(A/Ns: i bring ye more Elleo content. this was so funny to write because i got to write domestic Elleo but also super sad because Elliot bby he just needs some help, someone give him some love because, when im the one writing the fics here, it ain't gonna be me giving the love. sorry i don't make the rules. also shoutout to nawnomschuff for giving me the German translations!
content warnings: smoking, quitting smoking, cigarette withdrawal, swearing, Leo making jokes about his dick.
please drop a review if you get the chance!
disclaimer: i do not own pandora hearts)
Part II
The next morning came around considerably faster than Elliot would have preferred.
But nonetheless, regardless of the changes in his life, he insisted on going about things as he usually did. He would not let something this trivial get in the way of his life.
Each morning, he would wake up at 7am sharp, and go for a run. Leo had the worst stamina in the world, so obviously, had never once joined him. And Elliot wasn't the world's greatest fan of sport or anything, but he sure as hell wanted to stay as healthy as possible. Minus the fact he was sucking smoke into his lungs on a daily basis. He tended to ignore that minor detail.
Waking up wasn't difficult, and it was no problem dragging himself out of bed (despite 7 hours of sleep – well, more like 6 and a half, after Leo had kept him up).
The problem arose when he returned 45 minutes later, staggering back into the apartment, breathless and tired and struggling to catch his breath. Nothing about this was new, though.
Until he reached a hand out to the kitchen counter where he usually left-
"Shit," Elliot hissed, retracting his hand instantly as a craving filled him.
It'd been 8 hours since his last nicotine fix, and this duration of cessation was something he was not used to. Particularly when he had yet to regulate his breathing, and every morning he was used to correcting that with a goddamn smoke.
Maybe he could wake Leo up?
No, it was only one cigarette, and nothing – and he meant nothing – was worth waking Leo up for. Leo didn't wake up for another 15 minutes, and Elliot knew full well he'd be slaughtered if he disturbed his slumber before necessary.
So, instead of giving into the craving, he simply bit it down, clenched his fits, and proceeded straight to the shower.
By the time he was finished in the shower, dried his hair, and got dressed, the urge to smoke was long gone, thankfully, and he was admittedly surprised to enter the kitchen to the smell of actual food. Because, Leo very, very rarely bothered to make them breakfast. He was a good cook, but he was lazy.
"Good morning," Leo greeted, serving up their breakfast. And at first, Elliot was considerably put-off by the normal greeting.
It wasn't until he saw their breakfast – penis shaped pancakes – that it made sense. Leo always made him breakfast after sex.
"You are just crude," Elliot deadpanned, kissing him on the forehead nevertheless before dropping down at the table.
"I thought you'd appreciate it," Leo grinned. He was evidently quite proud of himself. "Hm… you always liked dick-shaped things in your mouth."
Elliot wasn't as impressed, his nonchalant, slightly disgusted gaze trailing up from his phone to Leo. "Are you talking about the cigarettes, or your junk?"
"I would say both, but you know exactly what I mean," Leo snickered to himself, placing the plate down in front of Elliot. "Eat up."
Wordlessly, the two started eating. However, undoubtably, it only took a couple of minutes for Leo to spot that Elliot wasn't eating anything, but was rather picking at his food with the fork.
"You're not hungry?" Leo questioned, raising an eyebrow suspiciously.
"You know," Elliot said, his tone still level, but a tad revolted. "I'd probably have a better appetite if my breakfast wasn't penis shaped."
"Don't be ridiculous. You always finish," Leo chuckled. But then, his smile dropped, as he laid down the fork at the side of his plate, stood up, and began clearing the kitchen. "I thought your appetite was supposed to increase."
"Hm. So did I," Elliot hummed in agreement, picking up his phone and scrolling through his emails.
This was bearable. Sure, if someone actually gave him a cigarette, he'd light it in an instant. But there were no incessant cravings, and there was no nagging voice at the back of his mind telling him to smoke.
If this was as bad as things got, then he'd be okay.
Until he saw the email for their literature lecturer, that was. "You have got to be joking me…"
"What?" Leo spoke up from the sink.
"Our afternoon lectures were merged into one three-hour exam skills lecture," he sighed, face-planting the table. "Now, of all days."
"You know…" Leo began to slyly point out. "You do still have those two cigarettes…"
"Yeah…" Elliot deadpanned. His words were muffled by the table. "I think I'll need them…"
By some miracle, Leo had to note, Elliot hadn't been particularly irascible given the circumstances. For the morning, he'd been reasonable to be around. Until the afternoon lecture, that was.
On a normal day, whenever they were scheduled 3-hour lectures, Elliot would get sour and restless for the last hour. But this was (expectedly) another level. Because, in three hours, only a few lines of writing had made their way onto Elliot's page. The pen, rather than being used to write with, was effectively being smoked, or repeatedly tapped against the ledge in front of them. Leo wanted to point out how bloody irritating that was, but given Elliot's current predicament, he simply drew in a deep breath, bit it down, and put it past him.
Currently, it was just reaching 3pm, the time they finished most days.
And, undoubtedly, at that exact moment, Elliot's phone started vibrating audibly in his pocket.
"Shit," Elliot hissed, slumping back in the seat and pulling his phone out of his pocket under the ledge. Sure enough, it was his sister, Vanessa, trying to call him. "I'm gonna have to tell her to call me back in half an hour."
For the last three years he'd been at university, Vanessa would call him to check on him every single day the moment his last lecture finished. Most days, at least. And Elliot had not once had that conversation without a cigarette in his hand.
"Have you written anything at all?" Leo whispered, scribbling down whatever the lecturer was talking about, illegibly as usual.
"No," Elliot grunted bluntly, resuming the tapping of his pen and exhaling a heavy sigh. "Shit. I still have to work after this. Fuck."
Briefly, Leo scanned in him and down, and then sighed internally. Under his breath, so that no one else heard them, he asked, "Do you want one for after this?"
Elliot, sighing heavily, slumped forward and face planting the ledge. With all the energy he could muster up, he lifted himself back up again, staring sternly at the floor.
He wanted to say no. He needed to be resilient. But at the same time, he just itched for a cigarette, and saying no was something he couldn't bring himself to do.
Just one. It was just one, and Elliot had to repeatedly remind himself that he'd already cut down a significant amount. He was doing well, he told himself.
"Alright, yes!" he blurted out, extending a hand as the other passed him a cigarette under the ledge.
And from the way his hand clenched around the singular white stick, Leo could tell that, in that moment, Elliot genuinely needed it.
The next half an hour went painfully slow for both of them. Leo was bored out of his mind (none of this was new to them), and Elliot had done nothing except continue to smoke his pen, right up until the lecturer finally began to finish. Once he was done, everyone stood up at once with a strangely in-sync sigh of relief.
Technically speaking, Elliot and Leo didn't really have time to be waiting around, especially when Leo was supposed to start work at 3:30pm, but when Elliot made a beeline for the benches outside the lecture theatre where he usually lit up, something told Leo he'd have to call in slightly later.
Unfortunately, before they could even make to the benches, Elliot's phone began vibrating in his pocket again. Clearly Vanessa had taken "call back at 3:30" quite literally. He left it ringing right up until the cigarette was between his teeth, holding a hand out to Leo for the lighter as he picked it up.
The sound of her voice yelling at him down the phone was distinctly audible, despite the fact it wasn't on speaker. And this was only amplified when he pulled the hand holding the phone away from his ear and up to the tip of the cigarette to shield the flame.
"Yes, yes, I'm here!" he said, quite aggressively, as he turned away from Leo and took the first drag of the cigarette. "Tur mir leid." [Sorry.]
Oh, and that was another thing.
Elliot's family were of German descent. Obviously, he and his siblings had grown up in the UK, and had spoken English for most of their life. But because of this, his parents had taught him German from a very young age, and subsequently, Elliot and all his siblings spoke fluent German.
"Nein, alles ist gut, ich versprech's dir." [No, nothing's wrong. I promise.]
That meant that, every single day, when Vanessa called him, they spoke to each other in German.
"Hör auf mich das zu fragen! Aber… wie geht es den dir… so?" [Stop asking me that! Just… how have you been?]
Leo didn't know a word of German.
"Nein ich vermeide es nicht, dir zu antworten! Mir geht es gut, glaub mir." [I'm not avoiding the question! I'm fine, trust me.]
And it infuriated him.
"Ja, ich din eh schon zu spat. Ich kann nicht dauernd mir dir reden, Vanessa. Willst du noch irgendwas aderes von mir? Ohne mich anzuschreien?" [Yes, I'm already late. I can't talk to you forever, Vanessa. Is there anything else you wanted? Without yelling at me?]
But luckily, given the circumstances of today, he simply bit it down. Elliot had never been one for secret keeping, and thankfully, the conversation was over fairly quickly.
From then on, the two stood in total silence, Leo checking the time every minute whilst waiting impatiently for Elliot to finish. Which, after eight or so minutes, he did, snuffing out the cigarette and then proceeding to the car park.
Leo followed promptly. "What was that about, then?"
"Nothing in particular," Elliot grunted, feeling significantly less hateful at the world and everyone in it after getting that quick nicotine fix. "She worries, you know?"
It was already past 9pm, and Leo was starting to grow concerned.
Elliot was almost always home by now; usually telling him off for not making dinner, but home, nonetheless. Which is why today, for once, Leo actually put his book down, and made food.
He trusted Elliot, though. He trusted him enough not to have gone out and bought a new pack of cigarettes.
And just then, as that thought flashed across his mind once again, his phone buzzed from across the counter, Elliot's contact name flashing – Leo always chuckled to himself at that – along with a new message.
[From Disaster Gay, 21:38]
On my way home now. Some asshole was late and they didn't let me go.
Leo sighed, and laughed again. Elliot had never liked his colleagues, but today, that dislike would surely be exacerbated. And after reading that message, Leo could just tell he was mid-craving.
He had only one question; might as well be blunt.
[To Disaster Gay, 21:39]
you didn't smoke, right?
[From Disaster Gay, 21:39]
What the hell? No
There was a short pause between that message and the next.
[From Disaster Gay, 21:42]
Fuck it. I'll need to soon.
There it was. Mid-craving, definitely.
Another 10 minutes passed before Elliot finally returned home, kicking the door open and dumping the keys on the mantlepiece with a side of aggression which wasn't really necessary, Leo noted mentally. Then, after dropping the rest of his belongings on the sofa, the heavy footsteps loudened continuously until they reached the kitchen.
Leo braced himself, and resumed cooking, seemingly unfazed. "You're h-"
"Give me one," Elliot demanded, the edge of desperation in his tone not serving as much to convince Leo. "I don't care if it's my last one today. I still rightfully have it, so give it-!"
"Nope," Leo refused bluntly.
Elliot blinked at him multiple times. "What?" Did you not hear me?!"
"Hm, I heard you," Leo said, avoiding eye contact as he spun around to the kitchen counter and served dinner. "And I replied as it was. I just made dinner, see? Eat dinner first, and if you still want the cigarette afterwards, then I'll give it to you."
Folding his arms stubbornly over his chest, Elliot glanced down momentarily, furrowed his eyebrows, and swallowed down the craving. "Tch, fine!"
Leo smiled bitterly, and placed the food on the table. "Good."
The two, sure enough, ate in total silence, Elliot eating faster than Leo had even seen. Which was strange, considering the fact they were students, and had more or less become accustomed to a life of being hungry.
Less than five minutes later, he'd finished, picking up his phone and repeatedly drumming his fingers against the table. Waiting impatiently for Leo to be finished, it seemed. Leo, snickering internally, decided to take the risk of pushing the other's buttons, and proceeded to finish eating at a painfully slow speed.
Once he was done, he glanced up, and caught Elliot's gaze. A heaviness lingered over them for a few moments, until Leo stuck a hand in his pocket, shuffling through it. Then, he pulled out and held up a single cigarette, along with the lighter.
In one swift movement, Elliot stood up, grabbed the cigarette, and dove for outside.
Leo, still sitting at the table, tilted his head slightly, chuckling discreetly to himself. "Ah, Elliot. I do wonder how you'll get through tomorrow."
He made it through Wednesday, albeit barely.
Barely.
Although, if Leo hadn't woken up to an empty bed halfway through the night (however at that time it would be better considered early Thursday morning), he probably would've said they got through it easily enough.
As expected, he'd opted to smoke the one cigarette he had that day after yet another full day of lectures, lighting up with such urgency the moment his sister tried calling him. And somehow, he'd been decent after work, as well, after what was presumably a low-stress shift. Of course, he'd been irritable as hell, but the cravings had yet to get the better of him.
Tonight, unfortunately, is where that seemed to end.
Leo wasn't surprised he'd woken up. He was used to being around Elliot 24/7, even if they bickered a lot. That included the fact they'd slept in the same bed for the entirety of their student years, so it really wasn't much of a shock that Elliot's absence had interrupted his slumber.
Groggily, he pulled himself into a sitting up position. He blinked, groping blindly for his glasses on the bedside table, before focusing his vision.
The bathroom door was bolted shut, but the light was on.
"Elliot?" Leo called.
There was no response, initially.
Then, the toilet flushed, the taps turned on, and eventually, the lock unclicked. When Elliot stepped out, flicking the light off, he looked deathly, his eyes bloodshot and weighed down by visible bags.
"Withdrawal is becoming gross now," he deadpanned, burying his palms in his eyes and collapsing onto the bed beside Leo. His tone audibly exhausted, he added a second comment under his breath, and he buried himself in the covers and screwed his eyes shut. "I wouldn't go in there if I were you."
Internally, Leo sighed. This was hard on him; obviously. His body was used to a generous amount of nicotine input every day at regular, set times, and he'd just kicked it to the curb. Of course he'd be struggling.
But that didn't settle any of the noirette's worries.
Elliot had never been one to ask for help, and Leo had no idea how he was really handling this – if he was even handling it.
"You know…" Leo muttered idly, shuffling closer to the other in the bed. He only seemed to be a minor irritation to Elliot, fortunately. "You do still have one left."
"I don't want to smoke, okay?" Elliot spat. He lied. It was such a blatant lie. All he wanted to do was have a goddamn smoke. But he was determined; stupidly so. He was not giving in. "I want to sleep."
"Good," Leo's tone grew softer.
And the moment his fingers began to delicately brush through his hair, Elliot immediately felt himself calm down. His teetering nerves settled remotely, but it was enough for his eyes to fall shut.
"You're doing well," Leo said calmly, continuing to rake his fingers tenderly through the other's matted, midnight hair.
"Don't patronise me," Elliot protested weakly.
"Sure," Leo smirked, and carried on as he was. The light trembling which seemed so prominent in Elliot a few moments ago was hardly noticeable now, his heartbeat and breathing evening out mostly.
And within ten minutes, the two of them fell back asleep.
Somehow, Elliot got through yet another day of lectures without murdering anyone. Which, considering is temper this morning – a rainy, cold, Thursday morning, after waking up at several times the previous night – genuinely impressed Leo.
The mornings were always going to be one of the hardest parts of the day. He'd be sleep deprived, grumpy, and desperately in need of a cigarette, particularly when this was day three. And this morning was by far the worst, the two having argued over a ridiculous number of things. The amount of times Elliot had gotten stressed, and Leo had thrown something at him for being stubborn, was innumerable. But Elliot was determined; incredibly stressed. So, despite his foul mood, he would get through the multiple 10-minute cravings per hour, and come out of them even more bitter and irascible.
Mornings weren't the most difficult part of the day, though.
No, by far, the biggest obstacle would be bang on 3pm, when every single day his sister would call him, and every single day he'd smoke his way through that conversation.
It was obvious, as well, considering the fact Leo found Elliot at the end of the day on the opposite side of the courtyard to the smokers' area, with one hand tucked under his elbow. His focus, seemingly aimed at shuffling stones around with his feet, was anything but dedicated to his sister, the occasional dismissive grunt being the only response he gave.
He was restless, irritable, and evidently mid-craving.
Instead of telling him to hurry up, Leo simply leant against the fence beside him, waved at Elliot briefly, and pulled his phone out. Eavesdropping on their conversation would've most likely been his first priority, but as said before, their entire conversation was in German; that wasn't an option.
After another couple of minutes of nonchalant, pissed-off, and fed-up grunts and hums, Elliot seemingly picked up the conversation again. "Noch irgendwas anderes, was du willst? Leo wartet auf mich." [Is there anything else you wanted? Leo is waiting for me.]
Leo heard his name.
"Wir arbeiten, Vanessa. Wir brauchen Geld, oder hast du das irgendwie vergessen?" [We work, Vanessa. We need money, remember?]
His words were bitter, and Leo rolled his eyes internally. Chances were this would turn into yet another argument; Elliot's twenty-third argument of the day, that would be.
"Ja- warte, nein. Nein. Nicht mehr." [Yes- wait, no. No. Not anymore.]
There was a brief pause.
"Ich hab aufgehört." [I quit.]
Had she figured something was up?
"Ja, es tut mir leid. Es tut mir leid dass ich das überhaupt angefangen habe. Ich werde es nicht wieder tun, ich versprech's." [Yes, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for starting. I won't do it again, I promise.]
Took her long enough, Leo thought.
"Ich weiß, ich weiß. Ich hasse mich auch." [I know, I know. I hate myself too.]
Another pause.
"Ja, ich weiß dass das nicht ist was du gemeint hast! Schau, es tut mir leid, okay? Ich suss jetzt wirklich gehen." [Yes, I know that's not what you meant! Look, I'm sorry, okay? But I need to go now.]
His tone shifted to almost… regretful, but before Leo could question it, he hung up on his sister, shoved the phone in his pocket, and ushered Leo away as they route-marched to their car.
That lasted a minute.
"I…" he stuttered, halting in his tracks and turning to Leo. But he didn't make eye contact. "I still have that last cigarette, right?"
"Mhm," Leo hummed, stopping with the other. "You want it?"
Elliot seemed reluctant to answer at first. His self-control was really faltering now, the urge to say yes or even go out and buy his own pack and just give up being overwhelming. All he wanted to do was just smoke. It'd been three days already, couldn't he give in and say he failed again?
However, instead, he internally compromised with his craving, nodding discreetly as he said, "Half. I'll… smoke half, and then… that's it."
"Suit yourself," Leo shrugged, sticking a hand in his jacket pocket and handing Elliot the lighter and cigarette. The last cigarette he'd ever smoke.
Elliot snatched the stick off the other and lit up in a split second. The nicotine which coursed through his veins was hardly enough to satisfy the anxiety and irritability and total restlessness, but it was enough to stop him punching someone for the time being. And hopefully, it would be enough to get him through five hours of work.
The two continued walking to the car in total silence, a heavy sense of awkwardness lingering over them like the cloud of smoke from the cigarette. All they'd done is needlessly bicker, and he still hadn't fully quit?
As expected, once they reached the car, and Elliot had smoked through has the cigarette, he did as he'd initially declared, dropping it onto the ground and grinding it out with the heel of his shoe. Then, once he'd climbed into the car and dropped down into the driver's seat, he knocked his head onto the steering wheel, exhaled exhaustedly, before pulling the car into reverse and beginning to drive like driving some kind of distraction.
He was already restless. Half a cigarette didn't make up for 24 hours of cessation, evidently.
How the hell would he ever get through tomorrow, cutting down to nothing? Well, nothing but his self-restraint, which he'd now discovered was significantly weaker than his determination.
Leo was clearly thinking the same thing. "Why don't you get tomorrow off work?"
"It's Friday night. It'll be too busy," Elliot sighed, groaned, and frowned in response. Yep, he was royally screwed.
"Cut out some of your triggers," Leo said. "What are they?"
"Life."
"Try again."
"My sister. Fuck. I'll just tell her not to call me."
Leo paused for a few seconds. "What was she asking you?"
"She knows I've quit, that's for sure…" Elliot deadpanned with an audible huff. "Shit, she'd kill me if I failed."
"Well then," Leo couldn't bite back the teasing grin, as he snickered. "Looks like you're going to have to try a bit harder then. And if you make it, I might treat you."
For the first time in three days, Elliot cracked a smile. The next few days might be utter hell, but at least he had Leo.
He'd never say it, but sometimes, he didn't really appreciate him enough.
