If We Had Hearts

Chapter 18: My Summer Vacation PT. 2

~A World That Never Was~

"You can't seriously be considering getting rid of her!" Axel protested to the superior. In the great room of thirteen seats only three members were attending the council as others were busy with mission work. Aside from Axel and The Superior, the organization's #3 Xaldin sat tall in his chair glowering at the lower member.

"Why are you showing favoritism? You who have been so merciless to others who betrayed and abandoned the organization?"

"I'm telling you it's not like that. She hasn't betrayed or abandoned anything, they're keeping her hostage, messing with her mind. She can't come back!" Axel pleaded his fist banging on the side of his chair. "We need to rescue her, not destroy her."

"Rescue? Please, she's not some princess in a tower and you're not a white knight. You are a nobody, a member of this organization and she is a traitor. If she cannot come back, then you know what you must do." Xaldin spoke with a firm tone, his lance lifting up and shooting across the room and right next to Axel's head. "Or it'll be you who'll face the consequences."

Axel sniffed and he looked up at the superior who said no words… but his actions spoke for themselves.

"So you'll turn me into a dusk?" His fingers dug into his arms. "Alright, ALRIGHT! I'll do it if that's what you want!"

Damn it, Axel thought with a curse. Now he really had to convince Roxas to come back with him… or they'd both be destroyed.

~Digital Twilight Town: 2 days left of Summer Vacation~

"You know…" Pence called out to Roxas who stood out in front of the mansion. They'd all agreed to check out the 7 mysterious wonders of Twilight Town as part of their independent study homework… but after investigating a few Roxas had suddenly started acting odd… seeing things that weren't there, hearing voices, and nearly walking right off the train platform. Seeing her like that had upset Hayner and completely cut the fun mood. "We were gonna check out the mansion tomorrow."

Roxas slowly turned to face Pence her eyes narrowed and hands fisted at her sides. After all the oddities they'd experienced today the train was the last straw. She KNEW she'd seen the ghost train… had been ready to step right onto it. Now Roxas wondered if she was going crazy… and if the events of yesterday even happened.

"It is the most suspicious place, even Seifer's gang was gonna help."

"Seifer?"

"Yeah, Hayner asked him to." Pence explained and eyed the top window. "They say that a girl appears in the second floor window, even though no one has lived here for years."

"A girl… huh?" Roxas' eyes looked straight up at the white curtained window… and she saw Namine there. She'd only met the girl briefly on the street, a harmless hello that had triggered bigger events such as the encounter with the Seifer's gang and the miscreants, and her strange dream of facing a large monstrous husk.

Namine had to be connected with everything that was going on. Which means she had to have answers.

"Roxas…" she heard Namine's voice call to her and Roxas felt as if she were floating. She could see the room, the large white room with pages of pictures scattered all around. These pictures were all images of things that were familiar… things she'd seen in dreams.

"Namine?" Her eyes scanned the room for her, but saw no one. So she eyed the pictures instead and reached out stroking a finger over the figures. "This is me?" She pointed to the blonde in black and looked to the figure next to her. "Axel's here too?"

"He is your boyfriend after all…"

"Very funny…" Roxas laughed a little. She thought Namine meant that as a tease since Axel had kissed her suddenly, but didn't see the frown on Namine's lips.

"Don't you want to know the truth about who you really are?"

"I do, but I'm not sure I'll like the answers. No one knows me better than me, right?"

"Of course…" Namine agreed, but with a bit of reluctance in her voice. Instead of questioning it Roxas moved on, eying more pictures and pausing on one of a familiar trio.

"You know these three don't you?" Namine asked.

"Yeah… Sora, Donald and Goofy. They're from the dreams." She gave a small smile at the happy expression depicted. She'd gotten that same happy go lucky feel when watching them in her dreams.

"About a year ago… some things happened and I had to take apart the pieces of Sora's memories. Now i'm putting them back where they belong again. It's taken me a long time, but soon Sora will be her old self again. The process has been affecting you too Roxas."

"You mean the dreams?" She wandered a little further and saw another picture, one of her and Sora side by side holding hands as if they were friends.

"Yes… you see, you and Sora are connected Roxas. You hold half of what she is… and in order for her to be completely whole again, she needs you."

Roxas slowly turned and finally faced Namine who sat at the table her expression calm and sweet.

"Namine… who are you?"

"I'm a witch, I have powers over Sora's memories and those around her." She explained calmly. "At least that's what Diz calls me."

Roxas didn't need to be told who Diz was. She recalled the fearful man in red and his foreboding presence. She sighed heavily and looked back at the picture of her and Axel again.

"It's funny… I say no one knows me better than me… but suddenly I feel like I don't know myself at all." She slumped back in her chair sighing. "Everything that's been happening… it's so confusing and upsetting. I want to know why. Just who am I? Tell me Namine, what do you know about me that I don't?"

"You…" Namine swallowed hard not liking what was about to come out of her mouth. "You were never supposed to exist, Roxas."

Roxas' eyes went wide and then saddened.

"How can you say that? Even if it were true?"

"I'm sorry…" She apologized and bowed her head. "I guess some things really are better left unsaid."

As the haze cleared and Roxas felt herself getting shaken by Pence she shook her head looking at him.

"Hey you okay? Did you see her?"

"Yeah, look up at the window, closely."

Pence glanced up, narrowed his eyes then let out a aggravated sigh.

"Aww lame, it's just the curtain moving." Pence shrugged. "Ah well… let's head back to the usual spot and let Olette and Hayner know."

"Right…" Roxas followed him but looked over her shoulder at the mansion with a soft scowl.

~Digital Twilight Town: 1 Day Left of Summer Vacation~

"You were never meant to exist, Roxas."

It took Roxas hours to find sleep after the day's events. She'd joined Hayner, Pence, and Olette atop the tower for ice cream as usual, but she just couldn't enjoy it. She had too many things on her mind, too many worries and wonders about her life.

When she did finally sleep she dreamed of Sora…

~Dream Sequence~

Though the visions were hazy and the voices scattered Roxas could vaguely make out the tall white door, and inside were crowds of heartless, a mouse like figure with a glowing keyblade, and a pair of teal eyes staring at her.

"Don't give up!" Riku shouted suddenly his face on the other side of the door.

"Riku!"

"No wait, what are you doing, if you stay inside you'll get locked in!" She tried to pull him through the cracks.

"Don't worry about me," He stroked her hand gripping it tightly in his. "I'll be fine."

"I don't want to say goodbye."

"So we won't… I'll see you again."

"Prom… wait…" thinking quickly she dug into her pocket and shoved the pendant at him. Riku's eyes went wide as he took hold and lifted it up.

"What's this."

"It's a charm… so long as you have it I'll always be with you. So promise me, Riku, Promise me we'll see each other again, prom-" Riku leaned through the door and finally closed that gap between them. His lips met Sora's in a warm kiss that was the promise of his return.

"I love you, Sora."

"You're the one that's special to me, Roxas…"

"Special? You still can't say it can you?"

~End of Dream Sequence~

Roxas woke with a start her face pale and sweaty. It was the first time she'd seen and heard herself in the dreams. Slowly she sat up and held her head, her body feeling so heavy and clouded. Was that Axel's voice she'd heard before her own?

"Are we really… a couple?" She touched her lips remembering the feel of his there and she shook her head trying to clear the haze. "Man what a night… I hope we find out what's really going on today, or I might go crazy."

She stood up and glanced out the window of her room and the morning sky. Tomorrow was the last day of Summer Vacation… There would be a fair and no matter what happened today she was determined to spend it with her friends and enjoy it. She'd brought down their fun long enough.

She showered and changed, pausing only briefly when she didn't see her parents at the table.

"Huh.. that's strange…" she looked around for them but shrugged it off and continued to run out. The townspeople ignored her, but she gave them no mind. Her smile brightened some when she saw her three friends clutched in a tight circle and laughing. Good it seemed they were all in a cheery mood.

"Hey guys! Man I could not sleep last night…" when they ignored her continuing with their conversation, Roxas frowned. "Guys?" She reached a hand out to touch Hayner's shoulder and gasped when her hand went straight through. "What?"

The group turned and ran straight through her and Roxas' eyes went wide in disbelief as Namine's words rang in her mind.

You were never meant to exist, Roxas.

Panic bubbled in her throat and she whirled around to run after them. As she breached the opening her friends were nowhere in sight… no one was. The town was silent as a tomb and it just added to her panic.

She let out a small startled sound as the white husks appeared blocking both of her paths… and from behind a dark portal opened and Axel stepped through.

"Look what it's come to…" Axel sighed heavily. "I have these icky orders to destroy you, if you refuse to come back with me."

Roxas slowly turned towards him, her eyes sad and hands shaking. Destroy her? What the hell?

"We're… together though… aren't we?"

"Well yeah but I'm not getting turned into a dusk for-" his voice cut off as realization hit. He looked into her face, saw the sad look in her eyes. "Wait, do you remember, now?"

"Y-Yeah…" she looked down guiltily. He was so excited, so eager… it had to be true, didn't it? He atmosphere didn't bode well… if he attacked she needed a weapon. Her eyes glanced around and she saw a thick stick laying at her feet.

"That's great, Roxie!" He approached her and she took a cautious step back. The hitch in her step made his eyes narrow. "I… I better make sure though so… what's our bosses name?"

Damn… Roxas looked down ashamed and crouched to pick up the stick. Axel saw her getting ready to defend herself and his hope shattered.

"You don't remember… man I can't believe this." He strung fingers through his hair in frustration. "How have things gotten so messed up?"

"I'm sorry, Axel… I wish like hell I know what was going on." The keyblade appeared in her hand and her eyes narrowed. "All I know… is that something's telling me not to trust you."

Axel's eyes flinched as he recalled her words the day they broke up.

"I can't! I can't trust you anymore! I can't trust anyone."

Her words left him frozen, even as she took on the nobodies that launched at her and tried to block her path. He couldn't bring himself to move or go against her. Had he really damaged their relationship that badly? Was it really his fault that they were in this position?

He clenched his teeth and let out a loud aggravated shout before raising his chakrams ready to attack her. Roxas lifted her blade prepared to block, but noticed he'd become frozen.

"What?" She waved a hand in front of Axel's eyes.

ROXAS! TO THE MANSION!

Diz's voice called out and she looked around for his form. When she found no one she just decided to listen and make a run for the mansion. As she made her way through the abandoned town more nobodies appeared to get in her way. She cut them down running with all her might towards the mansion.

As time unfroze Axel watched her run, watched Roxas leave him once again. He held his chest gritting his teeth. It was painfully clear to him now.

"The Roxas I know is long gone…" He couldn't make up for his mistakes anymore. If she wouldn't come back, if she wouldn't accept him… then he had no choice but to do his job. "Fine… I see how it is."

~Twilight Mansion~

Her memories were coming back… piece by piece she could see the picture forming in her head. Axel had been the trigger, and now little by little she could see why she hadn't really fit into this world, could see why Namine had told her she wasn't meant to exist. This world she was in wasn't real, at least not this version of it.

She went to the room with all the pictures, looking at the objects and people that were all too familiar to her. She saw herself in a city of darkness and had to hold her temple as more memories rushed in.

Your mind's made up?

Why did the keyblade choose me? I have to know.

You can't turn on the organization!

Organization 13… she'd once been a part of this group, along with Axel.

"Organization 13," she slowly turned to Namine who had been watching her this whole time. "Aren't they a bad group?"

"Bad, or good, I don't know. They're a group of incomplete people who are desperately searching for something." Namine explained sitting calmly in her seat as she had before.

"Searching for what?"

"Kingdom Hearts."

Kingdom Hearts… that rang bells and left an uncomfortable weight on her chest. She had to laugh at herself… man she was pathetic.

"What's so funny?"

"It's just, I think I'm running away from the question I really want to ask." Roxas' eyes took on a deep saddened look. "The pieces of my memory are coming back… and I'm slowly filling in the gaps. It's just… I don't know what's going to happen from here. I don't belong in this world, and I don't belong with the Organization. So I guess what I really want to know is... what's gonna happen to me now?"

She looked down at her hands sighing heavily and shutting her eyes. She felt so helpless, so incomplete. Everything she cared about was being stripped away from her, and she was left in limbo with direction to go in.

"Nothing else really matters anymore."

"Roxas…" filled with sympathy Namine smile warmly. "You are-" the image was disrupted, Namine's form disappearing and fading into code before Diz appeared and faced her.

"There's no knowledge that has the power to change your fate!" Diz said with malice in his voice. Roxas narrowed her eyes on this figure and she stepped forward.

"Maybe not, but I want to know. I have the RIGHT to know."

"A nobody doesn't have a right to know, nor does it have a right to BE."

Her spine tingled at that and her eyes went fierce and temperamental.

"WHAT IS A NOBODY?!"

"Diz!" Ansem/Riku appeared suddenly fully cloaked. "We've run out of time, too many nobodies."

Another black portal appeared and Namine stepped through.

"Roxas, nobodies like us are only half a person. You won't disappear, you'll be whole!" Namine tried to explain but Diz grabbed her trying to silence her.

"No more outbursts!" He told her and tried to pull her back into the darkness.

"LET HER GO! NAMINE!" Roxas reached out to stop but they disappeared. Overwhelmed by information and emotion Roxas held her head her eyes shutting tightly. What the hell? What the fucking hell?

A Nobody? A half a person?She glanced back at the portrait of her and Sora. As she stared at it something started to press on her mind. She wandered the mansion trying to find more clues to the answers she sought… and when she found Diz's lab, saw the readouts for both her and Sora the final piece of the puzzle clicked into place. She was Sora's nobody… she was the half of Sora that was missing in order to wake her and complete her memories.0

"No…" She looked down at her hands and shut her eyes tightly. "I don't want to disappear… I don't want to be just another part of someone else. I want a life of my own, friends to spend time with, worlds I want to see… don't I at least deserve a chance to be my own person!?"

She screamed and let loose her keyblade. She smashed it into the computer over and over releasing the anger and sadness that had built up inside. Why!? Why did it have to be Sora!? What was wrong with her? Why was she the one that had to disappear?!

"It's not fair! IT'S NOT FAIR!" She took one last swing panting and sobbing her head aching from the memories pressing in and the pull of something from further inside the mansion. She was here… Sora was here.

She turned to the open doorway eyes hard and she stepped into the next room. She hissed in irritation as nobodies popped up and Roxas cut through them almost effortlessly. She was sick of being stopped, sick of people getting in her way. She wanted to end this, wanted to end all of it!

"Simply amazing Roxas!" Axel's voice called out and had her tensed up. She turned to face him, and her heart ached. She saw the hurt and fury there, could hear the irritation in his voice and knew that a fight was inevitble.

"Axel…" regret stirred in her voice. "I'm sorry."

"You really do remember me this time…" he clenched his teeth and turned to her fully. HIs anger erupted in a chasm of flames. "I'm so FLATTERED!"

Roxas brought up her hands hissing out a breath as the flames burned around her and brightening the room. Through the haze of fire and smoke Roxas could see Axel's face, so filled with hurt and yet a twisted determination. He had an objective to complete, and was bound determined to fulfill it.

Alright then… no holding back.

Digging deep into her power Roxas stretched out her hands, two keyblades appearing and she twirled them together and stepped into a defensive stance.

"Two!?" Axel looked at her surprised and then had to laugh. "Learned some new tricks I see."

"Yeah, let's do this, Axel! Don't hold back!" She tossed her hair back and out of her face, sweat already forming from the increased heat.

"Ha, feeling a bit hasty are we? Then come here, I'll make it all stop!" He waved his Chakrams around teasingly and then launched up. "BURN BABY!"

Roxas leapt up as the floor became encased in flames as well. She had to keep a light footing or her shoes would melt on contact. Her keyblades matched blows with Axel's blocking and parrying. She had to quickly back up to avoid being cut across the chest and she grit her teeth realizing he'd taken her seriously when she'd told him not to hold back.

How had it come to this? She wondered. He'd once meant everything to her, but now she hardly recognized the man in front of her. Then again she'd changed too… she'd gotten a taste of true friendship, had gotten a taste of what it was like to just be happy. Now that she'd gotten that taste she wanted more. She wanted a life, wanted true friendship, true happiness… she wanted a heart!

"It's unfair isn't it?!" She beat her blades into a chest and sent him skidding on the ground. The flames died some, but the tornado of fire remained keeping the area heated and cut off from the outside.

"What is?!" Axel asked with a growl his temper rising more and he threw his chakrams at her which she blocked. He leapt at her and they braced against each other, both of their eyes looking fierce and competitive… but Roxas' held something more. They showed a deep seeded grief.

"It's not fair that you have to have hearts to really belong."

Axel's movements hitched at her words. She shoved him back and cross slashed both blades into his chest. Axel let out a cry of pain and stumbled back holding his chest. He shakily lifted on hand ready to attack again… but then he saw the tears welling up in her eyes.

"We needs heart to truly exist. That's why the organization was created… it was to make it so those of us without hearts could finally belong. The organization worked so hard to build Kingdom Hearts, and why they needed me to collect those hearts. I finally understand the real mission."

"Roxas…" he moved to stand but winced and held his side and fell back down to a knee.

"I'm sorry, Axel… I was a fool for not trusting you. You said that finding out the truth wouldn't make things better… and you were right." She shut her eyes and cried. "They just made things worse."

The flames died down as Axel watched Roxas cry. Realization hit him like a freight train. What was he doing? Had he really just been ready to kill the one person who meant the world to him? Damn it, what kind of fucked up drama was this?

"What's done is done… you already made your choice. We both have." Axel lowered his head in shame.

"Axel… does it really have to be this way? Do we really have to say goodbye as enemies rather than friends?" She asked him looking in his eyes pleadingly. She had fought against him with all of her strength, it would have done neither of them justice if she had held back because of her feelings… but now she was sick of fighting, sick of the animosity they shared. "I don't want that. I don't want to keep pretending that I hate you when I don't!"

Her words awoken him and he smiled a bit sighing heavily as the fight in him died. Damn it… he lost.

"Neither do I..." He laughed a little, struggled to his feet and walked to her. "Geez I'd nearly forgotten… the real reason I came to find you was so I could tell you something." He couldn't quite catch his breath. His eyes were filled with pain both physical and emotional. The moment she was within reach he leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips. "I was wrong, Roxas. You were right. It doesn't matter if we don't have hearts."

"What are you talking about? I just said-" Roxas lifted her hands gripping his cloak but he took her hands cupping them in his.

"It doesn't matter we don't have hearts. I believe you when you say that you love me…" he watched her eyes go wide with disbelief and he had to smile. "I believe you... because I love you too."

"Axel…" She stared at him tears fresh in her eyes as everything came flooding in at once. His mouth came down on hers again and he held her to him, holding on for dear life wishing he could just keep her there. He felt her wrap around him, felt her fingers tighten in his cloak and felt whole again. If things were different, he could be content just being with her, and staying incomplete… but things wouldn't change… not for them.

"I failed…" He stepped back from her, the black surrounding him. Roxas made a helpless sound and stepped towards him but he held out his hand "You and I both know what will happen if you came back with me. I won't let them use or destroy you, anymore Roxas… but I'm not gonna give you up either. I'll find a way for us to be together. So let's meet again, in the next life."

She let a little sob escape but her smile bloomed and she nodded at him. For some reason that teary smile meant the world to him.

"Yeah, I'll be waiting."

As Roxas watched him fade into the dark she lowered her head and just cried. A few moments later she stood in front of the capsule looking up at Sora's sleeping form. So this was it, huh? This was her fate? She couldn't help but feel animosity towards this girl. Sora had everything she wanted… it wasn't fair...it just wasn't fair.

"Sora, you're lucky." Her expression was bitter and teary. She wanted to be someplace else… anywhere else… but knew she couldn't run from this anymore. If only… she thought with bitterness… if only she had a heart too.

"Looks like my summer vacation is… over."

THE END,

~Ask Briry~

Briry: *tears* sniff sniff… damn you KH… pull on my heartstrings why don'tcha!? Final chapter is complete! I hope you all enjoyed it! Please look forward to the next segment

"If This Is The End."