Hey everyone,
So, I actually had a really awesome idea of Sirius having pretended to be in the room the entire time throughout the rant of last chapter, but then I read of him conversing with James and my idea went out the window. Still, I managed to twist it around a little and personally, I think it will still convey how much Sirius cares for Harry.
Have fun y'all,
Venquine1990
PS. Sorry V.L. Crawford, but Good!Molly is part of the rules of this challenge.
Chapter 05
What Would Sirius Do?
25th of December 1995
Kitchen, Grimmauld Place
Sirius' POV
"What would I do?" I ask my former best friend, who I thought I lost so long ago and I sigh before I stand up in determination and say: "Well, first of, I am going to leave this argument as I just realized something." And when others look at me, do I say: "I should stop thinking this argument important when my godson needs me."
"And why do you think he needs you?" Molly snaps and I answer: "Because he is depressed. Because he trusts me. Because he needs evidence that adults do care for him. Because he needs someone to prove that he matters more to them than anything else." And while the woman grimaces, do I want to walk up the stairs.
"Wait a minute, why should you be the one to do that?" The woman then asks and I answer: "Because I am the first who realized this – and because I currently seem to be the only adult Harry actually trusts.""Oh, so you just want Harry all to yourself, do you?" Molly tries to accuse me, but I have had it with her and say:
"Molly, just because you see Harry's guardianship as a competition, doesn't mean I do." And while the woman splutters, do I turn back to leave and softly say: "Besides, if I were to have my way, you and I would be Harry's parents with Remus and Arthur as Harry's godfather and honorary uncle, just so you know."
And this instantly stops the woman from sputtering, yet I don't care for this as I just leave the kitchen and head up to the room Harry shares with Ron. And to my relief is the door to the boy's bedroom standing just far enough open for me to pass through it without needing to knock and so I just do as the door invites me to.
The boy himself is sitting on his own bed with his back to the door and he says: "I'm not coming back down." At which I move past the feet of the two beds and sit down next to him as I say: "I don't expect you to. I didn't come up here to tell you so. I came up here, because I felt stupid for not instantly realizing you need me."
This makes the boy look at me and I wrap my arm around him gently as I say: "I came up here to apologize. You obviously had a hidden message with what you said and I put more importance in hearing the answer to Bunny's question and listening to Ron and Ginny actually putting Molly in her place at long last."
And while the boy snickers, does he then look away and say: "You don't need to apologize. You are actually one of the few adults I do trust – or at least one of the few who I have grown to trust, who hasn't proven me that trusting them was a bad idea." This shocks me and I ask: "There are actually adults like that?"
And Harry nods and he says: "Right now it's just you and Mr. Weasley, really. It used to be Professor McGonagall, Professor Dumbledore, Hagrid, Mrs. Weasley, Lupin and you two." This both confuses and worries me and I ask: "And each of those others proved you that trusting them was a bad idea? How did they do that?"
But the boy sighs and I say: "Never mind, that's not important right now." Yet then Harry sighs, turns around and lies himself down on the bed as he asks: "Can I be honest with you, Sirius?" And when I nod, does the boy say: "I – think I may have actually got in contact with my actual Guardian powers once. Just once."
"When was this?" I ask and the boy answers: "The first time I ever entered the Magical World. I got almost harassed by all the patrons of the Leaky Cauldron when Hagrid made them realize who I was, yet, looking back, I can't help but admit that I felt a strange sort of power when it happened. I guess it was their love for my fame."
Here the boy turns around and asks: "Do you think it's my fault? The fact that my powers are this weak and low in strength? Do you think it's because I show so much contempt for my fame?" But I shake my head and say: "Not even close. The power doesn't come from you; it comes from the adults that are supposed to support you."
At this Harry sighs yet again before I say: "Harry, the fact that Albus, Minerva and the others are so stuck in their own beliefs and ways isn't your fault. They're in the wrong and if it takes ancient beings of crazy powers to make them see that, then so be it. But don't think it's up to you to point that out to them, especially if they won't listen."
I mutter in annoyance in the end and Harry asks: "You want to know a secret?" And when I nod, does the boy say: "I kind of – secretly – want to – you know – sneak out and – well – head for Gringotts and then – ehm – empty my whole vault, transfer it for pounds and – ahem – take a plane over to the south pole or something."
The boy whispers in the end, his voice going softer and softer the more he falters in his words, yet I just smile in the end and say: "Same here." And Harry turns around, his eyes wide as he looks at me as I say: "I mean, what do I have to gain from staying here? You're practically my only reason for even still wanting to live.
And no, Harry, that didn't change when North brought Lily and James back.""It didn't?" Harry asks shocked and I say: "Harry, did you know that you were actually born 3 days too soon?""I was?" The boy asks, now sounding shocked and confused and I say: "You were and I was actually celebrating my anniversary with my girlfriend."
The girl looks at me and I say: "It was the – I think it was my fourth girlfriend that I was thinking of going to be serious with or something. Anyway, I was waiting for her at this restaurant when I noticed your dad's owl flying around, clearly unable to find me. Three minutes later, I was in the Hospital with your dad waiting for you."
"But – what about your girlfriend?" Harry asks and I shrug, knowing she died in her sleep a few months later and she asks: "You actually didn't care?" To which I ask: "Why should I when the firstborn of my best friend was about to be born?" And Harry looks at me shocked as I slowly go to lie with him.
"Harry, if Voldemort were to hold you in one cell and James and Lily in the other with his wand aimed for murder, I would distract him into killing Lily and James all over again just so I could help you escape him." And Harry looks at me flabbergasted as I pull the boy close, hoping I am not going too fast with him.
"You – you – you'd sacrifice your – your – your best friends – for me?" He asks shocked and with pained care sounding in the undertone of his voice and I say: "Harry please, realize that when Halloween happened, when I was locked away in Azkaban – I could have easily let the prison and its effects have me join my friends.
But I didn't, because I knew you needed me. And while I didn't realize how badly it was, because I thought Albus had brought you somewhere actually safe, did I know you would need me in case Pettigrew tried anything. So I fought my hardest to remain as sane as possible and to get ready for when you would need me."
By now Harry has actually cuddled closer against me and I am softly letting one hand run through his hair as I say: "You mean the world to me, Harry. You did when Lily told me you were coming, you did when Lily went in labor and, I won't deny it, you became doubly as important to me when your parents died that night.
I just had the wrong way of showing it back then." I grumble in the end, but then Harry says: "But you realize that. And you actually admit it and try to make up for it. And that's what makes you be set apart from every other adult. It's the reason I trust you." And this makes me smile at the boy who looks up and says:
"I don't blame you for how little you're able to help me right now, Sirius. I know that's not because of you; I know it's because of everyone else who, for one reason or another, are trying to undermine you. Dumbledore, Mrs. Weasley, Hermione, the Ministry, Fudge, Umbridge. I just – I don't get how you manage with so many people against you."
"Don't you?" I ask and the boy sighs as he says: "Not really. It's more that – I – well – I feel like I'm being forced to either hide things about myself or give up on things I care for, just because others try to take it from me or because they think it's Dark or wrong of me if I were to care for it or like it or something like that."
This really worries me and I ask: "And – am I one of those people?" To this Harry says: "No! Well, yes, but – not for the same reasons." This really worries me and Harry sighs, pulling himself out of my grasp and turning his back on me yet again. Yet while this should hurt, do I recognize it for the self-defense method that it is.
This really increases the worry I feel and I ask: "Harry?""It's – it's just – you're practically the perfect godfather, Sirius. You're – you're practically the embodiment of everything I dreamed off when I wanted to have someone take me away from the Muggles all those years ago. And – I just don't want to give you a reason to – to give up on me."
"And what I just told you? About how much you mean to me?" I can't help but ask and the boy mutters: "That actually makes me worry even more that you'll realize that I'm just not worth that much care and effort if you hear everything I hide about myself." And silently I can get where the boy is coming from as I say: "Try me."
And Harry takes a deep breath before he rants: "I was almost in Slytherin, I am a Parslemouth, Tom Riddle and I could practically be personal and home situation twins, I actually care more for the twins than I do Ron and Hermione, I still distrust Hermione since Christmas Third year and her constant arguing with Ron just aggravates me.
I got banned from Quidditch because Malfoy insulted my mum for being a Mudblood and admitting that he created a song to sabotage Ron in his game, Hermione tricked me into teaching a whole group of students I don't even know or believe I can trust, Dumbledore seems to hate me enough to ignore me and I am just waiting for things to go wrong.
And I don't want to go back to Hogwarts as I am constantly behind in class, get horrible grades, am worrying for my OWLs more than I ever thought I would, can't count even on McGonagall to support me, am constantly in detention, I hate Umbridge more than I ever did Snape and – sometimes I just wish Voldemort had killed me.
Especially these days with adults that claim they care for me ignoring my needs and the one adult who wants to help me getting undermined from every possible potential angle. And now that mum and dad are back, I want to leave more than ever because I am terrified that staying here will just have Halloween repeat itself.
And I know that my friends can get in danger if I leave, but with the fact that even my two best friends rely more on me than on the adults they constantly praise and cheer for, do I just know that – if Voldemort were to ever try and seize Hogwarts – I won't have either them or the adults to count on to keep me safe.
So why should I keep them safe when their actions constantly contradict their words? Why should I care when they only care when it conveniences them? Why – why can't they see how much they're hurting me? How much this scares me? Why do they take my anger for granted, but seem to rebel against me feeling bad or hurt?"
And while Harry isn't crying, has he shrunk down on himself, is his whole body shivering and is he looking at the other side of the room without seeing it. His words definitely shocked me, but the more that he got close to the end, the more my shock got replaced with my pain for his situation and my care for him in his state.
"They should, but you shouldn't." I then tell the boy, knowing that it might become a lie sometime in the future, yet knowing that it shouldn't be up to Harry for that to become true or not and when Harry looks at me, do I say: "They should start to care – and if that means you should stop caring for them, then so be it.
Harry, if they don't continue proving that they're worthy of your friendship and your care, then they don't have the right to order to you to care for them either. I can get that you're afraid that speaking up will make them leave you, but you're not realizing the truth here. Those who don't accept everything about you – aren't true friends."
"So what should I do?" Harry asks, having at least turned around, but having not stopped shivering or moved out of his shrunk down position and I gently lie one hand on his side as I say: "Whatever you want to. If people complain, tell them you like doing it and if they then still complain, just go ahead and ignore them.
Manny knows they've been doing that for you more than enough times." I snipe in the end and Harry snickers as he asks: "Are you sure?" And I nod as I say: "Harry, if you don't live your life the way you want to and if you just give up everything you like for other people's sakes – then trust me, kiddo, you're not living."
And Harry sighs as he says: "I guess not. So where do you think I should start?" And while I have no doubt that the boy will find this very hard to do, do I say: "Tell Lily and James what you told me." The boy looks shocked and I say: "You don't have to tell them everything, Harry, but they still deserve to hear some of it.
Not because they're your parents or because they sacrificed themselves for you, but because it was them that inspired me into coming up here. They inspired me into having this conversation with you – which would have come way later if it weren't for them. Because of that do they deserve to hear at least some of what you told me."
The boy sighs and asks: "What would you pick?" And I answer: "First of, the problems you have with your friends. You said you distrust Hermione since Christmas. Was that because she didn't trust you with the Firebolt or something?" And Harry sighs as he says: "More that she didn't trust me to take her concerns over it seriously.
She voiced them when we all woke up on Christmas morning, but because she got in another argument with Ron over Wormtail, did she keep her mouth shut all the way until after lunch and even then she only said she wanted to talk to McGonagall. And all throughout the morning, she did glare at the Firebolt, but she didn't say anything."
"No wonder you don't trust her. That's a pretty big issue." I mutter and Harry asks: "So you think I should tell my parents about it?" And then I decide to drop the same bombshell with him as I did with Molly and I say: "As far as I know, kiddo, you already did." And when Harry turns to me, do I take a deep breath and say:
"Harry, as far as I'm concerned, did your parents die in 1981. The people downstairs? Yes, they're Lily and James, but – I think we need to take more out of the fact that they were brought back at your age than just North not being able to use his powers on adults. I think we should take that as the opportunity it is.
The – the opportunity for you to have both siblings and parents. And Harry, if it were up to me, I would be your dad, Molly your mum – yes, I know, shocker – and Arthur would be your honorary uncle and Remus your godfather. And the funniest of it all; I know the ritual that can make it happen and it's bloody easy."
"It – it is?" Harry asks and I nod at him as he asks: "Then – then why hasn't anyone told me you were planning this?" To which I ask: "You think they actually listened even one of the few times I came up with it?" And Harry sighs as he says: "Combine that with their bloody fear to even so much as use their voices for communications –."
And I nod at the boy before I say: "Now let me tell you one simple thing, Harry James Potter. Yes, I know the ritual to do this. Yes, I will activate it in less than a heartbeat. But no, I won't do this if you disagree with even one of the factors I just described. Cause the ritual does require for four adults to take on guardianship roles like that."
At this Harry seems to turn contemplative before he sighs and says: "Sirius, I – I would love it if you would do that ritual, but –." And I say: "But you don't trust either Molly or Remus enough to want to make it work." And Harry mutters: "And I'm scared they'll use their new roles to even further undermine your roll in my life."
And as much as I hate it, do I sigh and give the boy right. I then lie my hand on his shoulder and say: "Stay here, I'll be right back." And the boy nods before I turn more serious than caring and move back down the staircases and back into the kitchen. "How is he? Is he okay? What did you talk about? Did he change his mind? Did he apologize?"
Molly instantly raves at me and I raise my eyebrow at her, especially because of that last ridiculous question. "Answer me!" The woman snaps, only to notice how the others are glaring at her and I say: "He refused a ritual that can get him two new parents, a new uncle and a new godfather – because he doesn't trust two of them.
You – and Remus. He's too worried that you will use your roles as godfather and mother to undermine my role as his father. Congratulations." I sneer in the end and the woman gapes at me before she says: "You're lying.""I would sooner kill Lily and James than lie about my godson, thank you very much." I snarl back at her.
"I'm willing to believe that one." James then says and Arthur asks: "But what about them?" To which James proves just why we were so close all those years ago as he says: "Arthur, we're kids. Teenagers. We're not fit to be adults, let alone parents. No, we're better off as Harry's new siblings or something down that line."
"Which is exactly what I told Harry – oh, and I encouraged him to spill some of his most private secrets with you two; things that he hides because people are, sometimes, a little too vocal about their dislike about those things. Parsletongue, anyone?" And many of those around me start to rub the back of their necks in guilt.
"We'll be right back." Lily then says and when she and James pass me on their way up, does she lie a hand on my shoulder and say: "I knew I made the right choice." Making me smile at her before Molly asks: "Wait! Lily picked you for godfather?" And I answer: "Yep, Lily chose the guardians, James chose the name. That's how it went."
And the woman seems shocked that I wasn't chosen as godfather by my best friend before Arthur says: "Molly, do you remember what Sirius said before he left? About what he wants for Harry? About the family he would chose for Harry to have if things were up to him? Because I remember that you were in that, Molly."
At this the woman looks at me and I turn from her to her kids as I say: "You're a great mother, Molly. You care like no other and you have most of your morals set right. You're just letting your pride over having raised Harry from time to time and your fear for the war make you think that being his guardian is a competition of sorts.
It's not and the fact that you're more focused on that than on Harry hurts; and I don't mean that it hurts me, it hurts him, because it takes him the reason to trust you enough to go through with this idea for the ritual. And Remus, I don't know what you did wrong to make Harry lose his trust in you, but I know I'm not going to like it."
"I may have taken a little too long in getting used to everything more or less being back to how they were before Halloween happened. You know, your innocence, Pettigrew being the weakling that he is, things like that.""And in the mean time you ignored Harry?" And the werewolf nods in guilt before Ron says:
"To the point that he broke promise to boot. He told Harry at the end of our third that he was sure they would see each other again real soon. Their first reunion; the night Harry was brought here back in summer." And the way that the werewolf just rubs the back of his neck with a guilty grin on his face makes me growl and say:
"Looks like that adoption ritual won't be happening anytime soon, thanks to you. Thanks a ton." And the man cringes before I say: "Remus, I can't stop you from wanting to keep yourself from having a bloody love life; that's not for me to change. But I can stop you from hurting Harry; that I have a right to change.
And I can tell you here and now, old pall, that I would sooner sacrifice you, James and Lily than see Harry hurt. And you know I mean that. So are you going to continue being the coward that hides behind his benefactor of over two decades ago – or are you going to be the man you want to be and make up for your mistakes.
Because the one reason Harry doesn't trust any of you lot is because you constantly wave it away when you make a mistake with him. But when he makes a mistake, you turn it into the front paper news for a good week to longer. Don't you think it's a long time overdue that things like that get turned around already?"
And Remus sighs, pain, guilt and defeat showing through his voice and stance, while Molly herself is looking at me wide eyed. And while I can easily tell that the woman is seeing me in a whole new light – just like she did when I opened my home after Arthur's attack – does Remus prove he does trust me as he asks: "What should we do?"
And while I can tell that Molly is still a little hesitant to be included in the group of we, do I just cross my arms and give a stern commanding glare to the whole room, not even caring that I am including the Guardians in my stare as I answer: "Apologize. Apologize and prove that you mean it. Prove that you want to make up for your wrongs."
And just by looking around, do I know that I hit a major hurdle in all of this as practically everyone looks uncomfortable and is rubbing the back of their necks, but then the silent guy suddenly seems to man up and squares his shoulders as he silently floats up the staircase. And after seeing him do so, do I turn to the group and ask:
"Well, what are you waiting for? I doubt he's going to sing you an invitation or something." And the group cringes before they all start moving up the staircase. And while their reluctance makes me know we still have a long – long – way to go, do I still take a deep breath and think: "It's a good first step." Before I follow them up.
Well, that happened.
And I must say, I am very happy and proud with this chapter. It didn't cover the ritual as I had actually originally planned and I may have shown why I love Sirius as #1 HP franchise character, but I personally think that this chapter makes the rest of the story have a lot of potential. And stuff like this just isn't solved in a day.
Next chapter, Harry comes clean. It will cause some issues and a few of the characters will temporarily break with Harry, but the break will be only temporary. And let's face it, it's not as if the break will make Harry become all by his lonesome as the ritual will give him parents and he does have the Guardians too.
This will be fun,
Venquine1990
PS. As you know I have many more previews that I want to change into stories. Yet the way I will post those stories will depend on a poll that is now on my profile. Please go there and vote, thanks.
