Corpses crawled ay Jason's body, a hand caused his mask to partly slip off, displaying a screaming rotted mouth. A body with bleeding eyes hidden behind a blind fold let out a yell as it clawed along with others. Freddy stood over him. His body was transformed into a darker red and pointed ears.
Freddy: Come on, Jason. It's Time to break out the beans and wieners. Cause your old Camp Crystal Lake buddies are just dying to see you again. The bodies with glowing orange eyes surrounded him.
"AAARRR!"
"DIEEEE."
"KILLL YOUUUU!"
Jason fell to the ground and practically crawled forward to his Machete on the floor.
"TAAAKKE YOUUU TOOO HELLLL..."
A gloved hand like Kruefer cage down on his hand, pinning him in place. The Machete was knocked away skidding across the floor to Freddy's feet who picked it up. The dead victims of Jason leaped onto his back.
Freddy: Well, Look here, Crystal Campateers! It appears that my little helper has found a prize.
Jason fought against the victims, who somehow held him in place. Freddy plunged the machete into Jason's chest. Jason tried to grab at it, but the many hands of the campers reached and grabbed the handle, pushing it further in.
Freddy" Oh! This lil' ankle biters are wicked. You just can't turn your back on them-unless you want to end up with the business end of a knife tickling your ribcage from the inside. But I guess you already get the point.
He let out a laugh. Jason's eyes narrowed behind the mask in hatred.
Then he flexed his muscles. The bodies were flung off to him as he pushed them off. Jason's hands reached towards the Machete embedded in him, and pulled it out, the tip was covered in blood. Freddy scowled.
Freddy: Dumb as a stump and strong as an ox. You just don't quit do you? Well Uncle Freddy has to run. Been Nice seeing you all, but I can't stand around all day playing grabass with you. The Necronomicon and I have some...
He looked over. The Necronomicon was gone. Freddy began to look around shouting in anger.
Freddy: My Book?...Where's my...
He noticed something else was missing and let out a roar of anger.
Freddy:WILLIAMS!
Ash was running through the cold forest. Freddy's red face appeared behind him and roared with yellow eyes and flame emerging from his mouth. His teeth were sharpened.
'WHERE"S MY GODDAMNED BOOK?!"
Ash panted as he kept running. Faces like screaming Jack O Lanterns appeared on every tree. Ash stopped.
Ash: "What the-?"
The Tree had blocked his 're now glowing mouths and eyes. Their areas surrounding the Sharp teeth made of Bark and sharpened wood. Their branches shot at Ash and began to wrap around him.
Ash: Deadite possessed trees? Damn it Krueger! Get outta my head and come up with your own ideas!
His arms and legs were forcibly shot outward and straightened and he was lifted.
Ash: oh god. I hope this doesn't go where I think it's going.
Birds with red glowing eyes suddenly swarmed Ash, pecking at his face and neck, drawing blood as they scratched.
Ash: I'm gonna rip that Thriller glove right off you hand and shot it up you're ass! One of the birds scratched his right cheek, leaving three long claw marks. Ash screamed and then clasped his teeth down on the bird's neck. It struggled and then was spat out.
Ash: ARRRRRAAH! Hob yab lipe dat, lab Fuben Buwds! Chipen wins anywom? BWAHAHAHA!
He spat out what he's eaten. It was now spilling like black tar from his mouth.
Ash: Damn, I need a breath mint. Birds taste Deadite Ass.
His cheek was now stained black with paint. The Chainsaw puller was stuck. He struggled a bit.
Ash: Come on, Come on...just a little further...Just a bit more.
The Cord straightened as it became stuck. The Chainsaw roared to life. Ash put his serious face on.
Ash: It's go time.
Ash began to swing his chainsaw, the tendril like branches were cut and spilled out black blood. More so than thy should have realistically held. not that Ash much cared. He clenches his fist as and with a swing removed the cuts. Then with his newly freed hand he grabbed the Chainsaw and swung it down on one of the glowing trees. It let out a roar as he cut into it and black blood shot out as Ash yelled a warrior's yell. The other trees let out rats not of pain but of anger.
Ash: YEAH!
He pulled the chainsaw out. The tree collapsed backward. Ash stood panting. The moment of silence was broken by a bird flying towards him. Ash put his Boomstick on his shoulder and as casually as possible fired behind his back, blowing the black bird to bits.
Ash: Hail to the King baby.
He slowly walked out of the forest, which had now returned to normal.
Ash: That's teach ya...Gotta find the kids and read the passages. not much time before Krueger and Jason come looking for the Necronomicon and...
He found the remains of the two boys, cut to pieces in a pile of blood in the snow. Raoul and Jarvis were their names.
Ash: Aw, no...damn. I told you kids to be careful. Son of a Bitch. I should've been here to save 'em.
He was hoping they would make it. they didn't deserve this. There was no body for Caorline, except for her necklace in the picked it up and looked at it.
Ash: Caroline...
He clenched his fist.
Ash: Just like Linda and Sugar baby. Why can't I just save one of them? Why, Damn it?!
"Ash?"
He looked over and saw Caroline standing there.
Ash: Carrie!?
The two ran up to each other and hugged.
Ash: I thought I lost you too.
Carrie: I...I hid while he did it. I thought Jason was coming for me next. I thought I was going to die, too. Then he just stopped. It was like he heard something and just walked away.
There was the sound of thunder. The two turned and saw the red face of Freddy Krueger emerging from a dark storm cloud in the sky, coming towards them.
Ash: Damn! We've got to get under cover Now! Krueger's coming!
The two ran to the cabin.
Ash: That psycho used the Necronomicon and now he can manipulate more than dreams. I don't know how, but now he's free in our world and he can change reality faster than Her changes Bleached blonde bunny Bimbos. Looks like he still needs us to fear him though. That's how I got out. I've seen all this shit before. Just makes me mad.
He held the book out to Carrie.
Ash: The book has the power to banish Freddy and Jason to the Deadite Dimension. I've seen it first hand. Hell...I've been sucked up and spat out by by it so many times I've got a timeshare in three dimensions. So we find the right passage, say the magic words, and let the book do it's dirty deed. The rift opens, Freddy and Jason get sucked up like a Sunday whore on a blow pop, and they can duke it out with those possessed Deadite bastards for eternity. Let someone besides me deal with their dumb ass antics and pranks. Serves em both right.
Caroline grabbed the book but then the face glowed and it shot out of both their hands.
Ash: Look out!
Caroline: AHHH!
The book landed and began to flip itself through its own pages. It rested on a page showing illustrations, complex sketches of an older woman and recognizable forms of Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees.
Caroline: That's Freddy, and Pamela and Jason Voorhees. I remember seeing photos of them in some old news clippings my mom had. Freddy must have seen all this in Jason's head. That must be how he figured out that the book of the dead could be used to bring him back?
One of the illustrations had Pamela hiding the Necronomicon and reading from it.
Caroline: What's she doing with the Necronomicon? Did the old hag use it to bring Jason back?
Ash: Wait a minute, does this mean Jason is some kind of Deadite?
Ash raised his hand and pointed to the book.
Ash: You putrid parchment, you've been bringing these monsters into our world for eons and causing more pain and suffering than all the daytime talk shows combined! Well, you're gonna help us put this right. You got that ink stain?!
The book shut itself and shot out into Caroline's hands.
Ash: All right, you take the book and read the passages. I'll keep Freddy and Jason busy while you use it to send these two back to hell for good. When the time comes you have to say the words "Klaatu Verata Nikto". All the words. Trust me, you have too say every last syllable or it won't work.
A faint "Ch Ch Ch Ha Ha Ha" was heard. Ash and Caroline looked around.
Ash: They're here. Find the pages and sue the book. I'll take out the trash.
Ash revved up his chainsaw
Ash: All right, Krueger. You want the book? and you think you can take it from me? Then Come Get it!
Nothing happened.
Ash: Come on, what are you waiting for? I've taken down creeps ten times worse than you and your little limp-wristed slashed shtick. I've worked retail for ten years. Now that's scary!
He kicked the door. Unexpectedly sunlight came through. He winced in the light and found himself standing outside. It was a beautiful day. He looked around. He was standing on the porch of a large white house with the number 1428. As he was inspecting his surroundings he heard the sound of creepy children singing.
"One, Two, Freddy's coming' for you."
"Three, Four, Better Lock your Door."
Ash stepped down onto the walkway and eyed the three girls who were jump roping while chanting the creepy melody.
"Five, Six,"
"grab your crucifix"
Ash: What the Hell?
He walked up to them.
Ash: You kids get outta here! Go on, get home! it's not safe here!
The girls paid him no mind and did not seem to see or hear him.
"Seven, Eight, gonna stay up late."
There was a scream. Ash turned around and saw Caroline being grabbed and being pulled into the house by Freddy Krueger.
Ash: Carrie!
The Door to the house was shut. Ash ran towards it.
Ash: Krueger, get your claws offa her!
Something that felt vaguely like like jumprope wrapped around his thorax. His hands grabbed at his throat as he struggled to breathe.
"Nine, ten, Never Sleep again."
Ash's eyes peered over to see two of the girls holding the jump rose. The third, the previous Jump roper, was standing there with green eyes, rotted skin and sharp teeth.
"Lit-tle Ash-ley Wil-liams"
"Lit-tle Ash-ley Wil-iams"
"We're gonna getcha"
"We're gonna getcha"
Suddenly, the third Girl lunged at Ash and leaped onto his shoulders, trying to claw and bite him with a mouth leaking black blood. Ash was able to get his one hand around the rope to loosen it.
"What's wrong, Ashley? Aren't you gonna save us? You're a hero, Ashley."
Her rotted hands grabbed his head and he screamed in pain.
"You're the chosen one, aren't cha?"
The tip of the jump rope, which appeared rotted, rose up. A tint of red and green stripes was at the tip of the jump rope.
"Well I don't want to be saved. I wanna Swallow your soul!"
Ash looked down to see there was now a snake around his neck. The creature rose it head up to him and he grabbed it to hold it back. It appeared to be shedding fro ma green and red striped 's face had several cuts and burns of exposed skin. It spoke with Krueger's voice.
"Itssss A Sssshame...kidsss today, huh? they don't resssspect their elderssss..."
Ash pulled the snake off from around his neck and it fell to the floor. He tried to step on it but it moved quickly into shadow. The green skinned girls surrounded him. Ash rose his broomstick and fired, taking off the head of one of the girls, and exposing her lower jaw. Ash swung his chainsaw upward and cut another one in half. the third and final was stabbed in the chest. Red blood spattered out.
"We Live! We Live!"
She screamed. Ash brought up his chainsaw upward and cut her in half down the middle. Freddy's voice echoed.
Freddy: But maybe they'll respect their dead elderssss a little more. Let'ssss find out. Ash turned and grabbed the lunging Freddy snake, holding it back and hurling it into a wall.
Ash: Little girls shouldn't play with snakes.
Ash: Everyone know how the story of the serpent and the garden of Eden turned out. But this time you can keep the promises and the apple.
He raised his gun and blew the head off of the snakes, splattering blood everywhere. Ash blew out the smoke from this gun.
Ash: Don't need 'em as long as I have the Boomstick.
He spun it.
Elsewhere Jason Voorhees walked through the snow until strangely it disappeared beneath his feet, replaced with a bright sunny day and the warm sidewalk. Jason continued to walk, holding his machete towards his intended target.
In Elm Street, Freddy's clawed glove held Caroline's chin.
Freddy: Well well Well, what have we here? My, My, My, Sweet cherry pie.
Freddy's snakelike tongue emerged. He seemed to have grown extra mouths on his cheeks.
Freddy: I'm so glad you saved that cherry for me, Carrie.
His long Snakelike tongue licked her cheek, covering it in green slime.
Freddy: I can tie a knot in a pumpkin stem with this bad boy. Wait till you see what I can do to you with it.
Caroline: Get off me, you sick bastard!
He slapped her.
Freddy: You wanna play with the bad boys but aren't willing to suck a little prune face. Just a little retail clerk tease aren't cha?
Caroline still held onto the book tightly with both hands, making it difficult to pry off of her.
Freddy: Now give me my book, bitch, before I rip your guts out through your ass!
Jason crashed through the door, sending pieces of wooded crashing down. Freddy turned around.
Freddy:You again?
He stumbled forwards and grabbed Freddy.
Freddy: What makes you think you can touch me? I'm not your damned wet nurse, you brainless Hillbilly freak.
A large beam of wood burst out of the floor, striking Jason in the chin and knocking him back.
Freddy: I'm a god now! This is my world! Bitch! And I don't need you and your rotted brain anymore!
He held his hand together as if he was about to clap them. His fingers were a long as his gloved claws. Beams of Wood shot out and slammed into Jason.
Freddy: Ohhh! I'm crushing your head, I'm crushing your head.
More burst out, surrounding Jason and trapping him, surrounding him with pillars.
Freddy: They used to call me a home wrecker. Guess now you know why, huh?
One of the Pillars impaled Jason. He held the beam.
Ash ran into the room through the opening Jason had made.
Ash: read the passages while they're beating the shit out of each other.
Caroline began reading.
Caroline: here it is. Klattu!
Jason looked over.
Caroline: Verata! Nice!
Jason swung his hand and knocked the book out out Caroline's grip.
Ash:Grab it!
Ash charged. Jason was still restrained. He put the Boomstick directly below Jason's chin.
Ash: All right, slap shot. You like Hockey, huh Well it's time for a face off!
He fired, blowing apart Jason's mask, and also burning of Jason's skin, exposing his teeth and skull. Jason's mask landed on the wooden floor, the bottom was burned off.
Jason's face was dark black, like that of a corpse. His mouth and nose were now missing.
Ash:Damn, you're one ugly mother...
He swung his chainsaw, cutting off Jason's arm. Ash looked over to Carrie.
Ash: Carrie!
Carrie: Got it!
She had the book.
Ash: Now get outta here and read the passages!
He held up his chainsaw towards Jason.
Ash: Open the portal and send these Bastards back to Hell!
Jason: Ch-Ch-Ch Ha-Ha-Ha.
Jason used his one remaining good to life his machete and stab it handle first into the bloody stump that was once his arm.
Ash: Nice. I guess it's true what they say. There are no original ideas left.
Just outside the nearest window. Ash could see the three girls playing jump rope as if they had reset.
Freddy: if you're done dancing with your boyfriend, Jason, we have a little unfinished business here.
Jason tried to stab Ash but he dodged the attempt by going to Jason's right. Jason swung his remaining arm out. Ash was sent flying out the window, crashing through the glass. Ash was down for the count. Jason approached Freddy with the intent to kill. Freddy raised his arms and brought the entire house down on both of them.
