Roxanna had been at the Majestic for three days, barely leaving her room for breakfast before heading back. The clothes that she had packed still resided in her suitcase, as she wore the same thing every day – a pair of black jeans and an oversized jumper that smelled strongly of sandalwood. She knew that wallowing like she was wasn't the healthiest idea she'd ever had, but as depression had slithered into her brain, she found it harder to care about making healthy decisions.
Sighing, she reached out and turned off her alarm before sitting up and running her fingers through her limp hair. Knowing that she had to take a shower, she forced herself to strip out of her pyjamas and pad into the bathroom, stepping into the shower and washing as quickly as she could before drying off and pulling on her new uniform, desperately wishing that the jumper she was wrapping herself in was actually Henrik's arms. Henrik. Now, separated from him for four days, having no word from him, there was no sweetness in his name. If she was honest with herself, there was no sweetness in anything that she used to enjoy. A grey cloud had descended upon her, and no matter how much she tried to change, she couldn't find herself walking out from under it.
Slipping her key and phone into her pocket, Roxanna made her way down to the breakfast room, quickly grabbing a cup of coffee and a muffin before taking a seat in what she considered to be her chair next to the fireplace. She ate slowly, knowing that she needed to sustenance, but not really hungry. Roxanna nodded to the front desk worker who was refreshing the orange juice, before standing that throwing her trash away and making for the door.
The warm air slapped her face as she turned down the sidewalk, heading for the water. That seemed to be the only thing that soothed her these days, and as soon as she reached her destination, she sat down on the grass and stared out at the boats. Pulling out her phone, she took a few pictures to remind herself of how lovely the day was before she scrolled through her text messages. She tried to tell herself that she wasn't looking for something from Henrik, but she knew that she was kidding herself. A deep groan of discontent tumbled from her lips when she didn't see anything there from him, and then she quickly checked her email, seeing there was nothing important to answer. Though that didn't surprise her, since her life had been in a permanent holding pattern ever since she had come to America. Even Lofty had taken to not reaching out to her anymore, as if her melancholy had seeped over the transom to infect him as well.
Flopping back onto the ground, she stared up at the sky, squinting a little at the sun as it was hidden by a cloud. Finally, she had to close her eyes against the glare of light. Shoving her sleeves up her arms, she started to cry, surprised that she still had enough feelings for that. She didn't miss Holby, she didn't miss her job, she missed, with all her heart, the people that she loved. But it seemed like she would never find them again, that there was too much between them to ever get the ease of love back.
The heat finally got to her, and Roxanna stumbled to her feet before heading back in the direction of her hotel. Glancing at the time on her phone, she saw that it was much later than she had thought, so she stopped in the first restaurant she passed, feeling a little dizzy from the heat and humidity. "What can I get you to drink?" her server asked a few seconds after she had been seated, and she shrugged before glancing over the drinks menu.
"Water and a glass of the house Merlot," she finally said, setting that aside and giving the woman a small smile. She nodded and moved off, leaving Roxanna alone to make a choice on her food. When she still hadn't decided by the time the woman returned with her drinks, she looked up at her almost helplessly. "I'm still getting accustomed to American food. If you don't mind, please, just bring me something you like. I don't have any allergies, so there's no need to worry about that."
"Are you certain?"
Roxanna nodded, and the woman shrugged before writing something in her book and making her way over to the kitchen. She leaned back in her chair, picking up her wine glass and taking a small sip of it before checking her phone for something she knew was not there before uploading her pictures to Instagram, hoping that at least one would catch his eye. Taking a few more sips of wine, she set her glass aside and then folded her hands, waiting for her food to arrive.
The sandwich and chips were more than enough to last her all day, maybe even two, given how peckish she had been lately, but Roxanna still tucked in with as much gusto as she could muster. Roxanna tried to keep herself from looking at her phone every two seconds, but that was a failure, and she blushed with guilt when her server caught her for the tenth time sighing at nothing.
"What's their name?" she asked as she refilled her water, giving her a soft smile.
"Henrik," she breathed out, a bitter taste filling her mouth as she said it aloud. There was no sweetness in his name any longer, and that thought startled her as she looked down at her plate, feeling her appetite turn to dust. "He's back home."
"Where's home?"
"Holby City. England." She chuckled wryly as she shook her head at her inane addition. "I've had a rough go of things lately. I can't find my footing. And now…"
"He's not talking to you?" The server spoke so kindly, even though her words cut Roxanna's heart. "Have you written to him? Or called?"
"I sent him an email before I left, asking him to talk to me, but he never replied. Maybe we just were never meant to be." She pursed her lips to keep from crying in front of the woman, blinking a little before picking up her wine and taking a sip.
"Pride and hurt feelings can create rifts where we least expect them," she murmured before giving Roxanna a small nod and moving on to her other tables. She had a point, Roxanna knew that, but still, she couldn't think about putting herself out there again, of letting herself get hurt even further. She ate as much as she could, feeling her stomach rebel. The bill was dropped off a few minutes later, and she placed her credit card inside the book before handing it to her server. "Did you want a box for the rest of that?"
"No, I don't have much of an appetite these days, and it will just go to waste if I bring it back to the hotel with me. Though it was delicious?" She gave the woman a pained smile, hoping that she would understand. From the wistful nod she gave her, Roxanna knew that she got it, though it still saddened her. Letting out a deep sigh, she finished off her glass of wine before signing her name on the receipt after adding a generous tip.
Getting up from the table, Roxanna stretched a little before heading back out into the bright sunlight. Squinting a little, she allowed herself a moment to adjust to it before heading the rest of the way back to her hotel, hoping that she could find something to take her mind off just how much she missed Henrik.
