Chapter 8

A week went by before the prospect of Athena venturing out on another mission was brought up. Cullen had only briefly seen the Inquisitor during the past few days, embarrassment still enveloping him every time he caught a glimpse of her face. He was just grateful that she looked healthier as the days went by, so much so that if someone met her today they would have no idea the pain she had been in a mere 7 days ago. That wasn't to say she was completely healed. Cullen had realised she was still neglecting the training grounds and although she tried, he still saw the wince of pain that briefly reached her eyes if she placed too much weight on her injured leg. Now, standing in the war room, he could not believe the words coming out of Leliana's mouth. How does she possibly believe Athena is ready to face more demons!

"We can not risk losing the Inquisitor by pushing her too much, she is only human! She has her limits!" he all but yelled back at the Spymaster. He knew it was unfair of him but he could not contain the panic he felt reaching the surface at the idea of sending her out there again.

"Commander, the Inquisitor has not opposed the idea. If she feels ready then we can not waste time as our enemy gains strength" Josephine cut in, clearly siding with Leliana in this dispute.

"Of course she said she is ready, you've met her! She feels responsible for all of Thedas. She will push herself to breaking point. I won't let that happen" at that he waved his hand, turning to shield his panicked expression from the two women. He could feel the pitying looks they offered him even when he wasn't looking in their direction. He did not want their pity, he just wanted them to see what he saw and as much as he kept telling himself he was arguing in favour of what was best for the Inquisitor, he knew deep down it was also partly for his own peace of mind. Though he tried to suppress his growing feelings for Athena, he could not completely ignore them. Seeing her at the gates of Skyhold covered in blood and in so much pain forced him to live the nightmare of Haven. He was sure he had lost her then and he was terrified he would lose her again. He was an ex-templar. His whole life he had trained to protect people. And now he was faced with this woman who he wanted to protect yet couldn't.

Suddenly the door creaked open and Athena entered the war room. Cullen looked towards her and felt some of the tension leave his body at the sight of her. She offered them all a smile and took her usual place by the mighty war table.

"Inquisitor, we were just discussing the possibility of you going back out into the field to deal with some urgent matters in Crestwood" Leliana addressed her as she handed over the reports documenting the issues in the area. Cullen was sure he saw a flash of panic in Athena's eyes before it was rapidly replaced.

"Of course, I will read the reports and see who is willing to come with me" she replied with a small smile. She's not ready, Cullen thought as he watched the meeting commence.

They finished up the meeting with minimal disagreements and Athena made a quick retreat back to her quarters. Cullen raced after her but was unable to catch her attention until she had already made it half way up the stairs to her quarters.

"Inquisitor… Athena, please slow down"

She stopped as she reached her door, one hand resting on the rough wood and her head bowed low. With a sigh she turned to face him, unable to hide behind her mask any longer. She looked exhausted, a clear sign she hadn't slept properly in weeks and her eyes were wide with fear, like a deer staring down an arrow, knowing death will claim it in a matter of seconds. It took all of Cullen's strength not to reach for her. He needed to keep this professional.

"Inquisitor, I just wanted to make sure this is what you want. Do you really think you're ready for this?". For a few seconds she didn't reply, her eyes focusing on the stairs in front of her instead.

"I don't know" she whispered and then disappeared into her quarters. Cullen took a deep breath before pushing open the door and stepping into the room. She was standing by the balcony doors, staring out over Skyhold through the pane of glass. She looked lost, caught up in too many worries and anxieties. Cullen approached her slowly, as if he was scared she would suddenly dart away from him.

"It will be okay if you're not ready. We can send other people to deal with the simpler tasks and myself and Leliana can handle the ones that need a more delicate hand. You do not need to push yourself so much" he spoke gently as he stood at her side, looking towards her to try and capture any tell-tale sign of what she might be thinking. Eventually she turned to look at him and he could sense the uncertainty she felt, trying to decide how much she should confine in him.

"I – I need to do this. It is my duty. This is what I am here for and I cannot let any more people down". She tried to appear confident, but he could hear the quiver in her voice as her emotions started to get the better of her. His eyes softened at her words.

"You have let no one down Athena" and with that, the first stray tear fell from her eye as she tried to turn away from him, hoping he had not seen her start to break. But Cullen saw. He mentally kicked himself as he realised he had failed to make her feel better about the situation.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. Please, tell me what is going on. I know you must feel alone but you're not, you never are". He reached out and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. He felt her shake slightly under his touch as more tears fell down her cheeks.

"I will be fine, Commander. Please just leave me be" she managed to say through her tears.

"I'm not leaving you Athena, not like this". Suddenly she turned and buried her face into the fur wrapped around his shoulders. A few seconds passed before he recovered from the shock and returned the embrace, wrapping his arms around her and holding her close as sobs wrecked through her small frame. It broke his heart to see her like this. He whispered sweet nothings into her ear as he tried to calm her. He slowly guided them both to the coach, gently lowering her until she was settled in his embrace. After a few minutes she began to calm down, tears ceasing, and her breathing beginning to even out.

"I'm so sorry" she repeated again and again, no matter how many times Cullen told her there was no reason for her to apologise. They sat like that for a while, neither needing to communicate, both just seeking comfort in each others presence.

"I-I guess I am scared to face everything again. I thought I had lost Iron Bull, Cassandra and Dorian. I thought I had failed. I can't afford to fail. Every mistake I make could jeopardise the whole of Thedas. I don't know if I can do this, Cullen" she whispered into his shoulder.

"You can do this. You are stronger than you realise and you have all of us here, ready to help in what ever way we can. Don't give up on the Inquisition yet". He felt her relax a little at his words. Suddenly, as if she had just realised the position they were in she shot up in alarm,

"I apologise, I did not mean to encroach - not that it wasn't pleasant – I mean, I crossed the line and I…" she fumbled over her words and her face turned crimson as embarrassment crept up her cheeks.

"Please, Athena, do not apologise. I want you to trust me and I want to help. Whether that is advising you on matters of war or holding you when you need someone there for you, I am more than happy to oblige" he reassured her, standing and holding her hands in his own, offering a gentle squeeze to settle her nervous.

"Thank you, it means more than you know". She took a step back and wrapped her arms around her body, preparing herself for what she was about to confess.

"I…haven't been sleeping well. The nightmares are…they make it difficult to want to sleep and I often wake up in pain when my anchor flares up. I don't want anyone to know, I have to be strong for them but I don't know how much longer I can endure this". She looked up at Cullen then, vulnerability clear in her eyes.

"I struggle to sleep as well", he could see the shock she felt at his confession, "I sometimes find that a sleeping potion helps. Though when the terrors are too much to bear, I often walk around the battlements. The fresh air helps to clear my mind". The troubled look remained on her face and he realised she had more than likely tried those options before to no avail.

"You could…always come to me, if the nightmares get too hard to deal with", rubbing his neck, he could feel the blush start to form on his face yet he continued, "I often stay up working late at night and perhaps it will help to have someone there when you are troubled with the memories of the dreams? I mean, that is if you feel comfortable and want to, I – I don't want you to feel uncomfortable" he gushed, feeling rather flustered by his directness. Athena did not try to hide the smile that played on her lips at his state.

"Thank you, Cullen. If I ever need company, I will consider you proposal". With that, he made sure she was feeling better and quickly left her quarters, ears still tinged red.


Hello, I'm so sorry it's been a little while since I updated. I had deadlines so unfortunately had to write about less exciting things. I hope you enjoy this chapter and thank you so much for the reviews so far. As always, feel free to review/follow ect, ect. Enjoy, fellow Dragon Age Lovers!