or maybe they did? Now that she thought about it, she made a huge progress in those past few months.

"Some of us aren't prepared to deal with so much emotions. It's perfectly fine to be overwhelmed, to feel lost."

"If it's perfectly fine, why do I need therapy?" she mocked, looking at the woman, who clenched her teeth, clearly displeased with the lack of cooperation.

"What I meant, was that there's nothing wrong in feeling that way. It doesn't mean that staying in that state is healthy."

"And you think that talking about my feelings will help?"

"Yes. It's definitely a start."

Clarisse snorted in amusement and shifted and her chair, trying to find a more comfortable position. One could think that a shrink will provide their patients with a better place to sit. Maybe it was part of an interrogation technique? They made patients so uncomfortable that they started to do anything to please their therapists, just to escape that freaking chair.

"I think it's bullshit," she stated and shrugged. "For some people, it might work, sure. But for me? Nah. You don't know me, doctor. I've spent most of my life pretending that I didn't have feelings. It turns out that I do. And you're right, it is overwhelming, confusing and terrifying at times. But the thing is… For the first time in forever, I feel like I'm actually normal, like I belong to the society in a way. So yeah, my life sucks majorly, but at least I don't have to deal with that on my own."

"So you don't have nightmares? You don't have anxiety, you're not afraid that something is going to happen…"

"I'm an Auror, for fuck's sake," she interrupted and shook her head. "It's my job to put my ass on the line, so people like you could feel safer. Of course I have anxiety and probably more fears than you can count. I've almost died, but it was hardly my first time in that position. It is also impossible to not have nightmares, after seeing the things I've seen. I'd have to be a psychopath not to have them."

"So you don't think you have a problem?"

"I think I have multiple problems. I just don't think it's necessarily a bad thing to have them."

"Aren't you afraid that those problems will eventually overwhelm you? That you'll snap? Because that's what often happens to people, who claim to be fine. They try to convince themselves that everything they're going through is normal. But they feel a lot of pain, too much to handle."

"What are you saying?"

"That maybe… Just maybe you're trying to bottle up those emotions, instead of letting them out. You think they're going to disappear on their own, instead of just acknowledging their existence."

Clarisse rolled her eyes and sighed tiredly. Hadn't she just said that she was feeling a lot of pain, anger and hatred?

"Look… It's really hard, okay?" She clenched her fists with anger. "That case… It was hell. A complicated, fucked up hell. My father turned out to be a murderer, even if he was basically forced to become one. My mother's friend decided to become the next Voldemort. I hurt my best friend, because I was too blind to see his true feelings. I… I kind of fell for another guy. A lot of things have happened. If there's someone capable of bottling up those feelings, he's a bloody weirdo."

"Those things have changed your life… Are you okay with that?"

"What other choice do I have? I can't give up, only because it's hard," she snorted. "I'm a fighter, I always have been."

The therapist didn't answer, so Clarisse sighed and ruffled her hair.

"I guess, what I'm trying to say is… Even though some things suck, I still feel grateful. Because I actually got a chance to fix my life, to find my balance. No matter how much it hurts to live, I appreciate the fact that I still can. Yeah, it hurts to watch my father's pain, but at least I know I have a father. Sure, I've lost a friend, but it forced me to open my eyes and see what a bitch I was. I'm not going to let all those things drag me down. I'm going to turn them into a lesson."

For the first time, the therapist smiled and shifted on her chair.

"I've heard a lot of things about you, Clarisse. Those things were the main reason for my… caution. One of the biggest mistakes a therapist can make, is to clear someone, when they're not ready. And with someone, who's known for their…" The woman looked at Riss with a meaningful smile, making her roll her eyes. "…temper, it gets even harder. I'm glad that you proved me wrong. I'm glad that you're using your emotions to grow as a person."

"You make me sound like a mentally healthy person," Clarisse snorted. "I'm not. I'm messed up. I'm just on my way to get better."

"It certainly seems that way," the woman agreed and frowned slightly. "If I may ask… What made you change your way of thinking?"

Clarisse smiled and looked out the window again. The streets were weirdly peaceful, and she realised that it felt weirdly soothing.

"Not a what… A who."

"Your boyfriend?"

"Merlin, no. He's a prick and he's making me seriously unstable sometimes."

"Who then?"

"A colleague of mine. I treated him very poorly, but it was not enough to stop him, from looking at me like at a human being. He kind of made me realise that there's nothing wrong with having feelings. He said that it is all right to feel hurt, because it's the ultimate proof of being human."

"Sounds like a very smart guy."

"Yeah. Much smarter than me, anyway." She smiled and glanced at the therapist. "I'm still afraid sometimes. That people are going to think of me as of someone weak, just because I allow myself to smile more. I used to believe that my façade built out of mockery and fearlessness is the source of my strength. I pretended to be a badass, instead of just learning how to be one."

"And what about now?"

"Now?" Clarisse chuckled and shrugged. "Now I'm naming my cat Avada, just because I think it's funny. It's been one hell of a journey, doctor. But I'm glad it happened. I always will be."