(A/Ns: woah, i'm surprised i actually finished this! it feels good considering I've had this planned since March now. but i would like to take this opportunity to just say that quitting smoking is not an easy thing to go through. regardless of a person's reason for starting, they deserve all the help you can give them. and to anyone reading this who perhaps is going to quit smoking, i wish you the best of luck and hope you succeed!
thank you for reading up to here! please drop a review if you can! :3
content warnings: smoking, quitting smoking, withdrawal, swearing, references to sex, Elliot x Leo
disclaimer: i do not own Pandora hearts)
Part III
Grumpy didn't even begin to describe Elliot's mood on day four.
Once again, their morning had been filled with more bickering. Bickering, and arguments which were ultimately pointless but still continued for a good 10 minutes, at the very least. Oh, and more throwing of stuff. A lot of throwing.
Fortunately (for Leo), they didn't share any lectures on Fridays, so he didn't have to deal with Elliot until after school. And, as he'd suggested yesterday, Elliot had finally told his sisters not to call him. Thus, the two actually made it to work on time, and Elliot went to his work only a tiny bit irritated.
After work, however…
Once again, it was half an hour after Elliot was supposed to have left work, and Leo had yet to hear from him. And this time, he was simply stretched out on the sofa reading, rather than putting his time to use and making dinner.
He should have, really, because if Elliot was held behind because of one of his colleagues, then the last thing he'd want to do when he returned home on a Friday night would be to make dinner. But… Leo was feeling lazy. (Plus, provoking Elliot was always entertaining; that he couldn't deny. Until he lost his temper, at least.)
As if on cue, however, at the moment, the door clicked open. The noise it made when it was kicked open into the adjacent wall accurately represented the frustration of the person behind it, followed up consistently by angry footsteps storming past the threshold into their apartment.
"Welcome home," Leo snickered, glancing up from his book to find a very irascible Elliot pacing back and forth around the living room before promptly averting his focus back to his book.
A frown tugging at his lips, Elliot shot a glare at Leo. Keep cool, he told himself. Another argument would only exacerbate his stress. "Did you make dinner?"
"No."
"Great," Elliot grunted, pacing for a few more moments until he spun on his heel, threw his arms up, and headed straight for the kitchen.
Leo rolled his eyes. The stress was really getting to him now.
In all fairness, he had cut down to none. And Leo would never say it, but he was genuinely impressed with Elliot's progress. Dare he say proud?
"Leo! Get your ass in here!"
No, he daren't.
Mentally, Leo braced himself for Elliot's foul mood. If the aggression in his tone was anything to go by, this would be a messy encounter. Taking his time, the noirette placed his book down reluctantly on the coffee table, and then peeled himself off the sofa. Sauntering over to where Elliot was, he physically held his breath when he passed the threshold into the kitchen, folding his arms over and staring at the other.
On the plus side, Elliot had started cooking, so at the very least they'd get food tonight. On the downside, however, the glare he'd now directed at Leo was not pretty.
"We've run out of aspirin."
Oh, and that was another thing: Elliot had practically lived off aspirin the entire day.
Clueless, Leo blinked at him. "And?"
"Well… go get more!" he demanded, pointlessly flailing his arms at the other.
"Elliot, there's no pharmacies open at this time," Leo said bluntly.
"I don't care! Just… go to the supermarket! It's Friday, it doesn't close until 10:30!"
"I am not driving all the way there to get you aspirin," he blatantly refused. "Just try paracetamol or something."
"Paracetamol doesn't do shit!" Elliot yelled, turning back to the oven and drawing in a deep breath. He tried so desperately not to stress. Stress would only exacerbate the incessant craving he was fighting through right at that moment. "Look, please? I'm running on zero hours of sleep here and my head feels like someone smashed a brick into it! I'm hungry and tired and I just need a goddamn cigarette! So please, Leo, can you go and get me some aspirin?!"
Stunned into speechlessness, Leo was unsure how to respond to that little outburst.
Part of him wanted to retaliate at the other for losing his temper with him. But, ultimately, he knew how hard Elliot was trying to push through this seemingly endless period of suffering.
"Alright, fine," Leo threw his arms up in defeat, grabbing the keys off the counter and spinning on his heel.
"Thank you," Elliot exhaled, and then reverted his focus back to cooking. His stress and pent-up tension radiated from his presence, making it painfully obvious how close he was to reaching his limit at this point.
If nothing was broken by the time he returned, then Leo would be frankly impressed.
He made it through Saturday.
With nothing else to do, the two had gone to the university library to study, and complete several upcoming assignments. It was quiet, peaceful, and would hopefully keep Elliot's stress to a minimum.
Besides, when the entire grounds around the library were strictly smoke-free, it was a rather suitable location, and more or less kept his cravings at bay most of the day.
The issue arose when the evening came around, once again.
Every month, Elliot and Leo would meet with Oz, Lottie, Gilbert and Alice – all their friends from university – at one of the student bars. It was sort of a tradition for them, considering they all did different courses, but still enjoyed meeting up for a drink nonetheless.
Unfortunately for Elliot, however, drinking and smoking went hand-in-hand.
"I want to go home," he grunted the moment they arrived at the bar, the stench of alcohol assaulting his sense of smell, and subsequently triggering an insatiable urge to smoke. "Fuck, I want to smoke."
"You've done well so far. Don't ruin that now," Leo pointed out, grabbing his hand and leading him inside. "Now behave."
"Hmph."
Within a few seconds, it became obvious where the others were, Oz waving across the bar like a total idiot. Leo found it amusing; Elliot found it bloody irritating. Nevertheless, despite his weak protests, they still walked over, sitting down with the others. Immediately, Elliot let out a heavy sigh, groaning under his breath. The light rub on his shoulder from Leo was currently his only motivation to get through the night.
"What do you want?" Elliot grunted under his breath, fiddling with the hem of his jacket before pulling out his wallet. Anything to get away from having to interact.
"The usual," Leo answered, being instantly pulled into a conversation with Lottie.
Elliot nodded, knowing exactly what that meant. Leo had always been a "mom-drinker", as he called it, so all he drunk when they went out was wine. It was expensive, sure, but when Elliot spent £12.50 every two days on cigarettes, he didn't really have a leg to stand on when it came to financial concerns.
In the end, for himself, he ended up going with vodka and coke; a student classic which would hopefully get him drunk enough to actually sleep tonight. Sure, the hangover would be pretty nasty, considering his number one cure for that was – surprise surprise – smoking, but before he could consider that, half the vodka and coke was gone.
The moment he returned to the table, dropping down beside the other and nestling up closer to Leo, Gilbert stood up, and spoke the words Elliot had just dreaded hearing.
"I'm, um, going out for a quick smoke," he said, as he reached into his pocket. "Elliot, are you…?"
Elliot's glare at him was stern. Faltering, but stern. "I quit."
"Woah." Gilbert's eyes widened, his hand securing around the pack of cigarettes, but out of consideration for Elliot, he didn't pull them out from inside his pocket. "But… bloody hell… w-which attempt is this?"
With an exhausted, blatantly fed-up sigh, Elliot reluctantly answered, "Sixth. It's been five days, and I swear to fucking God I am going insane."
"Well, congratulations," Gilbert smiled weakly, and then sheepishly added, "It's better than my nine attempts. Anyway, good luck…"
A second later, Gilbert disappeared, and Elliot desperately wanted to go with him.
The pressure in his chest built up and up, yet he felt absolutely no relief whatsoever. He just needed to smoke – he needed that godforsaken nicotine coursing through his blood. Who fucking cared if it gave him lung cancer? At least he wouldn't have to keep up with the withdrawal and the cravings and the headaches for a second longer.
"Woah, Elliot! I didn't know you'd quit!" Oz gawked. "Congratulations!"
"Um, yeah…" Elliot stuttered. It was a false prophecy they held him up to. He had nothing to be congratulated for. He didn't want to do this anymore. It was too difficult. Accepting defeat was a far more appealing option in his current state. Anything to escape the irrefutable craving which stimulated a relentless itching under his skin. His head was throbbing; his chest continued to tighten.
There was absolutely no chance he would make it through this, and the tears which began to prick at his eyes should've given that away by now. "I, uh, I need to go to the bathroom."
Without turning back, Elliot slammed the drink back onto the table with much more aggression than intended, and took off for the bathrooms.
Leo, on the other hand, simply sighed, dropped his head in his hands, and reached a hand into his pocket. A second later, he pulled out the last cigarette Elliot had left, slamming it on the table. "Someone hide this."
"Gladly~" Lottie chuckled deviously, picking up the cigarette and pocketing it. "Why, are you expecting Elliot to strip you?"
"I wouldn't eliminate the possibility," Leo exhaled, biting back a smirk. It would seem inconsiderate if he appeared to be finding this amusing. "I'll give him a second to himself, though."
"I feel sorry for you…" Oz said quietly. "Has he been like this all week?"
"More or less. Ah, we're used to bickering a lot, you know? But this is next level." The noirette stood finally, with an audible sigh. "Alright, wish me luck."
With their sympathetic sighs boring into the back of his head, Leo made his way to the bathroom, tentatively pushing the door open with a deep breath.
Sure enough, Elliot stood at the sinks, having splashed cold water over his face. But the pained expression on his face and the light trembling in his hands implied it hadn't been of much help.
Tears brimmed in his eyes, and Leo felt another tug of sympathy.
"Fuck, sorry…" Elliot breathed out, turning back to Leo. But he refused to make eye contact. "These cravings are just so fucking… difficult to handle. Shit."
Wordlessly, Leo stared at the other for a few moments. Then, both his arms engulfed him in a tight hug, one curling around his waist and the other wrapping around his shoulder.
Elliot tensed fleetingly, before melting into the hug. He sniffed, shutting his eyes, and trying to relax. The trembling didn't stop, but at least the tears did.
"You're doing really well," Leo whispered. "Keep at it."
"I can't," Elliot sobbed. He felt pathetic – just so pathetic. All he needed to do was smoke, and no words could accurately convey how desperately he needed a goddamn cigarette. "Fuck, this isn't-"
"Shh," Leo hushed, pulling one arm away and placing a finger over Elliot's lips. "You can, alright?"
Right before Elliot could protest, Leo replaced the finger with his lips, devotedly occupying Elliot's mouth.
"Be good, just for tonight," he said, as he pulled away for a passing second. "And then… heh, when we get home, I'll reward you, alright?"
Much to Leo's surprise – and with the exception of being somewhat moody whenever anyone spoke to him – Elliot actually behaved himself for the rest of the night.
Granted, he may have been slightly (read: very) drunk, but at least he'd sleep. Leo had to admit, he was a bit disappointed that Elliot would most likely pass out the moment they got home. However, a well-rested Elliot was surely better than sex.
(Yeah, as if.)
It wasn't until past when the date changed that Elliot and Leo staggered back into their apartment, Elliot throwing the keys down and storming past the threshold. Leo laughed; he might have stridden into the room with a copious amount of stress evident, but the tripping over his own feet meant that he just couldn't take him seriously.
After pacing back and forth for a few more seconds, Elliot didn't even let Leo finish kicking his shoes off before he said, "Pull your pants down."
Leo's smirk froze. Judgemental, and questioning, all at once. "What?"
"I said, pull your pants down!" Elliot yelped, stopping in his tracks, and sobering up. "I'm giving you a blow job."
"Uh…" Leo began to speak, but could not find the words to continue. Of course, he would never refuse (seriously, why would he ever want to turn down a blow job?) but it seemed so… abrupt, leaving him nothing short of perplexed. "Why?"
"Because if I don't put something in my mouth right now I swear to God I will jump out that fucking window and French-kiss my brother just to suck the smoke out of his lungs!"
By the end of his little outburst, Elliot was a flustered, blushing, and incredibly frustrated mess.
"Alright, sure," Leo exhaled, letting Elliot push him back against the door, and explore his mouth with his tongue, as he frantically undid the belt on his jeans.
Perhaps Elliot quitting smoking did have benefits for both of them.
6 months later…
Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap-
"Elliot?"
"Tch, what?"
Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap-
Leo sighed; he obviously hadn't gotten the hint. "If you tap that pen one more time I will break it."
"Oh…" Elliot immediately halted the pen tapping. "Sorry."
"When's your exam tomorrow?" Leo asked, placing his own pen down for a second, and sipping on the water beside him.
"9am start," Elliot answered tensely, staring at the book for a few seconds. Then, his eyebrows furrowing, he stood up, and stormed across the kitchen to the coffee machine. "I need coffee."
Since quitting smoking six months ago, much to Leo's surprise, Elliot hadn't picked up a single cigarette. Not once.
Admittedly, he had come close to relapsing on multiple occasions. But each time, Leo would stop him, remind him of the hell he went to in order to quit the first time, and then offer sex if he didn't smoke. An interesting method to most; at least it worked for them.
The addiction to nicotine hadn't gone unreplaced, however, Elliot having substituted one addiction for another: coffee. Oh well. At least coffee was easily accessible, a lot cheaper, didn't smell, and wouldn't give him lung cancer. It was his vice to stress (he was always going to have a vice; that was unavoidable).
"Did you know," Leo spoke up from the table, "Six months ago today was when you decided to stop smoking."
Straight away, Elliot stopped what he was doing, turning around to meet Leo's gaze. "Huh," he murmured nonchalantly. "Interesting."
"It is, isn't it?" Leo chuckled. "Fufu, I'm still impressed you managed to quit. You were so irascible the first couple of weeks, I was certain you wouldn't succeed."
"Tch, it's obvious why I succeeded," Elliot scoffed. "I did it for you, dumbass."
Fin.
