Disclaimer: I do not own The Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, or any associated characters or concepts. Quotes in this chapter taken directly from The Hobbit by JRR Tolkien.
Now, Billa and Thorin have a little rivalry of sorts between them. Thorin feels like Billa wins when she gets his nephews to accept charity, since it makes him feel like less of a bread-winner. He feels like Billa loses when he can make her blush and go away.
They have to walk a delicate balance. They each want to keep their agreement for shelter at the Shire intact, and so while they are trying to one-up each other, they have to be careful not to really insult each other or that agreement will probably be broken. In this chapter, Billa strikes back, hard, but in such a way where if she offends, it can be brushed off as a misunderstanding and it kind of looks like he is the one in the wrong, while she's just an innocent lass with good intentions. Combined with Kili's conversation, it cuts Thorin deeply, probably more deeply than she intended.
Summary: On the way to the Undying Lands, Billa is eaten by a time-traveling sea monster. The elves on board attack the monster in retaliation, and it escapes by swimming into the past: several decades into the past. Billa wakes up in a sweat, gasping and frightened, only to realize that she is back in her thirty-three-year old body. What on earth is she going to do?
Chapter 13
Thorin was frustrated with the halfling. She had been popping her head into his forge, interrupting his work and irritating him every day. Furthermore, every day she would take Fili and Kili out to "explore" the town, and they would come back laden with food, treats, and even new clothes or blankets! It was infuriating. They might not be wealthy any longer, but Thorin was perfectly capable of feeding and clothing his own family, thank you very much! No matter how rude he was or how thoroughly he ignored her, she always retained her cheerful, friendly air. He hated it! Why couldn't she take the hint? Why weren't Fili and Kili as irritated by her as he was? Gah!
It was enough to drive him mad. There was one thing, however, that did seem to affect her, and only this advantage and his amusement at her expense kept him from trying to throttle her. He exploited it as often as he could. He felt a twinge of shame when he did so, for displaying himself so thoughtlessly and making her uncomfortable, but he reassured himself that he only disrespected her preferences because she kept disrespecting his preferences by continuing to foist her charity on his family!
He glared when she showed up two days after striking their business deal. Hadn't he told her they wouldn't be ready for several days? Idiot girl! The next day, she came a few hours earlier, and the next a little earlier still. On the fourth day, she actually followed him from the Prancing Pony! When he got to the forge, he quickly stripped off his shirt. This time, instead of coughing to announce her presence and loitering until he told her to leave, she squeaked and fled. She squeaked! And then ran away as fast as her furry little feet could take her!
After several days of aggravation, irritation and self-doubt, this was just the thing he needed. He replayed the squeak in his head over and over, and laughed until tears fell down his cheeks.
Knowing that she would seek out Fili and Kili, he decided to ruthlessly exploit her retreat. He went to find the boys, several hours ahead of schedule. There they were, walking towards him. He smirked as the halfling froze, staring at him before her face bloomed like a rose. She turned quickly to the boys, and then ran down the road, away from him. He couldn't suppress a triumphant grin as he walked up to his nephews.
"Come, lads," he said cheerfully as he steered them towards the forge. "It's time for you to learn a little more about my trade."
Halfling, 1. Dwarves, 2.
The next day did not go nearly so fortuitously as Thorin had hoped. He would finish the pans today, and they were really some of the best work he'd done in decades. He was feeling very pleased with himself, and he doubted he'd be seeing the halfling again until he sought her out.
The first hint he got that things were very, very wrong was the basket sitting on the anvil when he entered the forge. The contents had been covered by a dainty embroidered cloth that he cautiously pulled away. There could be a poisonous snake in there, for all he knew.
Instead of a snake, there were a collection of pastries from the Prancing Pony, still warm, along with a vial of oil, a dish full of strawberries and raspberries, a flask of wine and a note.
Dear Mister Thorin,
I was very confused as to why you continually exposed yourself to me despite my obvious reticence, and when I asked your nephews, they explained the significance. Why I am very flattered by your repeated request for companionship, I must decline. It just wouldn't be proper. I mean no insult, but I cannot accept your sexual proposition. Such things are nearly unheard of in the Shire, after all, and my reputation would be ruined. I have every intention of waiting until marriage to engage in such acts, and I hope you can respect that.
He heard some giggles, by the door, but was too horrified by what he was reading to focus on them. Companionship? What proposition? What?
Knowing that it must have taken a great deal of courage to make your request, and hoping to spare you the pain of future rejection, I have taken the liberty of assembling some ladies who would be interested in such a companionship with you. You are certainly a handsome dwarf, Mister Thorin, despite your advancing years, and I'm sure you're quite capable of winning one of these ladies over.
Advanced years! he thought angrily. I'll show you advanced years, he seethed. The giggles grew louder as he clenched his fists in agitation, the movement making his arms flex and earning him several admiring coos from the doorway.
Having learned that a foul temper is common for a male who has gone too long without companionship, I have taken the liberty of making a reservation under your name for the night at the Prancing Pony, and included in the basket some things I'm told will help in this endeavor. Consider this a show of good-will, and I hope we can put this misunderstanding behind us.
I look forward to discussing business on the road, Mister Thorin. Have a wonderful day.
Thorin was beyond angry. He was humiliated, and stung, and angry. His face was white, and what he saw by the door only made things worse. There, invading his forge, was a gaggle of older women of all races, who giggled and waved at him. His face went a funny shade of grey, and he saw red. He crumpled the letter and flung it at the wall. Glaring furiously, he strode through the crowd of women, ignoring their yelps and questions as he pushed them out of his way.
They were scheduled to leave in two days, but they were going to be a member short because he was going to kill her. He was! He'd long considered himself an honorable man who would never harm a noncombatant, especially a female one, but this was no mere antebellum female. She was some kind of demon! He stormed back to his room, people diving out of his way. In his room, Kili was waiting with a nervous but determined look on his face.
"Kili, out," Thorin said sharply. Kili stuck his chin out mulishly, and shook his head.
"Uncle Thorin, we need to talk. It's not fair the way you've been treating Miss Baggins," Kili said. Thorin couldn't believe what he was hearing. Not fair? That treacherous little snake had turned even his own flesh and blood against him! "She's a nice girl, and she doesn't deserve to be treated this way. I've never known you to intentionally make a female uncomfortable, Uncle Thorin, and I really don't like it."
The feeling of shame that Thorin had been ignoring since he started teasing the halfling speared through his gut. He felt more like a lout than a king. This was unbearable. He wanted to kill something. He wanted to curl up in a cave and die. Kili was still talking, but Thorin interrupted.
"Kili," he said, voice ragged, "I never meant to make advances on the halfling. I love you very much, but if you do not leave this room right now, I may hit you," Kili's face blanched, shocked. His uncle had never said such things before.
"Kili," Thorin said roughly as Kili opened the door. "Send Dwalin. I very much need to kill something."
Kili nodded, his throat bobbing as he swallowed. "Yes, Uncle," he said quietly, before closing the door behind him.
Thorin collapsed onto a chair with his head in his hands. For the first time in decades, he really wanted to cry.
