Disclaimer: Ed, Edd N Eddy and all its characters are copyright AKA Cartoon. I am not using them for profit; I am simply using them to practice my own writing skills….
Author: Oh my, the chapters keep getting longer and longer, huh? And the updates keep getting shorter and shorter! Don't worry, though; I will finish this story (eventually.)
Chapter Twenty-two: Trebles and Iceshes and Combats, Oh My!
Ed's thoughts trailed off when he realized he had no clue where they were going. So he asked Kevin.
Kevin didn't respond; that question was beneath him. He knew this fellow wasn't from another universe, and he wasn't going to answer his fake stupid questions. TargonTroi turned around to answer; "The Military Headquarters."
"Cool."
Moments later, they stopped in front of a huge building, apparently thousands of stories high. It was surrounded by some of the largest, strongest Space Rangers Ed had seen; however, the Space Rangers quickly moved aside when they saw "weak ol'" Ed in the center of the group.
The interior decoration of the building was even odder; the oddest thing was the moving conveyer belt beneath their feet. "Hey, just like the one Double D made!" Ed suddenly yelled excitedly. "Except shinier."
"Who is Double D?!" Kevin turned around, glaring him straight in the eyes. Luckily, as said, they had a conveyer belt beneath them; the flow of the line wasn't interrupted.
"My bestest, best pal," Ed chirped cheerfully, ignorant of Kevin's suspicions, "along with Eddy. Hey, do they exist here?"
"Um-" Skuashi pulled out his SR-ComLink-WW, and quickly typed in a word. "No. I'm afraid you are the only one in this universe whose name begins with the phrase Ed. And there is no one named or codenamed Double D. So, no Eddy or Double D…"
Ed blinked, entering his rare hyper-intelligent mode. "So the Fairixie split us up? Well, no one can truly replace your best friends, so I guess it makes sense that Eddy and Double D don't have clones in this universe. Maybe we should have asked not to be split up."
Before anyone (in particular, Kevin) could comment on his sudden intellect, the conveyer belt stopped in front of a door. Kevin glared suspiciously at Ed one last time before pulling out his own SR-ComLink-WW and scanning the door.
"Welcome, 10-star Intergalactic General Number 1. How many guests are you bringing?" a robotic voice asked. "Please list their names and identification numbers."
Kevin simply listed the names; the computer recognized who they were. After all, King Johnny was the ruler of a planet; Ed, TargonTroi, Saraline and Skuashi were the top branch of the universal government. The door opened with a dramatic swish, almost eager to let such royalty in.
Inside, there was a relatively tiny room. It consisted of a large round table; multiple flat screen monitors (with statistics and maps appearing and disappearing from them rapidly) and a large round table. The table was occupied by nine women and men of different species, all arguing about the Kanker attack. (Yes, news traveled that quickly. Apparently Kevin's command to stay put was ignored.) Suddenly, Ed recognized one of the top Generals as Rolf!
"Hiya, Rolf! You're a 10-star Intergalactic General?"
The arguing stopped immediately. Rolf turned around, looking confused. Nonetheless, he saluted Ed, as was custom. "Yes… we all are, Sir Ed."
"Sir Ed," another person- a purplish creature with extra eyes, possibly female- asked politely, "we need more information to plan an attack strategy on the Kanker home world. Should we implement Maneuver 1245919? It did not succeed last time, but the Kanker forces are still-"
Ed blinked. "Maneuver 124…? Like in that comic, where they summon the demon zombies of Alphoria-"
"You mean the demon zombies of Alphoria have not joined the Kanker's ranks?" Rolf gasped excitedly.
The Generals started talking at once, silenced only when Kevin sat. They saluted him, as was the proper greeting from one 10-star General to another (or to Ed). Kevin explained, "That maneuver will not work."
"Wait!" Ed whispered, turning to face King Johnny. "So now Kevin's a 10-star General and an ambassador?"
Kevin continued talking; the Generals decided it was best to ignore Ed's ignorant question, at least for the time being.
"Yes," Saraline answered for King Johnny. "He is the oldest of the Generals here."
She went on to point each of the generals out (with the occasional forgotten detail supplied by TargonTroi, Skuashi and Johnny), describing their life stories and explaining why Parallel Ed had promoted them to one of the ultimate spots in the military. The Generals were busy debating which move was best, and did not hear any of Saraline's narrative.
The timing was perfect; the second Saraline was done telling their stories, the Generals had reached a conclusion. Rolf volunteered to explain the plan. Although Rolf was easier to understand in this universe, he still had the slightest hint of his old accent. Ed decided just to smile politely, and ignored everything he had to say. He wondered if Sheldon Jr. was alright….
You know, it was odd without Eddy and Double D about. If they were there, Eddy would try to scam the Generals out of their intergalactic cash by selling a perfect plan to defeat the Kankers. And Double D would say blah-blah-blah-that-breaks-the-laws-of-physics-blah-blah-blah….
When Ed decided to start paying attention again, the group had changed in size and shape and had moved into an entirely different building. They were next to a gigantic, fancy, newly-shined military spaceship. However, they were not in the same spaceship landing zone as before; they were in a enormous military spaceship hangar, filled with at least 20 large (and well-armed) ships.
Ed recounted the members of his group. Apparently Rolf had decided to join them, but he was mad at Johnny. Kevin was still glaring warily at Ed, and TargonTroi and Saraline conversed about something important as they boarded the military ship. Skuashi stood next to him, apparently given the job of making sure Ed didn't wander off. Ed saw thousands of Space Rangers running onto the twenty other ships too, but grew bored of counting them really quickly.
"Hey, Skuashi," Ed suddenly said. "Why's Rolf mad at Johnny? And what are we doing?"
Skuashi almost sighed. "Ed, as General Rolf spent the last twenty minutes explaining, this group is heading straight to the planet Kanker for a direct attack. They were able to pick up a communication link suggesting that the Kankers were heading to their home world for some reason-possibly to get supplies. We're not a very large group, but the other Generals intend on sending more reinforcements once Earth and Plankstar's security is enforced."
Ed eyed Rolf and Johnny, who were immaturely sticking their tongues out at each other. It was almost funny to see a King and a 10-star General acting like… the kids from his cul-de-sac. (And, apparently, the less mature ones; he couldn't see Johnny or Rolf doing that in his home universe. Well, maybe Johnny…) "So, why do Rolf and Johnny hate each other?"
"Um, Sir Ed, could you please call them King Johnny and General Rolf?" Skuashi asked kindly. "General Rolf isn't aware of the whole… universe-switching… event. And they don't hate each other. They just got into an argument. You see, King Johnny is not a topped ranked Space Rangers specializing in combat. He is a highly ranked Space Ranger who is also royalty; he does not specialize in combat. The only royalty typically allowed to go into combat is… well… er, your parallel. King Johnny was just barely able to convince General Rolf to let him go."
Ed was about to say something, but then Skuashi squeaked that they had to get onto the ship. So Ed skipped aboard the skip, much to Skuashi's dismay. Luckily, Rolf was not looking in their direction. Skipping was not proper Space Ranger conduct, unless you were a Metropium, in which case all you could do was skip around; walking was impossible for them.
The interior of the ship was much larger then Kevin's. However, there was no recreational part; the entire room seemed to be lined up with monitors. Ed sat at the monitor next to Skuashi, staring blankly at the nonsensical data that rolled through. Kevin sat next to Ed, eyeing him suspiciously.
"Hey, what do all these symbols and words mean?" Ed asked Skuashi.
Skuashi looked up at his monitor. "Er, it means the computer is turning on, Sir Ed."
"Oh," Ed said blankly. Because computers-turning-on was something that occurred in real life (and not in comics; computers were always on when you need them… in comics), Ed had no comment.
"We," Rolf announced, sitting at the central monitor, "are taking Route 200qz to the Kanker's home world."
The members of the ship, with the exception of Ed and General Rolf, paled considerably. Ed didn't notice this until they had left Nebulon's orbit; he did notice, though, that leaving planetary orbit was even less pleasant in Rolf's ship! The second thing Ed noticed was that TargonTroi's face had turned from dark green to a lighter green (the color of slime); moments later he noticed everyone else's paler faces too. Even Skuashi looked gray-and-white as opposed to black-and-white.
Before Ed could ask, Skuashi said, "Are you sure we should take that route? Groups that take this route have a strong tendency of, well, dieing painful deaths. I suggest taking Route 24z instead… it is far less dangerous."
General Rolf nodded in his direction, pressing a button on the screen. Suddenly, the numerous words were replaced with a clear view of their immediate starry surroundings. Ed excitedly began pressing buttons, too. Kevin told him to stop.
"Route 24z?" TargonTroi scoffed, slowly turning to a normal color. "That would take us a month! This route only takes one day. We don't have a month, Skuashi."
Ed ignored Kevin, and continued to randomly press buttons. He stopped when a bunch of pieces of buttered toast appeared on screen, hopping about. Suddenly, he was hungry; he hadn't eaten in a long time…. It hadn't been a day yet, but it must have been dinnertime at home….
"If only the teleporters were working," Saraline and King Johnny sighed in unison.
General Rolf, not turning away from the monitor, nodded. "That is a good idea, Transformer Saraline. Skuashi, start working on the teleporter; see if there is any way to put it back online."
Skuashi nodded, typing a command onto a control panel.
Kevin snarled at Ed, who was asking him- for the tenth time- if they had any buttered toast to eat. He pressed a button on Ed's monitor, changing the screen so that there was a view of the outside universe, again. Instantly, Ed forgot his hunger pains. "Hey, what's that planet? There are ships flying from it."
"That is the home world of the Trebles," Saraline said darkly. "Those sedovs are trouble enough when the Kanker Alliance isn't around. Undoubtedly, they've joined the New Kanker Alliance. That would explain why they've been smuggling more weaponry than usual, lately."
The ships flying from Treble, Ed noticed with amusement, were shaped like little musical notes. How many musical notes were there? "Twenty… Fifty… A thousandy?"
"Nonsense," General Rolf said with a shake of his head. "There are only six hundred ships in the Treble Armada." In a darker tone, he added, "But it appears all six hundred have come to greet us…."
Ed noticed other spaceships that did not look like musical notes. "What's up with the bright blue daggery ships?"
For the first time, General Rolf pulled away from the monitor, staring at Ed harshly. Perhaps there was no need to explain; Rolf might have already figured out that the Ed on their ship was not the Ed from their universe. "Those are Iceshes ships, Sir Ed. Remember? Iceshes of the moon Ion?"
Ed remembered something TargonTroi had said…
The alien shuddered. "Trebles AND Iceshes in one mission…."
… and came to the conclusion that the army in front of them was not a good thing. Ed counted about twenty Iceshes; however, being Ed, he figured that his 20 ships had a good chance against their total of 620. After all, the good guy always wins.
A familiar ping filled the room; someone was attempting to open a communication link between the two ships. General Rolf threw a hand signal at Saraline; she immediately accepted the link.
A Treble appeared on screen. Trebles are relatively tiny creatures, but this man appeared to be an exception; even sitting down in the Captain's Chair, one could tell he was at least six feet tall. His silvery skin and blood red eyes were typical for a Treble, though. He was bald (though one couldn't tell because he had a black hat on) and lacked a visible nose. Ed counted four arms on him; a few less then the average Treble, but nothing to worry about. (Trebles had 3-7 arms; most had 5.)
One didn't have to be a comic book genius to tell that this Treble was the leader of the entire armada of 620. Maybe it was the military outfit, adorned with many badges; maybe it was the determined glare in his eyes; maybe it was the fact that the Treble/Iceshe soldiers around him stood deathly still; maybe it was the fact that I just wrote he was sitting in the Captain's Chair; or… maybe it was because General Rolf said, "Ah, Captain Fasol. Causing trouble for the Space Rangers again, I see? Any reason you decided to bring the entire armada out today?"
Either way, it was obvious that Fasol was the captain.
"I," Captain Fasol said- or rather, sang- in a deep bass, "have received orders from the Kankers to destroy you weaklings. They couldn't be bothered."
"Really?" General Rolf asked, almost conversationally. "Despite the fact that we destroyed the old Kanker Alliance in less then a day?"
Captain Fasol smiled madly. "The New Kanker Alliance is stronger. Much, much stronger. Not even Ed has a chance against us."
"Not even Ed has a chance against us," the Trebles in the background repeated, also singing.
Ed didn't watch musicals very often, but he knew life on the planet Treble was probably just like a musical. Did they sing all the time? Ed turned around to ask Kevin that, but Kevin made a motion as if he was cutting his own throat. Ed remained silent.
"For we," Captain Fasol sang melodramatically, "have the Anti-Crystal! The EdCrystal is no match for its power!" Laughing evilly, he shut down the communication link.
Everyone started talking for once, except Ed, who was singing like a Treble.
"The Anti-Crystal? Is this what they were talking about?" King Johnny cried out.
General Rolf and TargonTroi said in unison, "They must be bluffing."
Ed had heard that argument before, and started to tune out. Staring at the monitor, he saw the Treble and Iceshe ships rearranging. Some neurons reconnected somewhere in his brain; they're attacking us!
But the others didn't seem to notice; they were too busy arguing about the existence of the Anti-Crystal. So Ed realized he needed to take matters into his own hands. First, he had to tell the 19 other Space Ranger ships to attack…. Ah, that button on the keyboard had a symbol that looked like a video camera. Ed clicked on it.
Information scrolled on the screen, informing him that he was connecting with the other 19 ships. Ed waited anxiously, ignoring the chaos around him; finally, another set of words flashed on screen; Now Connected with Ships 2, 3, 4….
Ed decided to get straight to the point. "The Trebles and Iceshes are attacking! Fire at will!"
Everyone else on the ship turned around, staring at Ed; Ed ignored this and pressed a button ending communication with the other ships.
"Right," TargonTroi said after a moment of silence. "At least Ed seems to be in his right mind. We should debate about this supposed Anti-Crystal later. Right now we need to get through this Armada."
General Rolf nodded. "To battle stations! Move Alta-Delta! Head towards the master ship!"
Everyone nodded, except for Ed, who did not know what move Alta-Delta was. He watched the other's movements for a bit; Rolf, who was steering the ship, swung smoothly through the ships of the armada, heading straight towards Captain Fasol's ship.
Kevin, Johnny, Targon-Troi and Saraline expertly shot at the ships, damaging (but not destroying) them. Skuashi worked quickly on the teleportation device on his SR-ComLink-WW, occasionally squeaking in frustration.
Suddenly, Kevin turned to Ed. "Are you just going to sit there or are you going to shoot? Jeesh! You're like a lump on a log, you dork."
Ed responded, "Aye aye, sir," and started shooting at a clef-note-shaped ship that was firing many laser beams at his fellow Space Ranger ships. His aim was perfect; the top of the ship started sparking, and it stopped shooting at anything.
At that point, Ed went into hyper-mode; he started destroying ships left and right. Rolf commented on this; "Wow. You've actually improved. I didn't think it was possible, Sir Ed."
And then Rolf was silent, the anticipation slowly building as they finally reached the largest ship of them all.
"Is that Fasol's ship?" Ed asked Kevin.
Kevin nodded, for once directing his glare at something other then Ed; he was glaring at the ship. It looked like a giant whole note- except for the large GSBOD in the dead center. The giant GSBOD started to light up.
"FIRE!" Rolf yelled.
Ed, Kevin, Saraline, Targon-Troi and Johnny fired at once. The enemy GSBOD fired.
Rolf saw this; Ed saw it coming in slow motion. The lighting in the room almost started to change- dramatically becoming darker- as Rolf pulled on the wheel, arm muscles straining to get the ship to move-
The two beams hit their targets-
WEEE-OOHH. WEEEE-OOOOHHH. Alarms went off; sudden bright red alarm lights (like the ones on top of a police cruiser) pulled out of the walls, adding even more to the dramatic lighting.
"Status report!" Rolf yelled.
Saraline cursed silently. "The left wing is severely damaged. We can still fly, but we cannot fly fast enough to get through these ships or to retreat without damage. The weapons system is offline."
"But-" TargonTroi said, "- on the brighter side, it looks like Captain Farsol's ship is severely damaged, too. If my estimates are not off, their weapon system is offline."
That was obvious- the giant GSBOD was actually floating away from Fasol's ship. Ed watched, in wonder, as the other ships suddenly froze and stopped; apparently, they didn't know what to do. Both sides' leaders were damaged….
Then, for a second time, a familiar ping filled the air. General Rolf threw the same hand motion and Transformer Saraline opened up the communication link.
Captain Fasol smiled almost friendly at them, as if though they weren't in the middle of a battlefield. "It seems that both of our weapon systems are offline, General Rolf," he sung.
"Indeed," Rolf responded calmly. "And I suppose you have a proposition?"
"Yes," Captain Fasol sang dramatically.
The Treble-background-singers sang, "We challenge you to-"
"A hand-on-hand duel," Fasol completed, smirking.
Though Ed's allies did not let it show, they were surprised by the suggestion. After all, Captain Fasol could have easily sent one of the other 600 ships to attack Rolf's ship. He was at a clear advantage. So why would he risk it all on a hand-on-hand duel? (Of course, the Space Rangers were not dumb enough to point this out. Ed hadn't figured this out yet.)
"I accept your duel," General Rolf said, "on two conditions."
"And they would be?" Fasol sang/asked, the Treble-soldiers repeating his words dramatically.
"Each ship in your armada must turn off all weapon systems."
"Done and done," Captain Fasol smiled. As if on cue, the lights of the 600 enemy ships turned off. "Second condition?"
"The battle shall be held on our ship," General Rolf smiled, ignoring the alarmed glances he was getting from his fellow Space Rangers. (Why were they bringing the enemy onto their weakened ship?) "You may bring guards, but they may not carry any weapons."
"Agreed," Fasol sang. "We shall teleport there in five minutes."
The communication ended.
TargonTroi and Kevin twirled around, glaring at Rolf.
"Why did you invite them onto our ship?" Kevin growled.
"They are not known to honor agreements!" TargonTroi snapped. "They'll bring a hundred armed soldiers onto this ship and capture us, General!"
Rolf turned to Saraline. "Check on the other ships." Saraline nodded, and he turned to address his angered allies. "Have you fools forgotten that we have Sir Ed on our side, apparently in his best battle mode yet?"
Ed looked up at the sound of his name. Saraline distracted him; "Help me contact the other ships, Ed."
Kevin and TargonTroi could not argue with Rolf's logic. Ed was shooting even better then normal today. But if General Rolf had known that this Ed was not the real Ed, then he probably would have made another decision. They nodded at the General, unsure of what else they could say or do.
"Ship Starsquared," Saraline asked, "damage report."
"No damages to the ship, Ma'am," the captain said.
"Now you try, Ed," Saraline said. "The next ship is called Ship Cliched."
"Ship Cliched, ARE YOU OKAY?!" Ed yelled.
The bewildered captain responded, "Y-Yes. We're fine, Sir. Minor damage to the left wing- nothing more then a scratch, really."
And the two continued, the rest of the Space Rangers watching solemnly. To Ed's surprise, the ships Ventoroc89 and Ventoroc90 didn't respond. From his comics, he knew that the aliens from Ventoroc 89 were kindly brain-eaters, while the aliens from Ventoroc 90 were kindly blood-suckers.
"A moment of silence for the brave soldiers of the Ventoroc home-world," General Rolf said, "May their souls and their dinners' souls rest in peace."
How odd. Ed had expected a noble sacrifice to feel more… well, noble… and not as sad.
"We must prepare," General Rolf suddenly said.
Ed noticed that Kevin was carrying a Blaster around his shoulder. "May I borrow that cool thing around your shoulder, Kevin?"
"No way, dork-" But Ed, nonetheless, took the Blaster. Kevin simply grumbled; he knew that no one else would understand or approve if he strangled this fake.
Ed noticed that everyone was turning to the end of the ship opposite of Rolf. Ed, too, turned around and gasped in surprise when he saw the top of the ship opening up. A pod from Captain Fasol's ship floated above. Its bottom hatch opened, and a shiny metallic ladder (painted with multiple musical symbols) slid down. Captain Fasol, along with ten very short (and unarmed) Treble guards, slipped down.
Captain Fasol took in a deep breath, and sang (quietly), "Stupid teleporters. Why do they have to be broken?"
If Ed were any other person, he probably would have been sick of the singing by now.
"Are you ready to fight, Sir Ed?" Captain Fasol sang, sarcastically referring to Ed by his formal name.
Ed blinked. "Um-"
"No!" Kevin, TargonTroi, Johnny, Saraline and Squashi yelled.
General Rolf and Captain Fasol gave them an odd glance.
"I demand a duel with Ed," Captain Fasol snapped. "Who else? With General Rolf?"
"YES!" Kevin, TargonTroi, King Johnny, Saraline and Squashi said in unison.
The Treble's silvery skin slowly started to turn pink. Ed quickly realized that Captain Fasol was about to loose his temper, and switched into hero-mode.
"I accept your duel, Opera-Demon Fasol!" Ed yelled dramatically, waving his Blaster threateningly.
General Rolf was relieved; Ed was bound to win against this fool. (Why was Captain Fasol fighting against the creator of this universe? Was the supposedly existing Anti-Crystal really that powerful?) However, Kevin was utterly horrified. He knew the universe was about to be destroyed by this double-agent….
With a sigh, Transformer Saraline pressed a button. Ed did not even blink as the middle of the ship turned into a battle arena straight out of that weird anime about card collecting. The Treble Guards and Space Rangers immediately scooted off the arena, becoming the audience.
"Let's end this!" Ed challenged.
And so the battle began…
