A/N Thanks to everyone who reviewed previously. You have given me the incentive to carry on because I was honestly worried that this would end up as a collection of silly little stories!
I've actually got a plot in mind now!
Next chapter will be in Edward's point of view.
Don't be shy. REVIEW!
Last but no least, everything belongs to Stephanie Meyer and Sponge Bob Square Pants.
Only Fools Fall In Love
Chapter VII - Part 1
Volvo Man
BPOV
I had spent the best part of the day being waxed, plucked, pulled and prodded within an inch of my life. If I'm being truthful, Alice had pulled off a miracle. I looked good. Shame I didn't feel the same.
My dress was by some designer whose name I couldn't pronounce and (according to Alice) it accentuated my curves in all the right ways. I'd teamed the dress with a pair of black leggings and a pair of ballet pumps. I had insisted on wearing my hair down and as for the red shoes with the heels, I'd hidden them at the back of the closet under last week's dirty laundry. There was no way that I was going to remind him of yesterday's hideously embarrassing episode.
I glanced nervously at the clock on the kitchen wall as I sipped the glass of wine Alice had poured for me a little earlier. "A little Dutch courage," she'd said as she placed the glass on the counter.
In an hour, he would be here. I wondered whether he would turn up in the Aston Martin. God that would be so cool. In fact, it was nearly as cool as having a date with Edward himself.
Nearly!
I'd booked a table at the best Italian restaurant Port Angeles had to offer. Okay, it was the only Italian restaurant in Port Angeles and so therefore by default the best.
I'd woken early after possibly the worst night's sleep I'd ever had. I replayed yesterday's telephone conversation in my mind repeatedly alongside our initial meeting in the park and I'd decided that I was no longer going to pretend to be something that I wasn't. I just didn't have the prowess to pull it off!
Alice was dubious when I told her my plan but then after I'd presented her with the evidence she'd reluctantly agreed that perhaps it was for the best. I was not intellectual and I certainly was not a strong and independent person of the female persuasion.
He would either like me or hate me and if I was perfectly honest, I didn't want to give him any more ammunition for him to collapse in a fit of hysterics. I didn't blame him of course. Hell, if I were in his shoes I'd have done the same. It just would be nice to have a normal conversation without me putting my foot in it and making a complete fool of myself.
After all, you can fool some people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but cheaters never prosper.
No, that's wrong!
You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but a friend in need is a friend indeed.
Shit!
Perhaps, I'd had a little too much wine.
I called Alice.
"Alice, what is that saying about you can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can make a fool of yourself anytime."
She looked at me blankly. "I'm not sure what you're asking me Bella."
"You know that saying that people say about fools." I reiterated.
She still looked none the wiser. "What about it?"
"What is it?" I slurred.
"Fuck Bella, how much have you had to drink?" She picked up the empty wine glass and the now nearly empty bottle.
"Shit you're pissed Bella!" She stated staring at me through slanted eyes.
"Am not!" I replied defensively. "I was just trying to remember that saying that people say about people when they say they are fools."
"You said it already." She sounded a little exasperated as she busied herself with the coffee maker.
"Said what? "
"You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can make a fool of yourself anytime."
"Yeah, that's it. Thanks Alice. That would have driven me crazy all night. Its like you know what it is that your thinking about, it like on the tip of your tongue but you just cant remember it?"
Alice eyed me questionably and began to mumble something about strong coffee and touching up my lipstick.
"Bella, we need to sober you up." Alice placed a huge mug of black coffee into my hand instructing me to drink it. Then she skipped off out of room returning a few moments later with her makeup bag. She waited until I downed the coffee and then began to retouch the makeup she had applied earlier.
"How do you feel Bella?" She asked in a concerned tone. Maybe you should just call him and cancel. Tell him you don't feel too good."
"No way!" I shouted. "Besides, he'll be here in two minutes so it too late."
Alice looked me over with a troubled look on her face. She pursed her lips and shook her head slowly.
"I don't know Bella, its just…"
"It's just what Alice? I'm twenty-four years old so legally and morally it's okay that I've had a glass or two of wine so stop fussing over me like an old mother hen. I'll be fine." I hadn't meant to sound so harsh so I made an effort to soften my tone before I continued and it began well.
"What's the worst that can happen? Are you worried that I'll say something embarrassing or fall over or worse? "Then it deteriorated.
"Well, here's news for you girlfriend, the chances of me doing all of those things is high with or without the wine anyway. So just relax, chill out, chillax! Everything will be okay."
"I'm not sure whether that is the wine or the coffee but you talk too much. " She said despondently. Girlfriend?" She questioned. "Did you just call me girlfriend?"
"Yeah, they say it all the time on Jerry Springer. You have to click your fingers when you say it. It's more effective that way."
"What way?" She asked, obviously not attuned to the world of trailer trash television.
"Like this silly." I jumped down awkwardly off my stool, turned to face her and in my best trailer park accent, I said. "Oh no you didn't girlfriend" snapping my fingers in time with the rhythm of the words.
She stared at me open-mouthed.
"Bella promise me you won't do that tonight."
"Oh Alice. Be cool! Sleep in a fridge!" Although, I knew she meant well she was pissing me off and just thinking about feeling pissed reminded me I had to pee.
"I need to use the bathroom." I informed her as I made my way out of the room.
Once I'd freshened up, I made my way to Alice's room. She had a full-length mirror and I wanted to check that I still looked okay. After readjusting my dress and running my fingers through my hair, I turned and made my way back towards the kitchen.
"Hey Alice," I called. Do you think that it's ever okay to pick up your bowl and drink the soup straight from it? I said as I entered the kitchen.
I stopped dead in my tracks as I rounded the door and saw that Edward Cullen was standing in the middle of the kitchen looking at me like...
You know I can't even describe to you how he was looking at me because I was too distracted with the fact that he was stood in my kitchen dressed from head to toe in black in a pair of ass hugging pants and a tight t-shirt looking like some fucking hot ninja .
I stood mouth a gape for a few moment before I saw Alice perched on the counter top, her head buried in her hands, which brought me back down to reality with a bump.
Fuck!
He'd heard everything.
What was I supposed to do now?
I hadn't got a fucking clue so I did what was natural and finished my sentence.
"It's just I tend to dribble when I use aspoon."
The room was silent apart from the sound of my breathing and the ground opening up below me. I didn't know what to do next so I looked over at Edward and gave him one of my award winning cheesy grins.
"Hi." I squeaked and then I hiccuped once loudly.
A look I couldn't quite decipher washed over his face momentarily and then he handed me a small bouquet of flowers. "For you." He said.
"Um, thanks." I mumbled.
I accepted the bouquet turning to hand them to Alice. "Can you put these in one of those…you know one of those things you put flowers in."
"A vase?" She offered
"Yeah a vase." I confirmed grabbing my purse from the counter and turning towards Edward. "Are you ready to roll?"
"Are you ready?" He raised his eyebrow as he asked as if doubting that I was.
I giggled. "I was born ready." Then without warning, I mean without even thinking, I said eight of the most embarrassing words in the history of most embarrassing words ever.
"I'm ready, I'm steady, I'm ready steady Eddie."
"Edward, Bella shouldn't drink any more tonight." Alice said sternly shooting me a withered look, which I suppose in hindsight I should have interpreted as a 'shut the fuck up' look.
"Yeah, I figured."
He gestured towards the door but I was raised to be polite and well mannered so I insisted "No, after you."
Well, I it would have been wasteful to miss the opportunity to view his butt in all its glory from the best possible angle. He turned somewhat reluctantly and walked towards the door.
Once outside he made his way towards a car that was parked just off the driveway. I followed closely behind, my sight fixed firmly on the magnificent sight that was Edward's ass. I didn't even blink for fear that the image would disappear like a desert mirage.
I heard the jangle of his keys and the small electronic beep of the central locking system being activated. At one point, it was touch and go as to whether I would be able to shift my line of vision from his firm buttocks but with Herculean effort, I finally managed.
What the fuck?
I had expected Edward to arrive in an Aston Martin DB9 and yet here he was opening the door of a Volvo.
A Volvo!
A fucking Volvo!
Again, what the fuck?
I can judge a man by the type of car he drives. It's like some kind of sixth sense and one that I was particularly proud to possess. For me, Volvo man is someone who is so bad at driving that they want a car that is perceived overly safe. They drive slowly in the fast lane; they cut into traffic causing other drivers to swerve and brake violently to avoid collisions.
Thus in reality, if you enter into a relationship with said Volvo man it can only mean that he will get in your way and generally will have a negative impact on your state of mind and overall wellbeing.
Now, the Edward, I knew and loved drove an Aston Martin DB9 which of course indicated that Edward was (and this is a somewhat condensed version of my theory) a sexy bastard! He was most certainly not a frigging Volvo driver and to be frank, this discovery upset me somewhat.
"Is this your car?" I enquired.
"Yeah!" He replied as he opened the passenger door open for me.
I'm not sure whether it was the tone of my voice or the look of disgust on my face but he obviously saw that I was less than impressed.
"I love this car." He informed me giving me one of his infamous crooked grins, which in another time or place would have impressed me but this was not the time or the place.
"I take it that you have some aversion to Volvo's then?" I sensed the humour in his voice and it was then that I noticed that I was actually physically edging away from the vehicle.
"I just didn't imagine this would be the sort of car you would drive!" I replied honestly.
He looked at me as if he was trying to figure something out and then chuckled softly.
"Are you going to get in or are we going to walk to Port Angeles?" He said offering me his hand.
Jesus!
I was going to touch Edward Cullen's hand!
I stepped forward and gingerly took hold of his hand.
The last thing that I remember as I leaned forward to get into the car as gracefully as I could was just how fucking much I loved his hand.
