If We Had Hearts
Chapter 9: Ignorance is Bliss
For the first time since they'd started the tradition Roxas didn't come to the clock tower for ice cream. Xion immediately went there hoping to talk about what had happened… but he only found Axel waiting. The red head glanced up looking irritated.
"Hey… how did it go?"
"I… I got my keyblade back… but I'm pretty sure I upset Roxas." He admitted taking his usual spot and sighing heavily.
"That explains why she isn't here…" Axel though and lounged back. "Wanna tell me what happened? Maybe I can smooth things between you two."
"I'm not entirely sure what happened. After we beat the heartless I started seeing images in my head. I think they were memories from my human life. It all felt so familiar… and there was a name that brought on this sensation of… oh I know that name."
"Hmmm? What name is that?"
"Sora…" Xion didn't look up so he didn't see the surprise on Axel's face. "... in the memory, I kissed a girl named Sora."
"What?" the shock in Axel's voice was apparent. "You sure about that?"
"Yes… and after I saw that memory I looked down at Roxas… for some reason I couldn't control my actions. I kissed her."
"You WHAT!?" Axel sat up and snagged him by the cloak. "Just what the hell were you thinking?"
"That's just it…" Xion grabbed Axel by the wrists. "I don't know. It hit me out of the blue and afterward Roxas ran away from me so I… I don't know what to do. I'm sorry I'm really sorry."
"Tch... " he shoved Xion away from him. "I'm not the one you should be apologizing to. Roxas will forgive you...but give her some time... think it through. I'm pretty sure she's just as confused as you so you both need space right now."
Liar...Axel told himself. You just don't want him anywhere near Roxas right now.
"Here…" He shoved the ice cream at Xion. "I'm heading back for a long shower. I got my butt kicked in Agrabah thanks to you two." He stood and started walking back.
"Thanks...you gonna stay mad at me?" Xion questioned, halting Axel's movements.
""I'm not mad, I can't be mad or I'm not supposed….gahhhh forget it Roxas is right. Yeah I'm angry, but like you said it wasn't entirely in your control...but be warned. I call dibs." He jerked a thumb to his chest and Xion's brow rose.
"Dibs? On Roxas?"
"That's right… no making moves on my girl unless she says otherwise. Agreed?"
His girl? Why did that phrasing just make Xion angry?
"So if she kisses me it's okay? Good to know." Xion turned his back to Axel and munch in his ice cream."
"That's not what I...oh forget it." He walked off. He'd have better luck with Roxas he we sure.
~Roxas~
Sora…
I love you…
Who knew that just a few words could mess up her mind so badly. Roxas had never been so confused or conflicted before. It didn't matter if Xion had instigated it, the two of them kissed each other. Roxas had promised Axel he would be the only one she'd kiss. He'd been the only one she'd ever wanted to kiss.
Yet when it happened, when Xion leaned in she hadn't been able to pull away. She'd been trapped by the deja vu, caught in memories and emotions that weren't really her own.
"Who's Sora?" That question plagued her the most. "Why do I know that name?"
There knock on her door made her tense up and she was tempted to yell at them to go away.
"Who is it?"
"Roxy it's me."
"Axel!" Oh thank goodness! Axel would be able to answer her questions she was sure. She flung open the door and leapt into his arms. Axel stumbled back some and looked around flustered.
"Whoa, Roxas you crazy what if someone sees?" Axel carried her into the room flustered. "Saix will give us grief if he sees…"
"Axel… Xion kissed me." She confessed into his shoulder. "I'm sorry, I said I wouldn't kiss anyone else but…"
"I know… Xion told me it's why I'm here. It's okay Roxas I'm not blaming you." He stroked her hair. "He caught you off guard."
"Mmmm Axel...I need to ask you a question." She murmured into his neck holding on even tighter.
"Okay… you gonna let go of me?" Not that he was complaining...but he wanted to see her face. She obliged, her eyes wet and bottom lip trembling. The sight of it had his breath trapping in his lungs.
"Can you tell me...what love is?"
"What?" His voice squeaked out. "Why do you wanna know something like that?"
"I...when Xion kissed me... I heard this voice in my head. It said "I love you." I think it was a memory because I could feel or remember all these emotions just filling me up inside. My chest tightened, I couldn't breathe...it was frightening and exciting and... painful."
Axel's eyes narrowed and he took her shoulders again rubbing them.
"Love is complicated like that. I've never experienced it myself but...I hear it can bring you the greatest joy and the worst pain imaginable. Love is… well…" he let go and nervously rubbed his neck. "It happens when two people really care about each other. When you're together it's fun and exciting, when you're apart it's painful and depressing. You know you're in love when you can't imagine your life without them."
Roxas' eyes were so wide and expressive. Just watching her react, seeing the change in them made him nervous and a bit flushed from his own explanation.
"Is any of this sinking in?"
"Yeah, it is." Roxas took a slow deep breath. Realization had hit her and it was startling. "So...say you're in love with someone...what do you do together?"
"Well… For adults the traditional thing is they stay together, get married, have kids, live long and happy lives etc…" Axel explained waving his hands around as he started listing things off.
"Married? What do you mean get married?"
"Ah its…" Axel rubbed the back of his neck. "It's where you make a life long promise to be together."
"Okay, how come you need to be an adult to do that?"
"Because marriage means…" Axel shook his head and hands trying to shake away all the perverted images in his mind. "Look Roxas…" He sat her down on the bed. "Why do you want to know all this? Even if you are starting to remember stuff like love and other feelings it's all just baggage. It's got nothing to do with you now."
"I'd still like to know...especially since I'm pretty sure I love you Axel."
Axel had been about to sit beside her but her words had him missing the bed and falling on his ass.
"Whoa whoa whoa! Wait what?!" Axel stumbled to his feet, eyes wide in disbelief. "What are you talking about? We're-" he started to bring up the fact they were nobodies but she quickly cut him off.
"Everything you said just now about love...all of it applies to you Axel. It's fun to be around you, it's painful when you leave." She held her chest remembering when he'd left for castle oblivion, ad when she believed he'd been dead. She'd nearly gone back to being a zombie without him. "I can't imagine my life without you in it. I don't want to."
Axel let out a slow breath trying to calm himself. He looked down at Roxas' serious face and started feeling flutters of his own.
"You're serious…"
"Yes…" Her quick smile had those flutters increasing. Axel couldn't contain himself. Roxas' next words were cut off with a kiss. He cupped her face stroking her cheeks with his thumbs and just letting himself indulge in the moment. He heard her give a little sound of pleasure and his lips slowly curved in response.
"Now that you've said it…" He said after the kiss broke. "You can't take it back. It's a rule."
"Axel…" Her eyes lit up and her fingers curled into the fabric of his cloak.
"This makes us more than friends now." He sat beside her again and curled her into his arms. "It makes us boyfriend and girlfriend. I think the politically correct term is lovers, but we may not be ready for that stage yet."
"Hmmm? What stage is that?" She asked curiously.
"The marriage, and making babies stage… we'll need to wait a few years when you're a bit more grown up. By then we'll have hearts of our own and can do everything normal couples do."
"What do you mean til I'm grown up?" Roxas pouted.
"That right there. You're too cute." He grinned and poked her cheeks. She smacked his hands away making him laugh. "Just trust me Roxy… when we have hearts you'll understand."
"Why is having a heart such a big deal… I just don't get it. We're experiencing all these wonderful things without them so why is a heart really needed?" She curled into his arms burying her face in his chest again. "I don't understand."
"We've been over this Roxas. The whole point is we don't understand. It's why we're working so hard to build Kingdom Hearts, to help us understand."
"Maybe… but I don't think we need hearts. So long as I have you, and Xion in my life that would be enough for me." She closed her eyes and cuddled in close. "I don't need anything else."
Axel frowned. If Xemnas or any of the other organization members knew that it could cause trouble. Still he couldn't help but agree. He stroked her hair and lay with her.
"First you'll need to patch things up with Xion. Take some time and figure out what you wanna say to him. If he's important to you, you can't just keep ignoring him."
He felt her tense up but she nodded.
"Yeah… you're right…"
~Several days later~
Roxas took her time approaching Xion… despite her talk with Axel she just didn't feel comfortable around him. She completed missions on her own and would go straight to bed afterward. Still the annoying pit in her stomach wouldn't go away, and she knew she'd probably have this bad feeling until she confronted him.
After her mission was complete she went to the tower and saw Xion sitting alone looking miserable. The pit in her gut got heavier and she lowered her head shamefully before approaching him.
"Xion…"
"Roxas!" Xion's head jerked up and he stood. "You're here!"
"Yeah… I'm sorry Xion. I shouldn't have been avoiding you but… I wasn't sure how to approach you, or how to go about all this."
"No, please, don't apologize Roxas." He took her hands in his and held them firmly to make sure she wouldn't pull away. "I'm the one who should apologize. I don't know what happened, or how to explain it."
"I know," Roxas took a deep breath and stared up. "Can we… go someplace else and talk about this? If Axel comes I don't want him making any comments. I need to get this all off my chest."
"Yeah, sure… let's take a walk into town." He offered and the two of them walked down to the main level and headed down the streets. The group of kids, Hayner, Pence, and Olette ran by them and Roxas gave them a brief glance before turning her attention back to the task at hand.
"So… Axel told me you think we're connected by our memories."
"That's my theory… I was having these visions… and I heard voices that were familiar but I'd never heard them before. You had them too didn't you? That's why you ran away?" Xion asked and got a nod from Roxas.
"Yeah… but I'm not entirely sure who I was in those visions, or where I'd heard them before. I couldn't really picture a face, or even recall a name but I heard a boy's voice. Next thing i know I had this overwhelming sensation… all sorts of feelings… or recollections of feelings... just building up inside me, making my chest hurt and for a moment I couldn't even breathe. It was scary and my body just told me to run."
"I guess I felt the same way… i had the same pain in my chest… but at the same time there was a sense of completion in what I'd done. It was as if I'd unlocked a door and saw what was inside, but I wasn't entirely satisfied with the contents." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be… I really don't think we were meant to do that Xion. W emay have known each other in our past lives and that's why we're connected, but I don't think kissing is something we were ever meant to do."
"I don't think so… I know we have a connection, Roxas. I could tell from the memories." Xion stopped and turned to her. "It could be we used to be like you and Axel in our previous lives. Maybe the real reason I wasn't satisfied is because we're not who we used to be, we don't have hearts and don't understand the differences. I liked kissing you, Roxas."
"It wasn't as if I didn't like kissing you too… it was interesting and it made me remember things and emotions I don't think I would have otherwise. Still I don't want to kiss anyone but Axel. He..." She wasn't sure she could explain love to Xion correctly so she improvised. "He's special to me."
"I see…" Xion lowered his head. He wasn't sure why that statement made him uncomfortable. "If that's the case...then what am I to you, Roxas?"
"A friend," she said immediately and took Xion by the hands gripping them tight. "You're my best friend."
Xion's eyes softened and the weight on his chest began to lift as the image in his mind got clearer. He could see more faces, feel more emotions… a setting sun, a calm ocean, and hear the laughter of a girl. His lips curved into a smile.
"Your best friend… I'm your best friend and you are mine."
Xion's male form wavered… and gave way to the female. Roxas' eyes went wide with surprise as she watched the handsome boy go sweet and soft in the face face. His black hair shortening and eyes rounded and blue as her own. Was this the form Axel saw? Was this cute girl the real Xion?
"Okay…" the voice that paired with it brought on a new sense of nostalgia to Roxas. "I'm more than happy with that. So long as we can be together, right?"
"Y-Yeah!" Roxas smiled and hugged the female now in a tight embrace. "Thanks Xion!"
"No, thank you Roxas...you've helped me understand myself...and I think I'm finally getting a picture of who I was and who I am. We're connected by our memories. It's why we have so much in common and it's that connection that makes us such good friends."
Roxas felt the weight from her own chest lift and her smile went bright.
"Great… now that that's settled let's go get ice cream and meet up with Axel. We can tell him the good news."
Xion nodded and the two girls rushed off side by side. When they returned to the clock tower with Axel waiting Xion got another strong sense of Deja Vu. She looked out at the setting sun, and could hear waves. She reached into her pocket and pulled out the shell she'd collected after the day's mission.
Don't forget no matter where you two go, I'll always be with you. We're friends no matter what.
"mmhmmm…" Xion murmured and clasped the shell tightly in hand. " Best of friends"
"Did you say something Xion?" Roxas glanced up and pat the spot next to her. Xion pocketed the shell and sat down.
"No," she shook her head. "Just thinking out loud."
~Ask Briry~
Briry: I may have rushed this chapter a bit because I've been behind schedule due to kittens and babies and things but I'm on vacation so I'll have more time to write! YAY!
Next Chapter: The Twilight Town Trio
