Chapter Seven
"Oh, dang. And that was it, huh? Then you moved into this place and just kept on being Huntress Wizard?" said Finn.
"Pretty much. I just sort of...lived in the forest for a while, until the Spirit of the Forest taught me how to sculpt these trees into a house. Then I met Forest Wizard, and he showed me Wizard City. I lived there for a while, too...but that's another long story."
"How did you feel? After you burned the cabin?"
"I don't know. I mean, I didn't feel anything...it was just something I had to do. That life was over. Ending that, deciding to end it, that's what really hurt."
Finn leaned in then and kissed her; a long, soft, caring kiss. They sat there embracing one another for a time. Night had fallen as Huntress Wizard had spoke, and all was dark. Eventually, they stood up.
"Well...I should get going," said Finn.
Without a word, Huntress Wizard nodded, and Finn kissed her again. He turned and headed towards the door.
"Hey, Finn?" she said.
"Yes?"
She had not turned on the mushrooms, and Finn only saw her as a pair of green eyes floating in the dark, and could not make out her expression.
"I've decided. I'm going to fix this place up. Grow another room, maybe get some indoor plumbing. And then, you could just move in with me. I mean, if you want to…"
"I'd love to!" said Finn, beaming, "Oh, this will be great! Tomorrow I'll ask Jake to help me carry some stuff over from my danked up tree house, and we'll work something out."
"Thanks, Finn. And good night."
"Good night, Huntress Wizard! I love you."
"I love you, too."
Finn stepped out into the darkened forest and set out for Lady Rainicorn's house. A thousand thoughts jostled for attention in his mind, though all of them related to Huntress Wizard. He was excited for what the future held for the two of them.
His reverie was broken, however, when he sensed sudden movement ahead of him. And more from behind. He realized he was not alone. He drew his sword and dropped into a fighting stance.
"Who's there! Show yourself, you dirt-stalking footpad!"
A silhouette stepped out from behind the trees, and blinded Finn with a beam of light. Finn winced, and as his vision adjusted, he saw a man with a flashlight. He spoke, and his tone was low and threatening.
"Hello, Finn" said Pablo, "How's it going? How's Heather?"
"Pablo! What do you want?"
"Oh, not much. I've just been wondering: what does Heather see in you? Huh? What do you have that I don't?"
"Okay, first of all, that's not her name anymore. It's 'Huntress Wizard,' now. You're being a real-time ding wad when you call her that. Second, dude, that is so not how it works."
Finn perceived crashing in the underbrush behind him, and an arrow embedded itself in the ground far to his left.
"OMG, hax! That was the perfect shot!"
Finn turned and saw a black boxy robot with a red screen for a face. It was awkwardly holding a bow in its undersized hands.
"Not yet, WASD! For creeps' sake!" cried Pablo.
"I don't want to fight you, Pablo. Huntress Wizard told me all about you. You just need to accept it, attracting forces come and-"
"Don't lecture me, Finn!" Pablo snapped.
He lowered the flashlight somewhat, and Finn could more clearly perceive his face. His expression was contorted in anger, and also hurt.
"I'm not going to fight you. Not yet, anyway. I need to know what it is Heath-, I mean, Huntress Wizard, sees in you. I'm a better archer than you, obviously, though I was never much of a swordsman."
Pablo put the flashlight on the ground and pulled something from beneath his cloak, Finn tensed and prepared to rush him, until he saw that it was a lyre.
"You play the flute, right? Let's see who's a better musician!"
"Huntress Wizard doesn't love me just because I play the flute, Pablo."
"Oh?" said Pablo, one eyebrow raised, "That's not what I heard. I was asking around, today. Word on the street is, you serenaded her for a week before you started dating."
Finn sighed, but produced his flute from his backpack anyway. He was beginning to take pity on Pablo. Perhaps if he could just stall for time he could settle this without having to beat him up.
The robot, WASD, stepped forward and stood between them.
"I, of course, will be your judge. As a being of pure logic, I am completely impartial. My spectral analyzer will compare your respective playing for maximum rock-itude."
"Are you ready for the serving of a lifetime, Finn the Human?"
Finn doubted that WASD was really impartial, but began playing anyway. He improvised a simple melody, and Pablo matched him. Finn had to admit, he was good with the lyre. Soon they were harmonized, and playing at the height of their respective skill. The song reached its climax, and they both stopped.
"Well, WASD? Who's the better player?" said Pablo.
"Hmm…" said WASD.
A pair of quivering spectral plots filled the robot's screen for a moment. They vanished, and his digital face reappeared.
"Sorry, Pablo. But Finn's just as good as you."
"What? Impossible!"
"Now will you leave me alone?" said Finn.
"No! Not until I figure out who is better! We need a tie breaker! Uh…I know! Can you play your instrument, like this?"
Pablo flipped his lyre upside down and proceeded to play it that way, though his playing was somewhat slower and awkward. Finn tried the same with his flute and immediately saw that it was physically impossible.
"Ugh, whatever! That's dumb, anyway."
"Whoa…" said WASD, clearly amazed.
"Never mind. Pablo, you're the greatest," said WASD.
"Ha ha! Yes!"
"Big whoop. That still won't impress Huntress Wizard," said Finn.
"Then we're going to stay out here until we find something that will!" Pablo said, through gritted teeth.
He pulled the bow off his back, and Finn again drew his sword. His only hope, he knew, was to rush Pablo and get in close enough that his bow would be useless. Before he could move, though, another voice spoke that chilled him to the bone.
"I thought your playing was lovely, Finn…"
Pablo gasped. He snatched up his flashlight and shone it into the forest in the direction the voice had come.
"That voice! I'd know that voice anywhere!"
A dark and massive shape emerged from the gloom, seeming to slip between the trees. A dozen serpentine necks rose from the central mass, glaring down at them all through luminous yellow eyes. At the center of the writhing coil was a snake head larger than all the others, and it was the one that spoke.
"...charming, you could say."
"Snake Queen!" cried Pablo.
"Uh, sorry bro! This one's a little too leet for me!" WASD said, before running away screaming, vanishing into the underbrush.
The robot's departure went unnoticed. Finn had dropped into a fighting stance, but Pablo just stood there, mouth agape.
"But...but how did you find me? My magic feather was supposed to hide me from your senses!" said Pablo.
The Snake Queen gave forth a raspy chorus of hisses, which seemed to be her laugh.
"And indeed, it did! Long did I despair of ever finding you again. But then, I heard such charming music…"
With this, she inclined her massive head in Finn's direction.
"...and, oh! What providence! When I investigated, I found you! You, murderer of one of my cherished consorts. And now you will pay. Accept your-"
"Hey, wait a minute!" Finn shouted.
At once, the massive snake head, and several of the lesser heads, swung low to hover level with Finn's head.
"Who are you? Why do you interrupt my business?" said the Snake Queen.
Finn swallowed hard, and spoke in a level voice.
"Leave him alone, Snake Queen. Pablo had no way of knowing that snake was your consort."
Pablo stared at him in amazement. The Snake Queen, meanwhile, reared back and hissed in outrage.
"Disrespectful insect! You know nothing of my struggle! I need my consorts, all of them, that I may smother this world in my writhing progeny! This wretched creature must-"
"Hey!" Finn shouted.
"What?"
"You killed my girlfriend's mother," said Finn.
His voice was low and dangerous, and shook with emotion. He gripped his sword tighter.
"Hey, Pablo!" said Finn.
Pablo started at hearing his name called.
"Huh?!"
"You ready to resolve an arc?"
"What? Finn, I don't-"
"Cover me!"
The Snake Queen lunged at Finn, her massive jaws and those of the lesser heads all snapping futilely at the air. Finn dove clear and landed on his feet. As he was getting his bearings, several more of the smaller snake heads lunged at him, and with a shock Finn realized he couldn't get out of the way in time.
Before they could strike, the snake heads were pierced by a hail of arrows, falling to the ground, dead. Finn looked up and saw that Pablo had moved several yards away, and was frantically firing his bow into the knot of snakes.
"Uh, yeah! G-go get her Finn! I've got your back!"
"Noooo! My consorts!" the Snake Queen shrieked.
The whole mass shifted to face Pablo and began to flow in his direction. Seeing an opening, Finn jumped. He landed squarely on the pile and began running up the Snake Queen's back. The snake heads darted at him, but he leapt over them, while others were pierced by arrows.
The Snake Queen's flailing neck was too unstable, and Finn slipped. He fell and grasped for purchase on her rough scales. He began to climb, sword in his meat hand.
He reached the base of the Snake Queen's head and held the Night sword aloft, it's blade angled downward for a killing blow. The blade seemed to vibrate in anticipation.
And then the world fell away. With an irritated flick of her head, the Snake Queen sent Finn tumbling up into the air. He spun end over end, unable to orient himself, only to land in the Snake Queen's open mouth.
Finn felt a stab of pain in his thigh as the jaws snapped shut. He had been bitten. He lay trapped in the Snake Queen's mouth, his feet kicking in air. The Snake Queen gave a deep, triumphant hiss that was nearly deafening with his head hanging directly above her gullet. Her head began to tilt back, and Finn realized she was about to swallow him whole.
The Night sword roared to life and became sheathed in a purple flame, illuminating the glistening darkness. With a shout, Finn drove the blade straight up, piercing the roof of the Snake Queen's mouth.
The Snake Queen froze for a moment, then began to twitch. The twitching soon became a wild thrashing, accompanied by a shriek of pain. The huge jaws unclenched, and Finn was thrown clear, dragging the Night sword out with him.
He landed in the dirt and skidded to a halt. He rolled over and tried to push himself up, but couldn't.
He could not feel his lower body.
The Snake Queen's shrieking became a death rattle, and her spasms became sluggish until she finally lay still. The surviving lesser snakes regarded their queen with amazement. They began to speak.
"She's...she's dead…" said one.
"She's dead!" said another.
"We...we're finally free!"
"We're free!"
"We're free!"
The lesser snakes began to unweave themselves from the knotted coil, and one by one they slithered away.
Pablo ran over to Finn and knelt beside him.
"Finn! Dear Glob! Are you- oh! Oh, no."
Pablo looked down and saw the wound in Finn's thigh. His face fell.
Finn tried again to stand, but found the numbness was spreading up his torso. Fighting down his rising panic, he began to grope around his backpack for his phone.
"I'll...I'll be fine. I just need to call PB. If she can airlift me to the Candy Kingdom Hospital in time, I-"
"No, Finn, wait. There's no need," said Pablo.
He reached down the front of his vest and pulled out a small silver phial, which he wore on a chain around his neck. He unstoppered it and offered it to Finn.
"Here, drink this," he said.
He poured a small quantity of bitter fluid down Finn's throat, and he coughed. Immediately, a warmth began to spread from Finn's stomach to his extremities, banishing the numbness entirely. All feeling returned, leaving only the pain of his flesh wound.
"Did it work?" said Pablo.
"Heck yeah! I don't feel poisony at all! What was that stuff?"
"Poison cure potion. The good, universal kind. I've been carrying it around as a precaution, ever since…"
"Slamacow! That must have cost-"
"A fortune. Please don't ask me what I had to do to get it."
Pablo helped him to his feet, then looked down.
"Finn...I think I know what it is that you have, and I don't."
"Oh yeah? Did you have one of those near-death epiphanies?"
"Kind of. I mean, I...I was strongly tempted to run away, and leave you to your fate."
"Because then I'd be out of your way, and you could try to date Huntress Wizard again. Right? So why didn't you?"
"You saved my life, Finn. I'm not sure I'd have done the same for you."
Finn shrugged, as if it weren't a big deal. He couldn't help but grin, though.
"Hey, no prob, Pab. That's what heroes do. Slay monsters, save the innocent, you know, all that jazz."
"Still, I want you to have this. As a token of my thanks."
Pablo picked up his bow and presented it to Finn. Finn took it, and ran his meat hand over the surface of the bow. The texture of the wood seemed oddly familiar. Something clicked in Finn's head, and he remembered something Huntress Wizard had said.
"Pablo, this...this is a piece of Huntress Wizard! You carved it out of that branch!"
"She told you about that? Yes, you are right. I broke a branch off of her body when she was transformed into a tree, and later I carved it into this bow. I swore I'd have the rest of her one day, but...well. You deserve her more than I do."
"Wow...thanks man. I don't know what to say."
Pablo looked down at Finn's leg and grimaced.
"Dude, maybe you should call Princess Bubblegum after all…"
The following morning, Finn was laying on a cot, set up in a pavilion tent amid the ruins of the Candy Kingdom. The hospital had been destroyed in the battle with Golb, and construction was still underway. Other injured candy folk lay nearby, with Dr. Icecream and Dr. Princess attending to them.
Finn's leg had been bandaged up, and Nurse Poundcake stood over him, going over his discharge instructions.
"Change the bandages every day until fully healed, and keep it dry. And stay off of it, for blood's sake! You're lucky you didn't end up with a second rad cyborg limb."
"Heh heh, we'll see," said Finn.
The flaps at the end of the tent flung open, and Jake appeared in the entrance, Huntress Wizard astride his back. Jake stretched his forepaws across the tent and practically flung himself by Finn's cot.
"Finn! You okay, buddy? Another grievous, life-threatening injury?" said Jake.
"Hey, Jake! Nah, nothing too bad this time. Just a little snakebite," said Finn.
Nurse Poundcake rolled her eyes and moved to attend her other patients.
"Still life threatening, you know," she said.
Huntress Wizard dismounted and stood there, staring down at Finn with a grave expression on her face.
"Did you say...a snakebite?" said Huntress Wizard.
"Oh yeah, I brought your lady friend," said Jake, "We came by as soon as she, uh, came by and asked where you were. I mean, I knew you were fine…"
Huntress Wizard knelt beside Finn's cot and spoke softly.
"Finn...last night I felt a strand of fate that bound me pull taught and snap. That was you, wasn't it? What did you do?"
"Yeah, I had a pretty busy night. I killed the Snake Queen!"
"You what?!" said Huntress Wizard.
"Whoa, man, did you resolve a character arc?" said Jake.
"You know it, man," said Finn.
"Finn, why were you fighting the Snake Queen? What happened?" said Huntress Wizard.
"Well, I was headed home and I ran into your ex, Pablo...I mean, it was more like an ambush, but anyway…"
And so Finn proceeded to tell them of his encounter with Pablo and the Snake Queen. Through it all, Huntress Wizard listened attentively, her expression unreadable.
"Then Pablo gave me this, to thank me for saving his life."
Finn produced Pablo's bow from underneath the cot and held it up for Huntress Wizard to see. She took it and ran her hands over the wood surface.
"Dude, nice," said Jake.
"Yeah, this bow kind of used to be part of Huntress Wizard's body," said Finn.
"Wait, what? Seriously?" said Jake.
"Yeah, she turned into a tree this one time, and her ex broke off a branch...it's kind of messed up."
"Man, wizard stuff is confusing, huh?"
"Oh! Right, uh Huntress Wizard, you can have that back if you want. It's part of you, after all."
She pressed the bow back into Finn's hands.
"If anyone should have it, it should be you, Finn. Besides, you needed a bow, right?" said Huntress Wizard.
Finn put the bow aside and placed his hand on hers.
"Hey, are you okay?"
Huntress Wizard sighed.
"It's fine, Finn. It's good that Pablo finally got the message. And I guess it's a good thing that the Snake Queen isn't around anymore. It's just...well, I expected this news to feel a lot better."
"How do you feel?" said Finn.
"I don't know. Gray?" said Huntress Wizard.
"I know that feel," said Finn.
Huntress Wizard smiled.
Jake looked on, beaming with pride. He shapeshifted into a loveseat with legs.
"Okay, let's get you crazy kids home, huh? Hop on!"
Finn and Huntress Wizard climbed on, and Jake swept out from under the tent.
"Oh hey, Jake! We were gonna start fixing up Huntress Wizard's house, today. Let's stop by the treehouse and see if we can salvage anything. That is...if you still want to, Huntress Wizard."
"Of course, I do, Finn!" she said.
"Oh my Grosh, Finn! You're finally moving out! I mean, in! With your girlfriend! I'm so proud of you! Alright, next stop, our skronked up treehouse!"
He stretched high up into the air and set out walking with tremendous long-legged strides. Finn and Huntress Wizard curled up beside each other up top.
"Wait, Finn, I thought of something else I feel," said Huntress Wizard.
"Oh yeah?" said Finn.
She placed her hands on either side of his face, and kissed him.
"When I became a wizard, I swore I would never love anything again. Thank you for changing my mind."
THE END
Author's Notes
And that's a wrap! Gosh, is that ending schmaltzy, or what? I really struggled with that ending. In any case, this was a lot of fun to write, and very cathartic. I don't think I've ever projected this hard in my life. If you've made it this far, thank you reading. I hope you enjoyed it.
